(Glory St Clair 11) Real Vampires Say Read My Hips

by Gerry Bartlett

  “I did promise, Jer.” I rubbed his back, trying to calm him. I still couldn’t believe he was standing here, strong and whole, himself again. “It was necessary to get you home, love. She has to come to the wedding and be part of the festivities.”

  “Damn it, Gloriana, she almost got me killed. You wouldn’t have had to bargain for my life if it wasn’t for her interference in our lives in the first place.” He pulled away from me. “I have work to do. Make whatever plans you wish. But I am telling you now, Gloriana, that if she is there, I won’t be.” He turned on his heel and strode away. I heard the front door slam and sagged against the door frame.

  “Has a temper, doesn’t he?” Mars settled back into the recliner. “But he certainly seems fully recovered.” He smiled like he didn’t care that I was almost in tears. “Relax, Gloriana. He’ll come around. If he loves you.”

  “He has proven he loves me more than any man should have to, Dad.” I wanted to scream. “How far are we going to push Jerry before we push him away?” I left them then, sick of the whole wedding discussion. Flo followed me to the living room.

  “I’m surprised you and Richard are still here, Flo.”

  “We are going soon.” Flo touched my shoulder. “Amica, Mars is right. Jeremiah will calm down and see that he must put up with your mother one more time.” She sighed. “Don’t look so worried. It was only last night that he was close to death. Am I right?”

  “Yes, of course.” I collapsed on the couch. “He looked well, didn’t he?”

  “Sí. But he is still recovering from a terrible accident. Mentalmente. In his head, you would say. All that time in Olympus. The fight that he lost. He will want to prove his virilità. Understand? That he is still the man you need. Can you blame him if he’s touchy now?”

  “No.” I rubbed my forehead, getting a headache. “And the first thing we do is try to shove my mother down his throat. Take over his wedding.”

  “It’s your wedding too, amica.” Flo sat beside me and gave me a hug. “Just give him some space.”

  “I know. I just feel all this pressure.”

  Richard walked in and stopped next to the front door. “Darling, can we go home now? I have business to attend to.” He grunted when Flo ran up and threw her arms around him.

  “Yes! We go home now.” She pulled his head down to kiss him thoroughly. “I feel like we’ve been gone forever.”

  “What happened with Jerry, Gloriana? Why did he run off like that? He should stick close to home for a day or two. The man came close to death not twenty-four hours ago.”

  “First, he’s mad about the wedding. My father’s taking over.” I sighed and leaned back. “Second, Jer likes his mortal donors. He’s probably trolling Sixth Street right now for a live one.”

  “Oh, right. Sorry. Should have remembered that.” Richard was clearly anxious to leave. “About the wedding. We can probably still get the venue you wanted. The Tuscan villa on the hilltop. If you have the wedding after midnight. The owner told me that it’s rare that they can’t fit us in at that time. It costs extra, of course. But they will manage it.”

  “Money is no object now. My father is paying for everything. Which will probably also put Jerry’s tail in a knot.” I sighed, then noticed Alesha hovering in the kitchen doorway. “Yes, Alesha?”

  “May I bring you something, mistress? I mean, Glory?”

  “A bottle from the fridge. One marked A-negative. Thanks, Alesha.” I waved at Flo and Richard. “Go, you two. I love you both and can’t thank you enough for everything you did. Up there and down here.” I was feeling teary again and sucked it up. “As soon as I drink this, I’m taking Alesha and going down to the shop. Hopefully Jerry will catch up with me there. My guests here can fend for themselves.”

  “Thanks for the clothes.” Flo looked down at her jeans and sweater. “Now I am my size and feel like myself again.” She checked me out. “Sorry you couldn’t--” She must have decided there was nothing to say that wouldn’t offend me. “Well, you are back to your usual self. It is good everything in your closet still fits.”

  “Exactly, pal. I tried a while ago to snap on an outfit like I did up there. It was a no go. Guess turning vampire again killed that power.”

  “Hah! It made me crazy jealous anyway.” Flo pretended to pout.

  “Let’s forget what happened in Olympus, shall we?” I laughed. “No one has to know that Florence da Vinci was ever anything but a perfect size six.”

  “Thank you, my friend.” Flo dragged Richard out the front door. “Come, mio caro. I want to soak in my own bathtub with the many jets. Bubbles too. And you in there with me. How does that sound?”

  Richard rolled his eyes at me. “Did you hear me say I have business, darling? You can enjoy your bubbles but I am getting on the computer when we get home. My investments may have gone to hell for all I know. We’ve been gone for months.”

  “Months?” Flo pulled on his arm. “Impossibile.”

  “That’s what I thought. Just wait till you get a look at a calendar.” Richard gave me a rueful smile as he was dragged out the door.

  I took the cold glass from Alesha as the front door closed behind them. “Thank you. Some vampires like their synthetic warmed, others straight out of the bottle. I spent a lot of time in Las Vegas, a part of Earth that is in the desert, so I learned to enjoy the drink cold. Always ask a vampire how he or she prefers it.”

  “That is good to know, Glory. I will remember that.” Alesha stood next to the door. “You told them we were going downstairs. To your shop? I’m sorry if my clothes embarrass you.”

  “You see how I dress. And now Charis is here and dressing in a similar fashion. I want you to fit in so you’ll feel more comfortable.” I drank quickly then handed her the empty glass. I would never admit to her that her mortal blood had started to smell a little too good to me. “My shop is a vintage clothing store. It will be fun for me to find some things for you to wear.” I looked her over. “You’re about a size ten, I think. And with your brown hair and eyes, you’d look good in greens, blues, many colors. You can pick what you like, of course.”

  “But the expense! How can I repay you?” Alesha hurried into the kitchen and rinsed out my glass. I was right behind her.

  “This will be my treat. Then we have to discuss salary of course. I won’t toss you out on the street to make your own way. Did you bring your papers? The ones that say you belong to me?” I couldn’t imagine how they would look or what they would say.

  “Yes, mistress.” Alesha dug into the deep pocket of her shapeless dress and pulled out a folded packet of parchment paper. They looked very official with a seal on the bottom of page three. “Here they are. Your mother insisted I bring them with me. I wasn’t allowed to pick up anything else when she came to get me. All I have are these clothes I am wearing.”

  “Oh.” I saw her face work, like she was holding back tears. “What or who did you leave behind, Alesha?” She had begged to come with me.

  “A few trifles, nothing more.” She bit her lip. “Before I was taken, I managed to save a scrap of embroidered cloth that my mother had made for me in my home country. It is still in my room on Olympus. I hope my friends there will keep it for me. When we go back…”

  “Yes, I’ll make sure you get it. But I don’t plan to return for a long time.” I fumed. Seriously? My mother didn’t even allow the girl to pack a bag? I could see this new relationship with Hebe was going to take some work. “Anything else you want? I can get it sent here. I’m pretty sure my connections are good enough for that to happen.” If my mother wanted my favor, she could damn well arrange it.

  “I can make a list, if it pleases you.” Her face brightened. “There are just a few things. All of them are in a box beside my bed.”

  “It pleases me. But what about home? Would you like to go back there? Once you are free?”

  “Oh, no, Glory. There is nothing for me there now. I had word my parents are dead and the wars have destroyed much of
what I remember.” Alesha rubbed her eyes. “You are too kind to even mention it. I am very happy to be here in this new place. To work for you. Everything is so new and clean.”

  “I know. Jerry tore out two old apartments to make this giant new one. I still can’t believe it.” I took a few minutes to show Alesha around the kitchen. The microwave amazed her. I nuked a cup of water as a demo. The dishwasher scared her with the noise it made when I turned it on. She claimed she would never use it when she could wash the few glasses we needed by hand. I reminded her that if Charis stayed, she’d probably have to cook for my goddess sister and for herself, of course.

  “We’ll go to the grocery store later.” I sighed. “I guess I’d better invite my sister to come along with us down to the shop. She’ll probably get a kick out of seeing it.”

  “Here you are. Father had to leave, Olympus business.” Charis appeared in the kitchen door. “We’re out of these orange things, Alesha. I love them. So crunchy. What are they called, Glory? Or do you know since all you drink is blood?”

  “Cheetos.” I made a face. “I wish I could eat them too. But, you’re right. I’m back on the liquid diet.”

  “That’s tough. Will you show me your fangs?” Charis moved closer. “Vampire. I can’t believe you chose that over being a goddess.”

  “I’m a little of both, I guess. I still have a few of my Olympus powers.” I gave her a fanged smile and laughed when she backed up a foot.

  “I can get more Cheetos for you, Lady Charis.” Alesha hurried to the pantry and pulled out a new bag. She was surprisingly cool with having a vampire close to her. I had a lot of respect for the woman and deliberately stayed out of her mind. It wasn’t the nicest aspect of being a goddess or a vampire and I’d had way too much mind-reading done to me recently.

  “Instead of eating, why don’t you come with us down to my shop, Charis? I’m taking Alesha to shop for some clothes.”

  “Seriously? Am I dressed right for it?” She looked me over then snapped on leather pants and a long white shirt. “That’s better.” She grinned. “You look cute, Glory. Red is definitely your color.”

  Of course I’d put on the red sweater with Jerry in mind. He loved me in red. My black leather pants were some of my favorites. I missed my big closet in Olympus, but I had some great clothes here, collected over the years. My boots were vintage and fit perfectly. Charis added some boots to her outfit and we were ready to go.

  “Will I have to wear leather clothing, Glory? In my religion it is frowned upon.” Alesha looked worried.

  “Religion?” Frankly, I’d been guilty of treating Alesha like a servant and had never considered she might have issues like religion to think about.

  “Never mind. I shouldn’t have spoken.” Alesha glanced at Charis and bowed her head.

  “Really. I am shocked you did so.” Charis sniffed. “Can we go now?”

  “Not yet. Hand me your papers, Alesha.” I took them from Alesha’s shaking hand. Looking them over quickly, I spotted the place where I could sign to free her, pulled open a drawer, and found a pen. I laid the page on the granite countertop and, with quick strokes, signed the document then gave the pen to Charis.

  “Witness my signature please.”

  “What did you just do?” Charis looked horrified.

  “I don’t own people. Our father knows that. Now you do. Sign or you’re going right back home to face the gossip you just ran away from.” I wasn’t going to cut her any slack and glared at her.

  “Hey, Alesha knows how things are up there. Don’t you?” Charis aimed her own glare at Alesha.

  “Yes, mistress.” Alesha wasn’t about to get in the middle of this but I could see her mouth quivering on the edge of a smile.

  “Sign, Sister.” I slapped the pen into Charis’s hand. “Then we can go shopping. Or not.”

  “Fine. But you’re giving away a valuable piece of property. Alesha is worth--”

  “Shut. Up.” I was close to throttling my father’s child. She got it and quickly signed where I pointed.

  “There you go. Congratulations, Alesha. You’re a free woman.” Charis threw down the pen and spun toward the door. “Can we go now? I can’t wait to see more of Earth.”

  “I can’t wait either, Glory.” Alesha surprised me with a strong hug. “You are the most wonderful of women, lady. I will live with you and serve you until the day I die.”

  “No, you won’t.” I laughed. “I hope we find you a handsome husband to live with. Or if you don’t want one, maybe a career that will help you be independent, making good money so you can take charge of your own life.”

  Alesha did a little dance. “All of that sounds fine to me. But first I get new clothes. I want some of those cotton pants, jeans you call them. They look pretty and comfortable. Would they be appropriate for your housekeeper to wear, Glory?”

  “Yes, indeed.” I grinned at Charis.

  “Are you done yet?” My sister dragged me toward the door. “Honestly, you act like you’ve never had a servant before, Glory. Buying her clothes. What’s next? Adopt her? Set her up on a blind date with a hot guy?”

  “If I knew a single one I thought she’d like, I might.” I ignored the words Charis muttered as she stalked to the door. Of course I’d never had a servant before. Independent Glory worked and scraped by. Living with Jerry now had changed all that. It wasn’t the worst thing that had ever happened to me.

  “You’re insane.” Charis reached for the doorknob.

  “Stop. The alarm is set, I saw Richard arm it again when he left. Both of you watch me punch in the code.” I gave them a quick lecture on the importance of keeping the security system set, especially during the day if they went out. Once I was sure they had the code memorized, we stepped into the hall.

  “Well, that was interesting. I guess vampires do have to be security conscious.” Charis tapped her foot while I locked the door. “Father told me something about your, um, lifestyle.”

  “Yes, we’re immortal unless we’re caught during our death sleep by someone with a stake.” I shivered, thinking about that vulnerability. Flo had been right about one thing, coming back to the death sleep was a little unnerving. “The very fact that both of you will be awake in our apartment when we are dead to the world means we are trusting you with our lives.”

  “Don’t worry, Glory, I will guard you with my life.” Alesha looked very serious. “Give me a weapon and I will lie across your bedroom door each day if you wish it.”

  “Honestly, could you be more melodramatic? Like you could hold off anyone with your pathetic skills.” Charis stomped down the stairs. “You did say the shop was down here, didn’t you?”

  “Yes.” I waited at the top. “Don’t you have something to say to me, Sister?”

  She stopped at the first landing and looked back with what I was beginning to think was an evil smile. “Sure. You can trust me, Glory. I want you to live. Or Father would make me go back to Olympus. But die for you like little miss handmaiden here? Don’t count on it.” She turned and tromped on down the stairs.

  I shrugged. What did I expect? She was young and selfish, raised by a woman who was nuttier than a Christmas fruitcake. And, yes, her father had neglected her to run around with his mistress. I jumped when Alesha touched my shoulder.

  “Are you all right, Glory? That was unkind.”

  “I’m fine.” I stuck my cell phone and keys in my pants pockets. It was a tight squeeze. “Let’s go. I have a business to check on and shopping always cheers me up.”

  As soon as we got downstairs, Charis and Alesha headed to the racks. I rushed to the cash register and the stack of sales slips next to it. I wanted to see the day’s receipts.

  “Hold it right there, Goldilocks. You touch my register and you’ll be drawing back a nub.” The voice meant business and I actually felt my stomach plummet to my toes before I turned to confront whoever thought they could boss me around.

  The tall black woman wore skinny jeans like they’d b
een invented just for her. She strutted toward me, not bothered at all by the balancing act it must have taken to be so confident in the platform heels that added an extra five inches to her six feet. Amazon. That’s the word that came to my mind. Then I was pinned to the checkout counter by her hand on my chest.

  “Kira?” I glanced around and saw at least three mortal customers watching us warily. “I’m Gloriana St. Clair, the owner here.”

  “Prove it.” She kept her hand on me, sharp painted black nails making it obvious that moving might draw blood. Then she inhaled. “Oh, shit. Guess you are. Either that or another of your kind has the guts to waltz in here and go for the receipts.” She finally released me and stepped back. “Guess Lacy told you I’m the new girl.”

  “She mentioned you.” I rearranged my sweater and relaxed, smiling at the mortals who looked afraid to move. “Nothing to see here, folks. Just a little misunderstanding. I’m Glory, the owner. Welcome to my shop.”

  “She’s right. It’s the head honcho herself. Laura, go try that dress on, girl. You’re going to have Eli panting for you when he sees how it shows off your tatas.” Kira walked over to take a cocktail dress from one of the women. “Let me set you up in a dressing room. These your friends? You all going to the same party?” She smiled at them. “Where are your picks? You telling me we’ve got nothing you want to try?” She led them to a rack and started pulling looks that would flatter them. Before she was done they each had a half a dozen outfits and were excited to try things.

  “Good work.” I had the day’s total figured out and was happy about it. So far the shop looked good. Merchandise was in order and the shelves were well-stocked. I assumed Lacy had left for the night since she usually worked days anyway.

  “So where have you been all this time?” Kira leaned against the counter. “Lacy’s been frantic, you know. And in her condition, it isn’t good for her to be under stress. You couldn’t drop her a text? A quick email? Something to let her know you weren’t dead in a ditch somewhere?”

  “No, I couldn’t.” I set down the paperwork and decided I needed to get some things straight right now. “I don’t have to explain myself to you, Kira. I appreciate the fact that you’re protective of Lacy. She tells me you’re a friend of Rafe’s. So am I.”