My sides ached and tears streamed from my eyes as I laughed uncontrollably. Although I had three nieces and a nephew, I was definitely closest to Em, and I knew firsthand all the crazy things she could say or do.
"Oh, God," I exclaimed. "If she'd called my mom a bitch, she would have gotten a drop or two of Tapatio in her mouth! That is awful!"
Sarah laughed at my words, knowing that it was true.
"Nikky is gonna get Tapatio in his mouth if he doesn't learn to filter!" she said.
I took a sip of my lemonade, looking over at my friends.
The main reason that I wanted to meet up with Mich and Sarah was so that I could talk to them about Colin's proposition. I didn't know what I was going to do about it, but I did know that I wanted to move in with him.
"So, Nic, what's new with you?" Michie asked. "You normally don't request lunch dates at the last minute unless something's on your mind."
I nearly choked on my drink as I realized how well my best friend knew me. Honestly, I could never get anything past her. I sighed, leaning back in my chair as I prepared to tell them what was weighing heavily on my mind and heart.
"Colin asked me to move in with him," I said.
Almost in slow motion, I watched two things happen: Michie dropped her slice of stuffed pizza and Sarah, who, up until that moment, had been leaning back in her chair playfully, toppled to the floor with a loud yelp.
I leapt up and pulled Sarah back to her feet, helping her into her chair.
"Gee, you guys don't look surprised at all," I said, rolling my eyes.
Sarah still looked slightly stunned and Michele was struggling to pick her jaw up off the floor.
"What about school?" Michie asked. "You're not dropping out, are you?"
I shook my head.
"First of all, I haven't even decided whether I'm moving in with him or not," I told them. "However, even if I had decided, living with Colin wouldn't involve dropping out of school. He's been in his apartment for an entire month and he still shows up for school every day without fail."
Sarah sighed, placing her hand on top of mine.
"Nickayla, I think it's a bad idea," she said. "That's how Nikky and I ended up growing apart."
"True, but Colin and I aren't you and Nikkolas," I retorted. "We want to live together."
I knew that both of my friends were going to give me a hard time, but I expected less of a hard time from Sarah, someone who had already lived with her boyfriend once.
"Nic, if you really want to move in with Colin, why can't you wait until after graduation? I mean what's the rush?" Sarah asked.
"Oh, my God, Nickayla, are you pregnant?" Michie asked.
I gasped, placing my hand over my mouth, honestly shocked that she'd even imply something like that.
"No!" I exclaimed. "I'm not!"
Sarah eyed me suspiciously, turning to face me and staring conspicuously at my abdomen. She met my eyes, probably assuming that she would get some sort of tell from my facial expression.
"Are you sure?" she asked, her eyes traveling down my body once more. "Because I said the same thing when my older sister asked me, and six Clear Blues and twelve bright pink lines later, I found out I was expecting Emerson. It's not that uncommon in teens our age."
"NO!" I repeated, even louder this time as I wrapped my arms around my middle, embarrassed that she wouldn't stop staring at me. "Good God, we're not even having sex!" I sighed. "We just really love each other, and it's something that we're considering."
Michele placed her chin in her hand, looking off into space momentarily. Her blue eyes met mine and she pursed her lips. I could only imagine what was going through that blonde head of hers. I could almost hear the lecture that was eminent, and I was beginning to regret telling them at all.
"Well, if your parents think it’s okay, I don't see why not," Michie said. "Shit, if my mom let me move in with Brody, I'd do it in a Goddamn heartbeat. So, if you really want to do it, babe, do it. Life's too short to second-guess yourself. You and Colin are the most sickeningly sweet lovebirds in the world, and you've been through too much not to get your happy ever after. Why the Hell should you wait until when everyone else thinks it's appropriate for you to live together?"
My heart surged at her words. I had expected her to give me grief over even considering moving in with Colin so soon, but she made me second-guess everything. Did I tell them first because I really didn't want to? Did I want them to validate all my fears and then use them as an excuse not to move in?
I wasn't sure, but I was glad to have their support.
"Michie! Don't tell me you support this!" Sarah exclaimed.
Michele turned on her, giving her a disgusted once-over.
"Of course I do!" my best friend replied. "She's not fourteen like you were when you moved in with Nikkolas. She's not pregnant; she's not even having sex for crying out loud! And she and Colin deserve a little bit of happiness. Who are we to discourage them from that?" She turned to look at me and she blew me a kiss from across the table. "Kales, I love you. Do what you think is best, and I promise we'll stand behind you."
Sarah flinched as if she'd just been slapped. Her expression turned blank and her posture stiffened. I could see the disappointment in her eyes. She hadn't been met with half as much support when she and Nikky left to raise their child together. I couldn't help it, though, that our circumstances were different.
"I think I'm gonna go," she said.
Michele rolled her eyes, turning away as Sarah grabbed her things. I hugged her, telling her goodbye as she retreated just as quickly as the atmosphere in our conversation had shifted.
As soon as she was gone, I playfully shoved Michie.
"God, did you have to be so judgmental?" I exclaimed.
She shrugged with sheer indifference as she sipped on her own lemonade.
"Honestly, Nickayla, you act like I'm going to sugarcoat the way I feel just because poor little Sarah Clay has feelings," she scoffed. "I'm not going to turn on a filter so that she can be comfortable, and it's not my fault that her circumstances were different than yours are." She threw her hands up in the air. "Sue me for being fucking honest!"
Laughing, I gathered our trash and stood up, dumping it in the garbage.
"Okay, Mich," I said, conceding her point. "Let's go calm you down with some more retail therapy."
We headed toward yet another store, but I wasn't there mentally. The conversation with Michele and Sarah left me with more questions than I'd started with.
I lay out in my bed, staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling. It had been a long day with Michele, and I was more confused than before after talking to her.
Colin had worked late at Little Sicily, and since tomorrow was Monday, we decided not to meet up. Instead, we were texting back and forth while I watched Kenzie and Callie.
Babe <3: I miss you.
I blushed deeply at his text, and I rolled over onto my stomach as I typed out a response.
Me: I miss you, too. Can you believe we've actually gone 24 without seeing each other? :O
"Auntie Nic! Auntie Nic! Nonna and I made cookies!" Kenzie said, rushing into my bedroom, squealing with excitement.
She and Callie were five-year-old fraternal twins, and I was babysitting while Nathan and Hanna took their older brother, Christopher out for a basketball game at the Staples Center in L.A.
"That's amazing, cutie!" I said. "What kind of cookies did you make?"
"We made chocolate chip!" Kenzie replied. "Nonna says you better come get some before Uncle Nikky eats 'em all!"
I laughed, stuffing my cell phone in my back pocket as I took her hand.
"Well, by all means, let's go get us some cookies, Kenz," I told her.
I grabbed her by her thighs, holding them tightly and swinging her so that she was hanging upside down as we descended the stairs. She giggled the entire way, thrashing wildly as though she had any hope of being released from my grasp.
"Oka
y! Okay!" she yelled, laughing uncontrollably.
I set her down on her feet, waving hello to my mom--we were still at odd ends after my birthday party--and bending down to tickle Callie in passing. I walked over to the stove, where two cookie sheets were sitting on a cooling rack, filled with chocolate chip cookies of all shapes and sizes.
I picked up three, walking into the living room to write while I watched Beaches. I looked at my phone, not at all surprised to see that I'd gotten a text from Colin.
Babe <3: I know, right? It's the longest we've gone without seeing each other since we started dating.
I laughed, turning on my laptop and typing in my password. While I waited for it to load my home screen, I replied to Colin's text.
Me: Not if you count the week of 'time' and 'space'. Bahaha :P
My mom came into the living room, plopping down on the couch next to me and peering over the back of my head to see what I was typing on my laptop. I slammed it shut and glowered at her. The last thing that I wanted was for her to see what I was working on.
It was a secret, essentially. In support group, Elizabeth told me about something that happened every month called Support Day. Each month, one person from the group was allowed to volunteer to get up in front of their friends and family, as well as the rest of the group, and share their story about what brought them there. After a month of being supported by new friends and strangers alike, I'd decided that I was ready to share what had happened to me with the people that I loved.
Elizabeth had prepared the invitations, and all that I had to do was deliver them.
I was working on what I wanted to say, what I wanted to release, and what, about my incident, I needed to confront.
I was nervous, because I'd decided that I wanted to invite Kyle to Support Day. I wanted him to be there and I wanted him to see how strong I'd become in the months following what he'd done to me. I wasn't sure whether he grasped the severity of what he'd done, but I wanted to make sure that by the end of Support Day, he knew without a doubt.
"What are you working on, mija?" Mom asked.
I shook my head in passing.
"Nothing important," I said. "I'm just journaling, checking Facebook...you know, normal teenage stuff."
She smiled at my response, and thankfully, she didn't question me further. Instead, she pulled me up against her, wrapping her arms around me.
"Nickayla, baby, I'm sorry for overreacting last month," she said, with a heavy sigh of discontent. "As your mom, I have to look out for you, and I have to question your choices every now and then. But clearly whatever you did for Colin, you helped him, because he looks so much better these days than he did that night and the morning after."
I nodded.
"He is much better," I said, at the same time that another text came in from him.
Babe<3:You're never gonna let me hear the end of that, are you? :/
What are you doing?
I looked down, replying with:
Me: Nope, neverrrrr.
Watching Beaches with Mom. There's a party at Ben's tomorrow. Wanna go?
I knew that he knew exactly what I was talking about, and he knew that the last time I went to a party at Ben's, the unthinkable had happened to me.
"I'm glad to hear that," Mom said softly, tucking a tuft of my hair behind my ear. "I know that I came on a little strong before, but I really do like Colin for you, mi amor."
"I like him for me too, Mommy," I replied.
Babe<3: I can't. I picked up another shift at Little Sicily so that I can pay for a limo for prom for me and my smokin' hot girlfriend. I don't want you to go alone. Maybe I can pick you up a couple hours before the party ends and we'll do something together? Date night?
At that, I smiled.
We hadn't had a date night in a while, and it was definitely long overdue.
I fingered my locket as I excused myself from the living room and went upstairs. I plopped down on my bed and dialed Colin's number, listening to the ringing on the other end while I waited.
"Excuse me, but I can't have pretty girls calling me," Colin said, not bothering to say hello. "I've got a girlfriend, miss."
I giggled, twirling my hair between my fingers and kicking my feet into the air.
"Yeah, well, maybe your girlfriend shouldn't leave you alone for long periods of time, and then pretty girls wouldn't call you," I retorted. I listened to his infectious laugh with a swoon before I continued talking. "What do you want to do tomorrow? I can always skip the party."
Even though I couldn't see him, I could just picture him shaking his head.
"No, there's no use in you doing that," he replied. "You want to go to the party, so go. I just want you to go with someone." A beat. "Hey, are Brody and Michele going? Or even Nikky and Sarah?"
"Brody and Michele are going, but Sarah's mom didn't want to watch Em," I said. "I'll see if I can get Brody to pick me up, but if he can't, I just won't go."
I heard him sigh on the other end, and I turned onto my back so that I could look up at the ceiling as I talked to him.
"I still don't know how I feel about you going to another of Ben's parties," Colin murmured. "I think going back to the scene of the crime is a bad idea."
I nodded, even though he couldn't see me.
Honestly, I'd given the entire situation lots of thought. I knew that going back to another party at Ben's would be difficult, but I wanted to face my pain head-on. There was no sense in avoiding it or running from it, because doing that wouldn't make what had happened to me disappear. I wanted to go so that I could enjoy my time with my friends, and so that I could confront what had hurt me and put it behind me.
"I know you think so, Babe," I replied. "But after being in Support Group, I think that I need to go. I don't want to go just to confront the situation, but because I used to live for Ben's parties before what happened. I used to go to every single one and never think twice about it, and now, I'm scared to even set foot in the door! I have to go for me, because it's not fair for me to let Kyle take another thing that I loved away from me."
I heard his sigh of contentment on the other end, and I knew in that moment that I had finally gotten through to him.
"Okay, pretty girl," he conceded. "I understand. Just please don't go to that party alone. If something happens to you at that party, I swear to God, Nickayla--"
"Nothing's going to happen to me at the party, Colin," I assured him. "Thank you for letting me go."
He laughed loudly, and I could just imagine that perfect crooked smile making an appearance on his face.
"Like I had any choice!" Colin exclaimed through his laughter. "You were gonna go whether I liked it or not. You know you don't need my permission, Nickayla. I'm your boyfriend, not your dad."
"Good to know," I said. "What time do you have to go into work tomorrow?"
His yawn infiltrated my ears as he closed his bedroom door--I assumed that he was coming from the kitchen--and he sighed again.
"I go in at 11 am, and I'm supposed to get off at six, but Giovanna asked me to cover her last four hours in exchange for over time. So I'm gonna do that and then I'll pick you up from Ben's," Colin replied.
"Sounds good," I said. “You going to bed now?"
"Yeah, most likely. I'm gonna shower first, though."
"Damn, now I'm regretting not coming over tonight."
He chuckled and let out yet another yawn.
"I love you," he told me.
"I love you," I said.
I hung up the phone, tugging off my jeans and slipping into a pair of pajama shorts. I took off my bra, then climbed under my blankets and turned out my bedroom light. I plugged my cell phone into its charger, looking at the time. Within seconds, it buzzed with a new text message from Colin.
Babe <3: Sweet dreams, pretty girl.
Babe <3: P.S.-Dream of me.
Babe <3: P.P.S.-I love you again.
I grinned widely, typing out my responses to him.
Me: Swee
t dreams, Babe.
Me: P.S.-I always do.
Me: P.P.S.-Dream of me, too.
Me: P.P.P.S-I love you again <3
I placed my phone on the bedside table, putting it on vibrate so that it would wake me up if someone called in an emergency.
I nestled in my bed, under my covers as I closed my eyes, content with the way that my life had been going. I was happy for once, and I couldn't imagine being much happier than this.
Little did I know that that happiness would be short-lived.
Twenty Nine.
After calling Colin on his lunch break to confirm that Brody was, in fact, giving me a ride to Ben's party, I started getting ready. Any time that I had plans to go somewhere, I liked to start getting dressed four hours ahead of time, just so that I could take my sweet ass time. The one thing that I hated more than anything in the world was being rushed.
I had picked out one of the cutest--less sexy--outfits that I had in my closet. I picked out a white floral dress that had a navy blue belt at the waist. I paired it with Nomi's white wedge heels, my birthday locket from Colin, and my mom's diamond tennis bracelet. I'd curled my hair and then swept it to the side in a long, elegant fishtail braid, leaving a few tendrils of curls loose to frame my face.
I wanted to look like I was ready to party, but not like I wanted to be followed by every male pair of eyes in the house.
I knew that Michele and Brody were going to be at my house within minutes, so I made it a point to grab my cell phone--which had a full battery--and text Colin a picture of my outfit.
I attached the photo with the message:
Me: You don't know what you're missin'. ;)
He replied quickly, so I assumed that he was on break.
Babe <3: Ah-OOH-GA! O.O
Babe <3: You're WAY hotter than my girlfriend!
Losing Me Page 31