“I’m not going to lecture you, but we need to sort this out. I’d like to kick his butt, but it wouldn’t do much good. Aidan can be a brick-head when it comes to personal connections. But this isn’t news to you, right?”
“Yeah,” she said, her whole body feeling lethargic, her mind in complete turmoil.
Lucas touched her shoulder. “Don’t mean to be hard on you, sis, but there has to be a way to get this settled. I’ve never known two people who loved each other the way you two do.”
“Maybe it was all just a sham,” she said.
“You don’t believe that. Not for a minute.”
“No. Aidan and I had everything but a baby. I want to believe that if we’d been able to have a child, this wouldn’t have happened. But I’ll never know, always be left wondering if all that wanting to have a baby ruined my marriage.”
“Do not believe that. Do not,” he said emphatically.
“I may not have a choice if he doesn’t want to work things out. Actually, that’s not it. He wants to work things out but he can’t accept that it’s not an easy fix.”
“You can’t change the past, and don’t go blaming yourself here. Aidan was the one who made the mistake.”
She walked ahead of him from the elevator, heading down the hall toward his condo. “What do you mean?”
“Let’s go inside first.”
“Is Maria here?”
“No, she’s doing inventory at work this evening.”
“I really like her, Lucas. Are you going to propose to her?”
He tilted his head at her. “We are not discussing my love life. We’re discussing yours. I’ll make us a hot chocolate like Mom used to make. Remember how good that tasted? The ultimate comfort food.”
Whenever they’d needed a little cheering up, their mom would get out the saucepan to make real hot chocolate—none of those just-add-water packages.
“Yeah. I miss her so much, and even more now with my life in such a mess. She taught me everything about quilting and knitting. Sometimes when I’m knitting, it’s as if she’s there with me.”
“You’ve been knitting while you’ve been here, but I haven’t seen you working on a quilt.”
“I finished what I brought with me. I’m waiting for new fabric. I ordered online and it should be delivered to the house this week.”
“Will you go pick it up?”
“Probably when I get the call from Lisa or Aidan that it’s arrived.”
“How will you feel about that?”
“I’m not sure. It makes me so lonely to go over there. I was happy in that house with Aidan. But now...it’s just hard to make conversation, to see that little girl...feel the loss all over again.”
Lucas busied himself mixing the ingredients together, the scrape of the spoon on the pan the only sound. He turned the burner on under the saucepan. “Sis, honestly, I don’t have a clue how I’d feel in your shoes. Wanting a baby, then finding out that Aidan had a child by another woman.”
“Lucas, can we not go there tonight?” She pushed her hair off her face, irrationally feeling Aidan’s skin against hers when he’d kissed her forehead on the beach this evening.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to start there, but we have to start somewhere. You need to decide what you want to do about it.”
“Like what?” she asked.
“Well, if you and Aidan aren’t going to settle your differences, then you’ll need to look for somewhere to live. It would make sense for you to stay at the house, but he’ll have to move his daughter somewhere—another move for the little girl. Not the best choice. Or you could find a condo or an apartment while you get to work on your divorce.”
“Divorce! I don’t want to divorce Aidan.”
Slowly Lucas turned with the saucepan in his hands, filling two mugs with the steaming brown liquid. “If you don’t want to divorce him, what do you want?”
“I—I want Aidan to understand that he’s hurt me, and I need time to get over it.”
“Then maybe you should simply get an apartment while you decide if you’re ready to forgive him or not.”
“You make it sound like I’m punishing him.”
“Aren’t you?” Lucas cocked one eyebrow at her.
“No! I’m the one being punished. I’m the one who has to find a way to live around my husband’s infidelity.”
“Gracie, that was five years ago. Five years during which you’ve been happy, right?”
“Yes...except for not having a baby.”
“But you are working on that, right? I mean, you’ve been in touch with an adoption lawyer.”
“I have. But Aidan wasn’t keen about it. When the whole mess with Deidre happened, it got left behind. Besides how can he pretend to want to adopt when our marriage is in danger?”
“Gracie, that’s not fair. Did Aidan say he didn’t want to adopt?”
“No. He just didn’t act very excited when I told him I’d found a lawyer.”
“Okay. So you were in the middle of considering adoption when all this happened, and now you’re convinced that Aidan wouldn’t be interested in adopting a child.” He took a sip of his hot chocolate, a concerned frown on his face.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked, annoyed that her brother was taking Aidan’s side.
Lucas put his cup down. “Gracie, if you want your marriage, I suggest that you get over there and talk to your husband about Emma, about what you want out of life, about the child you’d like to adopt. Get the ball rolling.”
“It’s not that simple,” she said, feeling defensive, something she rarely experienced around her brother.
“It is simple, if you love him. If you don’t love him, then get out of his life. He’s my brother-in-law and I’m mad at him for what he did to you. But he’s also my friend and my partner. In all the years I’ve known Aidan, he has been an honorable man who loves you. I’ve envied him that happiness. As I’ve gotten closer to Maria, I’ve learned something that is key to loving someone. You have to talk to each other, no matter how painful the subject is, no matter how difficult or even embarrassing it is to share how you’re feeling. If you love someone, you talk, you listen.”
“We’ve been talking,” she said, wishing this conversation could be over.
“Have you been listening? Seriously listening?”
“I have. I’m very aware of how Aidan feels about all that has happened,” she said remembering how emphatic Aidan was about his responsibility to Emma.
“Then you heard how unhappy he is. How he’s willing to do whatever you want if you’ll come back.”
She couldn’t deny that. “Yes.”
“And despite knowing that your husband is ready to do whatever it takes to win you back, you’re still willing to throw all of that away because you can’t forgive him for doing what he did.”
Lucas took Grace by the hand and led her to the sofa, where they sat. “You’ve been married a long time. Your husband, the man you love, made a mistake in judgment five years ago. If you can’t listen to him, understand his side of things, and find a way to accept his mistake, you need to move on and let him go.”
She hadn’t let her thoughts go there, to the step of officially ending her marriage to Aidan. She stared at her brother as his words hit home. “You think Aidan and I are headed for divorce?”
“I have no idea. All I know is that you need to face the reality that if you can’t find common ground, a way to settle your differences, you may end up facing the very real possibility your marriage is over. Aidan loves you and he loves his daughter. If you cannot accept that and become part of it, you could end up living without him.”
Lucas tucked her hand in his. “Gracie, you’ve always wanted to be a mom. I realize that this wasn’t the way you’d imagined you’d become one. And although it is a li
ttle unorthodox, you have a little girl in your life who needs a mother.”
An ache started under her rib cage, slowly moved toward her heart. “What if it’s too late for that? I mean, Aidan and I don’t seem to be able to figure this out. Nothing is going right between us. What if he feels forced to choose between me and Emma?”
“Don’t let that happen. I’m the one person who has been around since the beginning of your relationship back in high school. You two were meant to be together.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
IT HAD BEEN a rough few days for Aidan. He’d driven to the house in her car, and the next morning he had Lisa follow him while he dropped Grace’s car off, leaving the keys at the desk in the condo building. She hadn’t called since.
He couldn’t stop thinking about what Lucas had said. Lucas hadn’t been able to get out of his Nashville commitments, so their talk had been postponed. Aidan understood better than anyone why Lucas had to go, that he couldn’t ask someone else to head up the meeting on a project that would see them break into the Nashville market.
Yet Aidan had nearly called Lucas to ask him to come home. The last thing he wanted was to lose Grace, but he felt powerless to reach her, to get her to see how sorry he was for everything.
He had called work this morning to let them know he wouldn’t be in. He had several large files, pricing reports and some new project proposals he needed to review, and his home office was the quietest place he knew.
But he was home for another reason. He needed time to think. He had left messages for Grace, including one that a parcel had arrived for her. And there had been no response. He had driven by yesterday, looking for her car, but it hadn’t been in the parking lot.
She was making it clear she didn’t want to talk to him, and he had nowhere left to turn...unless Lucas could help. But Lucas wasn’t very happy with him and certainly had made it clear his loyalty was to Grace.
Aidan had to admit he’d seen subtle changes in Lucas this past week whenever they talked on the phone. Usually their conversation was open and easy. But in the past few days, Lucas had seemed distracted, distant in a way Aidan hadn’t noticed before.
The first time, he hadn’t let it bother him, but now he worried that what was going on between himself and Grace had spilled over into his relationship with Lucas. He had to admit that he wasn’t surprised. But their personal relationship was key to the success of their company.
He couldn’t lose his wife, and he didn’t want to lose his best friend and partner.
The dilemma had cycled through his mind, until the previous night when he’d woken with an idea. It was a poor one, at best, but it was all he could come up with.
If he took Grace away to Hilton Head for a few days without any outside interference, he might get a conversation going again, show her that he wanted to include her in Emma’s life and his.
If he could get today’s pile of work finished, he would be able to devote his time to his wife, and hopefully give them an opportunity to talk things out without his work cell ringing.
He still had to find a good kindergarten for Emma. He had two recommendations from staff at the office, and he had an appointment with each of them before the weekend. But he could send Lisa in his place if he managed to get Grace to consider a trip to Hilton Head.
He was about to open his computer and start his workday when Lisa came downstairs into the kitchen. “Aidan, while Emma is playing in her room, I have to talk to you.”
Aidan’s heart jumped into his throat. “Is it about Emma? Is she all right? She’s not sick, is she?”
“No. Emma’s doing really well. I’m truly amazed at how easily she’s settled in here. It’s me I need to talk to you about. I’ve been offered a job in Spartanburg. It’s full-time, looking after twin boys. It will mean I’ll be near my mother and able to care for her when needed. The pay and accommodations are good. The only problem is they want me on the job by the end of the month.”
That was a little over two weeks away. He’d planned on Lisa being here for another month, at least, so he had made no effort to replace her. “That sounds like the perfect job for you.”
She glanced at the pile of paperwork, then at him. “I hate to leave you so soon, and Emma is still missing her mom so much. But I feel that I need to take this position. Losing Deidre and watching Emma grieve has been very hard on me. I had always believed that I would be with them until Emma went to high school. They were as much a part of my family as my brothers and sisters, but that’s all changed now.
“I realize that you have plans for Emma, and I truly believe you will work things out with your wife. She’s a lovely person and Emma adores her. For me, an offer like this won’t come my way again, and I do need to be near my mother. Her health isn’t good and I’m the only daughter living here in the United States.”
Struggling to understand the effect this would have on Emma, Aidan tried to focus on what he needed to do next.
“It’s not going to be easy to replace you, Lisa. I wouldn’t have been able to manage without you these past few weeks. But of course, I understand. I’ll start looking for someone right away.”
“Thanks, Mr. Fellowes. I hope that you get your issues resolved with your wife. She is a natural when it comes to children. Emma is always asking when she’s coming to the house.”
“Thanks for saying that. There is nothing I’d like better than to have my wife back here with me, and with Emma...”
Lisa touched his arm consolingly. “You’ll figure it out. Over the next week I’ll stock up on supplies of food and things that Emma will need, regardless of who is caring for her. And I will look at those kindergartens, then give you my evaluation. I know what to look for where Emma is concerned. I helped Deidre pick the one in Spartanburg.”
“Thanks, Lisa,” Aidan said with regret. “We’ll have to tell Emma together.”
“I dread that the most. She will be upset, and so will I. How do you think we should do this? How do I tell my little girl I’m leaving her?” Lisa asked, biting her lip and turning away.
With a loud clatter, Emma arrived at the bottom of the stairs. “Oops! My dump truck fell. Just fell. Like that.” She flipped her hands open and shrugged her tiny shoulders in a show of disbelief.
“Emma, you’re going to put your dump truck in the toy box, aren’t you?” Lisa asked, a forced smile forming on her lips. She glanced anxiously at Aidan, who gave a barely perceptible shake of his head.
“Yep. When are we going to the grocery store?” Emma asked. “We need more peanut butter. And I want more cheese but no yogurt. Yogurt is yucky,” she said as she wandered into the kitchen, chatting all the way.
“When will we tell her?” Lisa murmured.
“I’m not sure,” Aidan said.
“I will miss her so much,” Lisa said with a catch in her voice.
“And she’ll miss you.”
Lisa nodded as she smoothed her cheeks, removing the remnants of tears.
They followed Emma to the kitchen. She crouched in the middle of the room, focused on arranging several of her trucks and her tractor. “I’m building a house today. That’s why I got to dig a giant hole in the ground.” She looked over her shoulder at them, then walked to Lisa. “Why are you crying?”
“I’m not.”
Emma planted her hands on her hips. “You are, too.”
Lisa ruffled the red curls forming a halo around Emma’s head. “We have to get ready to go shopping.”
“What are we buying?” Emma asked, smiling up at Lisa. “I love to shop.”
“Spoken like a woman,” Aidan said to lighten the moment. How was he going to tell Emma that Lisa would be leaving them? And who could come to help him on such short notice?
Grace sprang immediately to mind, but he shied away from the idea. She would likely feel he was using her, further reinforcing her
feelings of being left out of the decisions being made.
Lisa gathered the grocery list and her car keys. “Let’s get your jacket and we’ll head out. Where did you leave it, Emma?” she asked.
Emma swung around. Her lips pursed in thought, she turned all the way around one more time and pointed to the back of a chair in the dining room. “There it is.”
“Then get it on. I need to speak to your dad for a minute, so you wait in the hall for me, okay?”
“Sure.” Emma ran for her jacket. Pulling it on, she rushed for the door leading to the garage. “We’ll play dump trucks when I get back,” she said, dropping the one she held in the toy box behind her.
With Emma out of the room, Aidan turned to Lisa. “We have to tell Emma as soon as possible. We need to give her time to adjust to your leaving.”
Lisa’s eyes swam with tears. “Maybe I could wait and take another job. That way it would be easier on everyone. My biggest concern back in Spartanburg is my mother. She doesn’t seem to be doing as well as the doctors suggested she would. It’s all such a worry,” she said, glancing furtively toward where Emma was playing.
Aidan wanted Lisa to change her plans and stay longer. He wanted that more than anything, and for a few minutes, he considered calling her new employer to negotiate a different start date for Lisa.
With less pressure, he would have a better chance of finding someone with Lisa’s skills. All sorts of scenarios went thought his mind at once. Lisa had the right to take a new job. So he had to find a solution as soon as possible. Otherwise, Emma would be even more unhappy and he’d find himself working from home indefinitely.
Abruptly he stopped and looked around. He was doing it again, making decisions for everyone. He’d done it to Grace without a thought. Slowly he reconsidered what he’d been about to do. He didn’t need to take charge of Lisa’s problems. He wasn’t responsible for her. He needed to provide for his daughter.
Bringing Emma Home Page 19