Kiss My Ash

by Leddy Harper

  “No, you don’t. Not at all.”

  “I can’t help but think my guardian angel kept me safe by wrapping me in her wings. I mean, the man had a gun in my face. When he spoke, he just sounded so evil. I don’t doubt for a second that he’s the type of person who could kill someone without batting an eye. But for some reason, I knew I’d be okay. I wasn’t at all scared…until he left.”

  It was her experience, the way she lived it, how she perceived it, and if believing an angel kept her protected got her through this, then I’d play along. I wouldn’t explain adrenaline, or how everything she had described could be justified by science. It didn’t matter what I believed. Hell, it didn’t even matter what had kept her calm—be it faith or her body’s natural reaction to the situation. All that mattered was that she’d made it out alive, in one piece. That she was in my arms, safe and sound.

  Within five minutes, her breathing had leveled out and her posture had fully relaxed. She was asleep. And as much as I wanted to keep her in my arms all night, I knew I couldn’t. I’d only meant to check on her, and I did that. It was time to slip away and go home. If she wanted me to come back, she would have to let me know. But until then, I had to honor my promise.

  However, as soon as I stepped outside, I noticed Emma’s car was not in the driveway. She’d left, which explained her lack of interruption. Standing on the front porch, I called her cell, which went straight to voicemail.

  After reaching out to as many people as I could, receiving either no response or no information, I went back inside. Kristy didn’t deserve to be alone tonight. And while this would likely set me back to the beginning, I’d sacrifice my own stability to give her peace a little while longer.

  Without waking her, I slid back into bed and held her to me. She sighed and relaxed in my arms. I had no doubt that I would wake up with even less of a heart than I had the night she’d pushed me away, but it would be worth it.

  She was worth it.

  * * *

  When the alarm on my cell sounded next to my ear, I quickly silenced it, hoping it hadn’t woken Kristy. She shifted as I carefully pulled my arm from beneath her neck and crawled off the mattress without disturbing her.

  I managed to slide out of bed without her knowledge, and as soon as I had my damp clothes from the shower in my arms, her phone rang, waking her. I hoped it was Emma, but as soon as I heard the deep rumbles of a man’s voice through the line, I knew it wasn’t.

  Jealousy shot through me like dagger…for a split second. Then I shook it off, understanding that there were at least a dozen reasons for a man to call her—any number of them could’ve been law enforcement or someone from the bank. Stuffing down the reminder that we weren’t together, I leaned forward, pressed a kiss to her forehead, and whispered, “Bye, babe,” just loud enough for the man on the other end of the line to hear.

  I still had to get home, shower, dress, and leave for school. If I didn’t get stuck behind a bus, there was a chance I’d make it early enough to find Emma and explain. Not that she’d want to listen; however, I wouldn’t give her a choice.

  Luckily, there was no bus ahead of me.

  Finding Emma at her locker, I tried to pull her toward a quiet corner. But she refused to cooperate. Instead, she glared at me, absolute condemnation on her face. I’d gotten enough of this from her over the last few weeks that it shouldn’t have bothered me, yet considering what her mother had just gone through, it sickened me that she would act this way.

  Maybe Kristy had harbored so much guilt over lying to her that she refrained from eradicating her attitude. But I had none. And before I knew it, I slammed her locker shut and stood directly in front of her.

  “What’s your problem, Asher?” If she talked any louder, there would be a scene, which was exactly what I tried to avoid.

  “Where were you last night? Why did you leave?”

  Emma hiked the strap to her bag higher up her shoulder, cocked one hip, and sneered. “Not that I owe you an explanation, but I went to my dad’s. You and my mom have made it abundantly clear that my feelings don’t matter, so have at it.”

  “That’s rather selfish, don’t you think? Grow up, Emma.”

  “I’m selfish?” Her eyes were wide, full of shock, as if I’d said the most despicable thing anyone had ever heard. “I don’t ask my mom for much, and I’ve never asked you for anything. So I don’t see why it’s so difficult to give me this one thing. How in the hell does that make me selfish?”

  “We aren’t together. Aside from last night, we haven’t spoken in weeks. What more could you possibly want?”

  “I’m not stupid. I caught you guys fucking in her bathtub, so I don’t need to have a wild imagination to assume what took place in her shower last night. Just because you’ve stayed away for a few weeks doesn’t mean you’re entitled to congratulatory fucks. ‘Good job on avoiding me for a month, let’s high-five with our genitals.’ Whatever.” She rolled her eyes and attempted to dismiss me.

  But I refused to let her.

  With my teeth clenched and my muscles rigid, I grabbed the strap of her school bag to stop her. She opened her mouth to protest, yet I beat her to it when I growled, “You have no clue what happened to her yesterday, do you?”

  Her irritation softened, melting into confusion that toed the line of concern.

  I took a deep breath, scanned the hall to make sure we hadn’t garnered unwanted attention, and then leveled my sights on Emma once more. “Her bank was robbed. She was held up at gunpoint. I went to see if she was okay, and when I found her in the shower, she was hysterical. We didn’t do anything.” I released her bag and pulled my face away, trying to regain control of my temper. “I didn’t even take my fucking clothes off.”

  “She… What? My m-mom? Oh my God…” She dropped her head and ran her fingers through her hair, her chest heaving with the panic that suffocated her. When she lifted her gaze, tears lined her eyes, worry and grief marring her features, and maybe I imagined it, but I could swear an apology lingered on her lips.

  Yet I didn’t wait for it, assuming it would be a long time before she ever admitted a single ounce of fault. “It was all over the news—probably still is. I’m surprised you didn’t see it on social media or hear about it from your dad.”

  “He goes to bed early on weeknights.” She spoke so softly, it was as though she explained it to herself, not me. “Oh my God…is she okay?”

  “About as fine as someone can be after having a gun shoved in their face.”

  “I need to go home. I need to see her.” Her eyes glistened with hysteria while her shoulders trembled with the fear of the unknown.

  “Tell the office. I don’t see why they wouldn’t let you leave and spend the day with her.”

  Emma dropped her gaze before slowly stepping away. She might not have uttered the words—hell, she probably hadn’t even considered them—but I had no doubt there was a “thank you” somewhere inside her.

  * * *

  “Honestly, I think the last one we saw would be best for you. Wouldn’t you agree?” Dad sat across from me at the kitchen table, going over the options for the warehouse spaces we’d seen today.

  “Maybe, but before I sign a lease, don’t you think I should check out a few more?”

  “That’s up to you, son. But I’m flying out again in the morning and won’t be back until Wednesday. If you want to wait until then, I’d love to go with you. I just know you were hoping to have a place before school lets out.”

  With only one week left before the senior classes ended, I was running out of time to finalize everything. Granted, I didn’t have any real need to find something before I officially graduated, other than being able to utilize the two weeks between my last class and walking the stage to get everything moved into the new place. I wanted to wake up the morning after being handed my diploma and get to work.

  “I guess it comes down to whether you think you’ll find anything better than this one.” He slid the listing in f
ront of me and tapped his finger against the top of the paper. “It’s big enough, in a great location, and well within your budget. It’ll be tough to beat it; I can tell you that.”

  I nodded while skimming the information, having already read it a hundred times. He was right, but before I could say that, a knock came from the front door. Dad and I glanced at each other, neither of us expecting anyone, so I pushed my chair away from the table and moved to see who it was.

  Emma stood on the front porch, defeat holding her hostage. And from the looks of it, she hadn’t gotten much sleep. Immediately, alarms sounded in my head, though I didn’t have the slightest idea what could’ve been wrong—I’d heard from Kristy earlier when she responded to my text and told me she was okay.

  “What’s wrong, Em?” I hadn’t called her that since she’d come to the conclusion that I was a pervert who chased “old tail”—Thomas’s words, not mine—yet it was more or less instinct right now. There was an odd air of familiarity between us as she regarded me with hopelessness, and I refused to dismiss it in favor of holding on to animosity.

  “Listen, I know I told you I wanted you to stay away from my mom, but I need your help.”

  My heart sped up, and my chest constricted painfully. “Is she okay?”

  “No.” Desperation carried in her tone, which would explain why she was here. “I’m not stupid, Ash. I know you’ve seen her this week. When I got home Wednesday, she was dressed, like she actually left the house that day. It would’ve been a sign that she was doing better, except she was right back to staring at the wall less than two hours later.”

  I glanced over my shoulder, making sure my dad wasn’t around. Then I stepped outside, forcing Emma back so I could pull the door closed. “That doesn’t mean I was there. You’ve made it very clear that you don’t want me around, so I’ve kept my distance.” For the most part.

  After leaving Kristy’s bed Tuesday morning, I’d only physically checked on her once—every other time had been through texts. I’d left early from school on Wednesday for an appointment and didn’t go back, even though I still had close to two hours before the final bell. Instead, I’d decided to utilize that time to see Kristy—who, by the way, hadn’t gotten out of bed all day. So, I made a sandwich and told her to get dressed. After she ate, we went for a walk around the neighborhood. I left shortly before Emma came home, though it seemed I hadn’t gotten away with it like I thought.

  “She acted alive when I walked in. Said she got a little sunshine, and that was why she was happy. But when I tried to get her out of the house yesterday, she refused. And ever since I came home today, she hasn’t gotten out of bed. It’s where she was when I left this morning, and I found her in the same spot three hours ago when I got back from school. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s spent all day there.” It was obvious Kristy’s disposition affected Emma as much as me.

  I wasn’t sure what she wanted me to do. It wasn’t like I could convince my dad that I had to take her mom for a walk—she wasn’t a dog. And while I hadn’t been concerned over his reaction to our relationship while it was still going on, there didn’t seem to be much reason to tell him about it now—it was over; nothing to say about it.

  “I’m getting ready to go out with Tori, and after that, I’m supposed to go to my dad’s house for the weekend.”

  “Are you asking me to babysit your mom while you go out with your friends on a Friday night? What am I missing? You’re not that insensitive or neglectful. And I know you’re not still pissed about Monday. So, what is it? If you’re that concerned about her, why leave?”

  Her shoulders lifted with a full inhalation, and then dropped as the exhale rushed out in a forceful huff. “It’s my birthday, and she didn’t remember. We celebrated it last weekend because I’m supposed to be with my dad until Sunday afternoon, and Tori had asked about going out to dinner.”

  “She didn’t say anything to you at all today about it being your birthday?” When she shook her head, I asked, “You didn’t mention it, try to remind her?”

  “No. I doubt she even knows what day it is. I don’t want to make her feel worse. And like I said, we celebrated last week.”

  “Okay…do the same with Tori in a few days. Call your dad, explain to him that she needs you here. Just because you have plans or it’s his weekend doesn’t mean you have to go.”

  “I tried, Ash. I told her I’d cancel my plans or reschedule them, but she adamantly told me not to. She doesn’t want me there. I’m really worried about her, but it’s like my hands are tied. If I leave, I doubt she’ll take care of herself. If I stay, I’ll just spend the next two days watching her lie around or stare at a wall.”

  “What kinds of things are you trying to get her to do?”

  “Eat, get out of bed—hell, I’d be happy if she got dressed. When she does get up, it’s only to move to the couch, where she stares at the TV. There could literally be an infomercial for wart removal on the screen, and she’d just stare at it, like she has a deep interest in it. It’s bad.”

  “Did anything else happen? This can’t still be from the robbery, can it?”

  “They haven’t found the guy, so maybe she’s freaked out that he’ll find her? I honestly have no clue because she won’t talk to me. I think the closer she gets to going back to work on Monday, the more terrified she becomes. She jumps at every little noise, and in the middle of the night, I can hear her crying. I don’t know what else to do.”

  “If you can’t get through to her, what makes you think I can?”

  She scoffed while rolling her eyes. “I’m not saying I agree with it, or condone it, or have any interest in seeing the two of you together…but I’m out of options here. I won’t pretend to understand it, so please, don’t bother trying to explain; I just know that ever since we moved in, she’s been a different person. I just thought it was pride or gratification because she’d finally bought a house.”

  I held my breath, praying she would say the words I’d been waiting for. She’d never admit she was wrong—or even apologize for coming between Kristy and me—but the least she could do was acknowledge that my relationship with her mother was real.

  “God…I can’t believe I’m about to say this right now.” Her head fell back as she huffed at the ceiling. Finally, she lowered her chin, except rather than face me, she stared at her house. “She’s been miserable for the last month. And it’s possible”—she cut her eyes to glare at me—“I’m not saying it’s true, but it’s possible that I continued to give her a hard time on purpose. I didn’t want to find out that she was still miserable after things between us went back to normal. If that happened, then the reason she’s been so happy this past year is you. And I didn’t want that to be true.”

  “Why is that so hard to believe, Emma? Why can’t you accept that your mom found someone who treated her right, cared about her, put her first and would do anything for her? Why wouldn’t you want her to be with someone who loves her, who she might possibly love back?”

  She shook her head, refusing to give me an answer. “I told you…I’m not getting into it. All I came here for is to see if you’ll help me. I figured you’d jump at the chance to spend a few days alone with her.”

  Honestly, I had wanted to run over there the second Emma knocked on the door, but considering this was the first chance I’d had to talk to her since she’d walked in on Kristy and me, I wasn’t in any hurry to rush through it.

  Truth be told, even though I hadn’t considered Emma a “friend,” she had been someone I was fond of. And once she’d discovered we were neighbors, she had actually made an effort to get to know me. While sitting in Kristy’s tub that night, I hadn’t just lost the woman of my dreams—I’d lost a friend I never realized I’d had.

  Crossing my arms over my chest, I leaned my shoulder against the doorframe. “Just so we’re clear…is this like a one-time pass? Or are you giving us your blessing to move forward and get back together?”

  “How about we t
ake it one day at a time, okay? Let’s just get through this weekend.” With a heavy sigh, her shoulders fell and posture slumped. “She goes back to work on Monday. She’ll never make it if she spends the next two days locked inside the house alone.” Her concern was palpable. It reached inside and strangled my heart, punctured my lungs, and soured my stomach.

  “Yeah. I can do that. And, Emma? Happy birthday.”

  She shot me a tight smile and nodded. Then, as she slowly backed away, she muttered, “Thank you.”

  I pushed open the front door and slipped inside. Dad no longer sat at the table, which caused my heart to thump wildly until I found him in the kitchen, mixing a drink. He regarded me with observant eyes, as if waiting for me to tell him something he already knew.

  This could go one of two ways: really well or really fucking badly.

  “Everything okay with Emma?” So, he knew who was at the door, which meant he’d heard at least some of what was said, and knowing my luck, it had been the worst parts—well, what he would consider to be the worst.

  “Uh, yeah. She’s okay. She just wants me to come over for a bit and talk to her mom.”

  His head bobbed slowly, though I couldn’t decipher if that meant he was taking in what I said or waiting to strike. However, he caught me off guard by asking, “Please tell me you didn’t knock her up.”

  It took me a second to shake of the surprise left behind by his question. “Who, Emma?”

  “No…Kristy.” One corner of his mouth gradually curled with a smirk right before he added, “Of course I mean Emma. Why would I ask if you got her mother pregnant? Isn’t she in her thirties?”