The After of Us (Judge Me Not Spin-off)

by S. R. Grey

  But if there was ever any doubt, it’s blown away like a dynamite blast when Lily tells Chase, “My daddy says there are little kids here. Can I go play with them now?”

  Remaining eerily calm, even as his eyes meet mine, Chase says, “Daddy, huh? Well, your daddy is right. I have a son and daughter of my own. Their names are Jack and Sarah, and I’m sure they’d love to play with you.”

  “Yay, yay!” Lily bounces up and down on her toes.

  When we all turn to head over to the house, I notice Kay is out on the porch, watching our exchange. From the shocked look on her face, it’s clear she’s heard most of the conversation.

  Chase takes Lily’s hand and starts over to the porch, but not before turning to me and pointing. “Stay here,” he tells me. “I have some questions for you.”

  Oh, I bet he does.

  I shrug. “Okay, bro.”

  Kay takes Lily into the house, and Chase is back in no time at all. “Come on,” he says. “Let’s go someplace where we can talk privately.”

  He gestures to the detached garage with the apartment upstairs. Kay lived there once, before she and Chase hooked up.

  With a resigned sigh, knowing I’m in for an epic lecture, I follow Chase up the wooden steps on the side of the building.

  When we step inside to the bright galley kitchen, I remark, “Not much has changed up here.”

  The apartment was remodeled years ago by our father, and Chase has kept it up since. It’s a great little space, cozy and neutrally decorated. There are cool skylights in the ceiling, fashionable furnishings strewn about, and fresh-smelling Berber carpeting that appears to be fairly new.

  “You put that in recently?” I ask, nodding to the carpeted floor.

  Chase seems in no mood to talk remodeling. In fact, he gets right to the point. “So, that little girl, Lily, is your daughter?”

  Sighing, I run my hands through my hair. “Yeah. Yeah, she is.”

  “You sure, Will?” I give Chase a look, and he raises his hands. “I’m just looking out for you, baby bro.”

  He is. That’s true, and I can’t be mad he has my best interest at heart.

  “How long have you known?” Chase asks. “Not for long, clearly, seeing that I sure as hell don’t recall a little girl with blonde pigtails running around last weekend at your graduation ceremony.”

  I have to smile at that image. It would’ve been a trip for all involved. And, yeah, I did put Lily’s hair in pigtails this morning before the flight. I looked up how to do it on Google and discovered it really wasn’t all that hard.

  Chase sees me smiling and prods, “Will?”

  “Oh, yeah, sorry, I was lost in thought for a sec.” I clear my throat. “To answer your question, I only found out about Lily, like, two days ago. Cassie is her mother, in case you’re wondering.”

  “I figured that based on Lily’s age.” Chase snorts. “But how’d you end up with her? Cassie’s just A-Okay with you taking her child to another state?”

  “Uh, I don’t think she cares one way or the other.”

  “What does that mean?” Chase looks worried now.

  “Well,” I breathe out. “Good ole Cassie paid me a visit late Thursday night. Guess she heard I was in town and decided it was finally time to let me know I’ve had a daughter for the past five years.”

  “Shit, Will.”

  “Oh, and there’s more. She gave me Lily.”

  “Gave you Lily? Will, really, what the fuck does that mean?”

  I lean forward and brace my elbows on the breakfast bar. Lowering my head to my hands, I say, “Cassie is a fucking mess, Chase. She’s a total addict these days. I could tell she was high when she dropped Lily off. And she just pushed her on me. What was I supposed to do?”

  I look up, and Chase is shaking his head. “Jesus.”

  “I know, right? I had no choice but to take Lily. I tried denying it to myself, but then I kept looking at her eyes.” Chase nods, agreeing that the matching color is uncanny. “Even so,” I continue, “I kind of panicked and asked a friend to rush a DNA test.”

  “And?”

  “Lily is definitely mine, Chase.”

  “Does Mom know?”

  “Hell, no!” I let out a snort. “And I don’t intend to tell her, not yet anyway. She’s on that extended vacation, so that’s kind of good. I’ll just deal with her when she gets back.”

  Chase is well-aware our mom is a spaz, so he doesn’t argue with me on that point.

  “So,” he says slowly, “what are you planning to do now?”

  “That’s just it, man. I can’t do this dad thing all on my own. I start that new job on Monday. And, I know nothing about kids.” I wave my hand in the direction of the driveway. “You saw me down there by the car. It takes me ten minutes every damn time to get Lily in or out of that damn car seat. Every question I have on what to do with her I have to Google.” I pause and rake my fingers through my hair. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you ahead of time. I admit that was a shit move. But, Chase…” I trail off, swallowing the lump that’s forming in my throat.

  My brother places his hand on my shoulder. “Hey, you don’t have to figure everything out today.”

  “Thanks, bro.” I let out a breath. “I knew you’d understand.”

  Chase pulls me in for a hug and hell if I don’t need one right about now.

  “Hey,” he says, patting me on the back. “Everything will work out. It always does, Will. I’m glad you came to me. We’ll get through this together, as a family, okay?”

  “I had nowhere else to turn,” I admit, my voice catching.

  “It’ll be okay,” Chase assures me as we break apart and step back. “But, for now, let’s head on over to the house so I can get to know this little niece of mine.”

  Will

  Chase grills up some burgers and Kay makes homemade French fries for dinner. Damn, those two sure know how to cook. I dig into the meal with enthusiasm, as does Lily.

  I don’t know, though. Jack and Sarah seem to pick at their food. And Kay and Chase take normal bites. Maybe Lily and I are just famished. After all, the past couple of days have been too hectic to eat a whole lot.

  Sitting across from me at the dining room table, Lily talks little-kid shit with her cousins. She’s not shy at all, lending further credence to Cassie’s assertion that our daughter is used to new people. Knowing that makes me glad Lily is away from her mother. Having Lily around family is one thing, and totally acceptable¸ but passing her off to supposed “friends”—who are probably more like strangers or, worse yet, drug acquaintances—is flat-out asking for trouble.

  For not the first time in the past two days, I’m happy Lily is with me. And that gets me to thinking that I may not want to leave Lily in Ohio for the whole summer. Chase and Kay have no idea I plan to leave her with them at all, though, so I guess I may as well bring the subject up while everyone’s in a good mood.

  “So…” I cough and clear my throat, garnering Kay and Chase’s attention. “I think we should talk about some things I’ve been thinking about.”

  Chase eyes me warily. “Okay, shoot.”

  I place the last of a damn good juicy burger on my plate and wipe my mouth with a paper napkin.

  “I’ve been considering my options,” I begin. “And I think if I could leave Lily here for a couple of weeks, it might be enough time to secure some decent daycare for her up in New York City.”

  Lily, who up till this point has been preoccupied playing—along with Sarah and Jack—with French fries that they purposely dropped on the table, looks over at me sharply.

  “Daddy’s leaving me here?” she asks, her little voice stricken with panic.

  Lily may be adjusting, and she seems to be getting along with Jack and Sarah well enough, but she clearly doesn’t want me to abandon her, like her mother just did.

  “It won’t be for long, sweetheart,” I try to reassure her.

  That just makes tears well up in her eyes, and an empa
thetic Sarah pats Lily on the arm and tells her, “No be sad, Illy.”

  Jack leans in and I hear him whisper, “Don’t worry. It’ll be okay, Lily. We’ll keep you company.”

  Great. I feel like an ass for bringing up the subject with the kids still seated at the table. I’m not the only one thinking it was a mistake. Kay winces at my blunder, and Chase just shakes his head and rolls his eyes at me.

  “Why don’t you kids go play upstairs,” he says gently to the children.

  Quietly—they can sense it’s adult-talk time—Jack leads Sarah and Lily from the room.

  When the kids are out of sight, Chase twists in his chair to face me. “So, Will.” I can see he’s losing patience with me. “How exactly do you see this going down? I mean, like, what’s the long-range plan here? You didn’t mention a word about leaving Lily when we were over at the apartment.”

  I throw up my hands. “Why the fuck do you think I came here?” I ask.

  With his words clipped, Chase says, “Oh, I don’t know. I guess I was stupid enough to think you wanted me and Kay to meet your daughter, who also happens to be our fucking niece.”

  Kay places her hand on Chase’s arm. “Chase, please.”

  It’s a plea for him to calm down. I know my brother’s seething inside. I’ve pushed far too many buttons of his for too many years. I really can’t blame him for his wariness now.

  Sighing, Chase says, “Seriously, Will, you have to think this thing through. You can’t leave that little girl here in Ohio. You think the best thing is for her to get used to being a part of our family for the next couple of weeks, maybe more, and then rip her away? Not to mention, she needs to spend time with you. Two days on the job doesn’t make you a father, Will.”

  “Uh, um,” I stammer. “I guess I haven’t really thought it through.”

  “Obviously,” Chase retorts.

  He may be right, but his attitude still grates on my nerves. “Whatever,” I mutter.

  When I hear him mumbling back, “Typical,” I lose my shit.

  “I’m not asking you to watch Lily,” I snap, pushing my chair back so that the legs scrape on the hardwood floor.

  I’m feeling more trapped than ever now that I’m faced with the cold, hard truth.

  “Look, Lily and I will just go,” I say, standing abruptly. “You said you’d help, but that was obviously a lie.”

  “Quit being a hothead,” Chase spits out.

  “Oh, that’s rich,” I snap. “A hothead, huh? Guess you would know.”

  I turn, all set to storm out of the room, but then Kay chimes in with, “Will, please. Just sit back down so we can talk.”

  I reluctantly comply, since Kay is a sweetheart. “Okay, okay.” I blow out a breath as I plop down on the chair I never pushed back in.

  “Let’s hear your plan,” Kay says to me. And then, turning to Chase, she adds, “You have to admit Will’s stuck between a rock and hard place, hon. I think we need to at least hear him out.”

  Chase, stubborn as he is, shrugs. “Yeah, sure, let’s hear him out.”

  “Well,” I begin, “I figured Kay’s here every day with the kids anyway—”

  Chase cuts me off. Pointing an accusatory finger my way, he says, “You are not pushing your responsibility off on my wife.”

  “I don’t mind,” Kay interjects. “It’s only for a couple of weeks.”

  I have Kay on my side at the moment, and I throw in, “At the absolute most.”

  Chase still isn’t thrilled, that much is clear from his sour expression, but before he can derail my plan, I suddenly remember how he and Kay once mentioned that a daycare recently opened down at the school where Kay used to teach first grade.

  After downing a much-needed gulp of ice water, I say, “Hey, I have an idea. What if I enroll Lily for a couple of days each week at that daycare you told me about, the one down at Holy Trinity Elementary?”

  Chase, who hasn’t looked over at me since he got ticked off, finally meets my gaze. “Go on,” he urges.

  “Having Lily out of the house a couple of mornings would lighten the load on Kay, right? Plus, Lily would get used to hanging around kids other than Sarah and Jack. Maybe that’d make it easier for her to adjust when she has to leave.”

  “You don’t have to enroll her in daycare,” Kay murmurs.

  But Chase overrides her when he says, “I think that’d be fair, for everyone involved.”

  My brother smiles over at his wife, like an “I just want what’s best for you” assurance. When she smiles back, understanding and appreciation so clear on her face, I am struck with a feeling of longing for a bond like theirs.

  Quit being a pussy, I chastise myself. Two damn days with Lily and I’m in some kind of weird nesting mode. Truly, I need to get the hell out of here. I need to haul my ass to New York, and start behaving like a man.

  Yeah, leaving your kid behind is really manning up, dude.

  Kay is speaking to me, not saying that of course, though she probably should. I mentally smack myself and whisk away all these stupid thoughts.

  “You remember Emma Metzger, right?” Kay is asking me.

  Oh, hell yes, I remember, but I carefully reply, “Hmm, not sure.”

  “Emma is Missy’s cousin,” Kay continues, clueless to the fact that I know exactly who she means. “And Emma recently took over my old teaching position. Anyway, she also runs the daycare down at the school. You’ll need to talk with her, to see if she has a spot open for Lily. I’m sure she can fit her in. But, just to be sure, I’ll give her a call tonight and bring her up to speed.”

  “Great, thanks,” I murmur as I try to continue to play it cool.

  Kay is persistent, though. “You sure you don’t remember Emma?” she presses as she cocks her head, probably curious as to how I could forget Emma Metzger.

  I’m trying to play it off, for my brother, who is watching my every reaction. I’m sure he’s worried that if I’m still hot for Emma—which, if she looks as good as she did back when we were teens, I sure as hell will be—it’ll somehow cause trouble. See, like Kay mentioned, Emma is Missy’s cousin. And Missy is married to Chase’s business partner, Nick Mercurio.

  “Um, I don’t think I remember her,” I maintain, to keep up the farce.

  Chase, as suspicious as Kay of my strangely foggy memory, says, “You met Emma at our wedding reception. Spent quite a bit of time with her, as I re—”

  “That was, like, seven years ago, dude,” I interject.

  “You sat and talked with her half the night, Will.”

  “Yes,” Kay chimes in, always supportive of Chase. “You two talked for hours. I remember you telling Emma about your plans for college, even. Chase and I were sitting at the same table for a while, that’s how I know what you talked about. And, actually, now that I think on it further, I also remember you sharing how you were hoping to someday publish that comic book you were working on at the time.”

  Oh, yes, that one-time dream. Sighing, I push regret aside.

  I better fess up, or this will get weird. “Oh, yeah,” I say, like it just dawned on me who this girl is. “Emma Metzger, right. I remember her now. She was the girl with the long, silky black hair and the really blue eyes, right? Kind of resembles Mila Kunis in the face?”

  Emma was gorgeous back then. But there was more than that driving my attraction to her. She was cool, and we really hit it off that night. I talked with her for a long time, sharing things I only shared with Cassie at the time.

  But then I fucked it all up.

  At the end of the night, Emma asked me to walk with her out to Missy’s car, so she could grab a hair tie or some shit. I knew it was her ploy to get us alone, which was fine with me.

  Emma lingered at her cousin’s car, even after she retrieved her hair-thingy. I thought she was so freaking beautiful. And her body was bangin’, all perky tits and long-ass legs. I was so used to tiny Cassie, and here was this girl who could almost look me in the eye.

  And she did
exactly that.

  I remember getting lost in her eyes, mesmerized by their varying shades of blue, churning and stormy, like the sea. I wanted to kiss her right then, hard and unyielding. And I knew she wanted me to make a move. After all, providing an opportunity to kiss was the real reason we’d snuck off to be alone.

  But then I panicked.

  I’d only ever been with Cassie at that time, even kissing-wise. Embarrassed, I ended up acting like the fifteen-year-old boy that I was.

  There was Emma, giving me her best seductive “kiss me you idiot” look, and what did I do?

  I stumbled back and told her, “We should probably go back inside. It is my brother’s wedding reception, after all, and I don’t want to be rude.”

  She blushed so deeply I actually watched her cheeks turn from pink to red, clear even in the dim glow of the street lamps.

  “Yes, of course,” she said.

  Embarrassed—so embarrassed—she sounded absolutely mortified. At fifteen, there we stood, pretty much shattered—me by my own stupidity, and her, by me.

  And I had no clue how to fix it.

  “I’m sorry,” I said in a rush. “I’m just not—”

  “—that into me,” she finished for me, brushing past me, all huffy. “No need to explain, Will.”

  “No, it’s just… It’s not that,” I tried to explain. “That’s not the reason at all.”

  I reached for her arm, to stop her from leaving, but she ducked away. “Leave me alone,” she hissed.

  “At least, let me walk you back inside,” I begged.

  She hesitated, but when I stepped toward her, she backed away and held up her hand. There were tears in her cat-like eyes. “Seriously, Will, just stay away from me, please.”

  “But—”

  “Will…”

  She choked back a sob, and I acquiesced. “Okay.”

  That was the last time I ever saw Emma Metzger. My few visits back to Harmony Creek since that day, I never bothered to look her up. First, there was Cassie to think of, and then I just got too busy with school.

  But now I have to see Emma, to ask her if she’ll watch my kid. A kid I didn’t even know I had until three days ago. Fuck. My. Life.