Never Me (TAT: A Rocker Romance #5)

by Melanie Walker

  I immediately feel like a piece of shit. I almost lost Candey thinking she was down to fuck and nothing else, then stupidly fell in love with her. It wasn’t something I would risk again.

  I don’t wait for Bright to respond or attack whichever way she went was a moot point now. I turn and walk inside, almost knowing them all over after busting them eves-dropping at the front door.

  Bright is right behind me and see’s my misfit family all with guilty faces as they pretend they weren’t busted.

  “I need a new sponsor.” I turn to Bright who I hear gasp at my demand. “It’s not gonna work out love. Sorry.” I watch the unbridled lust turn to rage in the snap of my fingers, and I disregard it looking back to Tay. “Make sure all accommodations are paid for and have her on the first flight back to sunny C.”

  With that I walk through my sisters house and out to the backyard. I look to Jen, a look that says follow me please as I head out the door.

  “Cal, come get Axe. Looks like I need to take Noah off a ledge.

  Projecting all my anger

  I can't seem to get this through to you

  The walls are closing in

  I dare you to walk in my shoes

  Five Finger Death Punch~ Hard to see

  Chapter Five

  Bright

  I am humiliated right now, and it is worsened by the fact they are all looking at me. Good thing my anger over rode my embarrassment and I didn’t give a fuck if they watched. I hiked my happy ass through that house until I saw the red glow of a cigarette through the French doors in the kitchen. “Bingo mother fucker.”

  I storm out the back door and charge him until we are toe to toe. “Who in the fuck do you think you are to dismiss me like I am some cheap whore you just fucked?” I cringe inwardly as I hear Tayla call the two small children into the living room. I try to suppress the guilt at them hearing such language with the fact they are kids of rock stars and I am sure they’ve heard worse.

  He looks at me with the same intensity. “I am trying not to dismiss you like a whore actually.”

  “I was hired to do a job and because you find me attractive you can't handle it? Get a grip dude. Bad ass bassist with an edge, cant handle being around a cute girl. Boo hoo dude.”

  “Enough!” This is Carrie and now all of the people I have yet to meet are all watching with rapt attention. “What the fuck Bubba?”

  She looks to Noah for answers.

  “Carrie just go inside and let me handle this.” He dismisses her like nothing and pulls a drag from his cigarette. I snatch it from his fingers and take a deep drag off the Camel, exhaling in relief. I glare at him as I hand it back to him, and his stunned expression.

  “Handle what? Firing me? You did that already.”

  I am not willing to stand here and look like some impulsive bitch to complete strangers. I have never in my life been more offended than I am now.

  “I came here to help. For whatever reasons it was important to me do not matter because you all have offended me." I turn my glare on Tayla and Carrie. "You dig into my past without the right or my permission, and stand idle as a record label strips his rights. I look to Noah again. "You accuse me of being a stalker and to top it all off you fire me because you can’t stand wanting to fuck me!” I scream the last part in his face, steal his smoke and walk away for good.

  I get in my rental car and connect my phone to Bluetooth and race out of there while I wait for Raleigh to answer. He does on the second ring.

  “How did it go?” He asks and I know he is closing The Brew because I can hear the cappuccino machine in the background self-washing.

  “I need your help Raleigh.” My voice cracks and I hate that they affected me enough to cause tears.

  “Whoa, baby girl take a deep breath and tell me what happened.” I went over the entire night's episode with him in all its glorified detail.

  “Damn Bright.” Was all he could say and then I hear his lighter and I know he is taking the trash out and having a smoke before he starts to count down the register. “Want me to burn all their CD’s in your honor?”

  I laugh. “No, I just can't stand rich people.”

  He laughs. “First off I am glad I don’t need to go all political and burn their music because I do love it. Second, baby it sounds like he was maybe wanting to be the good guy… in a real shitty way of course.” He added the last part quickly as if to reassure me he was still on my team.

  “I know he was but he humiliated me in the process.” I shake my head and press on the gas pedal when the light turns green. “Can you help me get a flight that leaves sooner than tomorrow night please?”

  “Of course.” He sends me off with a few more comforting words of friendship before ending the call so he could finish closing up shop and help me get back home.

  By the time I made it to my hotel I was exhausted and wanted a long hot bath. I poured myself a tall glass of Stella Artois and made my way to the bathroom. A text from Raleigh comes through with my new travel itinerary and I am relieved to know I am gonna be back home by lunchtime tomorrow.

  And just like that I am annoyed all over again. “Fucking rich people.” I say to myself, a reminder of everything I will never be again.

  Noah

  “What the fuck just happened?” Carrie asks me and I look at her with an obvious glare.

  “Really sissy? You guys act like you weren’t listening in the entire time. You know damn well what happened you nosy bunch of fucks.” Cal laughs and stops instantly when I turn my glare on him.

  “What did I miss?” Jen asks and rubs my back in a soothing manor.

  “Noah wants to fuck Bright the sponsor.” Cal says loud enough for Jen to hear and I cringe.

  “Plus they knew each other from a few days before when she got a tat by Sully.” Shame adds in and I could punch him for not being loyal. He saw my disappointment and shut the fuck up.

  “Whoa, heady stuff Noah.” Jen says but like usual she doesn’t judge.

  “You just set everyone back Noah. Had you given her a small chance you could have seen she was perfect for the job.” This was my sister attacking me and I made my way towards her my anger evident in every step. I watch Chad make his way beside her and I laugh.

  “Back off dipshit. It’s Carrie and nothing could ever make me a danger to her. Step back.”

  Chad listened like a good boy and I now stood in front of Carrie. “When will you get that this isn’t your choice. Good fit in your eyes is not a good fit in mine.”

  “Bubba she-“

  “Enough!” I yell and she backs up a step. I’ll feel bad for that later but right now I am too pissed off to care. “I want to fuck her Carrie. Primal fucking need and that shit is not okay in my situation. It’s one thing when I fuck a fangirl I will never see again but hell no am I shitting where I sleep.”

  “Then maybe don’t try to fuck her.” Tayla says and I turn that same anger on her.

  “You guys don’t get it. The last person I loved and trusted to come clean too, is dead. I don’t want that fucking cocktail happening again.”

  “Then don’t let it bubba.” Carrie was calm as she spoke and it only upset me more.

  I pull at my hair and turn away kicking the grass as I yell in a frustrated growl.

  “He has to trust his sponsor you guys. It is imperative for him to trust them. This is Noah, Noah who lives and dies by who he trusts. Add to it that he is attracted to Bright and you have Candey all over again.” Jen spoke over my roar and even I could feel the daggers that Carrie and Cassa were throwing at her with their eyes, only pissing me off more.

  “Don’t you fucking look at her like that! Don’t you dare!" I drill into both Carrie and Cassa, causing their husbands to go caveman in a nanosecond. "She is right and if that chafes your asses too fucking bad. If you weren't so concerned with how it makes you feel that she has the inside scoop over you, you'd know she's right. You are both so in the wrong here I can’t even look at you.” I pointed at
both Cassa and Carrie as I spoke.

  “Noah…” I could hear the shame in Carries voice as she spoke my name but I didn't care. I shook my head not willing to hear another word.

  “Get away from me right now Carrie. I love you, so fucking much, but right now I am so disappointed in you I can't stomach your voice. Leave me alone until I calm down or better yet I’ll leave.”

  Carrie spun and ran in the house and the rest of the guys charged me unwilling to let me leave this upset. Not out of fear I would wreck or feel bad for myself. No they only feared one thing and it was a needle. It always came back to a needle.

  “Everyone go inside, give us a minute.” Shame said and like the last thirteen months they listened when he told them to leave me alone.

  Everyone disappears and I am left with Jen and Shame. One will read me the riot act, the other will comfort me and let me be pissed.

  "What the fuck is wrong with you…?" And here she goes. Jen is on a tear right now and I know why but I don't care. "Any shot in hell I had of her ever letting me be a part of your world, of my sons, is gone."

  "Jesus, so what just let her sit with Cass and treat you like shit?"

  I can feel Shame shift uncomfortably and I know right now this is putting him in a tough spot.

  "I don't give a shit about Cass." Shame looks at Jen like all bets are off and he is about to let her know when Jen clarifies. "I just mean that I am not bothered by her hate, she's still hurting and I can't stand knowing what she's been through and I get why she sees me that way Shame."

  He seems to accept it, but I don't. "It's cool Jen. Cass knows she's in the wrong, she just can't bring herself to let it go yet so she's easily incensed."

  "And where does it put me?" I ask and light another smoke since Miss America took off with my Camel. "I'm supposed to trust this chick but I want to fuck her and I know damn well that shit will fuck it all up."

  "Honestly Noah, I don't know. You just set me back six months flipping out instead of hearing their side. You alienated everyone and used me as your reason…" She stopped talking and just walked away, going out the side of the house to avoid seeing them all again and it left me feeling like shit.

  Shame ever the calm one that reminds me it's just one day in a shit ton of good days, steals my smoke and takes a drag. "What the fuck am I the community smoker?"

  He laughs and hands it back to me. "We have five days to get either a new sponsor or for you to kiss ass and get her back. That's all you need to be focused on right now." He cringes and licks his lips in a nervous way. "Cal will shit two golden eggs for Easter if you don't figure it out fast my man."

  I laugh because he is funny, but also because he is right.

  "You really into her?" He asks and hands my smoke back to me.

  "Fuck yeah and I don't know why dude. I can't stand her type. Fuckin beauty pageants and shit. She even got the most generic tattoo dude and when she told me she wanted it generic on purpose I swear it made me hard."

  He laughs. "Dude I get it, Cassa is as girly as they come and it gets me hot."

  "Dude Cass is a badass though. She's all tatted and strong and such a bitch when need be. This girl probably sleeps on twelve mattresses like a fuckin princess."

  "Bro my girl is tough as nails, but she has scars and I don't mean the physical, emotional scars that give her the edge and make her mean when she needs to be." I nod because I know he is right and its all besides the point anyway. "But what do I do with this? These women are all control freaks, and the most important women in my life. How do I make them happy without ruining any chance I have to get through this tour? I need a sponsor that's good for me."

  "What says she isn't? Maybe wanting to fuck her is a good thing?"

  Hell he has lost his mind. "I can't fuck her and bare my soul Shame." More importantly I wouldn’t.

  "Why?" He took a seat by the fire pit that sat under the arbor in the yard. I walked over and flicked the switch and the glass shards inside the pit lit up in blue and orange flames.

  "Because man, I don't have any intention of going there again. I can't. I can't spend time like that with a woman I want and handle it sober right now." I rub my neck and let out a sigh. "Fucking thinking of it makes me want to get high."

  "Well, that ain't gonna happen dude. There are so many eyes on you this round that you might be better off taking her and fucking her for the next three months. I don't see pussy parties and a line of fangirls in your future."

  I know he's right, but something about this chick says run. Run because she will break me. "Ya know had you listened for two seconds, you'd have learned that your sponsor would be the last chick you would have been fucking. In this century and the next."

  Chad takes a seat next to Shame and warms his hands. I gotta admit, I'm curious why he thinks that. "Dude I have game. I guarantee I'd get there."

  "I ain't looking to bet on the poor girl. I just know the major factor and you are too fucking spoiled and stubborn to listen."

  WTF? "Dude, what the fuck? She gay?" I have to admit, that isn't a problem it’s a fuckin gold star if I can make it happen.

  "No asshole, she's a sex addict."

  Scene

  Noah

  I hate California. I can't stand the land of beauty and it worsens as I drive through Yorba Linda trying to follow the built in GPS in this fucking gutless electrical crap car the guy called a Prius.

  Once I make the final turn and the British chick on the GPS tells me I will reach my destination in three hundred feet I slow looking for a house. There isn't one. All I see are coffee shops, tattoo studios and a few mom and pop cafes and clothing stores. No way she lived in a strip mall. Annoyed that I had to make this trip in the first place I decided to go ahead of the band and gather my sponsor and have Sully ride into Cali on my bus. We had a show kicking off in San Fran Cisco tomorrow and Tay wasn’t accepting anymore of my bullshit. Pretty much, I am fucked if I don’t have Bright in tow with me tomorrow.

  I pull into a coffee shop called The Brew and it's the address T gave me. I park behind the building and turn the car off and call Tay to get the right address.

  "Noah I am telling you, the address she gave us is 943 Banda Boulevard." She sounds highly frustrated by me and I want so bad to draw this moment out, but know that I am high on her shit list right now and playing nice was my only option.

  "943 Banda Boulevard is a coffee shop called The Brew. I put that shit in the GPS, I can't fuckin verify it again or make it any clearer T. She gave you the wrong address so I am done hunting this pain in my ass out."

  She scoffs and I swear my knuckles went white on the wheel. "Hunting her down? Really Noah? I gave you an address, George booked your first class flight and arranged for a rental car. You have been hunting for like… an hour."

  "Mother fucker… George picked this car?" I knew someone was either teasing me or knew nothing about me. George knows nothing about me. I am pretty sure he's scared of me and by the way I feel emasculated by this car he should fear me.

  "Hey buddy you can't park here." Some guy, not tall by even my sisters standards knocks on my window telling me to move. Once I look up and roll the window down and he got a look at me pandemonium ensued.

  "Fuck my life…" I groan into the phone and watch as this guy dances around screaming 'he can't believe it'.

  "What?"

  "Just got sighted by a fan. I need to get out'a here…" I pause when I realize he is asking me a question. "Calm down dude, don’t cause a scene please." I am hoping this fan… er fanboy chills the fuck out.

  "Ohmygod… okay so I need to calm down…" He tries breathing through his mouth but he can't stop doing some happy dance long enough to get a breath in and he is basically whispering. I can hear T laughing on the other end of the line and right before I am about to hang up on her this dude said what I needed to hear.

  "So you're here and that means you came for Bright. Am I right?" He asks and he looks like Axe when he needs to piss. I don’t judge an
d I don’t give a fuck about gays and all the hoity bullshit in the news, but damn this dude was gay to a whole new level. Once I heard Brights name, this dude was my best fucking friend, and ally.

  "Found her, gotta go." I say to T just before hitting end and dropping my phone on the passenger seat. I shut the car off and roll the window up before getting out. "I am actually." I put my hand out trying to be all quaint and shit. "My names Noah."

  He laughs and puts his hand on his hip. "Duh." He says but still shakes my hand.

  "Sorry I need to move this car right? Where should I park my man?" He starts fanning himself and I am trying so hard not to laugh. Seeing dudes this excited over us wasn’t knew, but talking to one was different. This dude was seriously excited and that behavior is usually reserved for Chad.

  "No you're fine there. We don’t like customers in these spaces."

  "I can move…"

  "No it's really fine. I'm Raleigh by the way. I'm Brights best friend." I shake his hand again and it all makes sense.

  "So Raleigh, Bright told me a little about you. Nice to meet you." He looks at me with suspicion which is strange because twenty seconds ago he was doing the pee-pee dance in excitement.

  "She told me a lot about you." He says and I know, fuck I know she was effected enough to come home and bitch about me.

  "Yeah dude its kinda why I'm here. She around?" I look around for where she might live, kind of scared that she lives in her car or worse…

  "She's inside working but she'll be off in a few." He's waiting for me to follow him and I watch as he steps through a back door of that coffee shop. It's obvious she gave her work address to the label. I'm surprised that T didn’t figure out with all their digging that she wrong addressed them, but it will be fun rubbing her face in it. I love that girl, but fuck if she ain't a damn know it all control freak.

  "I don’t wanna bug her while she's working man. Can you maybe…" My words trail off as she comes walking to the back to grab two bottles of some syrup looking shit, dropping them when she sees me. Damn I wanted so bad to be underwhelmed, but seeing her in some tight holy jeans and an even tighter V-neck t-shirt and her hair in a ball cap… I knew I just had to suck it up. This girl was fine and it wasn't gonna get easier anytime soon.