Romancing the Shadow

by Connie Zweig

  Hestia (Roman: Vesta). The goddess of the hearth, she embodies stability and order inside the home. She upholds tradition and offers hospitality. She does not come to us; we must go to her.

  Mnemosyne. She is the goddess of memory, mother of the Muses. She uses rhyme, rhythm, image, and myth, the tools of oral culture, to preserve remembrance.

  Pan. Son of Hermes, he is the half-goat, half-man god of wild places who plays reed pipes and brings panic in his wake. He became an archetypal image of the Christian devil.

  Pandora. Fashioned by Hephaestus at his forge, she is given breath by Athena, beauty by Aphrodite, and deceit by Hermes. Then she is offered to Epimetheus as wife and told not to open a secret box. When she does, the sorrows of humanity are released. At the bottom of the box lies hope.

  Persephone (Roman: Proserpina). Daughter of Demeter, she is Kore, the maiden; then she is kidnapped by Hades and becomes his consort, queen of the underworld. In her ascent each year, she embodies the beauty of spring. In her intimate link with her mother, the two hold the key to the Eleusinian mysteries.

  Poseidon (Roman: Neptune). Brother of Zeus and Hera, he is god of the sea, signifying authority from below. Known as the Earth Shaker, he generates earthquakes and tidal waves. He is present when a man is overwhelmed by waves of feeling or trembles with rage.

  Prometheus. His name means forethought. He gave fire to humans in violation of Zeus’s command and, in punishment, was forcibly chained to a mountain, where an eagle ate his liver. He also brought the gifts of craft and navigation by the stars.

  Psyche. A beautiful mortal who arouses Aphrodite’s jealousy. The goddess sentences her to death. But Eros falls in love and rescues her, asking only that she live in his castle without seeing his true nature. When she spies his divinity, she is cast out and Aphrodite sets her four seemingly impossible tasks. With the completion of each task, Psyche develops an aspect of her own soul. She embodies the lover, the wife, and the pregnant mother, as well as the developing soul. In the end, she is reunited with her beloved Eros.

  Zeus (Roman: Jupiter). He overthrew his father, Cronos, with the help of his mother, Rhea, and became the most powerful Olympian or sky god. He married his sister, Hera, and had many love affairs with goddesses and mortals, making him the father of dynasties. He is an archetypal image of the king or ruler whose power, vision, and decisiveness bring obedience by others.

  NOTES

  INTRODUCTION

  1 Perhaps all the dragons Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet (New York: W.W. Norton & Co., 1934), p. 69.

  2 serious psychological problems For psychopaths or sociopaths, who live out the shadow rather than repress it, more ego building is needed rather than more shadow awareness. For those people with difficult personality disorders, more ego strengthening is also advised before shadow-work.

  3 The individual who wishes C. G. Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections (New York: Pantheon Books, 1973), p. 330.

  4 “There is no doubt William James, The Varieties of Religious Experience (New York: Modern Library, 1902).

  5 “If only there were evil people Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago (New York: HarperCollins, 1978).

  6 This view does not honor the gods See James Hillman, Re-Visioning Psychology (New York: Harper, 1975).

  7 two-million-year-old man Cited in C.G. Jung Speaking: Interviews and Encounters, edited by William McGuire and R. F. C. Hull (Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1993), pp. 88–93.

  8 “the experience of the Self C.G. Jung, Collected Works, translated by R. F. C. Hull and edited by H. Read (Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1953–90), vol. 14, p. 546.

  9 soul offers an approach Hillman, Re-Visioning Psychology.

  10 another kind of femininity The first stage of this quest led to my anthology, To Be a Woman: The Birth of the Conscious Feminine (New York: Tarcher/Putnam, 1990).

  11 Greek story of Medusa From Catherine Keller, From a Broken Web (Boston: Beacon Press, 1988).

  12 Just as Athena From Edward Edinger, The Eternal Drama: The Inner Meaning of Greek Mythology (Boston: Shambhala Publications, 1994).

  13 the legend of the Holy Grail We used three sources for the legend: Emma Jung and Marie-Louise von Franz, The Grail Legend (New York: Putnam, 1970); Linda Sussman, Speech of the Grail (Hudson, N.Y.: Lindisfarne Press, 1995); and Robert A. Johnson, The Fisher King and the Handless Maiden (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1993).

  CHAPTER 1

  ME AND MY SHADOW

  14 One need not be a chamber Emily Dickinson “One need not be a chamber,” in The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson (Boston: Little, Brown, 1960), p. 333.

  15 “Faust is face to face C. G. Jung, Collected Works, translated by R. F. C. Hull and edited by H. Read (Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1953–90), vol. 10, p. 215.

  16 The meeting with oneself C. G. Jung, Collected Works, translated by R. F. C. Hull and edited by H. Read (Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1953–90), vol. 91, p. 22.

  17 Archetypal psychologist James Hillman James Hillman, “On the Necessity of Abnormal Psychology,” in Facing the Gods (Dallas: Spring Publications, 1980), pp. 1–38.

  18 in the circle of Ananke Ibid., p. 10.

  19 The word “money” From Tad Crawford, The Secret Life of Money (New York: Tarcher/Putnam, 1994).

  20 Cultural differences These ideas appeared in Tyler Marshall, “Still the Untied States of Europe,” Los Angeles Times, May 20, 1996.

  21 James Hillman has pointed out James Hillman, “Notes on White Supremacy,” Spring 1986, pp. 29–58.

  22 Jung studied Goethe’s work Gratitude to Jungian analyst Naomi Lowinsky for the ideas in this paragraph.

  CHAPTER 2

  THE FAMILY SHADOW: CRADLE OF THE BEST AND THE WORST

  23 Sometimes a man Rainer Maria Rilke, “Sometimes a Man Stands Up,” in Selected Poems of Rainer Maria Rilke, translated by Robert Bly (New York: HarperCollins, 1981), p. 49.

  24 58 In fact, many families As evidence of this tragic fact, in the United States every fourteen hours a child under five is murdered. And homicide has replaced auto accidents as the leading cause of death of children under age one. Cited in Terence Real, I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (New York: Scribner, 1997), p. 113.

  In addition, as of 1993 one out of six crimes in the United States occurs inside the home. In the same year, nearly half a million cases of child neglect were reported; more than a quarter of a million cases of physical abuse were reported; and 139,000 cases of sexual abuse were reported. About 50 percent of all sexual abuse is perpetrated by a family member on children age twelve or under. Cited in Child Abuse: Betraying a Trust (Wylie, Tex.: Information Plus, 1995).

  25 When the family soul From John Sanford, Fate, Love, and Ecstasy (Wilmette, Ill.: Chiron Publications, 1995), p. 7.

  26 Once upon a time From Carl Kerenyi, The Gods of the Greeks (New York: Thames and Hudson, 1951).

  27 “When an inner situation C. G. Jung, Collected Works, translated by R. F. C. Hull and edited by H. Read (Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1953–90), vol. 9ii, p. 71.

  28 a shame complex Jungian analyst Connie Crosby presented some of these ideas on shame at the Los Angeles C. G. Jung Institute, March 17, 1996.

  29 The shadowy feeling of envy Betty Smith presented some of these ideas on envy at the Los Angeles C. G. Jung Institute, November 1, 1995.

  30 Family therapist Terence Real Real, I Don’t Want to Talk About It.

  31 “We either face it Ibid., p. 229.

  32 witness to violence For an excellent review of the effects of trauma, see Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery (New York: Basic Books, 1992).

  33 experts estimate According to the National Incident Study of Child Abuse and Neglect, the number of abused and neglected children doubled from 1.4 million to 2.8 million from 1986 through 1993. Children were at risk from age three, and girls were the target more often
than boys.

  CHAPTER 3

  A PARENT’S BETRAYAL AS INITIATION INTO SHADOW

  34 I am not a mechanism D. H. Lawrence, “Healing,” in The Complete Poems of D. H. Lawrence (New York: Viking Press, 1971).

  35 her tale Ursula K. Le Guin, “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas,” in The Wind’s Twelve Quarters: Short Stories (New York: HarperCollins, 1975).

  36 Marion Woodman points out Marion Woodman, The Pregnant Virgin (Toronto: Inner City Books, 1985).

  37 Archetypal psychologist James Hillman James Hillman, “Betrayal,” in Loose Ends (Dallas: Spring Publications, 1975), pp. 63–81.

  38 If, as adults Ibid.

  39 In a story from the oral tradition From The Book of Legends: Legends from the Talmud and Midrash, edited by Hayim Bialik and Yehoshua Ravnitzky (New York: Schocken Books, 1992), p. 32.

  40 the puer archetype Whereas the discussion here focuses on male psychology, Jungian analyst Linda Leonard has written in The Wounded Woman (Boston: Shambhala Publications, 1982) about the puella, or female carrier of this archetype, which she sees as the wounded daughter trying to free herself of the father complex. For the woman who has an absent, weak, or addicted father, there is no senex energy in the household, no sense of law and order, responsibility, or discipline. As a result, she feels no inner sense of authority.

  As Hillman suggests for puer men, Leonard suggests that puella women need to work consciously with this split archetype, linking pleasure to work and innocence to responsibility. She is aware of the risks: The puella may identify with her father and remain undeveloped or become an addict; she may rebel and make a senex adaptation, losing her connection to spirit; or she may marry a senex, projecting her authority onto him. But if the woman is to move her development forward, she will need, finally, to face her own and her father’s limitations, and her own and her father’s gifts. She will need to face the shadow to discover her deeper identity.

  41 focuses on the dark side Marie-Louise von Franz, Puer Aeternus, 2d ed. (Boston: Sigo Press, 1981).

  42 “the spirit of youth James Hillman, Puer Papers (Dallas: Spring Publications, 1979).

  43 the puer needs to pair up Ibid.

  44 the “naïve male” Robert Bly, Iron John (New York: Addison-Wesley, 1990).

  45 “The Tell-Tale Heart” Edgar Allan Poe, Tales (New York: Dodd, Mead & Co., 1952), pp. 363–367.

  CHAPTER 4

  LOOKING FOR THE BELOVED: DATING AS SHADOW-WORK

  46 The minute I heard Jelaluddin Rumi, “The minute I heard,” in The Essential Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks and John Moyne (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1995), p. 106.

  47 When Cupid struck Apollo From Bulfinch’s Mythology, edited by Richard Martin (New York: HarperCollins, 1991), pp. 22–23.

  48 feeling of being gay John Beebe, lecture on Male-Male Partnership at the Lexus Conference, sponsored by the C. G. Jung Institute of Los Angeles, October 9, 1987.

  49 Zeus seduces the innocent Christine Downing, Myths and Mysteries of Same-Sex Love (New York: Continuum Publishing Company, 1989), p. 147.

  50 The life of Apollo Ibid.

  51 the powerful, invulnerable hero Thanks to Tanya Wilkinson for her discussion of these issues in Persephone Returns (Berkeley, Calif.: Pagemill Press, 1996), pp. 2–10.

  CHAPTER 5

  SHADOW-BOXING: WRESTLING WITH ROMANTIC PARTNERS

  52 How do I Love Elizabeth Barrett Browning, “How Do I Love Thee?” in 101 Classic Love Poems (Chicago: Contemporary Books, 1988), p. 47.

  53 Eros the bittersweet Anne Carson, Eros the Bittersweet (Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1986).

  54 “The soul cannot exist C. G. Jung, Collected Works, translated by R. F. C. Hull and edited by H. Read (Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press), vol. 16, pp. 164–201.

  55 When we were very young Robert Bly, A Little Book on the Human Shadow, edited by William Booth (San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1988).

  56 a kind of fusion For an excellent discussion of the fusion stage of relationship, see Robert W. Firestone, The Fantasy Bond (New York: Human Sciences Press, 1987).

  57 archetypal aspect to the image Robert Bly, A Little Book on the Human Shadow.

  58 it’s a difficult but necessary task Robert A. Johnson, Lying with the Heavenly Woman (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1994).

  59 In those fits of rage For an excellent discussion of Lilith, see Barbara Koltuv, The Book of Lilith (York Beach, Me.: Nicholas Hays, 1987).

  60 projection it’s not our intention to imply that relationships are nothing but projection, that there is no foundation for connecting deeply with another human being beyond the shadow’s needs—that is, beyond individual psychology. Some people believe in metaphysical explanations for their relationships: karma, past lives, astrological fits, soul mates. They may meet someone and feel such an instantaneous recognition that they spend no time getting to know one another on a persona level. Instead, it’s as if they have known each other all along. However, at some point, whether after three months, six months, or a year, the shadow emerges and conflict erupts. Then the lovers discover that their spiritual connection cannot save them from shadow suffering. Because of the inevitability of this process, this book focuses on illuminating the psychology of the shadow in an effort to help people return to the love and the soul connection more readily.

  CHAPTER 6

  SHADOW-DANCING TILL DEATH DO US PART

  61 A man and a woman Robert Bly, “A Man and a Woman,” in Selected Poems of Robert Bly (New York: HarperCollins, 1986).

  62 relationship today Murray Stein, “Relationship: A Myth for Our Time.” Lecture at the C.G. Jung Institute in Los Angeles, January 25, 1990.

  63 reports from men in power Aaron R. Kipnis, Knights Without Armor: A Practical Guide for Men in Quest of Masculine Soul (New York: Tarcher/Putnam, 1991).

  64 In millions of single-parent families In late 1996, 18 percent of white children, 28 percent of Hispanic children, and 53 percent of African-American children were raised in single-parent households, primarily with mothers. One in five had not seen their fathers for five years. Cited in the American Psychological Association Monitor, August 1996, p. 8

  65 the uniform of adulthood Murray Stein, “Marriage Alchemy,” audiocassette from Chiron Publishing, 400 Linden Avenue, Willmette, IL 60091, 1984.

  66 Tarot deck We refer here to Juliet Sharman-Burke and Liz Greene, The Mythic Tarot (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1986).

  67 “The Lizard in the Fire” From Michael Meade, Men and the Water of Life (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1993), pp. 111–20.

  CHAPTER 7

  SHADOWS AMONG FRIENDS: ENVY, ANGER, AND BETRAYAL

  68 I am as a spirit Percy Bysshe Shelley, “The Poet’s Lover,” in Complete Poetical Works of Percy Bysshe Shelley (Cambridge, Mass.: Houghton-Mifflin, 1901), p. 487.

  69 philia, meant love of soul From Eileen Gregory, Summoning the Familiar (Dallas: Dallas Institute of Humanities and Culture, 1983).

  70 The ideal of male friendship From Christine Downing, Psyche’s Sisters (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1988), p. 58.

  71 a tale of the Trojan War Christine Downing, Myths and Mysteries of Same-Sex Love (New York: Continuum Publishing, 1989), pp. 176–79.

  72 identify their best friend Lillian Rubin, just Friends (New York: HarperCollins, 1985), pp. 6–7.

  73 Members of other cultures Robert A. Johnson, “Homoerotic and Homosexual Relationships.” Lecture at the Nexus Conference, sponsored by the C. G. Jung Institute of Los Angeles, October 10, 1987.

  74 In Germany From Lillian Rubin, Just Friends, p. 4.

  75 Mnemosyne, goddess of memory Ginette Paris, Pagan Grace (Dallas: Spring Publications, 1990), p. 121.

  76 They embody the mystery Eileen Gregory, Summoning the Familiar, pp. 69–70.

  77 James Hillman has pointed out James Hillman, “Friends and Enemies,” Harvest 8 (1962):l–22.

  78 a long bag we drag behind us Robert Bly, A Little
Book on the Human Shadow, edited by William Booth (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1988).

  79 male-male relationships John Beebe, Lecture on Male-Male Partnership at the Lexus Conference, sponsored by the C.G. Jung Institute of Los Angeles, October 9, 1987.

  80 People who are strongly influenced Some of these points were made by Jean Shinoda Bolen in Gods in Every Man (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1989).

  81 A woman who is highly influenced by Artemis Some of these points were made by Jean Shinoda Bolen in Goddesses in Every Woman (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1984).

  82 men cover up their vulnerability Aaron Kipnis and Elizabeth Herron, What Men and Women Really Want (Novato, Calif.: Nataraj, 1995).

  83 There are a few models From Barbara G. Walker, The Woman’s Encyclopedia of Myths and Mysteries (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1983), p. 400.

  84 She stimulates a man’s interests Toni Wolff, “Structural Forms of the Feminine Psyche,” Psychological Perspectives 31 (Spring/Summer 1995):77–90.

  85 “The holy passion of Friendship Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson (New York: New American Library, 1964).

  86 “Where there is bitterness C. G. Jung, “The Mysterium Coniunctionis: The Personification of Opposites,” The Collected Works, translated by R. F. C. Hull and edited by H. Read (Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1953–90), vol. 14, p. 246.

  CHAPTER 8

  THE SHADOW AT WORK: THE SEARCH FOR SOUL ON THE JOB

  87 Shake off this sadness Miguel de Unamuno, “Throw Yourself Like Seed,” in The Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart, translated by Robert Bly and edited by Robert Bly, James Hillman, and Michael Meade (New York: HarperCollins, 1992).

  88 To set aside the profit motive James Hillman, Kinds of Power (New York: Doubleday, 1995), p. 5.