Discoucia

by Nicholas Lovelock

  “Yeah, I think everyone knows what you’re talking about,” she replied.

  “What do you mean everyone?” he asked.

  “You’re not running with it,” she replied.

  “Right sorry, so what can I do with this?” asked Arthur.

  “Hmm, what about a gun somewhere?” he replied.

  “It’s a bit of a cliché, why not something a bit more imaginative?” she said.

  “How about sticking some rope somewhere?” he asked.

  “It’s practical, so how about putting it in the lining below your waist, and that way it won’t be seen and if you need it, then it’s one more thing to have on your side” she said.

  “Literally,” said Arthur.

  ”Well the moon is on my side, and the rope is on yours I suppose,” she said.

  “That’s a strange thing to say,” said Arthur.

  “I really miss my iPod, being a god is good but without music it’s just pointless,” she replied.

  “So explain to me what an iPod is, in terms I’ll understand this time,” he said.

  “Basically, it’s a storage device for thousands of songs and other music, and you can listen to it whenever you want, though such a device would be pointless considering you don’t have music here,” she said.

  “We have music,” he said.

  “Not my kind of music. You’ll get there eventually, you’re about 200 years away; what year is it?” she asked.

  “14673,” he replied.

  “Let’s see, by my calculations your world parallels mine when it was the year 1767, so strike that, you should be 1,827 years off popular music,” she said.

  “I’m not going to ask, but having all that at your disposal must be amazing,” he replied.

  “You don’t know the half of it; we also have hand held devices that can access any piece of information on the planet, and we can learn anything,” she explained.

  “So it’s like the largest encyclopaedia in the palm of your hand?” he said.

  “Yes, but very few of us use it to the advantage that you would believe, to be honest. A person like you would use it fully, because you haven’t grown up with it, but my people won’t use it properly because they have never really been deprived of it,” she said.

  “Freedom is only meaningful to those who have been deprived of it,” said Arthur.

  “That’s why prisoners that stay in for longer are less likely to commit another crime, in most cases that is,” she said.

  “Anyway, what else are we going to do, since time behaves differently with you,” he said.

  “You need a notepad and a pencil, in case there is anything you want to write down,” she said.

  “So where are we going to stick it?” he asked.

  “How about in your sleeve, then if you need to whack someone, you’ve got a concealed weapon that doesn’t fire bullets,” she replied.

  “You don’t like guns do you?” he asked.

  “No, they’re messy, and I never saw Fred Jones use a shotgun to solve a mystery,” she said.

  “Fred Jones?” he asked.

  “Great track record in solving mysteries, probably a terrible shot,” she replied.

  “OK, well are we done yet?” he asked.

  “Yes, you haven’t got any weapons of any kind, which is perfect,” she said.

  “That doesn’t make much sense,” he replied.

  “It will,” said Archie.

  Arthur proceeded outside, followed by Archie, and Jo was still asleep, and sunlight was streaming in. Jo woke up and saw Arthur sneaking out of the wardrobe. “Good Morning?” she said.

  “Oh hey, I was… just…” he said, but trailed off.

  “How did you manage to get in there without passing me?” she asked.

  “Um…” he said, but couldn’t think of anything to say.

  “Is Archie here?” she asked.

  “Can you see her?” he asked.

  “No, is she downstairs?” asked Jo.

  In fact, Archie was laid next to Jo on top of the covers, while Jo was still in bed.

  “No, she’s not here,” said Arthur. Archie put her hands behind her head and relaxed back.

  “So it’s time to go to Harrha,” said Jo.

  “Yes, but first we’re going to Illumination Island, and then in the evening we’ll get to the party, not that I’m looking forward to it,” he said.

  “I’ll be down in a minute,” said Jo. With that, Archie got up and followed Arthur downstairs.

  The Great and Humorous Seashorelle

  “Why are we going to Illumination Island anyway?” asked Jo.

  “It’s a surprise, you’ll see when we get there,” said Alex, who had changed back to the female voice. The ship took off, and it sailed off to the east across the sea. The sea was raging, since it was nearly winter; and the whole of nature had changed in nearly every way. The sea was thrashing, the clouds were dark and there was a foul cold wind blowing from the north.

  “You picked the perfect day for this,” said Jo, standing outside. Arthur was staying outside, since he was paranoid that his wig would fly away. “Just ask,” said Archie.

  “To do what?” asked Arthur.

  “I have unlimited power Arthur, so I could either turn you into your costume, but that technically means that you would be female, and so that is really up to you. However I could just turn that wig into your actual hair, and that way it won’t blow off, which seems to be what you are paranoid about,” she replied.

  “Umm, I’ll go for option two,” he said.

  “I thought you might,” said Archie, putting her hand on Arthur’s head.

  Arthur didn’t feel anything, and when Archie stepped away, he felt his new hair. “This is brilliant, I’m going outside,” he said.

  Arthur ran outside and joined Jo. Archie watched as she ran her fingers through his new hair. She then stormed in. “Archie! I know you’re there,” she shouted. A puff of smoke appeared and a piece of paper fell into Jo’s hand. “’Congratulations Sherlock’,” she read aloud. “Get out here now,” she shouted. She got another message, which appeared in the same place. “’Wish for it, it’s the only thing that works’,” read Jo. “I’m not doing that,” she said.

  “What’s going on?” asked Arthur, who had re-entered the sitting room.

  “Archie’s here and I want her to appear,” said Jo.

  “All she has to do is wish,” said Archie to Arthur.

  “She says all you have to do is wish, so get on with it,” said Arthur.

  “I’m not doing it,” she said.

  “No wishing, no seeing,” said Archie.

  “She says no wishing, no seeing and can you two stop, I feel like I’m at home again passing messages between mum and dad,” said Arthur.

  “Now you know how the Narrator feels in Fight Club,” said Archie.

  “This isn’t the time for literary references,” said Arthur.

  “How did you know that it was a book?” she asked.

  “What else is it going to be?” he asked.

  “A movie?” she asked.

  “I still don’t know what that means,” said Arthur. Jo was just standing there, watching in disbelief as Arthur was having an argument with thin air.

  “I’ll explain it to you in simpler terms next time you ask me about the general nonsense I’m referencing from my world, and I can’t stress that enough, please don’t sue,” said Archie.

  “And there it is again, who is going to sue you; You’re a god, you can just melt them for your sake,” he retorted.

  “Ha,” said Jo, who had sat down on the settee and was enjoying the show. “Who would even sue you anyway?” asked Arthur.

  “People. They would say that by me saying a certain phrase or lyric, that by saying it here I would be copying them and claiming it as my own. When in reality I am just referencing them because I really like what they did. So with that out of the way, can I get on with this?” she asked.

  �
��Why would they sue you? You only get sued when you’re writing a book,” said Arthur. There was an awkward silence, where Archie stayed silent, and it appeared that Arthur had touched a nerve. There was a blinding light, and Archie disappeared.

  “What did I say?” he asked Jo.

  “Something that she didn’t like I suppose, but on another note I think that you two should go on stage, that was brilliant,” she replied.

  “I’ve angered a God, and she made this my real hair,” said Arthur feeling if it had changed, which it hadn’t. Jo suddenly realised what he meant and burst into uncontrollable laughter.

  “Oh that’s so funny; you now have beautiful long platinum hair? And it’s permanent, that’s even better!” said Jo, who was laid on the settee trying to breathe.

  “This isn’t funny, this is terrible and I’ve got long luxurious hair,” he shouted.

  “Did she do anything…else?” asked Jo.

  “NO! I opted out of that when she asked,” said Arthur.

  “I call it a perfect disguise, personally,” said Jo.

  “Somehow I don’t suspect we’ll be hearing anything of Archie, and you can go back to being Alex,” said Jo.

  “I really don’t want to do this now, but if you insist, I’ll resume being your sister. Now follow me, were near Illumination Island so let’s go outside and watch as we get there,” said Alex.

  They walked outside and looked across the sea to a sparsely forested island with a magnificent lighthouse. It was built with several lamp rooms at different levels, and they were arranged so that there was never one above another, and they rose high into the sky. With their strange pyramid shape they were almost immovable, and in their 2000 years of service, only one tower had had any problems, and that was when Thunder Lord Logious was testing a new weapon that made a huge obsidian boulder appear out of nowhere inside one of the towers. There was a huge hole, but it all happened almost instantly, and the engineers had no idea how it happened.

  “So what is it that you have done,” asked Jo.

  “Follow me,” said Alex. The two left the ship, which had parked on the open space above one of the towers. Illumination Island was indeed huge, and a tribute to the people who built it, as most of it was out in the sea. However, they were very skilled, and that kind of skill is now put to use in the underground. They walked over to a large balcony, and for a second they stared out at the immense ocean, that which actually looked quite scary, the whole size of it.

  “Come on, I’m waiting,” she said.

  “SEASHORELLE, WE’RE HERE!” shouted Alex as loud as she could out into the ocean. Jo looked doubtful, until everything happened at once. The ocean swirled around into a massive whirlpool, and a storm raged above it. Jo took a step back, but Alex grabbed her and pulled her close. “We face the beast of the sea together!” she said.

  Underneath the water of the huge whirlpool came an immense black shape, and then a large scaly body, it’s back covered in fins protruded from the water, which lapped around it. Then it reared up, and from out of the water closest to the balcony came the head, which was gigantic. The head had two yellow eyes on stalks, and tentacles coming from its head that resembled hair. The mouth was full of sharp teeth, and they gave off a dull glow in the partial sunlight. Its arms also appeared; they were like tree trunks, and its hands were webbed, about the size of ships. It was blue, and its belly was light green.

  For a moment there was a tense silence, and Jo was nearly dead with fright. “Who disturbs my slumber?” it said, in a remarkably soothing, lyrical voice.

  “Archie didn’t tell you?” shouted Alex.

  “She told me that I would meet some friends of hers, so the question stands,” it replied.

  “Princess Josephine Olandine and Princess Alexandra Olandine!” shouted Jo, who saw that wasn’t just a mindless monster.

  “In that case how are you doing?” it asked, leaning on the wall of the lighthouse rather casually.

  “OK, how are you?” asked Alex.

  “Oh you know, can’t complain,” said Seashorelle, who was now lying on the lighthouse wall and relaxing on it.

  ”Won’t people see this?” asked Jo.

  “I suspended time, so as far as anyone knows, I was never here,” she replied.

  “Do all gods have power over time?” asked Alex.

  “In one way or another. I forget the details, but when we were all created we had a choice of powers,” she said.

  “Who created you?” asked Jo.

  “Do you really want me to answer that?” asked Seashorelle, looking at her seriously for once.

  “Yes, I want to know,” said Jo.

  “Your new friend Archie is so much more powerful than you could possibly imagine, she has the power to create and destroy, though she prefers to create rather than destroy. She created Alavonia and all the other planets in the solar system. And I know that is hard to believe, but she has shown you a small amount of her power I believe. You don’t expect her to admit to being so powerful because you would ask her for everything and ask her to justify the problems humans created,” she explained.

  “I refuse to believe that, no one should have that kind of power,” said Jo.

  “She knows that, that’s probably why she met you, she can be normal around you,” she said.

  “I angered the creator of all things,” said Alex, putting her hands over her face.

  “Oh yeah, she doesn’t like being wrong, though she does have a forgiving side, so I wouldn’t read too much into it,” said Seashorelle, who grabbed a shark out of the sea and ate it in one go.

  “So do I apologise to her?” asked Alex.

  “No, she’ll get over it,” said Seashorelle, who was picking bones out of her teeth.

  After several minutes of strange conversation, Seashorelle was ready to leave. “I must leave now, I have some fishermen I’m supposed to frighten from afar,” she said.

  “Sounds fun. Will we ever see you again?” asked Alex.

  “Maybe, only Archie would know the definite answer to that,” she replied.

  “It was nice meeting you,” said Jo.

  “You too, and I hope that you have success in the task ahead of you,” she replied. Seashorelle sank down into the sea, her webbed hand waving as she descended, and when she had gone, it began to rain. They ran back to the ship, and it lifted off, and flew in the direction of Harrha Island.

  “That was surreal, even more so than when I met Archie for the first time in the Yellow Coven,” said Jo, who had sunk down onto the settee.

  “Meeting gods seems to be normal for us these days, though I wouldn’t want to meet Ignatio; out of all the gods he seems to be the angriest. Earthquakes and the like right?” said Alex, who sat down at the desk.

  “Do you think Seashorelle could be convinced to fight on our side if the situation arose?” she asked.

  “I don’t think so, Archie said that she wasn’t going to get involved, so why would any of the others?” asked Alex.

  “I suppose so, and I shudder to think what kind of war would warrant engagement by gods,” said Jo.

  “One that we would be hard pressed to win,” replied Alex.

  “What else did Archie give you?” she asked.

  “She gave me the confidence to stare down lightning,” replied Alex.

  “Was that through magic?” asked Jo.

  “None at all,” she replied.

  “She must have known what you needed,” said Jo.

  “She can’t read our thoughts can she?” asked Alex.

  “Is there anything you’re thinking that you wouldn’t want anyone knowing?” she asked.

  “I’m not thinking about it; if I do, then I’m thinking about it,” replied Alex.

  There was a puff of red smoke, and a burning piece of paper fell onto the floor. Jo put the fire out and read the note aloud. “I can’t read your thoughts, only Evere has that power and he’s here in the Twilight Vale with me,” she read, before the note burst int
o flames and the black powder fell onto the floor.

  “She’s really mad now,” said Jo.

  “You don’t seem that worried,” said Alex.

  “I wasn’t the one who started it,” she replied.

  “You’re not helping,” said Alex, banging her head on the desk.

  “You’re about to take on your sister in her evil fortress with innumerable forces at her disposal, and the power to crush the kingdom, but you’re worried about annoying Archie?” she asked.

  “Makes Lilia seem a bit of a smaller issue to be honest,” said Alex.

  “She’s taken the fright away, hasn’t she,” said Jo.

  “I don’t think she meant for this to be a distraction, she looked and sounded pretty mad,” said Alex.

  As it began to get dark, the horizon was lit up ahead by a bright purple light, and above the raging sea, The Nostradamus was joined by several different ships, all different, and in different colours too. Then out of the south came a huge ship, red and gold, which undercut most of the smaller ships and flew straight for Harrha ahead of all the others. Jo and Alex ran out into the cold air to watch the ship, which couldn’t keep in a straight line, but insisted on doing acrobatics instead.

  “That has to be Lord Yage’s ship; he always has to show off,” said Jo.

  “If he goes any faster, he’ll stall, and then have to sail the rest of the way,” said Alex.

  And just as she said it, a plume of black smoke erupted from the engines and the ship dropped. There was a spray of water, and the ship bobbed in the sea like a cork.

  “Thankfully it’s a large ship, and the rough sea won’t topple it,” said Alex.

  “This is what happens when you show off without the proper driving skills,” said Jo.

  Harrha was lit up magnificently; the place was covered in balloons, banners and lanterns. People from all over Discoucia were here, there were dignitaries from small villages and towns, who were all attended to by an army of servants. The leaders from the bigger cities were surrounded by people, since they were the most important in attendance. The ship landed high up in the Sky Port, along with several others, and all the people disembarked. Jo had just covered Alex in chalk powder, and was still amazed that the long platinum hair was real. Corky stood on deck wearing a white tuxedo, as did all the other drivers from all the other ships, no one noticed anything wrong. They followed everyone else to the main gate of the Sky Port, where two guards were waiting…