Heart of Gold

by Fiona Palmer

  ‘Doug!’ Tess yelled.

  He just shrugged and went back to the sausages. But later, as they were heading inside, Doug pulled her back from the others and wrapped his arm around her in a fatherly way. ‘I’m glad too, CJ,’ he said. ‘You’ve never looked so happy before, even when you won that big classing competition.’

  Doug’s eyes radiated love, a look she’d long forgotten from her own father. She loved Doug and Tess. They were a real family and she actually felt a part of it.

  ‘Thanks, Doug. It’s been a long time since I thought I would ever be this happy. For some reason I didn’t think I was worthy of it.’

  ‘We’re all worthy of happiness, CJ. It’s just harder to achieve for some. Look at Lindsay. I’d been trying to get him to leave the farm for years. I don’t know what went down when he left, but getting out was well worth it. I haven’t seen him this happy in ages either.’

  ‘Really? Well, that’s good. Lots of happy people.’ She laughed with Doug, but his words had got her thinking.

  After dinner, Lindsay and CJ washed the dishes while Doug searched out some old photos and Tess got the kids ready for bed.

  Lindsay was ignoring his drying duties. He had CJ by the waist and was kissing her neck as she plunged the last of the plates into the hot soapy water. They heard a little giggle. Bonnie stood by the doorway in her pink princess PJs.

  ‘I told you my uncle would be good for you,’ she said before Tess dragged her off.

  ‘Come on, you two. Leave the dishes and get in here,’ called Doug from the lounge room.

  ‘What have you found?’ asked CJ, and Doug handed her an old photo album.

  She opened the cover, revealing old black and white pictures.

  ‘There are some of Lindsay in here, when you get past the cute pictures of me,’ Doug said, laughing as he settled on the other side of CJ on the long couch. Lindsay leaned over her shoulder on the other side.

  ‘Look, that’s Doug there, and my dad and Uncle Peter,’ said Lindsay. Doug was the baby in a white lace gown with a white bonnet, lying across the two older boys’ knees. Lindsay’s dad looked about eight or more and the younger boy had missing teeth. She saw Lindsay in them and felt closer to him after seeing his family.

  ‘So you have another uncle? Any aunties?’ she asked.

  CJ felt Doug tense slightly.

  ‘No,’ Lindsay answered. ‘Just the three brothers. Peter died when he was twenty, isn’t that right, Doug?’ He went to the kitchen to fetch another round of beers.

  Doug nodded. ‘Yeah, Lindsay’s a lot like Peter in some ways. He had the same fun-loving demeanour. Des was always the serious one and never wanted to play with me but Peter always would. We’d always be getting up to no good, and all the girls loved him. Pissed Des off even more.’ Doug half laughed before he continued. ‘But to be fair, I think our dad drummed into Des that he was the oldest, he had to be responsible, and he got the farm. I think Des wished he could have been playing with us. So it made him a bit of an ogre – to me, anyway, but I was eight years younger.’

  ‘You really are the baby of the family.’

  ‘My brother’s always joked that I was my mum’s appendix pain because I was a late surprise. They had two boys and were happy and then I came along. But it had its perks. I got very spoilt.’ Doug flicked the page and ran his finger over another photo of him and Peter dressed up as cowboys, aiming their guns at the camera.

  ‘I learned a lot of stuff sooner than I should have, with Peter around. I was only fifteen when he died. It was hard to take. I almost resented the fact that I was stuck with Des.’

  ‘My parents don’t even talk about him,’ Lindsay said, handing out the beers as he came back into the room. ‘It’s as if he was never born. Doug always has, though.’

  ‘How sad,’ CJ murmured. ‘How did he…’

  Doug leaned back against the couch. ‘He came off his motorbike when we were out checking dams.’ He paused, breathing in shakily. ‘I found him. They reckon he’d hit a mallee root ’cos the front tyre was buckled. He’d been flung over the handlebars and had broken his neck. Peter was a great bike rider; it was just a freak accident. It was the worst day of my life.’ Doug pointed at Lindsay. ‘But then he was born the next year and I wasn’t the youngest any more. I got to torment you, hey, Slick?’

  He pointed to another picture. Doug was in his early twenties, with Lindsay about Bonnie’s age. Lindsay was so cute, in black Stubbies shorts that matched Doug’s, and they both wore blue work singlets.

  ‘You look just like Doug, Linds.’ CJ laughed but her eyes never strayed from the younger version of Lindsay. Even at eight, his height was evident, shoulders straight and strong. Doug’s hand rested on his shoulder protectively. ‘Not bad-looking yourself back then, Doug. I can see why Tess snapped you up.’

  Doug sucked in his gut and puffed out his chest. ‘What d’ya mean? I’ve still got it!’

  CJ glanced at another picture of Lindsay’s family. Des looked like he was mayor of a town. His face seemed joyless, even though he smiled. Responsibility seemed to weigh heavily on his shoulders. His son stood in front of him, his wife to the side with a baby in her arms. Lindsay was about three and seemed like he was itching to run around, anything but sit still and get his photo taken. Lindsay exhaled beside her, before getting up and mumbling something about going to say goodnight to the girls.

  She turned to Doug. ‘Linds looks like a real little misfit.’

  ‘Yeah, he was good fun. I think he inherited the other Taylor gene, the rebellious one.’

  They sure were a good-looking family.

  Tess appeared in the doorway. ‘The girls want a goodnight kiss from the rest of you,’ she informed them.

  Doug went in to the bedroom as Lindsay came out, blocking CJ in the passageway and dropping gentle kisses on her lips.

  ‘I can’t wait to be alone with you,’ he whispered as he passed.

  CJ propped against the wall and waited until her legs went solid again.

  21

  BY ten o’clock that Saturday morning, Irene and CJ had found Irene’s wedding dress. They’d seen it at the end of a rack in the second shop they’d been to in Cannington’s Carousel shopping centre, and both knew it was the one.

  CJ hadn’t wanted to get up at five to travel to Perth, especially with Lindsay lying beside her in the little shed she called her room. It brought a smile to CJ’s lips as she remembered it, but her favourite part was spending the whole night in his arms. Strong, secure arms that were still there in the morning. She’d taken a deep breath and snuggled closer, causing him to stir. Before she left she’d woken him up with a kiss and given him the key to her shed.

  ‘Do you want Sam to keep you company?’ she’d teased.

  ‘You could just come back and keep me warm.’

  She would have, too, if Irene hadn’t been waiting out the front for her.

  The dress was perfect: nothing too lacy or over the top, just simple, sleek and elegant. Irene had tried it on and it had looked amazing, but the lady had to take it in around the waist.

  Soon they found shoes to match, and some jewellery. Irene had gone with a simple pearl on a little wire necklace, with matching pearl earrings – and the same for CJ.

  ‘Jess’s dress is just gorgeous. The red sash will really set off her hair,’ said CJ as they ambled along between other shoppers. Irene had Paul’s niece’s little girl, Jess, as a flower girl. Paul was really close to his niece, who CJ had met a few times. Her daughter Jess had amazing blonde hair with a slight tinge of red, and a scattering of freckles across her tiny nose.

  ‘Yeah, I’m so happy with how it’s all going. Now it’s just your dress, and it has to be red.’

  They walked into a boutique and went straight to the red dresses. Irene flicked the dresses across the rack. ‘Too long, too yuck, too… something. Now, this one I like.’ Irene looked at the size. ‘Yep, size ten. Go try it on.’ She laughed at the look on CJ’s face. ‘Just try it
on. I’ll keep looking.’

  CJ wriggled into the dress and made her way back to Irene, who was already heading her way with another dress.

  Irene was shaking her head. ‘Oh no. I don’t like off the shoulder on you. Here, try this one. It’s shorter.’

  CJ grudgingly took the dress and tried it on. She caught herself in the mirror and paused, not sure who she was looking at. She was lost for words.

  She opened the change-room door and watched Irene’s jaw drop.

  ‘Oh, that’s it. It’s perfect!’ Irene put her hands to her mouth in awe. ‘Turn around. God, it fits you just right. It makes your boobs look awesome.’

  ‘Irene!’

  ‘Just imagine, with your hair up, the jewellery and some nice high heels. Can’t you see how beautiful you look?’ Irene took her by the shoulders and placed her in front of the mirror.

  It was an incredible dress. She’d never seen herself looking so… feminine!

  ‘Lindsay’s gonna love it. We are gettin’ that dress. Come on. Get changed. We’ve still gotta get shoes to match.’

  Lindsay sat back in his chair, cracked open a beer and picked up his phone.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Good morning. Is this Mr James Taylor?’ asked Lindsay in a deep, serious tone.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Sir, I’m from the lottery department and I’m delighted to tell you you’ve won Thursday’s Powerball two million dollar prize.’ Lindsay didn’t even get to finish his spiel before James began laughing.

  ‘Piss off, Slick! As if. You gotta buy a ticket first,’ James said, unearthing his brother’s scam. ‘So, bro, what’s up with you? Still a top-gun shearer?’ asked James.

  ‘Yep. Are you still a shit-hot farmer?’

  James’s chuckle echoed through the phone.

  ‘How’s things on the farm?’ asked Lindsay with genuine interest. He’d lived and worked on that farm for most of his life and he missed certain parts of it. The rich, green crops they grew and the way they turned golden as they ripened.

  ‘Good. Crops are all in. We seem to be getting all the right rains so far. Mum and Dad are still pretending you don’t exist.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Nah, just jokin’. Mum still likes to mention you, and wonders what you’re up to. Dad keeps saying you’re old enough to do what you want and she doesn’t need to be calling you and checking up like you’re a teenager.’

  ‘She called not long after I left.’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘She was trying to find out why I left, but I told her I just needed some space and that I was finally doing what I wanted. She seemed okay about it, but I could tell she wanted me home.’

  ‘Of course. She wants to set up her favourite boy with a girl of her choice and produce perfect grandkids,’ James scoffed. ‘Now she’s set her sights on me! Can you believe it? I wish you’d come back. It’s a bit quiet without you, bro.’

  ‘Yeah, I miss you too, dipshit. Although not as much now that I have a girlfriend.’

  ‘You what! Holy moly. So who is the poor woman? How much did you have to pay her?’

  Lindsay let his taunts slide past as he couldn’t wait to tell James about her. ‘Her name is CJ and she’s amazing. I’ve been teaching her to shear and she’s brilliant.’

  ‘What! She’s shearing? Where the hell did you find this one?’

  ‘Duh, in a shearing shed. She’s been working on one of Doug’s teams for nearly ten years. She’s the hardest-working classer I’ve ever met. Gorgeous too. Legs to high heaven and the bluest of eyes.’

  ‘Hmm, she sounds great. Can you find me one? Although I don’t think Mum would agree with me,’ said James, and they both laughed. ‘I’d love to meet her.’

  ‘Yeah, one day. You’ll have to come for a visit when Dad can spare you from the farm. I miss not having anyone to sling shit on.’

  ‘I’ll see what I can do.’

  Lindsay loved talking to James, even if most of it was drivel that they slung back and forth. But that was brotherly love for you. They’d never been any different.

  22

  ‘ALL right, Calamity!’ Lindsay yelled across the shearing shed. ‘This one’s got your name on it!’

  CJ looked up from the skirting table. Lindsay was pointing to his last sheep.

  ‘Hey, John, you mind grading the last few fleeces for me?’

  She hardly got the words out before John was waving her off. He’d got used to it by now. She was always off shearing any sheep Lindsay felt like throwing her way. John didn’t mind, as in turn CJ was teaching him how to class.

  ‘All right, off you go,’ said Lindsay. ‘Show these boys how to do it!’

  Dave had just walked into his pen for his last sheep, so CJ decided to compare her speed against his.

  They both dragged out their sheep and pulled their ropes at the same time, and away they went into the belly. CJ was really feeling confident now. She was getting the hang of the handpiece and had no trouble shearing the belly any more. She went onto the crutch and could feel Lindsay’s eyes on her. She felt like she could do no wrong under his watchful gaze.

  CJ knew everything she needed to – it was all just practice and more practice now, to start building her strength and her numbers.

  Lindsay put his hands on his hips as he observed. Soon he was going to have a talk to Doug, see if they couldn’t get her off the floor and into some full-time shearing. She wasn’t going to get any quicker or build up her stamina doing the odd couple a day.

  He leaned back against the pen. Yep, life really was great for him at the moment. He loved working for Uncle Doug, no one breathing down his neck. And he had CJ now. It was amazing to be with her all day, and the odd nights. He felt like he had everything with her, a best mate and a lover. He could just imagine the eyeballing his mum would give CJ, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t planning on taking her home to meet the folks any time soon. He wasn’t hiding her from them, just protecting her.

  CJ and Dave pulled their ropes and pushed their sheep down the chute.

  ‘Hey, Dave. You were just beaten by a novice,’ Lindsay shouted. CJ had the biggest smile on her face and he couldn’t help kissing her again.

  Dave walked over and joined them. ‘Sweet as, CJ,’ he said proudly. ‘A real wee shearer, hey?’

  CJ felt her cheeks prickle. ‘But Dave, that was only my fourth sheep for the day and yours was number… what, a hundred and fifty?’

  Dave just shrugged. The statistics didn’t bother him, but he was proud all the same.

  ‘Hey, would you like to do the next run all by yourself?’ Lindsay asked.

  She looked at him strangely.

  ‘I can go class for you. I have my ticket. A whole run with the boys oughtta test you out.’

  CJ found her voice. ‘You’re dead serious. But —’

  ‘No buts. Just take it steady and practise doing it right. Don’t get too fast and sloppy.’

  CJ was suddenly very nervous. She’d be doing a whole run. ‘Sounds great. You’re on!’

  ‘Ah, this’ll be great, CJ,’ Dave said, spurring her on. ‘And I’m going to be right here next to you. Just don’t wave your arse my way.’

  Their jokes continued while they ate smoko in the warm afternoon sun under the shade of a leafy salmon gum tree. A slight breeze cooled their hot skin. Irene joined them and CJ told her the good news.

  ‘It’ll be my first real test, Irene.’

  Irene chewed a scone. ‘Girl, I think you’re gonna be just fine. Go kick some arse!’

  The crew made a great picture on their way back into the shed, with their shearing pants held up by wide belts and their similar singlets in different colours. The big blue expanse of sky around the shed framed it perfectly.

  CJ took over Lindsay’s stand, in the middle. It was weird being up there, watching over the shed from her raised position, looking down at Lindsay who was standing where she normally stood. The music started and she headed in for her first sheep of
the run. The pen was full and she only had to take a step, pulling the closest ewe over on its back and dragging it out towards the stand. She leaned the ewe against her legs before repositioning and picking up the handpiece. CJ pulled the rope. Her hand buzzed from the vibrations as she buried the handpiece into the wool. She took things easy, thinking of her position. She finished the neck and began the first shoulder, remembering everything Lindsay had told her. In no time sweat began to drip from her brow and she felt it run down her back each time she stood up to drag out another ewe. By the end of the last run, she really knew she was alive. Her back ached and her muscles were tender, but she’d expected it and felt satisfied.

  ‘Christ, CJ. Looks like you lost as much gravy as I did,’ said Dave as he passed her Lindsay’s towel.

  CJ stretched up and arched her back. ‘You know what, Dave? That felt brilliant. I love it, but I didn’t get through too many.’

  ‘Cheer up, mate. You did bloody well for your first whole run. I wouldn’t go knocking yourself. I was impressed. Linds has taught you well.’

  Jules, who was on the stand on CJ’s other side, walked over, swinging his shoulders like an All Blacks rugby player. ‘Not bad, CJ. So when do you get a stand for yourself?’ he asked with a wink.

  She laughed. ‘I think I’ve got a bit of a way to go yet, but you blokes wouldn’t mind?’

  It had been on her mind, how the fellas would react to her shearing. These blokes were okay because they were her friends. She wasn’t so sure about the guys in the other teams. She hadn’t worked with any female shearers before, but she’d heard about one and she sounded scary. Apparently guys weren’t game to complain about her and they were all grossed out when she took a pee in the catching pen, even though all the blokes do it.

  Dave held his big hand up to his mouth and whispered, ‘We’d love it, especially if you could take Marty’s place.’

  CJ glanced across to Marty, who was putting on new cutters. He was like a Venus flytrap – all attractive on the outside but get too close and he’d have you for breakfast. Marty glanced at her. The look on his face was almost disgust.