Face Time

by S. J. Pajonas

  “I leave on Saturday for two weeks in India. Mumbai and Pune.”

  “Oh. Will I still be able to talk to you?” There was a moment on our first date when Laura asked me if I liked dinner and she seemed so much like a little girl in that instant, her eyes wide and seeking my honest opinion. I think I fell in love with her right then. I hesitate to think of myself in love in with her, she’s so far away, but I know I am already.

  “Yes, absolutely. Let’s not let it get in the way.”

  “Okay. Well, anyway, you’ll be in India. Save some room in your bag and buy something colorful from a street vendor or something. Colorful. You hear me? Your place needs bright and happy objects.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Good.” She claps her hands and smiles. “Oops, I left the wine bottle in the other room. When I come back, I want you to tell me about your family.”

  She only leaves me “alone” for a minute and comes back with a full glass of wine and the rest of the bottle she puts on the nightstand. I tell her about my older brother, Jin, and his wife, Mimi. He’s six years older than I am and married young. His kids, my two older nephews, Kade and Leland, are already in their early teens. Jin’s an accountant and Mimi is a librarian at the local high school. I get along best with Jin and Mimi of anyone in my family besides my father. Jin watched out for me when I was a kid and his friends were nice and let me tag along for soccer during the summer. My older sister, Nari, and I barely talk. She’s only eleven months older than I am, and we disliked each other growing up. Probably because she was supposed to be the baby and instead I was born. Sandra is one of her best friends, and they’re like two peas in a pod: bossy, stubborn, and drop-dead gorgeous. I shouldn’t have mentioned that.

  “Drop-dead gorgeous, huh?” Laura asks, twirling the ends of her hair in her fingers.

  “Trust me. Her looks don’t make up for her sour personality. Neither of them.”

  Laura pulls back from the iPad, chewing on her lip and running her fingers through her hair before taking a sip of wine. “So, um, you were a mistake baby then? Only eleven months younger than your sister?”

  “Yep. In fact, my name is a huge joke. ‘Lee’ and ‘Park’ are two of the most common surnames in Korea, and Lee was my mother’s maiden name, so they just named me that. They hadn’t anticipated a third kid or having to name me.”

  She laughs, dropping her hands to her side. “I’ll admit I tried to google you and came up with nothing.”

  “Yeah, that’s the only good thing about my name. I’m not on any of the social networks either. I stayed off on purpose, for business reasons.”

  “I’m on Facebook, but that’s it.”

  “Now I want to be there.”

  I bet she has tons of friends and photos in her profile, but she waves her hand at me again and smiles. “Don’t. You get all the good gossip straight from me.”

  “So, anyway,” I continue, clearing my throat, “Nari is married to Daniel, and they have one son, Chase. He’s three.”

  “And Daniel is?”

  “What?”

  “Ummm, caucasian?”

  “No. He’s Korean too.”

  “Oh.” She runs her hands through her hair again, and I wish I were there to do that and to hold her hands because she’s obviously feeling self-conscious. “I’m beginning to feel like the odd duck.”

  “Laura, really, it’s okay. It doesn’t matter to me.”

  “It may really matter to your family, Lee, especially if this went anywhere between us.”

  I stare hard at the iPad in my lap and compare it to the empty space next to me in bed. She should be curled up under the covers next to me, and we should be having this conversation in person, so that I could reassure her of her place.

  This is a third date, right? I can be thinking these things on a third date? That she has a place in my life? That I’m falling for her? If we were dating in person, I’m pretty sure I’d be thinking these things by now…

  “Not that it has to,” she rushes, and I snap my eyes back to the iPad. She’s covered her face with her hands. “Oh my god, I’m so presumptuous. I’m sorry.”

  “No, no, Laura. I wasn’t thinking that at all. I was thinking about how I know my mother would be upset, but my father doesn’t care. I only seek his approval in these things. But let’s not worry about that, okay?”

  She uncovers her face, her eyes directed downward.

  “Really? I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and thought I am painfully not Korean.”

  “Laura, I’ve gone out with all Korean girls in my life but one, and it’s never worked out for me.”

  “I’ve gone out with tall, tan, blond men my whole life and that’s never worked out for me either.”

  “Like your brother?” I ask, and her eyes un-focus, panic causing her features to flatten. I’ve noticed something about her she wasn’t aware of.

  “Holy shit.” She turns in her bed and grabs the photo of her brother from the nightstand. “Lee, I’ve spent the last ten years trying to figure out why I pick these guys because they’ve all been different except that they look like my brother. How come no one noticed this before you? How come I never noticed?”

  “Maybe they did and just never said anything.”

  She smiles, looking from the photo of her brother to me and back. “This is really comforting, Lee.”

  “Phew.” I let out a deep breath. “I was afraid for a moment there.”

  “I just…” She squeezes the photo frame to her chest and closes her eyes before putting it back beside the bed. “I loved my brother so much. He was a good person, kind and sweet. A lot like you, actually. You just look nothing alike.”

  She laughs again. “Thanks, Lee. I wish I could kiss you right now. Your kiss is addictive. I’ve thought of almost nothing else since you left.”

  Whoa. I can read Laura, understand her, and unlock these hidden places inside her. I’ve never had this kind of a connection with a woman before. I’ve always floundered my way through relationships, guessing what my girlfriend wanted and getting it wrong.

  “It’s addictive for a good reason. That’s how I hook you and reel you in.” Life is going to be hard until I can get to New York again.

  “I’m hooked, for sure.”

  My phone buzzes next to me with a text from Cori.

  Cori Winslow

  Ready to go soon? The palace, shopping, and tea await us.

  Lee Park

  I’m almost done talking to Laura. I’ll get dressed and head down in 10 min.

  Cori Winslow

  Oh. Take your time. I don’t want to interrupt.

  Lee Park

  It’s fine. We’re almost done.

  “Everything okay?” Laura asks, leaning into the iPad, her empty wine glass in her hand.

  “Yeah, but I promised Cori and Evie I’d take them to the Gyeongbukgung Palace and then shopping in Samcheong-dong, plus tea and lunch. Chris is in Europe again.”

  “I understand… sort of. Korean names make my head spin,” she says, her eyes crossing and rolling around. No jealousy I can detect when I talk about Cori, but she immediately tenses when Sandra’s name is mentioned, so I’ll have to be careful from now on. “Go out and enjoy your day. I’m going to watch some TV before I turn in.”

  “Laura? Can you talk to me again on your Tuesday night?”

  “Yes. Good. Don’t make me wait a whole week again. That was just ridiculous.”

  I laugh at her honesty, one of her more alluring qualities. So far, I know where I stand with her. “It was ridiculous. I’ll see you then.”

  We both wave at each other before ending the call, and my apartment swallows up the silence, more empty than the day I moved in.

  Chapter

  Eleven

  =

  Laura

  I practically skip into the office Monday, Tuesday, and especially Wednesday morning, I’ve never been so happy. Lee and I kept the conversation going over text the las
t two days. He sent me photos of the palace while I was sleeping, and Cori and Evie eating lunch at a tea house right down the street. Then he sent a photo of a cute shop filled with handmade designer goods, a blackboard outside scrawled in Korean with colored chalk. He followed it with, “I love this place. They have something for everyone.”

  “So, was that date a few weeks back the real thing?” Mary asks as I deliver a late afternoon coffee to her desk and sit down across from her.

  “It was. I like him a lot. There’s just one tiny little problem. Itty bitty little problem.”

  “What’s that?” Her eyes are on her moleskine, flipping through her notes from today’s meetings.

  “He lives in Seoul. Our last few dates have been over FaceTime.” I cringe waiting for her response as she slowly lifts her head.

  “Laura…” Mary sighs and rubs her eyes. “You’re a beautiful and talented woman. Is it really that hard to meet someone locally?”

  “I know. I know. And yes, it is that hard to meet someone locally. Remember the last guy I dated before I gave up?” I clear my throat, prepared to mock his voice. “‘I don’t have time to date. If you want to go out, I have Tuesday nights free and that’s it.’” I raise my hand in a mock karate chop. “Jesus, what a loser.”

  She laughs, rolling her eyes. Mary has been privy to all of my dating failures.

  “I had a FaceTime date with Lee last night that was perfect. He talked about his time at Berkeley, and I talked about my time at NYU. We compared favorite foods and drinks and what sports we watch. We like English soccer but don’t have a team to root for so I chose Manchester United…”

  “My team.” Mary smiles and points at her Manchester United sticker tacked to her computer monitor.

  “Yes. I figured you’d like that. We both workout a lot, and, wow, Mary, I’ve never had so much in common with a guy before.” I twist my cup in the cardboard sleeve a few times. Our FaceTime date last night was filled with laughter, confessions, and downright animal urges to jump through the internet and accost him. He told me my lips were delicious and holding my hand made him lightheaded with happiness. No man has ever said that to me.

  She sighs and props her chin on her hand.

  “But he lives in Seoul, Laura. Have you told your mom?”

  “I have. I don’t know what’s going on with her, though. I’ve mentioned him several times, and she’s either losing her memory or conveniently forgetting. Each time I mention him, she seems surprised and then lectures me again about dating long-distance. She’s already made several comments on how embarrassing I am.”

  Mary taps her pen on her moleskine and stares out her window at the traffic on Sixth Avenue. “You don’t think she’s jealous, do you?”

  “I suppose anything’s possible. She’s had more boyfriends in the past two years than I’ve had in the past ten years, but she goes through them like water.” I sip on my coffee while Mary sits silently. “I appreciate the fact she’s making up for the years she spent with my dad, but it would be nice if she were even a little bit happy for me.”

  Mary’s face turns to me bearing a sympathetic frown. “I’m happy for you. You deserve to date someone who likes you back.”

  “Thanks, Mary.” I sigh and swipe some lint off my jeans.

  “Laura, I have an idea,” Mary says, leaning across her desk, “and please tell me if I’m out of line here, okay?” I nod at her. “Why don’t you ask your Aunt Sally to move in to your place, and you move out? You could get your own place or finally leave New York. You’re dying to get away from here, for years now.”

  Hmmm, this is a new idea. “My aunt loves her house in Connecticut even though every room is filled with junk. I’m not sure she’d be willing to part with it.”

  “It might be time to move on.” Mary snaps her moleskine shut and picks up her bag. “Nothing lasts forever.”

  I stand up and hand Mary her jacket. “Will you be back in the office after this meeting?”

  “Nah. It’s across town, and I doubt we’ll be done before six.”

  “Okay. Call me if you need anything.” I follow her out of her office, and, as I sit down at my desk, she runs back over.

  “I know! If you want to date locally, what about Charlie, the guy who comes in with the ad agency to do work for us?”

  Charlie is “my type” which is not my type at all since I had that enlightening conversation with Lee. Funny that Lee has met me in person once, talked to me four times, and figured that out faster than my last therapist did.

  “He seems nice, I guess.”

  “He’s always asking about you. Sorry. I’m so busy I forget to tell you.”

  I shift in my seat, crossing my legs the other direction, and take a sip of my coffee. “It’s okay. I shouldn’t date a vendor anyway.” I set the cup down on the desk and almost knock it over trying to rearrange everything in front of me into one perfect line. My leg bounces at double-time, knocking my trash basket into the metal filing cabinet next to it. Thump, thump, thump. Get a grip, Laura.

  I don’t want to date Charlie. I want to date Lee.

  But Lee lives seven thousand miles away, and it’s not like we’ve said we’d be exclusive or anything.

  “Oh, Laura, it’s no big deal. Seriously. I’ll mention it next time I see him.”

  “No.” I jump forward, almost spilling my coffee on my notebook. “No, Mary. It’s okay.”

  “Are you sure?” Her eyebrows lift into her straight, blond bangs.

  “Yes. I’m fine for now. Thanks.” I’d rather have this long-distance relationship with Lee than date someone here that won’t work out and just ruin Lee’s trust.

  She smiles at me and winks. “This Lee has caught you big time.” She turns and waves at me as she runs down the hall towards the elevators. Mary is always running in the office, and we make fun of her by buying her running shoes for every occasion. It’s an office joke thing.

  I let out a sigh, pulling my curled hair back, twisting it a few times and letting go. Am I crazy to want to commit to someone so far away? Someone I haven’t even slept with yet? What if we get together in the flesh and our sexual chemistry totally fizzles? Stranger things have happened.

  I need a second opinion. Actually, third opinion. Theresa likes the idea of Lee a lot. She wants me to come over later this week and cook for her so she can ask me about our FaceTime dates.

  Laura Merchant

  Hey, Justin. Wanna go see a movie tonight?

  Justin Taylor

  Sure. What should we see?

  Laura Merchant

  The Hunger Games? I hear it’s good.

  Justin Taylor

  Ok. Blood, guts, and romance. My favorite.

  (>’o’)> ♥ <(‘o’<)

  Justin and I share a large popcorn for dinner. People who go to the movies, eat popcorn, and then eat dinner after are abnormal.

  “So, what’s up? It’s been a month since I last saw you.” Justin is just the kind of guy I used to go for: tall, messy brown hair that turns gold in the summer, fit, and a stylish dresser. Of course, he’s as gay as a lark. Everyone I introduce him to falls in love with him, but he always falls for the boys who break his heart. He’s currently single too but has a more recent track record to look back on. Before sitting down, he pulls off his black coat and underneath is a graphic t-shirt that must be from a European country (I can’t tell which) under a button-down black shirt with his sleeves rolled up, dark jeans, and red Converse. I’m always amazed with the wardrobe he sports. Being in the creative field, he can do no wrong.

  “There was a time when we saw each other everyday. I miss seeing you at work.” I push his jacket down into the seat next to me before he sits down. Justin used to work at HBO too before he moved over to a competing network. He was my work boyfriend and still comes out for drinks on Thursday nights when he can. “I met someone, Justin, and I need your opinion.”

  “Oh no.” He turns his phone on silent and slips it in his pocket. We have about t
wenty minutes before the show starts and the theater is only half full for a Wednesday night, even though the movie came out a week ago. “If you need my opinion, then there must be something weird about him. Bring him out one night and I’ll point my gaydar at him. We’ll rule that out first.” Justin thinks he can spot fellow gay boys at a mile off. I can’t argue with him because so far he’s been right every single time.

  “I can’t bring him by. I wish I could.”

  My phone buzzes in my bag.

  Lee Park

  I’m up early for a conference call. How are you, gorgeous?

  A blush erupts on my neck as Justin leans over to look at my text. Lee calls me gorgeous in all texts now and it’s stupid how much I love it.

  Laura Merchant

  I’m at the movies with my friend, Justin. Can I text you later?

  Lee Park

  Of course.

  I turn on the Do Not Disturb function and slip my iPhone back in my bag. Justin is turned towards me, his eyebrows raised and waiting.

  “So, I was at Blue Bar on a Thursday when you all stood me up, and I met this guy, Lee. So not my type — Korean American — but super handsome, and nice, and we have tons in common. We went out on a date the next night, and it was perfect, Justin. The date to end all dates. He even kissed me at the end of the night, and that was perfect too…” My voice trails off remembering how he tasted, his hands on my face, and how I held him around his waist. He was so warm despite how cold it was outside.

  “He doesn’t live here?” Justin sits back in his chair

  “No. He lives in Seoul. How did you know?”

  Justin points at my phone. “He’s up early for a conference call, and it’s evening here. I used my keen powers of deduction.”

  “What do I dooooooooo, Justin?” I double over and put my face in my hands. “I wonder if I’m crazy for wanting a relationship with him. And I do, really, want a relationship with him. I like him a lot, and I’m pretty sure he likes me too.”