Rage to Adore

by Cara Lake

  “I was right,” said Tani, once they had settled and the birds were roasting. Jaro regarded her amused expression. “What about?” As if he didn’t know. He had been wondering all afternoon when she would bring it up.

  “Woof woof!” she said. Jaro fought to contain his own amusement. He had to give it to her; she had a sense of humor. He eyed her lazily, letting his guard down for an instant. “Kind of makes sense,” he said, raising his eyebrows in her direction. “What does?” she asked.

  “Well, there you are Red, and here I am—a big bad wolf. Shall I eat you up?”

  “Very funny.” Tani rolled her eyes at him, her expression at once both playful and warm. A strange heat spread deep in his chest, stroking the vicious rage he carried inside himself. Making him want things he could never have.

  “So,” she was saying, “you’re a saevici, a barghesti no less. That’s very rare. Why didn’t Lord Phenex use you in the pits that way?”

  “Maybe because he didn’t know.”

  She looked shocked. “He doesn’t know you’re a saevici? How did you manage to keep that a secret?”

  “Because I didn’t know myself—until today.” Tani’s jaw dropped and her brows creased in confusion, her expression of puzzlement stirring parts of Jaro’s body that seemed to have a mind of their own. She was just too adorable. He needed to squash this attraction, it was a distraction he could do without. He sure as hell didn’t need this redhead making him wish for fantasies of things that could never be. It was too much.

  “How…?”

  “I don’t fucking know, all right?” He spat the words at her, anger rising in his veins. This whole thing was impossible. If he was a saevici he should have known at birth. He should have gone through a ceremony to bind him to his animal spirit, the spirit of a barghesti. But he hadn’t, and his parents had never so much as mentioned the possibility that he could be a saevici. That in itself was strange because it was usually hereditary and the kudos would have given his mother much to crow about. And what about Lorcan? If Jaro was a saevici, the chances were that his brother was one too, but Lorcan had never shown any signs of it. If he had been one, Lorcan would have rubbed Jaro’s face in it—as another sign of his superiority. Jaro expelled a roar and felt again the cracking of his bones as they shifted, wanting to know if he could do it again. His eyes turned to hers as he felt the rush of power coursing through his blood, felt the strength of the beast inside surging to fuse with every atom in his body.

  Her eyes briefly flickered with something that could have been fear, but then determination crossed her face and she clenched her fists, body taut as if ready to defend herself should he attack. His redhead was brave. His redhead? She wasn’t his but how he wished she were. The barghesti inside howled in rage that Fate, the bitch that had sent him into slavery, was still toying with him, crossing his path with that of this woman, the only woman who had the power to drop him to his knees. She could never be his. Fate was surely enjoying this. He had no choice but to take her back to Phenex. How Lorcan could have done this to her he didn’t know, but then again, he had never understood his brother.

  Tani’s eyes were still regarding him, her expression not fearful but cautiously assessing. He let his body relax and immediately the sensation of bones mutating washed over him. Jaro returned to his masculine body.

  “I’m not going to hurt you,” he said, wanting to reassure her.

  “What made you turn today?” she asked, quietly voicing the question that was in his head.

  “I was angry.”

  “What made you angry?”

  Too many questions he didn’t feel like answering. “Who the fuck cares? I don’t need to be psychoanalyzed, Red, and it’s none of your business anyway. I am what I am and it looks like I’m a saevici, yeah great! Can’t wait for my master to find that out. Will he use me in the pits? You bet your life he will. I am so looking forward to that!”

  Rant over, he tensed. “What the fuck?” His eyes shot to hers, widening in horror. He could feel the threads of pity she was weaving around him; he knew she was trying to soften his anger. He couldn’t let that happen. He needed to hate, needed to have the blackness heavy inside him to survive. If he softened he would crumble. He wouldn’t be able to resist her and that would surely kill him because he would have to protect her from Phenex, Lorcan and anyone else who might want her, and if he let her soothe him he would definitely want to do that. He would never want to let her go. If Phenex touched her then Jaro would kill him and that would mean his own death. Self-preservation kicked in.

  “Keep your comfort or whatever it is to yourself, Red. Save it for some other poor sap who gives a shit. I’ll get you back to Serpens but that doesn’t mean I want your pity.”

  She flinched and he felt her withdrawal. She turned away, her focus on the roasting birds as if nothing had happened. Silence settled between them but the stifling air around them crackled with tension. Jaro couldn’t take his eyes off her. It was hard for him to believe she was actually here. That she wasn’t some otherworldly apparition. It was as if he were drunk on the sight of her beautiful red hair a glowing beacon that demanded his attention. The urge to wrap his fingers in those red strands and pull her close only served to enhance his ire toward her. She was an enticing red spider weaving a web that ensnared and he was caught in her spell. She was a witch. A siren. If he let her under his skin there was no doubt in his mind he would be fucked, a wrecked ship floundering on the rocks, a drowning man lost at sea.

  The light of the fire flickered, throwing golden highlights onto her flaming locks. They dazzled him. Her amethyst eyes turned to his. He caught the stare and savored it. She was looking at him with concern, not with disgust. But his anger at her, at Lorcan, his mother and his master overrode any other emotion he might have, and he was unwilling to acknowledge any of the feelings that were threatening his sanity. He could not afford to soften toward her.

  Jaro still didn’t know what kind of a game she was playing, the façade of a wealthy socialite having been eradicated by the evidence he had seen in the alley of her fighting prowess. She was a trained warrior and as such it was obvious that there was some deeper reason as to her presence in Serpens, some secret that she was keeping. He turned away, trying to ignore the magnetic draw he felt toward her by stoking up the fire.

  Tani regarded Jaro from across the campfire. In the flickering light he appeared a terrible frightening beast of a male. Up close he was huge, and with his body still a mass of swollen bruises she should have been revolted and terrified of the intense hum of power that surrounded him. But even now she still wasn’t scared of him. He had saved her from falling and certainly his sudden shift had given her the opportunity to escape Belial’s men, but even though she knew he had done terrible things, she felt instinctively that he wouldn’t harm her.

  Her heart had constricted, watching Jaro seethe with bitterness and pain. It had stabbed her straight in the gut, wrenching through muscle and bone so agonizing that her compassion had to respond. Releasing a wave of comfort, she let it roll outward, trying to wash away his hurt. Again, he wanted none of it. Well, Jaro could take her to Serpens but that didn’t mean she was going to Phenex. Lorcan would have something to say about that. Once there she would contact Antares. She would only truly belong to Phenex if she made the vow, the oath to serve that would tie her to Phenex for life. He might have paid Morana money for her but that didn’t mean she was going to submit. She might be the Esseni of Love but that didn’t make her a wimp.

  Tani withdrew the blanket of compassion and ate in silence. His energy sparked with anger and she decided to back off, wondering what it would take to get this man to accept some show of caring. Jaro was an enigma. She watched him surreptitiously from under her lashes as he worked on stoking the fire that had died down, the warmth of the day having been overtaken by the cold air of night. His face, still bruised from the most recent beatings, was beginning to heal and his eyes, still hidden under swollen flesh,
focused intently on his task as if he were consciously avoiding her gaze.

  As he blew air to fan the flames, Tani couldn’t help but notice the ripple of hard muscle in thick biceps, remembering again how those strong arms had grabbed her back from the brink, the feel of his rough palms still warm against her skin. She swallowed, trying to focus on the memory of other strong hands. It wouldn’t do to be thinking such thoughts about this criminal. Lorcan—focus on Lorcan. She tried to picture him in the ballroom, gently dancing with her, holding her as if she were the most fragile flower in existence or in the garden when he’d first kissed her—but her brain was having none of it, insisting on other more vivid impressions. She remembered him in the bazaar, his body solid as rock, but that only reminded her of Jaro’s granite frame. Brain, focus! She batted that image away, focusing on Lorcan again, remembering him by the fruit stall and the magnetic pull that had been impossible to evade.

  Other images crashed down on her, the frenzied kiss and near orgasm outside the club smashing away all other instances. This was the only way she could wipe aside these unwanted thoughts of Jaro—by focusing on how Lorcan ignited her blood! Oh yes. She felt the fire fan inside her chest, just as the fire Jaro was lighting burst into flames. She shivered, but not from the cold.

  “Come and get warm,” Jaro said, looking over at her, the deep, rasping tone of his voice brushing rough pebbles across her flesh. “You must be freezing.” If only he knew.

  Tani inched forward, hating that he sounded as if he cared when she knew he did not. She wanted to be repulsed by this male and his constant antagonism that brought out the worst side of her personality, but he had also saved her and this contradiction in his character was such a confusing paradox. It was in her best interest to keep her distance. She held out her palms to the flames, trying to pretend he didn’t exist. That was a lost cause and it wasn’t long before he caught her gaze.

  “What are you staring at?” His question was harsh. “Afraid of being alone with the slave-rapist?”

  “Hardly,” she replied. “Believe it or not I know how to defend myself.”

  His lips curled sardonically. “I’m sure you do.” His gaze raked its way down from her face to her breasts, lingering on the rise and fall of creamy flesh. She felt her nipples harden in response. No! No! No! For Gaia’s sake, what was she thinking?

  “But you’re not really my type,” he continued, his words like cold water over her skin. “I like something to grab on to—you’re all skin and bones.” He turned away dismissively, rolling over, his back to the fire. “Sorry to disappoint you, Red. I could see you were aching for it but even a slave like me has some standards.”

  Tani seethed with indignation. How dare he? Sad thing was—she didn’t know what annoyed her more—the fact that he wasn’t interested or the fact that she felt some disappointment at his dismissal. Why should she care if he found her attractive or not? She was bound to Lorcan. He was her destiny. This weird attraction to Jaro was a false sensation, a product of circumstance. They had been flung together in a difficult situation and in some respects he had saved her.

  He was not the usual hero material, forever tainted by his unsavory past but then again she believed in redemption. Perhaps it was not too late for Jaro. If they made it back in one piece she could try to help him. The Eunomi could always use a willing fighter. He was a saevici and a rare one at that. As such he would command respect. Tani found that she wanted that for him. Everyone should have a shot at redemption. Why not Jaro? Even if he was the most irritating man in the galaxy.

  Tani drew her knees to her chest as he turned away, the action creating a barrier between them. She needed some space, a moment of calm to regain her balance. That was the reason she was here, wasn’t it? Duty and balance. Her role as an Esseni was to ensure the balance of love and hate in the universe. How much she was beginning to loathe that word. Duty. Duty and honor, her father’s mantra.

  Tani knew she would do her duty. Programmed as she was, she would fight to get back to Lorcan and fight for The Balance. If she could only center herself and her wayward emotions! Jaro was a distraction she needed to ignore. And that’s all he was—an unwelcome distraction. The sooner they were back in Serpens, the sooner she could forget all about him.

  But no matter how much she tried to tell herself that, the last thing she saw before she closed her lids in sleep was not the face of the man she was fated to—but the image of a swollen bruised face, dark inky-black hair and a body made of iron.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Nightmare

  Wrenched out of the darkness, Tani was awoken by sounds of muttering, curses and deep growls of anguish. The fire was spluttering, the embers merely smoking ashes. Light from the early dawn sky was filtering through the entrance to the cave, bathing its interior in a gray sheen. She turned with shock as Jaro’s large frame thrashed in near delirium, his body racked with tremors, legs and arms kicking out as if punching at some invisible foe. His words were slurred. Garbled mutterings that made no sense.

  He was in the midst of a night terror. Something that sounded so bad that Tani’s natural empathy instinctively wrapped itself around him, trying to create a protective shield. Forcing aside any thoughts of rejection or her own resentment, Tani drew closer, hands brushing across his twisting shoulders in an effort to bring calm.

  “Jaro, it’s me, Tani. Wake up. You’re safe now.” Her palm lay against his feverish brow.

  He was burning up. A reaction to the constant beatings he had suffered over the last number of days, his body fighting to heal. Jaro’s arm pushed her away, resistant to touch. She persisted. The only way she could still his torment was by wrapping her arms around his whole body and pushing the weight of her own into his chest. The shaking subsided but he continued to mutter incoherently.

  As she held on to him, Tani experienced that same surge of tenderness she had felt before, wanting to extinguish the hurt, wipe away his pain. Fix what was broken. He was a fighter, a brute, but he was also a man, flesh and blood, subject to the same fears and hurts as all men are.

  Keeping the pressure on him, she could feel the heat of his skin, his body melded to hers in an embrace that somehow fit. Relaxing into his warmth as a wave of exhaustion washed over her, she held on to him tightly until Jaro’s shuddering subsided, her blanket of compassion clothing him in a tranquil veil.

  When she awoke hours later, sunlight was seeping through the cracked entrance as daylight’s golden glow stroked them with healing warmth. Her head still lay on Jaro’s chest. His body now relaxed, the nightmares had subsided and he was breathing more evenly in the calm of a natural sleep. Tani could feel the rise and fall of his massive chest beneath her ear, the strong beat of his heart echoing her own. She felt content. Complete. It was an eerie awakening.

  Slowly she inched up his body, reluctant to lose the warmth that lay between them. Jaro’s head turned to one side, dark strands lying over his cheeks, obscuring her view of his face. His skin appeared less bruised than it had yesterday. She hesitated a moment before reaching out, wanting to reassure herself that his wounds were healing. Brushing the dark locks from his brow, Tani froze in shock as the other face that haunted her dreams stared back at her.

  “What are you doing?” A growl. Silver mercury eyes flashing open, the indigo edge of his iris a dark seething ring of intense rage. Tani sat back at a loss. “Your face!” she gasped.

  “Yeah, pretty, isn’t it?” he sneered, lifting his shoulders and rubbing a hand across the light stubble of his jaw. “You…you’re…” Tani paused, enlightenment hitting hard. “Are you related to Lorcan Rodach?”

  Jaro spat a curse. “What do you think, Red?” he challenged, the rage in his tone abrasive as acid. Tani’s confusion increased. Lorcan Rodach was right in front of her, except—except the eyes that stared back at her were not a cool gray, but rather the same vibrant mesmerizing mercury silver that had pierced her soul during that passionate encounter in the alley. Black hair fram
ing chiseled cheekbones and perfect dimpled jawline that had hypnotized her in the sunlight of the bazaar. Her hand lifted as if pulled by an invisible thread insisting that she touch, feel the warmth of his skin. Sense won over sensation and her hand fluttered down. “Are you a cousin of his?”

  Snorting, he laughed bitterly. “I’m a much closer relation than that. Most people can hardly tell us apart.”

  Adrenaline kicked in as truth punched her hard in the face. No! No way! How could this be possible? Twins! Even as her mind acknowledged the evidence, her brain strove for a different solution. “You’re his brother,” she whispered. A statement rather than a question, although she was unable to hide her incredulity at the obvious truth of the revelation.

  “Once upon a time there were two brothers.” His laughter derided the shock in her voice. “Do you think he would acknowledge me now?”

  “I suppose after all the things you’ve done it would be difficult for anyone to acknowledge you as a family member,” she countered, irritated by his blasé tone. Of course she was shocked. He was her Esseni partner’s twin!

  “Ouch—that hurt. And I expect you know all about the things I’ve done.” Anger flared in those hypnotic eyes. “I’m sure brother Lorcan took great delight in cataloguing all my crimes.”

  Tani shook her head. “No he didn’t. He just told me the facts.”

  “Oh, the facts.” Another snort of laughter. Jaro’s large frame encroached into her space. “What exactly are the facts?”

  Tani stood her ground. “That you’re a thief and a…rapist…” She flung the accusation at him, daring him to deny it. Tani hesitated. “And a slave.”

  “Did he tell you how I became a slave?” Jaro’s tone was quiet. Serious.

  Tani sat back on her heels and frowned. Why was Jaro a slave when both his mother and brother were not? That was unusual on Ophiuchus. Slavery was generally an inherited bond here. You were born into it—or sold into it, and it was practically impossible to be released. A sharp spear of unease shot through her. Had Jaro been sold into slavery—it was sometimes used as recompense for debt or worse. “No he didn’t,” she said. “Why don’t you tell me?”