Lost Nowhere: A journey of self-discovery in a fantasy world

by Phoebe Garnsworthy

  But she didn’t go to bed, as she was far too eager to go see her friend, Crysanthe; she needed some clarity, some comfort and help. There were conflicting thoughts within her head and she was unsure which way to turn. So, past the crystal ball fountain she crept, until she reached the seaside. And she walked far to the right, far from the castle, where the trees hung low. She ensured she was camouflaged, but something did not feel right and she did not feel safe to call upon the mermaid. So she pulled out the yellow citrine crystal, held it tightly in her hand and closed her eyes to tedimeta once more.

  She cleared her mind and concentrated hard. A center point came direct to her sight, a bursting circle with firework glitter in multiple colors that spiraled beaming rays toward her. They dove straight past her, from the darkness into the darkness. All around her light danced in patterns, transforming from a circle into a diamond and then a flower into a five-pointed star. The motion spread warmth over her entire body.

  And when the sparkles settled, and the kaleidoscope of colors had calmed down, Lily opened her eyes to the land of Salor once more. It was late afternoon, and the sun was setting in a warm yellow sky. Giant puffy balls of white clouds painted the heavenly canvas like dollops of whipped cream. And they moved swiftly around, like ripples of the ocean when a stone is thrown in. The more she looked at it, the bigger it got. And the ocean ahead reflected the sunshine, with strong waves crashing to the yellow-pebbled shore with domination, determination, and force.

  Lily sat on the edge of the cliff and immediately felt calm and content with her choice of tedimetaing to another land before calling upon Crysanthe. She had never felt more confident about making such a choice. And she had now realized that the idea of going home to Father was not quite right. She knew that she needed to meet Violetta before such a decision was to be executed. She cleared her mind, threw the seashell and rubbed her necklace. Focusing on her motive, she whispered, Crysanthe, come to the shore of Salor.

  She breathed deep inhalations and exhalations to calm her mind and envisioned the telepathic cord between the two ignite lively with fire.

  Crysanthe, come to the shore of Salor, she whispered the words once more.

  The mermaid flicked her hair as she emerged from the water. And Lily stared in awe as her hair sprinkled musical droplets in the ocean around her. Under the moonlight, a glowing frame encased Crysanthe’s entire body and it radiated strongly about a hand-width from her skin. The cloud was predominately white, and held specs of purple, sapphire, silver and gold. Lily felt an overwhelming sense of divinity amongst Crysanthe’s presence of raw natural beauty. As Lily looked to her own arms she saw that she too was glowing in a similar way, not as bright nor as wide though.

  “Why are you at this beach?” Crysanthe asked, staring to the citrine yellow-pebbled shores with wonder.

  “In case someone was watching us.”

  Crysanthe shuddered and ducked her body down low beneath the water, so only her chunky crystal crown and her violet eyes were above. The glow from her skin flickered softly under the water. She whispered quietly to Lily as she scanned the shores of Salor quickly. “Why would someone be watching us?”

  “I felt like I was being watched in Tehar. Jade doesn’t like me to be away for too long, she doesn’t like being alone.”

  Crysanthe, realizing she was safe in Salor, pushed her body back up through the water and hovered closer to Lily. “She doesn’t like to be alone?” The idea baffled Crysanthe terribly, implying that such a notion was unheard of in her culture.

  “She told me I must have every meal with her. And she always has an army of servants around her at all times.” Lily sulked as she told her friend about the turmoil of events.

  “Do you think she fears the noise of her own mind?” Crysanthe asked curiously.

  Lily relived the daunting memory of such a terror in her head. She knew all too well the feeling that Crysanthe was describing. She had often heard voices in her mind that confused her too, prompting a desire to surround herself with people in order to ignore the truth inside.

  “Well there is always someone with her.”

  Lily had never really thought about how Jade was never alone and her conversation with Karisma about being alone now started to ring in her ear. She had once thought that being alone meant that you were unloved. How wrong Lily’s idea of love was!

  “Do you spend a lot of time alone Crysanthe? Even though you have Zavier?” Lily asked curiously, wondering if the idea was common in Neosa as well.

  “I don’t have Zavier, Lily. He doesn’t belong to me. He can do as he pleases,” Crysanthe explained in a matter of fact manner. “It is so important for us to be apart. We appreciate each other more, and it helps us to grow. And this kind of mind frame of adapting to change keeps life exciting.”

  The details of Crysanthe’s advice soothed any confusion that Lily had about relationships with others and also with herself. Respecting one another’s space sounded right. She didn’t need to question it. It didn’t sound selfish, or ill-natured. It was the simple truth.

  “Crysanthe, I was debating the idea of going home earlier, but then Jade told me she would take me to meet Violetta, who is deemed the most powerful empress in all the lands. Am I wrong to want to stay longer, even though I don’t like Jade? Just so I can meet this idol?” Lily confessed. It was the truth she had been battling in her own head. Her words kept arguing against one another, and she felt better to talk about it with her friend.

  “Why don’t you like Jade, do you think?” Crysanthe asked, handing the seashell back to Lily.

  “We spend most of the time drinking tea and eating cake. But it grows a bit boring. She tells me that she is entertaining me and that I should be grateful, but between you and me, I feel like it’s the other way around. Could she be lying to me?”

  “Perhaps you just don’t understand Jade? Try and look for the good in her, and see how it is that she can help you.”

  Crysanthe swam closer to shore and lay down next to where Lily was standing. She allowed her tail to be massaged by the crystal pebbles, and it flickered up and down in enjoyment.

  “Well, I think honestly, the only thing that I am learning is what I don’t like. Because I don’t like living with Jade or being near her. I wish I could be a mermaid permanently. Isn’t there an enchantment that could make me change forever?” Lily sat down near Crysanthe, just far enough for the water to touch her feet. She stared at them, wishing they would turn into a mermaid’s tail.

  “Oh but Lily, you are so special! You are able to experience both of our worlds, don’t you see how lucky you are?”

  Crysanthe pinched Lily’s feet playfully, and giggled to herself.

  “But I don’t like the queens here. Well, I like Karisma, she’s nice. But Jade is just so awful. She puts people down all the time and she thinks that she is superior. I would rather have one true friend like you, than a million fake followers.”

  “How is it that she is queen? And yet is so different from Karisma?”

  Lily sighed and thought hard, placing the seashell inside her crochet pouch.

  “I don’t actually know,” Lily continued, answering her own question. “For you see, the big difference between Karisma and Jade, is that Jade wants the finished product to gloat to others, whereas Karisma wants to know how it’s done, and gets pleasure in understanding the process from start to finish. I guess at the end of the day, they both get the job done maybe?”

  Crysanthe nodded in agreement, wriggling her tail down deeper into the water. The waves splashed over gleefully, and Crysanthe shook her shoulders as though feeling a tickling rush all the way up her body.

  “What is it about Jade that makes you feel so uneasy?”

  Lily couldn't figure out the answer, and she picked up a few crystals from the shore, throwing them into the water, watching the splash roar upwards from the ocean.

  “I don’t know why, but every now and again she says something or does something that doesn’
t feel right. And I feel fear, and I get scared.” Lily could feel the distress creep into her thoughts, as though the memory reliving it was real, and was happening exactly to her. She shook her head. “I don’t know if I am imaging things, but I don’t think I should be feeling this way if we are meant to be living in a life of pure love? Why do you think I am drawn to her yet despise her ways? Is there something for me to learn from her? Is there a reason I am here? Is there a reason she is near me?”

  Lily stood up discomforted, only now realizing how much her whole body was rejecting the idea of being with Jade. She held hatred for her, and just knowing that she felt that way about someone, worried Lily more than the idea of hatred itself.

  “Zavier says that every encounter is here to teach us something. Even though you do not like certain qualities of Jade, you are still learning, right? You are taking in how you don’t want to be, and that is just as important as learning what you do.”

  Crysanthe’s words soothed Lily’s thoughts, and reminded her of her own advice she handed Silvia, and again, the advice that Jacques had given her when she first arrived. It was necessary to experience the polarity of something, so that she could give the opposite the true credit that it deserved.

  “You’re right Crysanthe. I am so happy to have met you,” Lily said as she sat back down and joined her friend.

  “And, I you.”

  There was an unspoken message of mutual respect, and a light bounced between the two beings vibrating at an extremely high frequency. The gleaming light that glowed around both their bodies, shone brighter and farther than it ever had before.

  “Lily, in these brief encounters that we have shared, I have seen you grow so intensely. I think meeting Violetta will be the grand end to your journey here. As much as I want you to stay, I know you will come back and visit.”

  It was just the encouragement that Lily needed to persevere through to the next day. Yes, she worried about Jade’s actions, but there was nothing to harm her unless she let it, she told herself, reciting her friend’s words. She knew she needed to see this through to the end, that there was something very alluring that was drawing her to Violetta.

  “Crysanthe I will never forget you. I will always come back, I promise. And I will meet Violetta tomorrow. I owe this to the both of us!” Lily said as she waved goodbye to Crysanthe and watched her swim away.

  Deep under the current she imagined her swimming. And the memories of the aqua marine life that she had experienced only for a short moment outplayed vividly once again in her mind. She remembered the feeling of floating weightlessly beneath the ocean, sliced between the layers of waves, of water and fish. She felt like she belonged. Amongst the mixed matter of unfamiliar landscapes, and the infinite space of the unknown, here she felt at peace. For she knew that anything could happen, she could become anyone at all. In the darkness there would always be a light to be discovered, and it would shine back up to her, spark through the air and illuminate the way when she least expected it.

  CHAPTER NINE

  THE CRYSTAL CROWN

  Lily woke to the sound of shuffling feet outside her door. It sounded like a crowd of scratching chickens, so noisy along the hallway. Lily didn’t allow herself too much time to be worried about the interruption; she was far too excited to meet Violetta. And she leapt from the bed with excitement. Lily opened her bedroom door to a nervously standing Silvia outside it. The pixie fairy was eagerly awaiting Lily’s attendance, although she was looking away and fiddling with her finger anxiously, wondering how Lily would be with her.

  “Good Morning Silvia!” Lily smiled excitedly as she rushed quickly to give the fairy a huge hug.

  “Good Morning Miss Lily!” Silvia replied, embracing her back with equal enthusiasm. “How did you sleep?”

  “Absolutely wonderfully! I am so excited to visit Violetta today, and I was thinking just now, that you should go to the land of Salor, because we would be gone for most of the day,” Lily instructed as the two walked to the washbasin that was full of sweet-smelling lavender leaves.

  “Well…” Silvia began, shifting her eyes to the ground.

  “And I thought of something else!” Lily interrupted as she began to undress. “The song you always sing, that is going to be the ticket to finding your family! It must be!”

  Lily had heard Silvia’s song as she awoke that morning. It was as though her dream was telling her to remember it. And as she saw Silvia, she knew that it was so.

  “Oh Miss Lily you are so smart, yes, I think you are right. Perhaps if I sing, they will know it is me!” Silvia delicately touched her throat, feeling great relief that she had carried forth an attribute from her past history.

  “I don’t think you should go by yourself, though. Is there anyone you trust to take you there?” Lily asked with authority, as she squeezed a washcloth of warm water over her skin.

  “Umm, I haven’t really thought about it before.”

  “Do you have any friends here?” Lily asked kindly, knowing the feeling all too well.

  “I don’t think anyone likes me,” Silvia replied uneasily, handing Lily a small bottle of sweet-smelling oils.

  “I’m sure they do, you just need to find something in common. Has anyone else ever said they are from Salor?” Lily tipped the bottle onto her hand and allowed little droplets of oil to seep into her skin.

  “Well… Divinia who plays the ukulele guitar, she also thinks that she is from Salor, because her ukulele has the same citrine crystal on the tip of the instrument,” Silvia explained, fastening the lid back on top of the oil and placing it on a shelf nearby.

  “Does she not know her family either?”

  “No, there aren’t many of us without a family here, but those of us who don’t, we keep to ourselves. Lily…”

  “Yes Silvia?” Lily stopped what she was doing and put down the washcloth. She could tell that Silvia had something worrying her, and Lily wanted to soothe her, the same way that Lily was being soothed by lying in such a relaxing bath.

  “What happens if I find my parents and they don’t want me? Why did they leave me in the first place?”

  Silvia sat on the tiled seat and rubbed her small hands over her eyes. She pushed the tears away, and composed herself, combing her silver hair back into a tight ponytail.

  “Sometimes in order to love someone, you have to let them go. They might need to go into the world on their own so that when the two of you meet again, you can become different to how you were before. Maybe your parents wanted you to experience more than one land and they were unable to give you that opportunity. And just think, had you never come here, we would not have met, and you would not have known the gift of tedimetaing. Now you will be able to explore both lands, and show others too.”

  Lily stood up from the bath and dried herself with the towel. A green dress with thin green beads was hanging on the door, but Lily looked to Silvia, discouraged.

  “Silvia, I don’t want to wear this dress to meet Violetta,” Lily said as she rolled her eyes and knocked the fabric with her hand. She could feel the spoiled demeanor coming on again, but it was in protest, she rationalized in her mind.

  “Miss Lily, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I don’t think you are seeing Violetta today,” the pixie looked away shyly, and fiddled with her apron once more.

  “Why?” Lily asked, frowning her eyebrows with anger. She tried hard not to be too mean to Silvia, knowing it wasn’t her fault.

  “Because I overheard Jade laugh about it in the mirror this morning as Thimble was doing her hair. She said she only told you that so that you would stay.”

  Lily felt like boiling water was overheating inside her throat, and steam was smoking out of her ears. She tugged on them roughly, scratching the sides of her ears as though they itched. She had been tricked!

  “Well then I am definitely not wearing this dress!” Lily exclaimed as she stormed out of the bathroom. She went into her bedroom and picked up her garnet dress, threw her satc
hel over her shoulder and walked stubbornly to the dining hall to see if what Silvia had said was true. Silvia rushed after her.

  “Oh please, Miss Lily, please don’t say I said anything?” Silvia pleaded, looking frightened, terrified of having spread word of something that she was not meant to.

  “It’s okay Silvia, don’t worry. I will not say anything. I will just say I am ready to meet Violetta.”

  Jade was lying in a large open lounge room, being fanned by a large banana tree leaf. She was facing the door, not the veranda, to look at the view. She wanted to see the people walk past and look at her. Another uniformed staff member was holding a tray of fruit, and the other held three coconuts, each with a different colored straw, although the pixie was sweating from the difficulty of holding such a weight.

  Jade knocked the leaf out of her sight and stood up immediately upon Lily entering the space. She coughed loudly, hunched over and pointed her claw-like finger at Lily’s outfit.

  “Why are you wearing that dress?”

  Lily looked down to her dress and held the fabric out to examine. She looked quite fitting she thought.

  “Do I not have the freedom to wear as I please?” Lily stared Jade in the eyes, still holding the fabric of the dress out to display the deep ruby colors vividly.

  “Not on my land, no. You must represent me, not Karisma.” Jade picked a handful of green glittered dust from a small jar on a silver table and threw it onto Lily’s dress. The dress immediately changed color to green, although it had dark splotches of red carved through.

  “Much better.”

  Jade turned and laid back down on the lounge bed, and clicked her fingers to encourage the leaf to be waved faster, intensifying the strength of the wind. Lily, although disappointed, wanted to see Violetta, so she ignored the exterior of her outfit and continued on as though everything was fine.