Rage to Adore

by Cara Lake

  “Go!” she hissed. “Go now!” He ran as fast as he could before the vibrating barriers could crumble.

  The three Ophiuchi suns were low on the horizon, the bright orange glow of dawn a flickering hope skimming the tree line as Borealis raged at Tani.

  “Have you finished?” she asked, her expression impassive. Borealis sighed and let out a sharp curse. “I only hope this doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass, Tani,” he said. “You’re compromised in so many ways but you still want to go back!”

  “Jaro is not a threat,” she insisted. “He’s a slave, a…a nothing. It’s Morana who has the power. She’s the one we need to watch. Besides, Jaro going back makes sense. Belial’s men know he escaped. If he didn’t return, Phenex would be suspicious. He doesn’t know we were together.”

  “Phenex would have thought he’d made a run for it, tried to escape.”

  Tani shook her head. “Borealis, you know he can’t run. There’s nowhere on Ophiuchus a slave can run to and be safe. They can’t use starportals without permission. Jaro had no choice but to return. Besides, it’s doubtful I’ll see him again. I’ll be moving in different circles with Morana, and your warriors will be in place to protect me.”

  “I only hope you’re right.” Borealis scrubbed a calloused hand across the short stubble of his jaw, gazing down at her lips pressed tightly together. “It’s true that this is our best hope of finding Ziad but I don’t want to lose you in the process.” Tani pulled him into a hug. He was so tall and broad that she only topped his chest, her hands nowhere near meeting behind his back. Even so, such a solid rock of a man still needed some comfort. “You know I have plenty of tricks up my sleeve, Borealis,” Tani replied with a smile, looking up at him. “And I’m not afraid to use them.”

  Borealis’s mouth quirked into a rare grin. “That’s what I’m worried about,” he said.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Revelations

  A few hours later Tani stepped into the foyer of the townhouse and let Morana embrace her. “I was so worried!” Her hostess’s greeting sounded almost sincere. Tani stiffened. Was that genuine concern? She couldn’t be sure, couldn’t be too trusting. Now that she was back with Morana, she wasn’t sure of anything. Morana was many things, but a genuine friend? Probably not. The only thing that was clear was that her ties to the Eunomi were merely a means to accruing more wealth.

  Morana appeared to sense Tani’s withdrawal and drew back slowly, her turquoise eyes glittering like ice-cold diamonds. “I see your friends have been hard at work,” she drawled. “Don’t worry, Tani, I’m being well paid by Borealis. Too well paid to sell you out. Believe it or not you are safe with me.”

  “It didn’t stop you before.” Tani couldn’t help the dig. Who was she kidding? Morana had already sold her out once and now she was feigning innocence. Tani nearly bit her tongue, wishing she hadn’t spoken. This woman had a connection to Ziad and she needed her cooperation to find out where he was.

  Morana raised a bemused eyebrow. “Didn’t stop me what?” she queried. The blatant lie annoyed Tani so much that she couldn’t hold back. “You know exactly what I mean, Morana. You sold me out to Phenex even before Belial’s men grabbed me. If they hadn’t taken me, I would no doubt be in Phenex’s hands by now.”

  Morana startled Tani by laughing at her accusation. “Oh my poor little Tanith! If I really wanted to sell you it wouldn’t be to Phenex. Always go straight to the top. I’m well acquainted with Choronzon the Discordant leader, you know.” She smiled lazily. “You need to remember that Ophiuchus is full of liars. Truth and lies are all blurred within the layers of protection we use to kid ourselves. Think, Tani. If I sold you to Phenex I would lose the trust of Borealis. You’re worth a lot to some, but not that much to me.”

  “Then who…? Jaro said…”

  “Said what exactly?”

  “He said my friend sold me…my friend…” Tani’s voice trailed off, her brow furrowed as she considered her words. Morana arched another brow. “You really shouldn’t jump to conclusions, you know. Regardless of what you think, I’m glad you’re back. But you are not completely safe here anymore. Too many people have been alerted to your presence. We need to take you somewhere else.”

  “I…I need to see Lorcan.” Even more so now, particularly after Morana’s assertion that she wasn’t the one who had betrayed her to Phenex.

  “Ah yes, your Esseni partner.” Tani flinched in surprise. “You know?”

  “Of course I know.” Morana smiled indulgently. “I’ve always known what you are and yes, you definitely need to see him but it means going into the lion’s den.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Lorcan is currently staying at Phenex’s palace. It’s his mother’s birthday in a few days and Phenex always throws her a party. Even though Phenex wants you, he will still keep Sitri happy. For some reason he seems unable to deny her anything. Maybe because she’s such a bitch otherwise.” This wasn’t the best news but if Morana was to be believed it seemed she intended make sure Tani was safe.

  “Then I’ll have to go to the palace.”

  “Even though you are walking into Phenex’s clutches?”

  “I’m a Eunomi warrior, Morana. It’s not like I’m going in ignorance.”

  Morana smiled again but this time there was a grudging respect in her eyes. “I admire your courage and so I will help you. I have a suite ready at the palace for the festivities. We will be relatively safe there as I will take my guards with me. Borealis will keep in contact with us and there are plenty of ways to get you out if anything goes wrong.”

  “I have to be honest. I still don’t trust you.”

  “That’s what makes you wise, and it’s that wisdom that will keep you safe.”

  “There’s one other thing,” said Tani carefully, not wanting to fully expose herself before Morana. “Before we go I need to visit someone in the ghetto.”

  Morana nodded as if she knew exactly what was in Tani’s head. Maybe she was psychic. “I expected as much. I will assign you a guard. Be back by six. We leave for the palace tonight.” She turned on her heels and headed for the library.

  Tani’s heart thudded with adrenaline. She would soon have answers to her questions. Was it excitement that had her lightheaded and dizzy? The thought of seeing Lorcan at the palace? Or was it the faint hope, the very faint hope that she might soon see Jaro again?

  Half an hour later Tani stood outside the door to Liana’s hovel, remembering a dark-haired man interacting with a small urchin boy. She had thought it was Lorcan she had seen that day but now she wasn’t so sure of anything. How did he fit into this Esseni triangle?

  The door stood open. Tani paused on the threshold, her heart pounding with the knowledge that so much would be revealed once she stepped through this doorway. Revelations that would shape her life and that of the entire universe. She had to know what had led Jaro to do the things he had done, to become what he was and it was Liana who had the answers she needed.

  Before she could knock, a familiar voice interrupted the direction of her thoughts. “Hey, it’s the newbie!” Tani glanced down to see Sami grinning at her, his blue eyes clear and shining. He turned and beckoned to the blonde woman she had seen on the day of her abduction. The woman who must be Sami’s mother, the woman Jaro had supposedly raped and Lorcan had protected.

  The woman drew closer, blonde hair hanging limp around her face, an expression of hesitance and mistrust in her eyes. Those eyes were circled by dark rings set in a sweet face left ravaged by poverty. A hard life and the consequences of circumstances beyond her control had eroded this woman’s vitality, leaving her cheeks hollow, her eyes haunted. Tani watched her apprehension fade on seeing Sami’s relaxed face and the woman smiled kindly and extended her hand. “Oh it’s you,” she said. “Sami told me about you. We were so worried when we saw what happened the other day. Are you okay?”

  Her concern was genuine. Tani took her hand and pulled her into a hug,
wanting to somehow give her comfort. She flinched and Tani immediately drew back, realizing this woman did not want to be touched. The scars ran deep. A heavy weight settled in her chest, a reminder that Jaro was responsible for this woman’s predicament. “Thank you for your concern,” Tani said. “I was told I have you to thank for alerting the Eunomi.”

  “I did, but when Sami told me those men had also taken Jaro, I knew you would be safe.” She smiled fondly. “I bet they were soon sorry.”

  She could feel the genuine love Liana bore for Jaro, could hear it in her voice. The man who raped her then abandoned her with his child? Surely that couldn’t be true and if it was perhaps he had atoned for his behavior in some way and she had since forgiven him. Then again, it seemed more likely he hadn’t raped Liana at all but if that was so, why would Lorcan lie about it?

  Sami laughed. “Jaro would have shown ‘em. He’s the best fighter in the world!” Such praise for a father who had abandoned his son. Knives stabbed at Tani’s heart. It was obvious Sami adored Jaro. If he was, as she now believed, her Esseni partner, how could she take him away from them?

  “Please sit down.” Sami’s mother indicated a chair to Tani’s left. “My name is Liana and you are Tanith Laska. Is that correct?” Tani nodded and sat down. Liana added some water to a kettle which she placed on a rusty-looking stove. “Would you like some refreshment? We have bread and coffee.”

  “No but thank you…I…” Tani paused flustered, unsure how to proceed. Their attitude toward Jaro confused her and her questions now seemed too intrusive, too personal. How could she ask Liana, a stranger about having been raped?

  “You want to ask me about Sami’s father, don’t you?” Liana’s dark eyes held Tani’s gaze steady. Somehow Liana sensed the reason behind Tani’s visit.

  “Can we talk in private?”

  “Of course. Sami, go and play with Esta for a while. Come back for supper.” Sami grinned and darted out the door. “Bye, pretty lady!” he shouted as he went. Tani smiled. “He’s a real charmer.” Turning back to Liana, Tani saw her eyes were now sad. “He gets that from his father, but at least with Sami I know it’s genuine.” Liana’s sadness permeated the air. “I was so naïve,” she continued. “I believed promises that were as false as the civilized mask he projects to the world.”

  Tani frowned. This didn’t sound like Jaro. He had been nothing but honorable in his dealings with her. It was almost as if they were talking about two different people. A small kernel of hope grew in Tani’s chest and she began to wonder if her suspicions could be true.

  “He said he would give me everything but it was all lies. Don’t trust him Tani. Everything he says is false.”

  Tani didn’t believe that Jaro had ever lied to her, other than trying to push her away. Lorcan, on the other hand, had lied or at the very least misled her about that kiss. She had hoped beyond hope that Liana would tell her something miraculous. Give her some thread of possibility to hold on to no matter how small or frayed. It seemed that perhaps she was but Tani still needed to ask the question. “So he didn’t rape you and then abandon you?”

  Liana snorted. “Oh no, he didn’t rape me. I told you—I was willing. He was so charming, so sophisticated.” Liana shook her head as if she couldn’t believe her naivety. “Being a cousin of mine he would visit often with his mother. He took every opportunity to catch me alone. We evaded our chaperones and eventually I gave in to his pleas to meet in our summerhouse one night. I resisted at first but he was very persistent and we became lovers.” Tani pondered for a second but then drew her brows together as Liana’s words penetrated. She had long since begun to believe that Jaro could not have raped Liana. It was not in his nature but why Lorcan had lied she didn’t know and what Liana was saying didn’t make any sense. “Why was he visiting with his mother?” she asked. “I thought he lost contact and was abandoned by her when he became a slave.”

  It was Liana’s turn to appear puzzled. “I think you’ve misunderstood,” she said slowly. “Jaro is not Sami’s father. Lorcan is.”

  Tani knew she shouldn’t really be shocked. Lorcan! Lorcan is Sami’s father? Everything was slotting into place. Lorcan had continually lied about everything. The only question was why. What kind of double game was he playing? The whole twin thing was messing with her head.

  “Let me get this straight,” she said. “Why does everyone think Jaro raped you if Lorcan is Sami’s father?”

  Liana stared back at her shocked. “You actually thought Jaro raped me? Jaro is the best thing that ever happened to Sami and me,” she said fiercely. “If it wasn’t for Jaro we would both be dead.”

  Tani’s heart both plummeted and soared. Even if he wasn’t Sami’s father it was obvious Liana and Sami needed him. How could she take him away? Would he want to be with them rather than her, his Esseni partner?

  “The rape accusation was concocted by my father to cover up his shame that I was pregnant. He wanted a culprit and the finger was pointed at Lorcan by a servant who saw us together. Lorcan wormed his way out of it by making his brother confess. He said that as Jaro was already known as a rapist it wouldn’t make much difference to him. Years ago Jaro was accused of rape by the daughter of his first master. She was a known slut who slept with every young virile slave in her father’s house. They had no choice but to do as she said, although I think Jaro truly was in love with her. But then she got pregnant and accused Jaro of raping her. He wanted to marry her but she denied him. They aborted his child and broke his heart.”

  Tani’s brain was a whirr of remembered moments, full of Lorcan and Jaro. How could she have been so blind? Jaro had been betrayed so many times it was not surprising he had pushed her away.

  “Jaro agreed to take the blame for his brother’s sake, just as he agreed to become a slave to redeem his mother’s debts. He would have married me if I had let him, but he doesn’t love me so I refused. But he never abandoned us, just like he never abandons any of those in need in the ghetto. Jaro is loved here—a hero. The people would do anything for him.”

  Tani felt as though her heart would burst. There was no doubt in her mind now. It was Jaro she had seen in the bazaar and with the girls in the brothel. Jaro who had caused the riot of emotions that had rocked her world. It had only ever been him. Never Lorcan. It was Jaro who was a shield to the poor, protecting and making endless sacrifices. That he who had such cause to hate could hold such love for others!

  “Do you know that he volunteered himself into slavery?” Liana’s question answered the one that had plagued Tani since she had met him. Why was he a slave and not his brother? “His mother only needed one of them to pay off the debt. Jaro stepped up to save his worthless brother. Even now I think he would still protect him if he needed to. He makes me so mad sometimes!” Liana ran her fingers through her blonde hair in frustration and gave a wry smile. “I see you’re also under his spell.”

  Tani couldn’t deny it. Her feelings for Jaro were so far beyond the normal bonds of love and affection that tied her to others that she couldn’t even begin to express them. All she knew was that she had to make it right for him. She had to set him free.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Spite

  Tani returned to Morana’s house, her brain in turmoil, a chaotic whirlwind churning with thoughts of Jaro, her heart aching for the strong arms of the warrior who had protected her so selflessly. She now realized that deep down she had always known there was something not quite right about Lorcan. He was a mere shadow, an echo of the flesh-and-blood reality that was Jaro’s indomitable presence. Jaro’s spirit, his courage, his bravery—that was the truth of him. Yes, he was Hate. At least—he held the essence of it, but just as she was Love there were two sides to every person. His hatred ran deep, but it was a hatred of injustice toward those who had hurt him and hurt others. He was a rock, an immoveable force. A man who would fight for what he believed in. But alongside all of that, he was a refuge. A man who would protect those who were weak and helpless,
regardless of the cost to himself.

  Her thoughts were so deep and consuming that she entered Morana’s house and was halfway across the hall before noticing that the chaos in her brain was not the only chaos in her life. Tani blinked in confusion at the sight that met her eyes. The house was in disarray. Two of Morana’s servants were pleading with two shedu palace guards while others stood by helplessly, watching a number of other guards as they tore relentlessly through every room with little regard for the destruction they left in their wake.

  “Lady Tanith, please you must help us. Ask them where they have taken Lady Morana!” The female servant pleaded with her as the guard held her back. At the sound of her name the guards in close proximity stilled and turned their heads.

  “This is the Lady Tanith?” A guard nearest the servants gestured toward her. The servant dropped her gaze, shaking with fear. The shedu commander took that as a sign of assent and immediately Tani was grabbed by two other guards who began dragging her out of the door, leaving the remainder to continue their search.

  “What is the meaning of this?” Tani’s voice was cool and she hoped conveyed enough disdainful authority that they would back off. Even shedu guards had to bow to those of the aristocracy. Unfortunately these two didn’t seem aware of that or if they were, had decided to ignore that fact.

  “We have orders to take you to Lorcan Rodach, my lady.”

  “And if I do not wish to be taken?”

  “Your wishes are of no consequence, my lady. He awaits you at the palace.”

  “And Lady Morana?”

  “She is also at the palace.”

  Tani had no choice but to acquiesce. The palace was where she needed to be, for both Ziad’s sake and Jaro’s. She knew Eunomi eyes were on her and she was looking forward to settling her unfinished business with Lorcan.