Lost Nowhere: A journey of self-discovery in a fantasy world

by Phoebe Garnsworthy

  “Now that I am dressed, shall we go?”

  Jade didn’t move. She didn't even look up to acknowledge Lily had spoken.

  “Are we going to see Violetta? She asked for me today, right?” Lily asked, feeling the same form of panic kicking in as how she used to feel waiting to be picked for gym class, eager to be chosen to join the group with the best players. Unfortunately, she was always chosen last and she prepared her mind for a similar defeat.

  “I don’t know what you are talking about,” Jade replied as she sat upright, “I have organized for Rusty in the village to paint your portrait today. We will hang it on the wall over there.” She pointed to the wall nearest to her where a line of portraits already hung. They were filled with different images of Jade, looking odd, bored, and ugly. Lily shuddered at the thought of being placed next to such awkward images.

  “But, I don’t want my portrait painted, I want to meet Violetta.”

  Jade huffed a great moan and she picked a coconut off the tray, bowling it along the ground to where Lily stood, making her jump out of the way.

  “You are so spoiled girl. What more do you want from me?” She picked up another coconut, and threw her arm back as she bowled again.

  “Jade, you keep giving me things I do not ask for, and now I am spoiled?” Lily jumped in the air, dodging the second coconut.

  “Well if you aren’t asking to see Violetta, why should it matter if we go?” Jade replied haughtily, throwing the last coconut with more force this time. Lily jumped up high, missing the coconut by merely inches.

  “Do you even know Violetta?” Lily challenged, seeing the anguish of the pixies’ faces around her, anticipating the terror that she had just brought onto them.

  The light in the room evaporated, and a thick haze of smoke began to seep from the corners of the ceiling, falling down onto Lily and the pixies. But it completely missed Jade, falling around her like a triangle-pointed pyramid. She hunched over, coughed lightly and breathed noisily.

  “What did you just say to me? Say it again.” She spoke slowly, allowing the pressure of each word to thud loudly on the ground around her. It rattled the ground, as though a giant was jumping up and down creating holes in the floorboards.

  “I… I… I,” Lily’s voice began to shake and her ears started to itch. But instead of feeling scared, she felt anger pulsating through her veins. And it boiled up through her head, into her skull. She cleared her throat, stood with her back strong and stared at the witch. “I asked if you actually knew her.”

  Jade laughed with a gush of stale breath and a patronizing wheeze. “Look at this crown upon my head dear child. This is what I am; I am queen. And you, you are nothing.”

  Jade flicked her fingers in the air, sparking tiny specs of fireworks to protrude from her nails. She rolled her eyes and turned around, hobbling to sit back onto her throne. Lily didn’t back down, and instead, she felt her ears burn, her body quiver with such hatred for the beast. She wanted to get even. She wanted to pay her back for all the times that she didn’t voice her own opinions, for all the times that she pretended that she was fine. They had bottled up inside of her, they were simmering at the top, ready to boil over, and they were waiting, waiting and ready, ready to flood the house.

  “I have seen a far more beautiful crown than that before,” Lily laughed, and she turned her back on the sorceress to leave.

  “What… did … you… say?”

  Lily felt herself be twisted back around to face Jade. The floorboards below had their own circle, and it twirled upon Jade’s command. The beast’s eyes had rolled to the top of her head, the ink edge of the red pupil bled fiercely into the sclera, until it completely overtook the entire eyeball. Jade did not look like herself. She reminded Lily of Isabella, the fair maid who turned into a toad near Karisma’s house, many moons ago.

  Lily shuddered. She stood silently, with no response. The queen towered high above Lily, levitating closely, and her fingernails grew longer. She poked Lily, probing her to reply. “Tell me child, upon whom did you see this crown?”

  Jade clawed her finger into a long line, as though extracting words from Lily's throat and she lifted her head in response.

  “The Mermaid Queen.” The words uttered through Lily’s lips before she could even stop them. But the fire was already lit inside her belly, and it was smoking up through to her head.

  “Nonsense, she is not real. Those stories are just myths,” Jade said and waved Lily off, clicking her green claws in response. “Ugh, you are more stupid than I realized. Silly girl.”

  Jade turned back around to her lounge bed and attempted to sit down, but her hunched back was too uneven to allow her to sit comfortably, and she struggled for several seconds until she got in a seated position.

  “Oh really? Well then how come she is my friend? And that I wear this?” Lily pulled down the collar of her dress and pushed the ouroboros to display in prime position for all to see, especially Jade. The crowd gasped and the chatter begun. Jade hushed everyone silent as she stood back up and stomped over to Lily.

  “Hand that to me, NOW,” Jade screamed loudly. Her eyes protruded closely to Lily, so close that Lily could only see herself inside the mess of blackness.

  “No, it is mine!” Lily shrieked as she covered the necklace with one hand, and clenched her fist with the other.

  “GIVE ME THAT NECKLACE!” Jade’s voice shouted throughout the entire castle, as she screamed like a neglected baby. The walls of the room cracked from the vibration, as the ceiling above begun to shake.

  “NO! It is mine!” Lily replied with equal anger, but her voice quivered as she screamed. And like the shark in the water smelling blood, smelling fear, Jade pointed to the necklace held tightly in Lily’s hand, forcing it to burn against her skin. The pain made Lily weak, but she wasn’t giving up that easily. And she remembered Karisma’s lesson in the meadow. The sphere of protection—to ground oneself, so that none may harm.

  Lily knew that she needed to clear her mind and envision the protective case. She imagined her body sinking deeply into the ground. She felt her own vibration withdraw from the outside, and the energy pulsate from within. At the tip of her head a violet light crown dribbled down over her stance, through her heart center and down into the ground. The lights from her fingertips crossed through the exterior. And as the light reached the floor, it magically shot out into a sphere, enveloping Lily into a cushioning tight bubble. She felt protected from such outside energies but it almost wasn’t enough. She wanted to reflect back what it was that she was feeling. She wanted to use the power that Jade had pushed onto her; she wanted her to feel it too. And without understanding why or whether or not it was real, she imagined the sphere turn into a mirrored ball, reflecting back the outside light. The energy she was omitting radiated and bounced inwards while any outside energy bounced right off. She did not absorb anything.

  “Fool!” Jade casually growled back and she twirled her finger around and around. Lily floated up from the ground, and as the finger was twirled, so was she. Although she did not feel as though the queen’s power had affected her, she could see herself growing weary. Her eyes felt heavy as the spinning around had disoriented her.

  “Rhe non thew,” Jade said and flicked her fingers again, as a thick roped net appeared and now held Lily in place. She was trapped!

  “Come through child, I will not harm you. I will not take your precious little necklace either,” Jade hissed as she drew closely to Lily’s face. “On the condition that you do me a little favor here.”

  Lily could see the pixies standing behind Jade in sheer shock as Jade perched her claws through the rope, pushing her weight down upon it. Lily ignored the queen and looked away hurriedly. She had stopped thinking about the sphere of protection and wondered where it was that she had gone wrong.

  “I want you to call upon your mermaid friends. Do this, and I will release you. I will not give you long to think it over child.” She turned and stormed off, her h
eavy green silk dress smashing forcefully on the ground as she thundered down the hallway. “You will be trapped until you obey me.” She screeched through the hall as the words floated along behind her, written in smoke drifting through the air.

  Lily was trapped, and at a loss about what to do. Her instinct was screaming to tedimeta out of the situation but she had doubt. Could she still tedimeta while under the magic net? Or would she give up the secrecy of her mermaid friends? Perhaps she could pretend they do not exist, say she was lying.

  Lily lay in the roped net with an army of pixies staring around. Not one of the faces looked familiar. She couldn’t see Silvia amongst that army, or was it that she didn’t want to? She didn’t want to believe that her friend was holding her against her will. But was she really being held against her will? Confusion kept tugging at her ears, she scratched them again, trying to satisfy the itch.

  “Are you ready to do as I say?” Jade demanded as she quickly reappeared in front of her. But it wasn’t that Jade appeared in front of Lily inside the room, but Lily had appeared in front of Jade, hanging from a tree on the beach of Tehar. The tourmaline stones looked dull beneath her feet, and behind, Lily could see a line of short pixies standing in front of the entrance of the castle, around the glass bowl fountain. Jade was standing in front of the parade, massaging the body of a slug between her fingers. She held it above her head. An eagle swooped down low and plucked it from her fingertips. Gobbling it up quickly, the bird landed on Jade’s arm.

  “Well?” She asked tediously.

  “I was lying, Your Majesty, there are no mermaids.” Lily looked at the bird as she replied, knowing her honesty may have been visible in her innocence.

  “Oh really then,” Jade jolted her arm as she pushed the eagle away, walking closer to Lily. “Well there is a penalty for lying here in our land. It is considered the most shameful thing that you can do. Did you not know?”

  Jade twirled her finger once more, lifting Lily up in the net, high into the sky. She pushed the net over the water, into the sea, and in a swift movement the net unraveled, letting Lily’s body drop deep into the ocean.

  “Let’s see if your mermaid friends will save you now.” Jade laughed as she watched the child fall into the water like a pile of stones.

  Lily would have screamed loudly if she could. And even though the motion of the net releasing her body and dropping down into the cold ocean played out in slow motion, there were no words left inside of her to scream. The shock of witnessing everything play out around her at a different frequency than before blocked any chance of noise. And the gradual process of everything moving so slowly made Lily question whether it was the correct pace that life had played out always, and somehow we just managed to see things in fast motion. Lily weighed down heavily, falling deep below the current, and the water above her piled up layer after layer. She used the last of her breath to whisper Crysanthe through the currents of the ocean in the hopes that she would be saved.

  Crysanthe appeared within seconds, or was it minutes? Time and space were merely an illusion. And Lily was close to unconsciousness with the lack of oxygen in her lungs. Crysanthe stayed calm, slowly blowing life back into Lily’s chest, and she carried her body back up above to the land of Tehar so that she could rest on the ground.

  Jade was waiting unbeknownst to the beautiful princess mermaid. Crysanthe carried Lily to shore, rolling her onto the pebbles to a staring crowd. She knew what was going on, but her goal was to save her friend. And as she turned to dive back into the ocean, a sharp roped net hovered above and captured the delicate creature.

  “Good!” Jade smiled, pointing to the net. “Bring her to me!”

  Crysanthe squirmed in such a state that her fins bled against the carving of tight restraints on her skin. Lily’s eyes spurted tears, as she felt Crysanthe’s pain. Lily had betrayed her friend. Why did I have to speak of their existence? she thought. With so much anger toward herself, Lily felt a spiraling turmoil of confusion and hatred from her own actions, her regrets saturated her mind and she scolded herself for her own disobedience. Lily tried to make eye contact with the mermaid to show her remorse, but Crysanthe did not look, and instead, she began convulsing, coughing up water, making herself sick.

  “Release her!” Lily cried. “You are hurting her!” she pleaded, standing at the edge of the water with tears streaming down her face.

  “Release her did you say?” Jade laughed deeply, pretending as though she cared. “You shall be punished for your outburst against my orders!” The queen continued, as a heavy metal cage fell down from above onto Lily, trapping her from moving any further. “Take everything from her.” Jade instructed, as she turned to walk back toward the castle. A pixie came and collected Lily’s crochet satchel her mother had made and the necklace she had worn as Lily sat on the ground sobbing uncontrollably. Her greatly loved possessions taken from her, and her one true friend was hurt because of her actions. Lily’s whole life felt meaningless. She looked to the pixies to find Silvia, but she was not there. Or was she? Lily preferred to blind herself in the hopes that Silvia would have been on her side.

  She looked to the giant fountain on the field. She felt so helpless from afar. She looked to the ocean, and the image of Zavier flashed into her mind, as though he were floating above the water in front of her. The idea of contacting him seemed reasonable. Surely he would be worried as to where Crysanthe was. Lily thought about what Crysanthe had said. How we can communicate through our thoughts. She envisioned a line of electrical wires from her mind down into the sea, to find Zavier.

  But before she could even request he come to Tehar, there he was. His long hair pulled back like a lion’s mane and large muscles protruding with droplets of fresh salt water. Lily felt his anger with her before she had even spoken. And he stared at Lily cast beneath the cage like a wild animal, cut off from the rest of the world.

  “Where is she?” he growled, eyes glaring.

  “She has been captured by Queen Jade,” Lily said timidly as she pointed to the fountain behind her.

  Lily was waiting for Zavier to explode with rage, but instead she saw weakness in his eyes, the shared pain of feeling the hurt of his true love. He avoided Lily’s eyes and looked away into the landscape, allowing only the skies to see his tears.

  “Then I will offer myself in replacement for her,” Zavier stated with poise as he turned back to face Lily, trying to get the attention of the pixies standing guard by the fountain.

  “No! There must be another way,” Lily pleaded, pushing her little arms between the wired cage. “I will use my power.”

  “To do what exactly?” he asked pompously. “And why haven’t you done it already if you are so powerful?” He raised his silver eyebrows as he dove into the ocean, moving closer to the castle and ignoring Lily.

  He swam as close to shore as possible and jumped through the air like a dolphin, creating a commotion. Two giant sharks joined him in the dance of intimidation. Quite soon after, one of the pixies came to shore to examine and promptly produced a flute, playing several chords. He was communicating through sound. Jade appeared wearing the green cloak cape identical to the one she had worn the night of initiation. She was not fazed in the slightest, confidence outpouring with her every movement.

  “Ah another one I see. I already have a fish for my fishbowl, I guess I could take another.” She laughed, pointing to the crystal ball fountain behind her shoulders where Crysanthe was held against her will. She clicked her green fingernails as the net appeared once more. Zavier pulled out a sharp seashell and threw it directly to the net, slicing the mesh into two. He swam back slightly from the shore, keeping his distance, showing he was ready for war.

  “Release her,” he commanded bravely, although Lily could clearly see past his heroic demeanor. He was in agony seeing his beloved floating amongst the stench of warm algae water. She felt as though he too were experiencing the pain of Crysanthe. “Release her and take me instead,” he concluded, lifting h
is hands in the air showing his surrender, while the two sharks behind crept up to the surface, standing guard.

  “I give myself to you,” Zavier said again as he took the chain and a large crystal rock off from around his neck and handed it to the pixies.

  Jade grinned with a devilish smile, “Take him to the bowl and Crysanthe will be released.”

  “No, release Crysanthe first,” Zavier growled back, the sharks behind him now growing in size.

  “I am true to my word, what kind of queen do you take me for?” she snorted back with her eyes gleaming, red veins pulsating around her iris.

  Lily felt the back of her neck tense up as a cold shiver sped down her spine. The stillness in the air spoke to Lily, telling her it was a trap, and she closed her eyes trying to communicate with Zavier. Do not give in, she thought as she imagined an electric cable shooting from the crown of her head to his. But he wouldn’t listen. His head held high and proud, ready to sacrifice his life in exchange for his love. The net hung over his head, and weaved through the water, rippling down in miniature squares, and lifting back up, carrying the heavy weight of the King. He looked like a fish stuck in a fisherman’s net, but this time, there was no struggle. He had accepted his fate.

  Jade laughed as she took the jewelry from his hand.

  “Ugh,” Jade shrieked. “It’s disgusting and slimy.”

  She threw the necklace carelessly in the face of the closest pixie. Zavier’s eyes grew faint and the scales of his tail turned from a silvery purple to a dull grey from the lack of water.

  Jade cackled with a deep evil laugh, which turned into a cough as her back hunched over even more. She pointed her green claw-like nails to release him into the pond to join the weltering Crysanthe who was barely moving.

  Lily felt the despair once more as she watched her last resort move into the giant fountain bowl. She knew there was no agreement in place as such.

  “Well it looks like I have two fish for my fountain now. Perhaps we should make a statue from them?” Jade spoke out loud to no one in particular and yet the pixies continued to follow her as she walked back up to the castle.