Losing Me

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Losing Me Page 36

by Jasmine Carolina


  He pulled away, breathless, before uttering one word, "Prom?"

  I nodded, kissing him again, smiling as I gave him my response. "Prom."

  Thirty Three.

  Prom had been my dream since I was a little girl. I remembered going through my mom's old photographs from when she was in high school, and admiring her prom photo with all of her closest girlfriends. She'd looked so effortlessly pretty, and I remembered telling her that she looked like a princess.

  As I sat in front of my mother that day, her pulling the curling wand out of my hair and securing it in place with bobby pins, I couldn't help but feel like one, too.

  She'd taken me to the Sephora counter at JC Penney and splurged on my makeup, then she'd done it for me, like a true professional. My eyes were done up with simple gold and brown eye shadows using the Naked palette by Urban Decay, and she'd expertly lined my eyes with a cream eyeliner, making my brown eyes look almost copper or amber. Looking in the mirror wasn't like looking at a stranger, but rather, it was like looking at a done-up version of myself, something that I didn't see often.

  When my mom finished curling, twisting, and pinning my hair, I pulled open the top drawer of my dresser, pulling out the small silver box that held one of my favorite birthday gifts from Colin. I lifted the top off the box and unfolded the tissue paper, handing the tiny elegant comb to my mom.

  "Wow, this is beautiful, mija," my mom said, taking it in her hand and examining the jewels. She placed it under my French braid so it looked like the comb was holding it in place. My mom wrapped her arms around me from behind, kissing me on the cheek. "Colin treats you so well."

  I smiled up at her as I stood up, untying my robe.

  "Yeah, he does," I said.

  Naomi emerged from my closet, holding my prom dress in her hands, dangling from a hanger. She took it off the hanger and held it up. I held onto her as I stepped into my dress, turning around and letting her zip it up for me.

  I had picked my prom shoes a few days ago. They were a silver platform peep toe pump, with silver rhinestones delicately placed all over each shoe. They went perfectly with my dress and my comb, and I was sure that I'd be able to dance in them all night long with the boy that I loved.

  I stepped into my shoes, then I grabbed my small silver clutch, tucking my peach lip gloss inside after I put a little bit of it on my lips.

  "How do I look?" I asked, twirling around for my mom and sister to see.

  "You look gorgeous, Nic," Naomi said, reaching over and hugging me.

  We didn't get the chance to say much more before my dad's voice rang out loud and clear from downstairs.

  "Nickayla!" he yelled.

  My stomach was overcome with butterflies as I gave my younger sister a smile and stepped out of my bedroom. I descended the stairs slowly, my hand on the railing as the other hand held onto my clutch.

  Colin was facing away from me, and as I rounded the corner, his black tuxedo came into view. He turned around slowly, his eyes alight with appreciation of how I looked, and his smile widening significantly. When I got to the final three steps, he stepped forward, placing his hands on my waist, his fingers digging into my sides as he lifted me up, spinning me around slowly and then setting me on the ground. He kissed me on the forehead before he turned to the small table in the foyer, holding out a white lily corsage in his shaky hands.

  It perfectly matched the flower on his lapel, and he shakily placed mine on my wrist. I took his hand gingerly, walking around so that I stood in front him.

  I knew that Mom was coming with her camera within minutes to take pictures, because just an hour before, she'd done the same thing when Nikky and Sarah left.

  "You look...amazing, Nickayla," Colin gushed, beaming at me with pride. "You are so beautiful."

  I blushed, my entire face heating up as my parents came thundering into the room with their cameras at the ready.

  "Mija, stand in front of him," Mom said, holding her camera in front of her face. "Colin, wrap your arms around her."

  I grinned, and Colin whispered in my ear, "That's definitely not a problem. I won't be able to keep my hands off of you tonight."

  Colin's arms wrapped around my middle, resting over my own hands, and I turned to smile at the camera. Mom made us do a variety of poses, crying the whole time. It took us twenty minutes just to get through the picture taking alone.

  When it came time for us to leave, Colin held the door open for me, and I was greeted by a white stretch Hummer limousine.

  "Your carriage awaits," Colin said, bowing as he held out his hand to help me into the limo.

  I stepped inside, ready to be taken to my junior prom. I thought fleetingly that if Colin went all out for junior prom, senior prom was going to be even better. He climbed in after me, sitting next to me and pulling me in for an embrace.

  "How'd I do?" Colin said, gesturing to the inside of the limo as he poured each of us a glass of sparkling cider.

  I kissed him gently on the lips, brushing his hair behind his ear.

  "It's everything that I've ever wanted," I said, "and so much more."

  The prom was held at the Cheesecake Factory at Santa Monica pier. We'd only had to drive for half an hour to get there, and the ballroom that we'd rented out for prom overlooked the water. It was a beautiful sight, but that didn't hold a candle to how handsome my boyfriend looked that night.

  The theme was executed perfectly, with an Eiffel Tower cake and strings of peonies hanging from the ceiling. It was a vision of white, and it was such a romantic ambiance. Being there with Colin made it a thousand times better.

  Colin and I were on the dance floor, dancing to Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. His hands were on my hips as I moved to the beat of the music, and my arms wrapped around his neck as he moved in time with me. I wasn't much of a dancer, but when I was with Colin, I felt like I could do anything in the world. We moved as one, and even if we looked like complete idiots, at least we looked like idiots together.

  We'd been enjoying ourselves the past few hours, snacking on the hors d'oeuvres that our school had provided, and making fun of the people who actually had the balls to taste the escargot. I wasn't one to eat anything that crawled on the floor at any point in its life, so naturally, I passed on the snails.

  Colin and I spent the night in each other's arms, dancing the night away and enjoying ourselves. For a guy who hadn't exactly intended to go to prom in the first place, I could tell that he was having just as much fun as I was.

  Brody and Michele had shown up thirty minutes after we did, and they looked happier than ever when they joined us on the dance floor. Occasionally, Michele and I switched dance partners, and she danced with Colin while I danced with Brody. She looked gorgeous in her ivory dress with black accents and her straight blonde hair piled atop her head in a princess bun. It was no wonder she'd been nominated junior prom queen.

  We continued dancing as Bad Romance came to an end, and just as I was about to lead Colin off the dance floor and back to our table, the opening chords of my favorite Paramore song began playing.

  I gave him my best innocent look, and without a word, he placed his hands on the small of my back as I rested my head against his shoulder. My arms were around his neck as he held me close, and I began singing the words to the song softly.

  It was my favorite song, even before I'd found it on the iPod that Colin had given me for my birthday. I loved singing it in the shower, but I loved it even more because it spoke wonderfully about my feelings for Colin.

  The Only Exception began to play in slow, soothing notes, and I stood on my tiptoes, singing the words directly to Colin, as though they were written specifically for us. I sang the words as though they were an extension of me, giving him all the truth and the passion behind those words, telling him that giving my heart away had never been worth the risk. At least, not until I met him.

  He released me, taking my hand and giving me a spin, then pulling me up against him once more. I giggled loudly, throwi
ng my head back, and he caught my giggle in his mouth with a deep kiss. He held me so tightly that our legs were pushed together, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. We stood still, attempting to deepen our kiss, but he pulled away just a moment too soon.

  Colin cradled my head in his hands, gazing at me with a longing so intense that I couldn't possibly describe it.

  "Do you want to get out of here?" he asked breathlessly.

  I nodded, taking his hand. "I was afraid you'd never ask. I just need to get you alone."

  Colin grinned, and I was sure that he was thinking I just wanted to kiss him some more, but he didn't know the half of it. Inside my clutch was a special gift that I'd gotten him that I'd been planning to give him tonight.

  We waltzed past Michele and Brody who were having a slow dance of their own, completely oblivious to the world around them. Colin pushed open the doors to the ballroom we were in, revealing a lighted white gazebo.

  It was perfect, and it gave us the perfect chance to talk about what we needed to talk about.

  Even though I was wearing four-inch heels, I ran toward the gazebo, trying to race Colin there. He caught my hand behind me, pulling me back to him and lifting me up in the same swift, breathtaking moment. He spun me around as I grinned uncontrollably.

  "God," I whispered, my breath completely taken away. "This is so romantic." I leaned against the railing of the gazebo, gazing out toward the pier that our prom took place on. "Babe, look at that view!"

  He came up behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist as he planted a kiss on the side of my neck.

  "I'm looking, and it doesn't compare to the way you look tonight," he replied.

  I turned to face him, and was immediately taken back to the day that we first met.

  I never would have guessed that day that I'd met the boy that I'd come to love. He'd done so much more than just save me from drowning in a lake that night. He'd saved me from myself.

  "I love you," I told him.

  He placed his hands on my hips, squeezing lightly and lifting me up so that I sat on the railing. He nestled himself between my legs, holding onto my back. I took a couple tufts of his hair in my hands, drawing him closer, closer still, pretending that I wanted to kiss him. Instead, I lightly pushed him away, giving him my best smile.

  "I have something for you," I said.

  I reached into my clutch for the silver gift box I'd gotten from a dollar store, solely for the purpose of holding his gift. I handed it to him, and he cocked his head to the side with a crooked grin.

  "What's this?" he asked, looking at the box skeptically.

  I pulled out my box, holding it so that I could show him that this was a gift for the both of us. He raised an eyebrow at me in amusement. I could tell what he was thinking. He was normally the spontaneous one, the one who gave gifts and surprises without giving anything away before. He was the one who did all the sweet things, and he'd never expected anything back because he thought that I deserved it.

  If I was being honest with myself, he was much too good for me. How could I want more than a person who took a chance on me, who took every single piece of baggage that I came with, and gave no complaints? He was the perfect boy, and he was the boy that I loved. If I was being honest...he was my one true love. There was no one better than Colin Westwick.

  "It's something that I've waited an entire week to give to you," I said. "Open it."

  I released his hair, giving him the chance to step back and open his gift.

  I watched his expression morph from excitement, to happiness, to confusion, and back again. His green eyes met my brown ones, and he raised an eyebrow at me again.

  "A key chain?" he asked.

  I nodded, opening my box and holding out mine.

  It was a cheesy present, but Michele had helped me pick it out, and I was sure that he'd appreciate it once he figured out the reasoning behind it.

  My name had been etched in cursive on one side of my key chain, and on the back of it, the word "hers" was etched. Colin's said his name, and it said "his" on the other side.

  "His and hers key chains," Colin said, smiling. "That's cute." He was about to stuff the key chain in his pocket when realization hit. "Does this mean--are you saying you want to move in with me?"

  I nodded slowly, a grin spreading wide across my face.

  "Yeah, and even better, my parents said yes, too," I informed him.

  Colin stepped back, staggering slightly. I could see the excitement coursing through him. He punched his fist in the air like a little boy who'd just scored a touchdown, and he gave a wide smile.

  "No fucking way! Seriously?" he sounded as bewildered as he looked. "When did they say yes?"

  I blushed, looking down at my lap.

  "They actually said yes on Support Day," I said. "I just wanted it to be a surprise." I risked a look at him, and I could see his smile growing wider and wider. "Are you surprised?"

  He chuckled, pulling me against him in a tight embrace.

  "Hell yeah, I'm surprised!" he exclaimed.

  I could hear something important being announced in the distance, and before Colin could say more, I put a finger to his lips. I shushed him, listening intently to what was said over the speaker system.

  "This year's junior prom king is--," someone said, and I squealed with delight.

  "They're crowning prom king and queen!" I yelled excitedly.

  "Brody Durham!" the person announced. I waited anxiously and silently while whoever was making the announcement got the envelope for prom queen. I crossed my fingers and closed my eyes. "This year's junior prom queen is Michele Taggaro!"

  I grinned aloud and made a point to congratulate my best friend as soon as we decided to go back inside the ballroom. At that moment, I was more than happy to have time alone with Colin.

  Colin repositioned himself between my legs, holding me as close as was possible. A shiver ran through me and he ran his hands up and down my forearms.

  "Are you cold?" he asked.

  I nodded, and without another word, Colin took off the jacket to his tuxedo, draping it over my arms. I closed my eyes, warming up and reveling in the feeling of his arms around me. Off in the distance, I heard a Carrie Underwood song that I knew all too well playing. It was yet another slow song, but it was one that described exactly what I was feeling at that moment.

  "Dance with me," I said, opening my eyes to find Colin gazing at me with a deep adoration.

  He stepped back, taking my hand and helping me get off the railing gracefully. He held his hand out, and I took it gingerly, allowing him to pull me against him. I rested my head against his shoulder, wrapping my hands at the nape of his neck and holding him close. His hands found my lower back, leading me in a slow waltz. I closed my eyes, listening to the words of Look At Me rather than singing them, because I wanted him to feel how special that moment was.

  The words to the achingly sweet Carrie Underwood song gave something tender to that private moment between him and I, and I continued to dance with the boy I loved, knowing that every single world she sang was true: I fell farther in love with him every time he looked at me.

  We swayed to the song, and as we did so in complete silence, I fell even farther in love with Colin Westwick.

  The words to the song rang true. I could feel all of those emotions every time Colin looked at me, every time he held me as though I was meant to be in his arms, and every time he kissed me like my lips were meant to meet his. It was impossible to explain all of that to him, because, as always, being in his presence left me at a loss for words. Instead, I just let the music say all the things that my heart was too afraid to let come out into to the open. I let the words play and fall between us as we held each other close, never letting go, never separating, never breaking the hold we had on one another.

  I wasn't quite sure where life would take us or where we'd be a year, five years, or ten from that moment, but I was sure of one thing: I loved Colin with every fiber of my being, and
I would spend as long as it took proving to him that he was worthy of that love.

  He'd spent the better part of our relationship doing just that for me, and I wouldn't stop until was able to do the same for him.

  There was something about Colin and the way he made me feel...he made me want to fall harder and deeper with every moment that I spent with him. I felt fearless with him, and I felt infinite.

  "You wanna know something I just noticed?" Colin asked, finally breaking the silence between us as the song ended, but he didn't pull away from me. We continued to sway and we continued to move, dancing to our own music and holding each other tightly. "Whenever I tell you that I love you, you never respond with 'I love you, too'. Why?"

  I smiled up at him, stroking his face with the pad of my thumb, memorizing the feel of his soft skin against my finger.

  "Because, when someone says 'I love you, too', it sounds like they're almost obligated to say it," I replied. "It's like saying it only because the other person said it first. I don't love you, too, Colin. I just love you. I just love you so much more than you'll ever know."

  He seemed to like that answer, and as we danced in silence, he rested his chin on top of my head.

  "So what happens after prom?" Colin asked.

  I grinned up at him, plucking his key chain out of the pocket of his tuxedo jacket.

  "Well, I guess you could always come to my house in the morning and help me start packing," I said. "You know you're totally giving me half of your closet space, right?"

  Colin made a face, pulling away from me completely and dropping his hands to his sides as he shook his head frantically.

  "Yeeeah, I change my mind," he said. "You can't move in with me after all. I need every square inch of closet space I can get my hands on."

  I smacked his chest playfully, then grabbed his tie and pulled him back toward me, not ready to let go of him just yet.

 

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