"We're meeting Keaton and Carly in about an hour to talk about things," Colin said honestly. "I'll let you know what they say when we get back."
Suze nodded and stood up, smoothing out a dress that she'd clearly taken from my closet. It actually flattered her figure more than mine, and I made a mental note to let her keep it.
"Okay," she said solemnly. "Yeah, I think I'll go to the mall with Naomi. Let me know what Keaton says as soon as you get back."
"Will do," I promised.
Twenty Seven.
"Kyle still bullies me at school," I said. "Just last week, he pulled the condom trick again, and even though it was upsetting, it kind of just rolled off my back." I paused. "My boyfriend wanted to confront him, but I realized that doing that wouldn't help anything. It wouldn't help me, and it would only make me a bigger target for Kyle."
Elizabeth, my support group counselor, smiled at me reassuringly.
"That's what happens when you learn to let go, Nickayla," she said. "I'm very proud of you, and proud that you didn't do anything to further provoke him."
I'd been attending a rape and abuse victim's support group at our local library for a month, and even though it hadn't been very long, I'd felt a million times better. If I'd thought that a weight was lifted off of my shoulders by telling Colin about the rape, that was the biggest understatement of them all.
I'd made friends, I'd opened up, and I'd felt solace in the fact that I wasn't alone. As I looked around the room--our circle of trust, as Liz liked to call it--I felt like I was at my second home.
Rather, my third.
Our meeting with Keaton and Carly went much better than Colin or I ever could have anticipated. While they never suggested that Colin and Suze move in with them, they did suggest that they move into a new apartment.
Keaton had a small apartment on the outskirts of Harlow that was unoccupied, but all the bills and utilities were paid. All that Colin had to do was work to get cable and internet turned on, put gas in his car, and buy food for the house. It was a much better deal than we expected, but Colin took it.
He'd gotten a part-time job at Little Sicily--with help from Michie--and he'd moved in within a week.
Since then, I'd spent almost every day over at his place.
A timer went off, and I watched as Elizabeth placed her hands on her knees and stood up.
"That's it for today, guys," she said. She raised her hands, releasing the group. "We won't be meeting next week since most of you have prom, so we'll resume two weeks from now." She paused. "Before we release, what are your weekend plans? Let's start with Mandi."
I looked to Mandi, who was the shyest of the bunch, as she turned bright red.
"I'm going to visit my grandparents for the weekend," Mandi said excitedly. "They might let me stay the entire summer if this visit goes well."
I waited patiently for my turn to tell of my weekend plans, which didn't involve much of anything, really. Actually, I'd applied for an internship at North Carolina's Vixen magazine and I'd gotten Therefore, I'd be spending the summer at the Westwick estate with Colin while he worked and I did my internship duties.
"What are your plans, Nic?" Liz asked.
"I'm going shopping tonight for summer work clothes," I said. "I got an internship at a magazine based in North Carolina, so I'm going to be there all summer."
Liz smiled and released us, but before she let me go, she walked over to me and hugged me.
She'd told me before that I was one of her favorites in the group, simply because I was the most closed-off and she'd enjoyed watching me make excellent progress. Besides that, she'd met Colin and thought he was amazing for me and my recovery, and she wished us all the best.
"If you need to, you can wait inside for Colin to come get you," she said.
As soon as the words left her mouth, my cell phone vibrated in my pocket.
Michele Alexandra: Get your cute butt outside, NOW!
I laughed at her text message and showed it to Liz as I waved her goodbye and headed outside.
Colin was working until seven p.m., so it was going to be just Michie and me until he got home. We were just going to order in for pizza, and then Colin was going to have me home by my midnight curfew.
I hopped in Michie's car, waiting for her to pull off. She turned on the radio and as a familiar beat started off, we stared at each other, a wicked smile on both of our faces. Michele clutched the volume button and cranked the music all the way up as she drove off, singing at the top of her lungs.
It had been our song ever since we were little. For our fifth grade talent show, we even choreographed a dance routine to Bon Jovi's Livin' On A Prayer, so the fact that it was playing for just the two of us was nothing short of amazing. Michie sang along--a little off-key, but she didn't care--bobbing her head to the beat. She continued singing the entire first verse, and she pointed to me, and screamed, "Take it away, Nic!"
I belted out the first half of the chorus, pretending the play the air guitar as we giggled through the song. I glanced at her knowingly, realizing that if we weren't in a car at that point in time, we'd both be dancing to it in sync.
I looked to Michie as we pulled up to a red stoplight. She laughed once and then looked ahead as we began singing in unison.
I burst into a fit of giggles, not ashamed at the fact that every single car stared at us as we passed by. We continued singing the rest of the song at the top of our lungs, not stopping until we got to the Harlow Galleria.
Naturally, we headed for Forever 21 first. It was Michele's favorite store, and as long as she was with me, I knew that we'd be in there for at least two hours. She was a typical girly-girl, shopping for hours on end without any regards for how long it would take.
"We're gonna be here for a while," Michele said, smiling at me as she held up a black pencil skirt. She thrust it into my arms, then rummaged through more clothing racks. "You have to make up for the fact that you didn't prom dress shop with me."
I laughed, still a bit annoyed that she was holding on to that after all this time. She'd thrown a huge fit when I told her that Colin had bought my prom dress for me as a birthday present. I'd thought--stupidly--that because so much time had passed, she would have gotten over it already. Clearly, I was wrong.
"Mich, I didn't ask Colin to buy me a prom dress for my birthday," I told her. "And the one that he picked was so absolutely gorgeous; I couldn't exactly turn it down. So you are not allowed to be mad at me."
I set a hot pink blazer in the Forever 21 shopping bag, moving along to another rack. Michele held up a pair of high-waist short overalls, and I shook my head at her.
"I'm trying to be a classy intern, Michele, not America's Next Hoochie, showing all her coochie," I said. "I'm not buying that."
I got a few sideways glances from some of the older women in the store, but I couldn't help it. Just because she was used to wearing shorts and miniskirts all the time didn't mean that I had to do the same.
Michie was bright red, but she handed the shorts to me anyway. I shook my head, but she held them up and grabbed the pink blazer I'd just set aside. I had to admit, it actually looked cute when she put both articles of clothing together, but I was still unsure.
"Nic, you've got killer legs," Michie urged. "Plus, you're kinda short, so the shorts will go at least to above your knee. I say don't knock 'em 'til you try 'em."
I decided to humor her, but I knew that I wasn't going to take those shorts too seriously. I found a pair of high-waist pants and tossed those in the shopping bag.
I wanted at least three outfits to start with, and I knew Daddy was going to get me a Forever 21 gift card when the school year was up, so I wasn't too worried about clothes.
"I'm not mad, per se, about the fact that your oh-so-perfect boyfriend bought you an oh-so-perfect prom dress," Michele said sarcastically. "I'm just irritated that we've talked about prom dress shopping since we were six and I couldn't even do it with my best friend. I had to go with my sist
er, and you know how shit like that goes."
I laughed, knowing exactly what she meant. Her older sister Candace was almost exactly like her mom: she was neurotic and insanely overprotective. Trying to do anything with her around was almost impossible.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I'll make sure we prom dress shop ahead of time senior year."
"You'd better!" she retorted.
I was paying for the pizza when Colin pulled up in the driveway of his apartment. Michie had left with Brody thanks to the fact that he'd shown up with a shit attitude, so it was just Colin, Suze, and I that night.
"Hi there, gorgeous," Colin said, taking the boxes of pizza and wings out of my arms. He kissed me on the forehead in passing. He pulled a twenty-dollar bill out of his back pocket in an attempt to pay the deliveryman. "Here you go; keep the change."
I giggled, taking the twenty from him and stuffing it in his pocket once more.
"Sorry babe, you're kind of late," I said, closing the doors behind us as I thanked our delivery guy.
I followed Colin to the kitchen, grabbing two paper plates and a small stack of napkins out of the cabinets. I placed them on the table as I grabbed two slices for myself, a few hot wings, and the container of ranch dressing before Colin had the chance to take it from me.
"Okay, seriously? How do you know I didn't want any ranch?" he asked, forming a pout.
I ripped the top off, dipping my chicken wing in it as I took a bite.
"You're really going to argue with me about ranch when you've got like thirty ranch packets from Jack in the Box, Carl's Jr., and McDonald's?" I asked, rolling my eyes. "That's insane."
"It's not the same!" Colin replied. "This ranch is all warm because it came with the wings. If I go get those ranch packets, they'll be all cold!"
I laughed, shaking my head at him.
"You know what the solution to this is, right?" I asked, looking to him for his response. He nodded curtly and I sighed. "Get over it. I got the ranch, you lose." I stuck my tongue out at him. "Honestly, though, the real solution here is for us to actually get some dishes, actual food, and actual eating utensils. Then we wouldn't be eating out so much and we wouldn't be fighting over this container of warm ranch...we'd both be complaining about cold ranch."
Colin laughed, moving his chair closer to mine so that we were right beside each other. He placed his hands on the table and gazed longingly into my eyes without blinking.
I set my slice of pizza down, recalling the night we met and how he'd done pretty much the same thing. He couldn't stop staring at me.
"Okay, what?" I asked.
"I love that you say 'we' and 'us'," he mused.
Heat rose in my cheeks as I registered what he was saying. I had been referring to the apartment pretty much as ours, and saying that we needed to do this and we needed to do that.
"Sorry," I said. "That might be a bit presumptuous, I guess." I paused, playing with my hair. "I guess it's just the fact that we spend almost every day together, and most weekends I try to spend the night here, and you let me pick out the furniture and stuff when you moved in so I just kind of started thinking about this place as ours, and that's really not good because if you think about it, we've only been together for a little while, so to even think of this place as ours is incredibly presumptuous and premature when first of all, we've never even talked about us moving in together or what our plans are for after high school or if moving in together is a step that we even want to take considering my history and your issues with your parents, but it's hard not to think of this place as mine and as yours because sometimes I spend more time over here than the people who are actually paying the rent on this place."
I hadn't realized until I finished talking that Colin had been staring at me with a bewildered smirk upon his face.
"What?!" I snapped, suddenly embarrassed and irritated all at the same time.
"You ramble when you're nervous," he replied.
I glared at him.
I only told him that in confidence, and over the past few months that we'd been together, he'd reminded me of those very words a million times over.
"Yeah, so?" I asked.
He took my hands in his and turned to face me. Our knees grazed as his green eyes bored into my soul.
"Nickayla, will you move in with me?" he asked.
I pulled my hands away from him, sitting back in my chair, stunned.
Did he just ask me what I thought he did? I had to have misheard him. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't that I hadn't thought about living with Colin, but we were seventeen years old. Sure, we knew each other better than most couples did our age, but that didn't mean that we were ready to live together.
"Colin, it's a bit sudden, isn't it?" I asked. "I mean, we're only seventeen. We've only been together for a few months. We're so young, babe, we've got a long time to consider this."
His eyes lost their sparkle, but I took his face in my hands. I grazed his jaw with my finger.
"You're saying no," he muttered.
"I'm not saying no," I said. "But I'm not saying yes either. I'm saying this is something we need to think about. I know we're young and young people are supposed to make impulsive decisions, but that doesn't have to be us." I paused, running my thumb across his lower lip. "Babe, you and I have both been through more than any person our age should have to. If you think about it, we're wise beyond our years. Let's not change that by hopping into a situation before we think about it."
Colin nodded.
"You're right," he conceded.
We finished the rest of our meal with our typical table chatter, ending the night watching Harry Potter on the living room floor.
I lay in Colin's arms, my head resting on his chest as we watched the movie. His breathing was steady, but I could feel his gaze on me. I turned and sat up, splaying my hand across his chest.
"Honestly, Colin, I could spend every night of the rest of forever like this," I said. "I'm sorry if I hurt or upset you earlier when you mentioned moving in together."
Colin held his pointer finger up to his lips, shushing me.
"Hold on, pretty girl, I really love this part," he said. He leaned forward, talking along with the movie. "He'll never be gone! Not as long as those who remain are loyal to him!"
I laughed loudly at the fact that he'd even matched Daniel Radcliffe's accent when he uttered those words. I kissed him on the cheek, suddenly finding him ten times cuter just because he liked Harry Potter as much as I did.
Colin pulled me into his lap, burying his face in my back. He wrapped his arms around my middle, holding me against him. I closed my eyes, breathing in his scent and losing myself in the way that I felt whenever he touched me.
"You were saying?" he asked.
I sighed, looking over my shoulder at him. His expression was so serene, so peaceful, and I just couldn't look away from him.
In the past month, we'd both made a lot of progress, but I was prouder of him than I was of myself. He'd moved past what happened with his parents like a warrior. His smile had gotten brighter in the recent weeks, and the light in his eyes had returned full-force.
"I was just saying that I live for nights like this," I said. "And I could live every day of the rest of my life spending nights like this with you. And even though I said we should think about moving in together first, like really think about it, that doesn't mean that I don't actually want to."
Colin's eyes snapped open, and his eyes met mine. I turned around so that we were face to face, straddling his legs. He placed his hands on my waist.
"So you do want to move in with me?" he asked.
"Of course I do," I said. "But we barely met each other in January. It's May. I want to make sure we're not doing this because we're in a Honeymoon phase, but because we really love each other and can really imagine a future together. I want to make sure that this is more than a typical high school romance." I paused. "And once we get past that, we still have to worry about my parents. They're the bigg
est hurdle we have to get over, because at this moment, I'm absolutely positive that I want to live with you, I want to be with you, and if you want the same things, I want to spend the rest of my life having nights like this, having talks like this, and feeling exactly the way that I do right now."
Colin planted a kiss on my collarbone and I responded by lifting my head. He kissed the top of my head gently and smiled down at me.
I honestly hoped that he understood how serious I was being. I had gone through so much in my past, mostly because I wanted to take a step with the wrong person too soon, and I had paid for it dearly. I didn't want to make that mistake again, especially not with Colin.
He meant the world to me. The last thing that I wanted was to make a mistake with him. I was afraid of losing him, and I was afraid of losing me in the process.
Colin kissed me lightly on the lips and rested his forehead against mine.
"Nickayla, I really do love you," he said. "I really do want to be with you. I know that this is more than just a high school romance. When I look at my future, you're all that I see, and however long it takes, I'll wait until you see that, too."
"I love you," I said. "I promise, I'm thinking seriously about this. I don't just want some puppy love high school romance, or some friends with benefits thing." I paused, kissing him gently on the lips. He emitted a low growl, as I grazed my fingers along the side of his face. "I want everything with you."
Twenty Eight.
In the morning, I was ready first thing for a lunch date with Michele and Sarah. We'd wanted to meet at the Galleria so that we could get some shopping done, and that was precisely what had happened. We'd shopped until we dropped--well almost--and then we'd met up at Sbarro for stuffed pizzas and got lemonade from Hot Dog on a Stick.
We were sitting in the food court stuffed to the brim and laughing idly at Sarah's latest story about Emerson.
"Honestly, I don't know how many times I have to tell Nikkolas to watch his mouth around Emmy!" she exclaimed. "This morning, my mom was yelling at her to pick up her toys, and she called my mother a bitch!" She paused to laugh uncontrollably. "It was so hard keeping a straight face while my mom scolded her. It was so funny but I had to hold in my laughter. She knew exactly what she was saying, too, because she took off running and hid in my closet the moment after she said it!"
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