The After of Us (Judge Me Not Spin-off)

by S. R. Grey

  Pointing to the doorway, I say, “I’ll be just down the hall.”

  Lily sits up and starts rubbing her eyes fiercely. And then she starts to cry. “Mommy’s not coming back for me ever, is she?”

  I tell her the truth. “I don’t know, Lily. She may not. Or, if she does come back, it probably won’t be for a very long while.”

  That makes Lily cry harder, and I silently curse Cassie. I rub the kid’s shoulder, but that doesn’t help. It’s only when I hold her in my arms that she quiets.

  It’s awkward at first. The only kids I’m ever really around are Chase and Kay’s son and daughter. And though I give Jack and Sarah plenty of hugs, I never really hold them—not like this.

  After a few minutes of comforting Lily, it starts to feel natural. Maybe deep inside, on some primal level, I know she’s mine. What I do know is she smells really good, all fresh and new and clean.

  When I lean down to kiss the top of her head, I realize she’s fallen asleep. Gently, I ease her down to the pillows.

  I don’t close the door all the way. I leave it open a crack, in case Lily needs me before morning.

  Morning… What am I going to do about tomorrow?

  In my room, I fire up my laptop.

  Flying to New York City in a few hours is just not going to happen. I can delay looking at the apartment I’m interested in for a couple of days. I start the new job on Monday, though, and I can’t miss my first day.

  And what am I going to do about Lily?

  I clearly need time to set things up. Didn’t I hear somewhere that securing good daycare in New York City is a bitch?

  If only someone could watch Lily for a while, like maybe for the summer.

  “Chase,” I say out loud, as an idea is born.

  Yeah, maybe Chase and Kay can take care of Lily. It’d only be for a short while. They have kids her age. Jack is five, like Lily, and Sarah is what? Four, I think. Perfect. It’s June, and there should be lots of kid things to do throughout an Ohio summer. Chase would know more about that. And Kay’s a stay-at-home mom these days. Plus, there’s all that extra room in their big farmhouse in Harmony Creek. Surely, my brother and his wife will be cool with this.

  Quickly, I book flights for Lily and me to fly into the newly opened regional airport in Harmony Creek on Saturday. I then cancel my flight to NYC, the one that’s to leave in a few hours, and book a flight instead for Sunday night out of Ohio.

  Good, all set.

  Still, I don’t forget about the first order of business for tomorrow. Before I go to bed, I type out a text to Nash: Hey, any way you can expedite a DNA test?

  Will

  DNA test? Dude. WTF is up?

  That’s the text I wake up to. It’s too complicated to reply with all the details, so I just call Nash.

  Once I explain the situation, he tells me, “Yeah, sure. Go ahead and bring the kid in. It’s a simple mouth swab for both of you. And I’ll do what I can to get the results back pronto.”

  “Thanks for doing me this solid, man.”

  “Not a problem.”

  “Not a problem” may be the case when it comes to my business with Nash, but I soon discover it sure is a problem, a big problem, trying to get Lily up and out of bed.

  “I don’t wanna,” she cries after I ask her to get up for, like, the tenth time. Burrowing under the covers, I hear her, tone muffled, state, “I told you I’m sleepy.”

  I’ve tried cajoling and pleading. Now it’s time to get serious.

  “Come on, Lily,” I say in a stern tone that reminds me of my dad—my real dad, not Greg. “We have to leave soon.”

  She peeks out from under the covers. “Where we have to go?” she asks warily.

  “We have an appointment this afternoon. So, you need to get up so you can shower and dress.”

  “I am dressed,” she yells belligerently.

  She’s got me there. Oops, I forgot to make her change into pajamas. She still has on the purple “Princess” tee and jean shorts she was wearing last night.

  I try another tactic. “Well, I bet you’re hungry. And if you get out of that bed right now, I’ll make us something yummy to eat. Okay?”

  No response.

  “Oh,” I add, “you should probably still take a shower, maybe put on some clean clothes. You want to be fresh and ready for the day, right?”

  When she fails to respond a second time, I pull the covers off her in one fell swoop. Lily absolutely does not like that. She kicks and screams for all she’s worth.

  Damn, she seemed like such an easy-going kid last night. What the hell happened?

  Sprinkled between her crying jags, my little monster of a daughter informs me that she doesn’t take showers. “I’m a little kid, dummy dumbhead stupid. I take baths!”

  “Don’t call your father names like that.” Is this me, Will Gartner, really uttering those words?

  “Dummy, dumbhead, stupid, dummy.”

  I make her sit up, dodging her slaps. “Quit trying to hit me, Lily.”

  “I hate you!” she screams.

  This is definitely Cassie’s daughter. It’s time to find out if she really is mine, as well.

  I finally get her out of bed, but she refuses to change her clothes. I throw up my hands. “Whatever, I give up.”

  With all the confusion, we end up running late. There’s no time for me to make breakfast, so I take us through a fast food drive-thru on the way to the lab.

  Lily spills juice in my new BMW and gets hash brown crumbs everywhere, but I bite my tongue. She’s behaving for the moment, so why rock the boat?

  Before we head into the lab, and while I’m unbuckling her seat belt, she informs me, “That was fun. I never sit in a car like a grown-up before.”

  “Oh, shit.” I need to get a car seat, like, as soon as possible.

  “You swore.” Lily giggles.

  I’m batting a thousand at this dad thing. Not.

  Lily is great in the lab; she thinks getting her cheek swabbed is a blast. Nash gives her a lollipop afterward, and she’s content with that while I get my own cheek swabbed.

  Nash informs me before I leave that he’ll rush the results. “I could have them as early as this evening,” he tells me. “If so, I’ll give you a call. But, dude…” He lowers his voice to a whisper, so Lily doesn’t hear. “…that kid looks too much like you not to be yours. Check out her eyes.”

  Sighing, I say, “I know. I did.”

  Lily looks up at me then, lips stained purple from the grape lollipop. I can’t help but smile. “What, Daddy?” she asks.

  Again with the daddy thing, though it is growing on me.

  I shake my head. “It’s nothing, sweetheart.” I take her small hand in mine. “You ready to go?”

  She nods and blinks up at me with those all-too-familiar greens.

  Nash calls that night, and it’s no surprise at all when he says, “Lily’s definitely yours, man.”

  So, I, without a doubt, have a kid. The lab results confirm what I already knew in my heart. Still, this makes it undisputable.

  I call Chase.

  “Hey,” I say—too enthusiastically, probably—as soon as he answers. “How was your flight back to Ohio last weekend?”

  I’m not one to call and ask about shit like this, so Chase is immediately suspicious. He knows I’m a sneak.

  “Uh, it was good,” he says slowly. “Jack and Sarah were surprisingly well-behaved, even though we had a long delay in Dallas.”

  “Ah, yeah,” I drone on as I try to put off the inevitable. “That’s where your connecting flight went through, right?”

  Chase sighs. “Will, what’s going on?”

  He knows me all too well.

  “Uh, I got something I need to ask you.”

  “Shoot.”

  “Would it be okay with you if I flew out to Harmony Creek tomorrow? You know, to visit with you guys?”

  “Uh—”

  I speak right over my brother, lest he quash my plan b
efore he hears all of it. “I was thinking maybe we could spend my last day and a half of freedom hanging out and shit. You know, like old times?”

  Chase hesitates, surely suspicious, but eventually says, “Yeah, sure, Will. Though I thought you were planning to fly into New York City early to look at apartments? Don’t you start the new job this Monday?”

  I blow out a breath. This may be harder to pull off than I imagined.

  “Yeah, yeah, I do, that’s true.” I nod, even though Chase can’t see me. “But, I figure Mom has me booked at a hotel for however long I want. So, there’s no real rush to find a place to live. Besides…” My voice goes up a notch as I feign excitement. “…I’d much rather spend some quality time with my brother and his awesome family.”

  Like that doesn’t sound shady.

  Surprisingly, Chase buys it.

  He must be tired, probably worn out from his kids. Now that I see how exhausting one can be, I can only imagine what it’d be like dealing with two little people who seem to need something every sec.

  “Okay. Sounds great, Will,” Chase says. “It’ll be nice to see you again before you get too bogged down with work.”

  He sounds so sincere that I start to feel like a real dick.

  “Yeah, exactly what I was thinking.” Hurriedly, I add, “So, anyway, my flight is due to arrive sometime around dinner.”

  “What?” Chase sounds shocked. “You mean you already booked a flight?”

  “Uh, yeah. Is that okay? I guess I was counting on you being cool with me visiting.”

  “Of course it’s fine, Will. I’m just a little surprised, that’s all.” Chase sighs. “So, do you want me to pick you up at the airport?”

  Hell, I definitely don’t want Chase coming to the airport. Best to spring Lily on him at his house, with Kay around, so she can keep him calm.

  “No. I’ll just rent a car,” I reply as nonchalantly as I can muster

  “Okay, then. Guess we’ll see you tomorrow, Will.”

  Yeah, they sure will. I just hope my brother doesn’t kill me when he finds out I have a daughter…and that I plan to leave her with him and his family for the entire summer.

  Will

  Who knew traveling with a kid could be so, uh, challenging. It seems like Lily needs something every ten minutes.

  “Daddy, I’m hungry.”

  I give her a couple of apple slices I wisely packed in my carry-on for a snack.

  “I can’t find my coloring book.”

  I dig one out from the bottom of her backpack.

  “Not this one.”

  Ugh. “Lily, your other coloring books are in your suitcase, along with the rest of the luggage we checked.”

  “Where’s my suitcase?”

  I count to ten. “I just told you where it is. In the cargo hold, with everyone else’s checked bags.”

  “What’s ‘checked’ mean?”

  “Lily”—I hand her some crayons—“just color, okay?”

  “My favorite blue crayon isn’t with these ones.” She scrunches up her face, holding the offending Crayolas aloft. “I can’t color without my best crayon, Daddy.”

  More digging in the backpack, till I finally find the damn blue crayon. “Here,” I say.

  “Nooo! Not this one!”

  I keep digging, holding yet another blue crayon out to her. “Is this sky-blue the one you want?

  “Yes.” She shoots me an adorable grin. “Thanks, Daddy.”

  “You’re welcome, Lil.”

  I sneak in an eight-minute nap. And then: “I have to pee.”

  I walk Lily to the lavatory in the back of the plane, and ask when we reach our destination, “Are you okay with going in there by yourself?”

  Lily nods. “You wait out here, though, okay?”

  “You got it.”

  Despite her needing a lot from time to time, like today, Lily is surprisingly self-sufficient. She used the bathrooms in the house just fine, even dragged a stool from the corner of the powder room attached to the guest bedroom she was staying in so she could reach the sink to wash her hands after she was done.

  And, I’m proud to say that last night I scored my first dad victory when I convinced Lily to take a bath. She refused to let me stay in the room, though, so I was mindful to make sure the water in the tub remained low. I waited outside the door in case she needed me, but she was a trooper. Lily came out with pajamas on and everything, although her top was inside out and her hair was all tangled. I let her keep her shirt on wrong, but spent twenty minutes combing gently through her blonde locks.

  I smile now at the memory. Despite some bratty moments, she’s a sweet kid.

  Something pulls at my heart, and I can’t deny that it’s going to suck to leave her. But it’s best she stay with Chase and Kay this summer, since I won’t be around enough. Who knows, though? Maybe I could fly in on weekends to visit with her.

  When we return to our seats, Lily contents herself with coloring in her book. I’m amazed at how well she stays within the lines. I notice, on some pages, someone has added extra detail in the spaces where there’s nothing to color. Just a few simple flowers and basic trees here and there, but damn if the lines and proportions aren’t spot-on.

  I point to a close-to-perfect daisy. “Who drew that?” I ask Lily.

  “I draw it,” she says, without bothering to look up from where she’s intensely coloring a bluebird.

  “Wow.”

  Lily must be like me and Chase. We both have crazy-good talent when it comes to creating art. It looks like she’s definitely inherited that particular Gartner gene, as it’s showing up in her drawing at an early age.

  Speaking of all things Gartner, I was surprised this morning to discover Cassie gave Lily my last name. I found her birth certificate in a pocket on her suitcase when I was searching for her ID.

  Shit, to think for five years this little girl has been walking around with my name, and I didn’t even know she existed. I swear if I were older than twenty-two, I’d seriously consider a vasectomy. But, as it stands, Lily’s pretty cool, and I may want to make her some siblings someday.

  “Daddy, I have to pee again.”

  I sigh. Then again, I think I’ll put that make-her-some-siblings plan on the back burner.

  A few hours later we’re in Ohio, cruising in our rental car, closing the gap between the airport and Chase’s house.

  Oh, hell.

  With each passing minute, my stomach churns a little more. I know I’m a dick to thrust Lily on my brother unannounced. I can’t worry about it now, though. We just drove through the little town of Harmony Creek and are nearing Chase’s house.

  “Are there really little kids like me where we’re going?” Lily asks.

  I glance back at her in the rearview mirror. She’s in the car seat I remembered to buy and check with our other luggage at the airport. Lily is peering out the window at the verdant landscape. She must be mesmerized by all the gently rolling hills and sprawling farmland. Lily has only known the desert—brown terrain and cacti—so I’m sure she feels like she’s on another planet right about now. Good thing she’s young and adaptable.

  “Yes,” I reply. “There are two little kids at the house where we’re going. I told you that already. Remember, I said Uncle Chase and Aunt Kay have children around your age.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  I’ve told Lily all about Jack and Sarah, repeatedly. She knows they’re her cousins and she’s excited to meet them. But she continues to question if they’re really real.

  That makes me wonder if Cassie was in the habit of telling Lily there’d be little kids at the places where she dropped her off, only to have our daughter discover she was stuck with adults.

  “The kids will want to play with me?” she asks, worried. “Oh, Daddy, I hope they like me.”

  Lily sounds so forlorn that something in me swells. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s like my daughter’s happiness is suddenly tied to my happiness. Weird. All I know
is I really want Lily to feel accepted.

  “I’m sure Jack and Sarah will like you just fine,” I assure her, hoping that’ll be true.

  We reach the farmhouse just then, and I tamp down my own apprehension.

  Here goes nothing…

  The house looks the same as always, a three-story creamy white frame structure with slate-blue shutters, situated on acres and acres of land. There’s a detached garage with an apartment above it across from the house, at the far end of the long driveway, and that’s where I park the rental car.

  “We here?” Lily wants to know.

  I take a deep breath, exhale slowly. “Yeah, we’re here.”

  The moment of truth has arrived. There’s no more hiding from Chase why I’m really in Ohio.

  I figure I probably have about five more minutes of peace before all hell breaks loose.

  Or maybe less, seeing as Chase is already outside, walking over to the car, his gaze locked in on Lily.

  Shit.

  Will

  “Hold up, I can explain,” I say to Chase as I slam the driver’s door shut behind me.

  “Oh, you better,” he says.

  Spinning away quickly, so I don’t have to face my brother’s penetrating steel-blue gaze, I open the back door and get to work on unbuckling Lily from her car seat.

  Unfortunately, my fingers are shaky and I fumble with the straps, allowing Chase plenty of time to reach me.

  He nudges me aside. “Here, I’ll get that.”

  Mr. I’ve-Been-A-Father-For-Six-Years-and-I-Am-A-Pro-At-This has Lily out of the car seat in less than a minute.

  “So, what’s your name, sweetheart?” Chase asks Lily as he lifts her into his arms. He turns and shoots me a look that conveys I have a lot of explaining to do.

  When Chase sets Lily down on the ground, she peers up at him and says, “My name’s Lily.”

  “Lily, huh? That’s a very pretty name.”

  Chase sounds distracted, and I can see he is assessing. That platinum-blonde hair is a tip-off, for sure, but it’s the distinct green eye color that gives Lily away as being my child.