Rage to Adore

by Cara Lake

  “You won’t believe me even if I do tell you the truth.”

  “Try me,” she insisted. “What have you got to lose?”

  Jaro didn’t know. He had nothing anyway. Maybe he had something to gain. She had tried to give him her compassion many times before and he had constantly rejected it. It wasn’t what he wanted from her. He didn’t know what he wanted from her. Yes he did. Why kid himself? He wanted everything. If he told her the truth, would she see his reality?

  He fought to keep his anger at her inside his chest, to hold on to it. That was the only way he could protect himself from her. If he let her get any closer, she could prove to be the biggest betrayal of all. She was already under his skin in a way no woman had ever been before. Her every smile a silken caress across his flesh. A bitter memory intruded of another woman whose smiles had twisted his gut and made him wish for more.

  “Jaro!” The young mistress’s voice was sharp, commanding. He smiled before turning, hiding his grin beneath the impassive blankness that was the desired expression expected from a slave.

  “Fetch me water!”

  Her eyes didn’t meet his as she swept past him and up the stairs to her room. He bowed low. Now he had something to look forward to. Her coded message offered the light of hope in an otherwise dark and dreary existence.

  Later that night, he heard her voice again as he entered her room. This time a whisper. Soft and seductive. “Jaro, I’m dying of thirst here.”

  He crept slowly toward her bed. He liked to keep her waiting. He had no other control over her but this was the one thing he could do. Tease. She reached for him in the darkness. “Jaro! I need your kisses,” she said. He smiled at the need in her voice. It made him feel valued. More than just a worthless slave.

  The young mistress had been calling him to her bed twice a week now for the last six months. She vowed that she loved him and that in one year’s time, when she gained her majority, she would free him and they would be together as a true couple. He believed her because he loved her. She had shown him the only kindness he had known since his father died eight years before. So he gave her his kisses, imagining that they meant as much to her as those she gave in return meant to him. But in that he was mistaken.

  Two nights later another voice awoke him from his sleep. “Bastard! Scum!” He was dragged forcibly from his bed by his master’s guards as the master stood watching and hurling abuse. They punched and kicked at first with fists and then the master fell on him with a stick. By the time they stopped, he was a bleeding bloody mess of broken flesh, torn and ripped to shreds. He was dragged up onto his knees by his hair and made to kneel though he was barely conscious. His head lolled forward, too heavy for his exhausted muscles to support.

  The master tore at his hair, jerking his face upward to look him in the eye. His vision went dark and pain exploded in his jaw as the master rained down a succession of punches to his head. “You fucking worthless bastard! How dare you touch my daughter?” His master’s words became a series of insults that merged into a barrage of noise as the beating continued and he lost both vision and hearing, his body striving to numb itself to the agonizing pain. The master finally stopped and pointed to the corner of the room where he could barely register the blurry shapes of two indistinct forms. It was the young mistress, sobbing in her mother’s arms.

  “Look at what you have done to her, slave! You have defiled an innocent flower, my beautiful child!”

  Jaro shook his head. This wasn’t right. “N-no…” he stuttered, the words slurred as he gagged on the coppery taste of blood in his mouth. “I love her!” She was the only thing he had. “She loves me!”

  Outraged gasps. Soft footsteps drew closer and he blinked at the sight of two small feet that stopped in front of him, his eyes awash with the blood running from his temple. Someone spat on his head. Not her. Please Chaos, not her! “You pathetic slave! You are nothing but an insect, a worm, fit only to crawl in the cesspits! Don’t you dare claim that you love me, that I love you! You came to my room; forced yourself on me—you raped me!” She was screaming at him now, hysterical, her fists pounding into his head. His body collapsed as his whole world imploded.

  Her father was raging about a lost marriage contract and lost honor, but what was that compared with the loss of everything?

  Rather than execute him, his master sold him to Lord Phenex. At least that way the master gained some recompense for losing an advantageous match for his daughter. And the young mistress? Well, the wealthy have ways of hiding what they don’t want to be seen. They aborted his child before his former master managed to marry off the young mistress to a rich merchant from Arushka, and presumably were able to fool him into thinking that his wife was a virgin on her wedding night.

  Jaro had never recovered from that betrayal; the young mistress’s denial of him added to his mother’s had ensured he now had a deep and ingrained distrust of all women. His policy after was that to fuck and forget. But he never forced himself on women. If they were unwilling, then it was their loss. No woman was worth losing your head over.

  It was just as well his redheaded witch loathed him. He needed to keep a distance between them because if he ever touched her again—he wasn’t sure that he would be able to stop.

  “Listen, Red, the truth is…I am what I am. I’m even more dangerous than they say. And if you don’t want me sampling that sweet ass of yours, then you’d better back off because you know I like it rough.” He sat back against the cave wall, hoping his hostility would create an effective barrier.

  “Like I said,” replied Tani. “I know how to defend myself.” Her refusal to be cowed was impressive.

  “Sure, but I’m a rapist, aren’t I? Don’t forget. If I want something bad enough I’ll do anything to get it. Do you think I would take no for an answer?” He kept his tone aggressive. He needed her to keep her distance, wanted her to know she was playing with fire if she got too close. There was no way he could afford for her to soften toward him.

  She swallowed before answering. “Well, I’m not scared. You as good as told me that I’m not your type.” He almost smiled at her bravado but went for the kill anyway. “Even I sometimes lower my standards when I’m horny or when someone begs me for it.”

  “You’re a bastard, Jaro.”

  He nodded in agreement. “Best you don’t forget that,” he said. “But feel free to beg.”

  “In your dreams.”

  If only she knew. Chaos! If only she knew how she invaded his dreams. How last night, her face, her hair, the soft warmth of her skin, had surrounded him as the nightmares that were a recurrent event battered relentlessly into his psyche.

  He had had these dreams for one hundred and twenty years. Ever since he was ten years old during his first night as a slave they had plagued his sleep. He remembered the cold chill of fear that swept over him, the aching loss of his father and brother, the abandonment of his mother. Rarely were the dreams about the beatings, the physical abuse. It was the terror of isolation, of being cast off, that had him struggling for breath, drowning as each loss dragged him under, his body submerged by a sea of rabid faces taunting him as they left. Each bitter betrayal drove him deeper until he was lost in the darkness, crushed by the intense pressure of the waves above.

  If only she knew how she had pulled him out of the depths last night. He had glimpsed tendrils of red, strands of brightness that wove a path toward him, wrapping around him a silky soft embrace. The glowing light that emanated from a hand that brushed his brow, then encircled his body lifting him toward the radiating light in the distance. A soft voice whispering. A satin caress in his ear.

  “You’re safe,” she had said. But was he? She was the most dangerous thing he had ever encountered because he knew he would have to let her go. If he let her get close, her eventual loss was surely going to be the most devastating loss of all. Jaro knew without a doubt that there would be no way back from the darkness for him. Standing quickly, he clenched his fists in an
effort to hold back the tenderness he felt. “It’s time to get moving,” he growled. “What’s left of Belial’s men may still be searching for us.”

  Without realizing, he held out his hand to help her up but dropped it quickly before she could take it. He had to keep a distance between them; even touching her hand would be too much. Jaro turned abruptly, kicking the fire, suffocating the remaining embers, and at the same time trying to extinguish his wayward emotions.

  Tani withdrew her raised hand as Jaro walked away. She had caught a fleeting glimpse of bitterness in his expression when he had told her to keep her distance. Her heart ached, attuned to the swirl of emotion that churned around him, a whirling cyclone of loss, loneliness and yearning. He was hurting. And such was her natural compassion she was unable to stem the threads of comfort that reached out toward him endeavoring to wrap ribbons of protection around his battered soul. Yes, he had done evil things. His life had been hard and she was aware that, like many others, Jaro was also a victim of circumstance, a product of the violent environment in which he existed. Tied and bound by the bonds of slavery, unable to escape.

  “Don’t do that!” he snapped, turning to face her.

  “What?”

  He stared at her, his mercury eyes blinking, shoulders heaving with some internal struggle. “You know what, Red, just don’t.” He turned and headed out of the cave. “It hurts too much.” She barely caught the whispered words as they floated, lingering in the air between them.

  The threads of comfort she had extended snapped back, the force causing a sudden jerk of sharp pain in her chest. He was rejecting her compassion again! Anger bubbled, taking the place of the pain. Damn the man! Why was he so stubborn that he couldn’t accept some comfort? She wanted to soothe him as she had the night before, wipe away the bitterness and show him she understood. But he was constantly rejecting her. Well, that was the last time she would bother. She couldn’t wait to get back to Serpens, find Lorcan and get Jaro out of her life for good.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Confusion

  Jaro kept the distance between them as Tani followed him out of the cave. He didn’t look back. If he did, he knew he might break. She wasn’t his. Could never be his. He had to remember that. Why she insistently continued to try to comfort him he didn’t know. She was a warrior, a fighter and he had seen enough to know that she was a good one. Tough. Strong. But she was also generous and giving with a beautiful, compassionate heart and even though she challenged him with her words, she had taken care of him. He wished that wasn’t true. He wished she was a cold bitch like his mother, Morana or the young mistress. It would have made it easier for him to hate her. He couldn’t bear to soften toward her, to have her care for him and for that care to be taken away.

  Kidding himself that her solicitude was anything more than basic human kindness was a masochistic endeavor. He meant nothing to her. She only needed him to get back to Serpens. That was the only reason she was trying to help him. Ultimately he was a means to an end. How he wished that that there was no end. That he didn’t have to go back. Jaro focused all his energy on maintaining the right direction and ignored the woman at his back.

  Traveling for two hours without further conversation, Tani trailed behind Jaro as he strode ahead, creating a path through the dense foliage. The Ophiuchi sky glowed orange and the three revolving suns reached their highest point in the sky, masked from time to time by swirling purple clouds, drifting lazily by. Tani had just decided that she was thirsty and that it was time to rest, when up ahead, Jaro came to a stop. “There’s a pool here if you’re thirsty,” he shouted, as if able to read her mind.

  Tani was just about to speed up to reach him when he began peeling off his clothes. She halted mid-stride, her heart frozen at the sight of Jaro’s skin as he stripped naked. The muscles of his back were rigid sculpted perfection. Broad shoulders narrowing to lean hips and an equally well-crafted backside led to powerful thighs supported by strong athletic legs. His skin a bronzed, sun-kissed tan that stretched across his muscular frame without an ounce of fat to be seen.

  But what held her motionless, had her heart weeping in sorrow was the sight of his back, his beautiful skin marred by the web of ridged scars that covered his torso from the neck down. Each welt a piercing slice to her chest as she recalled the night at the gladiatorial pits where he was whipped in front of her. Gaia in heaven! There was barely a part of his back untouched. The ache in her chest expanded as she imagined what he must have endured.

  Before she could reach him he dived into the pool, the splash of water surging over the bank, soaking her from head to toe. Shutting her eyes, she shook the water from her hair. A strange bubble of sound reached her ears and Tani frowned, struggling to pinpoint where it was coming from.

  Her heart spiked in wonder when she realized the source. He was laughing. The pure joy she heard in that moment touching her in places she didn’t even know existed. Jaro was laughing! And it was genuine laughter. It was a beautiful sound. A deep resonating, vibrant laugh that infected her with the urge to respond in kind. She could have been angry with him for splashing her but she was loath to dispel his happiness. He deserved some laughter, after all. Tani rolled her eyes at him from the edge of the water and shook her head at him as if he were a naughty schoolboy.

  “I think I just drank half the pool!” she retorted. “Thanks for the shower, Jaro.” His eyes crinkled in amusement. “See. I told you I would take care of you,” he called, disappearing under the surface.

  Tani wasn’t sure which way he had gone but the water looked so inviting and her skin was sweaty from the trek. She quickly pulled off her shirt but left her vest top on and then hesitated about pulling off her pants. It was so hot she decided on a compromise, using a knife to cut away the lower leg fabric, leaving her in shorts. It was hot and the sun would dry them after. Just as she was about to slide in slowly, testing the temperature of the water with her foot, a hand surfaced and, grabbing her by the ankle, tossed her over into the middle of the pool.

  More laughter. Tani resurfaced spluttering, brushing her hair back from her eyes and wringing out the water from her hair. She found his gaze again and couldn’t help smiling back. Swirling mercury silver, indigo-blue irises flashing with enjoyment and something else. She knew it was desire. She remembered a similar look from Lorcan outside the club. They were so alike. And this same expression from Jaro was engendering similar emotions in her. She felt her skin heat even in the coolness of the fresh water and the steady beat of her heart raced to a sprint, pounding out a rhythm that sent sparks like electrical shocks charging through her veins.

  Electricity crackled between them and before she registered what she was doing she found herself merely inches from his smooth iron chest, the magnetic pull so strong she couldn’t have resisted even had she tried.

  Jaro couldn’t help but stare. Chaos, but she was gorgeous! Her blazing red hair now dark with moisture lay tangled and wet against her creamy skin. Amethyst eyes flashed, not with annoyance but with genuine amusement. He made the mistake of letting his thirsty eyes that had managed to ignore her presence for the last few hours wander lower down her lithe frame, drinking in the curve of her breasts accentuated by the wet fabric of her vest. Taut nipples visible beneath the soaking cloth that melded to her skin—such a beautiful sight! His cock hardened in agreement. Thank Chaos he was half submerged!

  The desire in his eyes faded as Tani drew close. The laughter that had escaped so effortlessly as he watched her fall and as it dawned on him that she was laughing and not angry, morphed into panic. He didn’t know why he hadn’t resisted the urge to pull her in. He was meant to be keeping his distance. But there was a thread connecting her to him that just kept on tugging and that thread had entrenched itself in his heart so deep under his skin, there was no way of clawing it back.

  She drew closer and Jaro thought for a moment he might drop dead through lack of oxygen. She was breathtaking! Her lithe form now totally exposed by t
he clinging wet fabric, her breasts perfectly rounded peaks that would fit more than adequately into his hands. Pert nipples pearled enticingly in his direction so that he nearly groaned in agony when she raised her hands to brush damp hair from her eyes, exposing the flat expanse of her stomach and creamy smooth skin.

  She was biting her bottom lip, expression confused, the intensity of her gaze probing deep into his soul, almost stealing his sanity. She was driving him crazy. It took every ounce of effort he possessed to drag his eyes from those lush pink lips before he sprang backward, splashing her again as he made for the bank.

  Tani choked as water hit her throat, the splash of cold iciness sending her shivering back to reality. This was Jaro, not Lorcan. He just looked like him. Lorcan was her Esseni partner and Jaro—she needed to remember what he was. Unfortunately, once her eyes cleared again the sight of Jaro, naked as he climbed out of the pool slammed into her retina, causing an instantaneous loss of all lucidity. He was glorious. He turned to face her. “Unless you’re going to beg me for it, Red, you better keep away,” he growled, lying down on the grass, relaxing with his hands curled under his head. Closing his eyes, he let the three Ophiuchi suns worship him. Tani was almost ready to join them in their adoration, her body shuddering as the rising heat of blood rushed to redden her cheeks. She had thought the sight of his muscled back stunning, but nothing could have prepared her for the absolute perfection that was Jaro’s naked form viewed from the front.

  Her eyes traced a path over taut pectorals so smoothly carved she could hardly believe they were real. Ropes of corded abdominal muscle led to a dark sprinkling of hair that curled around the spear of his erection, evidence of his desire. Tani had never seen anything so beautiful. She swallowed, closing her eyes but failed to block the sight as images of her hands curling around his solid shaft, her lips tasting the bead of moisture that crowned the tip, broke into her vision, almost causing her heart to stop. What the hell was she thinking?