The Day He Kissed Her
Page 24
God, he used to love a lot of things.
“I know you’re having a hard time right now, Mackenzie. And I know you’ve got some big decisions to make. But what you do right now will determine the fate of three people. Yourself, Lily, and this unborn child.”
Mac’s mouth tightened—obviously Jake had told her everything—but he remained silent. He wasn’t in the mood to discuss his personal life with Jake’s mom, but he knew the woman well enough to know that if she wanted to discuss this stuff, then they were going to discuss this stuff.
“Lily is a strong woman,” Marnie said softly. “And if you abandon her, she’ll be fine. She might not be happy, but she’ll be fine.”
Abandon? Suddenly angry, he turned to Marnie. “I’m not abandoning her.” He wasn’t. Abandoning inferred that he didn’t care, and he cared. Hell, he cared a lot. It was because he cared for her…because he loved her that he was letting her go.
Marnie continued to sip her coffee in a calm manner. “Call it what you like, Mackenzie, but the cold truth is that you’ll be gone. You’ll be gone, out of her life and out of the life of a child you created with her. Lily is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside, and I’m telling you right now, she won’t be alone forever.”
Mac’s chest tightened, and he gripped the coffee mug between his hands as he thought about that.
“Are you okay with another man raising your child? Are you okay knowing another man will be sharing Lily’s bed—”
“Okay, Marnie. I know you mean well, but fu—shit…I can’t do this with you.”
For a few seconds he heard nothing but the gentle lap of water against the dock.
“When Jesse died and Jake left, I didn’t think he’d ever be whole again.” She turned to him, and Mac winced at the pain in her eyes. “You were there. You know how broken he was. Lily helped him get through, and she helped bring him back to us—to Steven and I, and to Raine. She’s like an angel put on this earth to heal and to comfort, and she needs you now more than ever.”
Emotion tightened his chest some more and for a few seconds, he wasn’t able to speak.
“I don’t deserve her.”
Marnie looked surprised at that.
“I call bullshit.”
Mac’s eyebrow shot up. “Excuse me?”
“I call bullshit,” she repeated firmly, her eyes on him so intense, so much like Jake’s, that it was eerie.
A little chunk of something loosened inside him, and for the first time in a forever, it seemed, he cracked a smile.
“You would,” he said roughly.
“I’m just calling it as I see it.”
Marnie glanced down into her mug and tapped her toe along the dock. “You’ve had a raw deal, Mackenzie, there’s no two ways about it. But don’t let the sins of your parents mark you like this. Just don’t. Not all of us get the chance to love or live. Some people go their whole lives without experiencing real love and some…” She took a moment and he thought of Jesse. “Well, some people have it snatched from them. Don’t take that away from Lily,” she said softly.
She stood abruptly and held out her hand, a gentle smile curving her mouth as she gazed down at him.
“You need to come with me,” she said.
“Ah, okay.” Mac got to his feet, towering over the slight woman.
“You look awful, and I’m not letting you go anywhere until you shower.”
She tugged on his hand, and he hand no choice but to follow her.
“Steven is making scrambled eggs and toast, and we can sit down and have a nice breakfast together.” She glanced over her shower. “Once you’re clean.”
He smiled. He liked bossy Marnie.
“And then you can go and fix things with Lily.”
Mackenzie stepped off the dock, and as he followed the small woman up the path to their house, he felt hope for the first time. It was a warm feeling. Light and airy.
Hope was good.
He’d take it.
***
By late afternoon he’d called Lily several times, and each time that he did, his call went straight to voice mail.
He wasn’t surprised, though he was anxious as hell to get to her place and to make things right. He’d gone there straight from the Edwardses’, but she wasn’t home and now he was starting to get a little worried.
“Uncle Mac.” A pause. “Hello.”
He glanced up at his nephew. “Sorry, Liam. What was that?”
“Do I take my old room?”
“Ah, sure.” He glanced at Becca and pointed her in the direction of his bedroom. “Take it, Becs. I’ll sleep on the sofa.”
He had just arrived back at the cottage with his sister, his truck full of her shit along with a considerable amount of groceries. It amazed him, how much a kid like Liam could eat.
Their mother had called a few hours earlier. According to Lila, Ben was out looking for a job, but Mac figured his father was holed up somewhere with one of his loser buddies, making his way through a case of beer. Either way, it had freed them up to get Becca’s stuff and bring it all back here.
His mother had seemed so sad—so lonely—but for the first time in his adult life, Mackenzie truly accepted that she wasn’t going to change and that it was on her. He loved her—of course he loved his mother—and he thought that, maybe sometime down the road, he would be able to forgive her for choosing Ben Draper over her kids, but right now he was content to leave things be.
Baby steps and all that.
It took a good hour or so to unpack, even with Mackenzie going full tilt. His nerves were shot to hell, and he needed to see Lily in a way that hurt. Without thinking, he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and swore when he realized the goddamn battery was dead.
How long had it been like that?
Shit.
“Becca, can I borrow your cell?”
She nodded and grabbed her purse, rummaging through it for a good minute before she found the damn thing. He had no idea what the hell she had in her bag, but he was thinking it might be a good time to purge.
“It’s crap and the service sucks, but you might be able to get a call out.”
He snagged the cell and headed outside, punching in Lily’s number along the way. Again, it rang several times until it went to voice mail.
“Dammit,” he muttered, already heading back inside for his keys. He’d track her down if he had to because he couldn’t wait any longer. He would charge his phone in the truck on the way into Crystal Lake, and he wasn’t leaving until he found her.
“Becca, I’m heading into town.”
He punched in Jake’s number before handing over Becca’s cell and damned if Jake didn’t pick up on the first ring.
“Mac, where…hell…trying to…you.”
Jake was breaking up.
“I’m trying to find Lily.” He hoped Jake would hear him. “Do you know where she is?”
Static filled his ear, and pissed off, he fought the urge to toss the damn phone. Clamping down on his anger, he exhaled and got his shit together.
“Jake, did you get that? Where are you? Where’s Lily?”
“Hospital…baby.”
“What?”
But there was only static and the cold, hard fear in his gut churned so heavy that he buckled over, not caring that the cell phone slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor.
“Jesus, Mac. What’s going on?”
“I’ve got to…Jesus, Becca, I think Lily’s in the hospital.”
His sister’s face went white, and she pointed toward his truck. “Go.”
He peeled out of the driveway so fast that gravel went flying everywhere, and then he broke every speed limit there was on his way to the hospital. When he got there, he screeched to a stop and didn’t bother getting into it with the param
edic who tried to stand in his way. He tossed him the keys and told him to move the truck if he had to.
Racing into the hospital, he spied Tracy, a girl he knew from back in the day. She wore pink scrubs and he was assuming she was a nurse.
“Hey,” he said, skidding to a stop.
“Geez, Mac. You look like you’re running a race or something.”
She had no fucking idea.
“Is Lily St. Clare here?”
Tracy scrunched up her face. “Who?”
“She’s blond?”
Tracy shook her head. “I don’t know who—”
“Jake!” he shouted. “Where’s Edwards?”
“Oh, he’s up in maternity.”
Mac’s throat tightened up so badly that he could barely speak. “Where is that?”
“Fifth floor.”
He was gone before she had a chance to say anything else. The elevator was too damn slow, so Mac took the stairs, and by the time he reached the maternity wing, he was breathing heavy, his face was flushed with sweat, and when he spied Jake, he nearly lost it.
“Where is she?” he said roughly, yanking Jake by the shoulder.
“Christ, Mac. Calm down. She’s with Cain.”
Wait. What?
“Is she alright?” Goddamn but he could barely form a coherent thought.
Jake grinned. He actually grinned, and it was all Mackenzie could do not to throw a punch.
“More than alright. It’s a girl.”
The world just may have gone on turning. The sun might even have kept shining. But in that moment, everything stopped for Mac.
“I don’t understand.” And he didn’t. He was emotionally tapped out, tired as hell, and for the first time in a long time, instead of wanting to reach for his buddy Jack, he just needed to bury his head in Lily’s neck and feel her heartbeat.
“Where’s Lily? What room?”
“Lily?” Jake’s frown smoothed out, and he cleared his throat, pulling Mac to the side. “Draper, Lily’s not here. It’s Maggie. She just gave birth to a little girl. Lily’s home as far as I know.”
“No,” Mac said. “I was there earlier, and she wasn’t home, and I’ve been calling her and…”
“She’s there,” Jake said gruffly. “And she needs you.”
Cain strode up to them then, a huge grin on his face and two cigars in hand, Raine in tow.
“Here you go, boys. Mother and child are doing just fine.”
Mackenzie wasn’t fine. Hell, he felt as if he’d just been run over by a freight train.
Raine slipped her arm around Jake, a big grin on her face. “She’s beautiful, just like her mom.”
Jake clapped Cain on the back, and Mackenzie shook his hand.
“Name?” Jake said.
“We’re thinking Kristen.” Cain glanced at Mac. “You look like shit.” He shook his head. “Why are you still here? Don’t you need to be somewhere?”
Mackenzie nodded and backed up.
Yeah, he needed to be somewhere…he needed to be somewhere like yesterday.
Chapter 30
Lily heard her cell ring for the tenth time.
Or maybe it was the twentieth—she’d given up counting after the fifth. She knew it was Mackenzie, but she didn’t have the heart to talk to him. Not on the phone.
She didn’t know what he wanted to say, but it hurt to think that she didn’t at least rate a personal visit. Not after everything.
With a sigh, she got up from her chair on the back deck and stepped off, bare feet landing in the lush grass below. She’d tried to sketch earlier, but her entire world felt as if there was no color in it, and with no color, her creativity was dead.
Kind of like what she felt inside.
As she wandered in the backyard, her hand kept drifting to her stomach. She wondered about the baby in there. It was still so new, so tiny and new that it didn’t seem real. None of this seemed real.
But then a slash of pain rolled through her and the reality of her situation was more than clear. This was real.
She was going to have a baby, and she was going to have a baby alone. A harsh, bitter sound fell from between her lips. Wow. Father was going to love this one. It would seem that Maddison wasn’t the only screwup.
She thought of the list she’d started, the one she’d left on the counter in the kitchen. The one with call lawyer written in bold red ink.
Guess she should get on that.
Black-eyed Susans blew in the breeze along the far edge of the lawn, where two massive oak trees shielded a bench. A shiver rolled over her, and it didn’t seem to matter that it was hot and humid.
Lily was cold, and she thought that maybe she would never get warm again.
Carefully, she picked her way across the lawn, and she was nearly to the black-eyed Susans when she felt the first splash of rain on her face. It was a big, fat, wet drop, and she turned her face to the heavens, eyes closed, as it was followed by another. And then another.
She stood there for minutes. Or it could have been hours. But she let the warm rain slide over her body until she was drenched. Until the simple white dress she wore was plastered to her body and her hair hung in wet ropes down her back.
She stood under that summer rain, she inhaled its freshness, and she prayed for an end to the pain in her heart. As the drops began to lessen and slide over her more gently, she knew the pain inside her would never go away.
How could it?
What she felt for Mackenzie Draper was a forever kind of love, and a forever kind of love wasn’t something that would just fade away and disappear into the cracks like the water at her feet.
“It’s okay,” she murmured to herself. “It’s okay to feel like this for now.”
But she knew that she needed to pull herself together—she needed to do it for the speck of life growing in her womb.
Lily wasn’t sure how long she stood on the edge of the property, hands at her side, face raised to the clouds above her, but she knew the minute that she was no longer alone.
Brushing water from her eyes, she turned and gazed across the lawn at a man walking through the rain. He wore a simple blue T-shirt and old, faded jeans. His blond hair was slicked back off his face, and his intense eyes found her through the gloom.
He strode toward her, a straight path from her deck, his long legs unhurried and confident, but as he got closer, she saw the pain in his eyes. The pain and the longing and…
The love?
Mackenzie didn’t stop until his arms slid around her, until he hunched forward and drew her into his embrace. She felt his heart beating inside his chest. Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Ba-boom.
She inhaled his scent.
And his warmth seeped into her pores, spreading throughout her body and chasing the chill away…but not the hurt. God, not the hurt. If anything, having him so close made her heart squeeze, and a sob caught in her throat.
There were no words. How could there be?
His hands slipped into her wet hair and she gazed up at him. She let his mouth slide across hers—a tender kiss that brought tears to her eyes. He moved over her lips softly, gently, and when his hand traveled down her body and settled over her flat stomach, she couldn’t help herself.
She whimpered and she tried not to cry, but the tears slid from her eyes, mixing with rain.
Mackenzie dropped to his knees and rested his head against her stomach, and she held him there. She held him for as long as she could stand to, because as much as she loved him, there were things that needed done.
Things that needed to be said.
Things that she couldn’t avoid any longer.
Gently, she pushed at him, and then harder when he wouldn’t let go.
“Mac,” she said, shaking her head, her fingers digging between his arms and her skin.
Lily cleared her throat. “We need to talk.”
“Yeah.” He sounded tired, and she stepped back as he slowly got to his feet. Overhead the rain still fell, but the drops were softer now, and she knew that it wouldn’t last much longer.
She waited for him, there with the rain falling over her skin. She waited for him to say something because suddenly all the things inside her were twisted and screwed up, and she wasn’t so sure she would be strong enough to push him away if he didn’t come through for her.
Mackenzie stared down at her for so long, rain dancing on the edges of his lashes, long hair plastered to his face, that the fear inside her began grow.
Was this an official good-bye?
“I’m not going to say sorry, Lily, because sorry doesn’t come close enough. It just can’t, but I…” He exhaled roughly. “I can tell you some things that might explain why I am the way I am.”
The rain stopped abruptly. One moment there were drops sliding across her face, running into her eyes and covering up the tears that freely fell, and in the next moment, there were no more.
There was nothing but silence, and it was the kind of silence that made grown men shift their feet and look away. The kind of silence that was big and heavy.
It took everything Lily had to hold her ground and listen to him, because she was so afraid that this was the end.
“Ben Draper is the worst kind of man you can imagine. He’s a cold son of a bitch who cares about nothing and no one other than himself and his selfish needs.” He paused. “And he’s sadistic as all hell. He likes to hurt. He likes to break things—doors, windows, and…bones.”
The pain in Mackenzie’s eyes was vivid. It was haunting and dark.
And it broke Lily’s heart.
“You know what you said yesterday?” Mac asked. “About how we’re all products of our upbringing? Products of our environment?”