Hush

by Xavier Neal

  “Ready?” he innocently asks.

  For the shit storm that my life is about to turn into? Ha. Not even close.

  Chapter 6

  Logan

  Turning my blinker on, I steal another glimpse at Maxx who still looks like she’s got shit on her mind.

  Believe it or not, when she called me out, things didn’t just magically fall back together like they do in the fucking Lifetime Channel movies Luke likes to watch. We didn’t even talk about me leaving again. Fuck, she barely said anything to me the rest of the evening. Last night was the first time we went to bed without fucking, and we woke up without doing it too. There are blue balls then there’s this. This is so much fucking worse.

  “Maxx, about yesterday—”

  “Watson.” She stops me.

  That’s the fourth time she’s pulled that card on me about the subject. I never thought I’d fucking say this, but I wish we didn’t have a fucking code word. Did I really just say that? What the fuck is wrong with me?

  “So Uncle Mike is cooking?” I change the subject.

  Her face twitches. “Grilling. And I’m scared too.”

  The two of us laugh a little but none of the tension in the car subsides. Doing my best to try and keep the conversation going¸ I add, “Have you ever had his grilled food before?”

  “Nope. Apparently he’s been spending time with the new, younger neighbors and they have taught him a thing or two.” She shakes her head and looks at me for the first time since we got into the car. “It’s kinda cute the way he’s trying to keep up with the young crowd.”

  “Are we gonna have to stop for burgers on the way home?”

  Maxx gives me a genuine giggle. “There’s a really good chance.” I reach over and fold my hand with hers. At first it’s warm and inviting, and like a chump I figure everything is alright between us again. However, when she looks down at them, she stares too long and her grip loosens before her attention falls back out the window.

  What the hell am I supposed to do? A little help here from you would be awesome.

  Pulling up to the curb, I kill the engine and immediately Maxx goes to open the door, but I stop her.

  Fuck, I’m gonna have to have a moment about feelings and shit aren’t I? Lord fucking help me.

  “Look, Maxx, I get that your pissed and don’t wanna talk about me possibly leaving—”

  “When—”

  “Damn it, Maxx, it’s not a for sure thing!”

  It is. And now I feel like an even bigger dick for trying to lie.

  She gives me a harsh look and I toss my hands in the air. “Fine. It’s a pretty sure thing. And I know you’re pissed I didn’t tell you. I know you’re pissed because you think I’m gonna go sticking my dick in every woman that passes by while I’m gone, but I’m gonna need a little fucking trust here.”

  That’s a new shade on me…

  Maxx looks baffled by what I said but doesn’t argue. “Maxx, a million women can come at me day in and day out for the rest of my life and none of them will ever get a shot. You’re the only woman I want. And you’re the only one who’s ever gonna have me.” Her body language softens and I see victory on the horizon.

  Thank. God.

  “And I’m not gone yet. So can we please…just make the most of what’s left?” My lips press on the back of her hand.

  She sweetly nods and leans over planting her very tender lips against mine.

  Fuck that’s good. Did I forget to mention that she hasn’t touched me since yesterday?

  My dick stirs from the feel, and I wrap a hand around the nape of her neck yanking her in closer to me. Starved for her, I bite at her bottom lip. When her lips part on a moan, my tongue invades and rapidly covers hers.

  It would be bad to try to fuck Maxx at her Aunt and Uncle’s right? Are you sure? Fine. But how bad really? On a scale from one to ten?

  Maxx manages to unwind her tongue from mine and pull away. “Logan, baby…we have to go in.”

  Groaning, I lean away knowing that if I’m too close to Maxx my dick will never take the clue that now is not the time for fucking. “Can’t we go home and fuck first? I’m dying here.”

  “One day of no sex and you’re dying?”

  “Uh…yeah?” She giggles and playfully slugs me in the chest. I pretend to be wounded. “Ouch. Watch it, solid fists, or it might be you getting recruited instead of me.”

  “You’re corny.” Maxx shakes her head still smiling. “Come on, champ. The sooner we get in there, the sooner we can hit the drive thru.” I laugh and follow her action, getting out of the car right when she says, “I’m suddenly starving…”

  “Did you eat lunch today?”

  “Yeah. Tony and I went for salads—”

  “Since when do you like salads?”

  “I like salads.” She sounds offended. “They just aren’t my favorite. Anyway, I had two bites and was suddenly afraid I was gonna run to the bathroom and throw up.”

  “Food poisoning?”

  “Or nerves.” Her hand wraps around my back as I toss an arm over her shoulder.

  A sure sign that Maxx is stressed out. Her eating habits are jumbled. Hopefully she can mellow out about this. Particularly because I can’t keep going this long without getting laid. I don’t know how I’m gonna function on the road either, but we’ll deal with that bridge to hell when we get there.

  ***

  After two and half t-bones, red potatoes, green beans, and baked bread, we’re still around the table talking.

  Believe or not, her aunt and uncle have always been fond of me. Weird as shit if you ask me since I was the kid sneaking in their niece’s window late at night, but they never said shit to me about it.

  “So, first amateur fights, now on your way to the pros. You know that can’t last forever,” Mike says taking a swig of his beer. “What comes after it?”

  Million dollar question. Can I use a lifeline? Can I phone a friend?

  I shrug. “Not sure. Haven’t thought that far ahead.”

  There’s a flicker in his eyes.

  Did you hear the buzzer for the incorrect answer too? You do realize I’ve never had to meet a girl’s parents before right? When you fuck and forget you don’t have to seek daddy’s approval first. Shit. Poor choice of words.

  “Want me to wrap up some leftovers for Dean?” Caroline rises and bounces back into the kitchen while her husband continues to stare at me like he’s trying to figure something out.

  “Sure.” I look in her direction. “I would appreciate that.”

  “I think that’s sweet what you did. Saving him like that,” she commends.

  “Says a lot about your character, son. Incredible thing.” Mike adds.

  Maxx shoots me a soft smile and I adjust in my seat, not used to this much praise outside of the ring. Clearing my throat I say, “Well I’ve been there. And no one should ever have to live through that shit.”

  Mike nods his approval as Caroline pipes up, placing a plate on the table, “Cupcake?”

  I wait for Maxx to grab one since she barely ate any of her dinner. And when she doesn’t I shift in my seat again. “You okay, Maximus?”

  “Fine.” she sweetly responds.

  Mike grabs a cupcake and breaks it apart giving Maxx the bigger piece. With a short chortle I toss my head at him. “So you do that too?”

  “Do what?” he asks licking the frosting from his fingers while Maxx nibbles on the piece he gave her.

  “Break your cupcake apart and give away the bigger piece.”

  “She’s never told you why she does that?”

  Quickly I shoot her a look. “There’s an actual reason you do that?”

  Maxx looks down and fiddles with the piece she was given, and Mike speaks up, “Her grandfather taught us that when you love someone, you always give them more than you give yourself. Grand-pops used to do it to us with bread when we were kids. I guess Matt and I just took it upon ourselves to keep that tradition going in the baked good
s department.”

  My lips press together and I glance at Maxx who has had two bites of her cupcake.

  Do you have any idea how many times she’s given me her food? Has given me the bigger piece of…well everything? How fucking blind did I have to be not to see that it was a big deal? I feel like a fucking dick.

  “Not hungry, Short Stack?” The nickname makes her smirk.

  “Not really. I think I’m fighting something.”

  “Well how about you let your boy get you home to rest up?”

  “I agree.” I stand.

  Maxx grabs the packed dishes for us to take home and the four of us head to the front door to say our goodbyes. They hug and kiss her before they shower me with similar affections. They make us swear to bring the Kid next time we come.

  The car ride home is almost as silent as the car ride over was. However, something is gnawing at me and I just can’t let it go. “I’m sorry, Maxx.”

  “For what?” She sounds confused.

  “For not knowing why you shared your food with me.”

  “It’s just food, Logan.”

  “Clearly it’s not.” Again she looks away and I push, “I’m sorry I don’t ever ask about your father—”

  “Watson.”

  Fuck that word.

  “No.”

  “No?” The bewilderment on her face looks familiar.

  Huh. So this is what it’s like to switch places.

  “No more Watsons. No more code phrases so we don’t have to talk about shit, Maxx. I know we’ve both got shit in our past we don’t fucking deal with. We don’t ever talk about your dad—”

  “And we don’t ever talk about your mom.” Just hearing her say the phrase causes my body to go rigid while my face cringes. “And Erin and Luke rarely talk about their parents. We’ve all had fucked up things happen in our lives, Logan. We don’t have to talk about them.”

  “But we do.”

  I can’t believe I’m about to say what I am next. And I swear, if you tell anyone I went all Barbra Walters in my car, willingly, I won’t let you listen in anymore. Or see me naked again. Yeah…Maxx’s threat works huh?

  “I won’t ask you to relive your fucking childhood for me, Maxx, but give me something. I don’t know shit about your father or the time you spent with him. Give me something and I’ll give you something from me too.”

  “Since when do you feel the need to go all Dr. Phil on me?”

  “Since we brought the Kid into our house and I want him to have a slightly better chance than we did. How can I teach him to grow up and be a man about his problems while I’m being a half assed one about mine?”

  Honesty? Out of my mouth? Duct tape that shit closed for me, will ya? What do you mean you wanna hear what I have to say? Get the duct tape. And none of that leopard kind.

  Maxx gives her hair a ruffle and sighs. “What do you wanna know?”

  “Something. Anything.”

  Silence fills the car. While I do my best to keep my focus on the road, I can’t help but look over to see her deep in thought. Impatiently I grip the wheel tighter, and wait.

  “You know how I freak out when you go too fast while you’re driving?”

  Cautiously I answer, “Yeah.”

  “Well, when Dad started taking his medications, his mood swings were violent. I mean extreme. And sometimes when he was on a downfall he would tell me to get into the car and then start driving dangerously. He’d push the car up to 100 miles an hour weaving in and out of traffic telling me if we crashed I wouldn’t feel a thing. And at least we’d die together.”

  The words cause my stomach to flip and I instantly regret bringing this up.

  “It was terrifying. And something I never got over.” Maxx looks out the window just as droplets of rain start to hit the windshield.

  If you figure out what to do with that information clue me in because I have no fucking idea.

  “Speaking of cars…” My voice drops low. “I remember when I was four or maybe five, sometimes after the old man passed out, if he had taken a turn beating on me, Mom would sneak us into the car, drive us down to the corner gas station and let me pick out any kind of candy I liked. Then we’d get back in the car and I’d eat the candy in the parking lot while she stroked my cheek and apologized for what he had done.” I notice a small tear come to Maxx’s eye and I add, “That’s another reason why when you randomly bring home a Snicker’s Bar or bag of Skittles, I kind of shut down for a while. Brings me back to those moments.”

  Slowly she reaches out and intertwines her fingers with mine, not saying another word, but saying everything.

  I’ll tell you a secret if you swear to keep your mouth shut. Sometimes at night, when I can’t sleep, I think about my mom. I think about how she wanted so badly to save me and never could. And I think about how much she would love Maxx for doing the one thing she couldn’t. Protect me.

  Chapter 7

  Maxx

  “Could you stop eating the pieces I need for my project please?” Dean laughs, moving the bowl of popcorn away from me.

  “I don’t think so,” I answer honestly as I shove another piece into my mouth while folding my legs underneath me at the table. “Craziest thing? I don’t even really like kettle corn flavor.”

  And when I said I don’t really like it, I mean I usually loathe it. I don’t want my popcorn sweet. I want it salty. I wanna eat a handful of popcorn and then bite off a Twix while it’s still in my mouth mixing the flavors myself. Hey, don’t knock it ‘til you try it is all I’m saying.

  “Then why have you eaten almost an entire bag?” Dean asks, watching me grab another handful.

  “I don’t know.” I shrug and munch down on another piece.

  He smiles at me again and pushes his open book away from him. “Mind if I ask you something?”

  “Shoot.”

  His body shifts around in the chair and I have to put more popcorn in my mouth to stifle my laughter. He’s almost exactly like Logan. The shuffles. The back of the neck scratches. Even the crooked grins.

  If this kid was a little bit younger I would totally make Logan take a paternity test.

  “Can I try out for sports?”

  Taken off guard by his question I slow down my chewing. “Uh…yeah. Of course! I mean if you keep your grades up. And I don’t mean like Cs that are passing. I mean at least a B in every class. Including Chemistry. If you can do that then I don’t see why not.”

  Enthusiastically he nods. “Yeah. I can. I will.”

  “Why’d you look so nervous?”

  “I figured you’d say no.”

  “Why?”

  He shrugs and I give him a stern, motherly look.

  So weird that it’s becoming natural. Kinda scary right? I know. I said I never wanted kids, and I still don’t. Dean’s different. He’s not really a kid, sure he’s the Kid but he’s not a toddler running around in diapers pulling shit off my countertops while I silently wish I could pull my hair out. He can fend for himself. Kind of.

  “Because you guys are already paying a shit ton—”

  “Mouth!” I slug him in the shoulder the same way I do Logan.

  “Sorry. Because you guys already spend so much money, that I could see why you wouldn’t wanna spend any extra.” Before I can object he continues, this time looking back down at the poster board on the table. “I’m already an extra mouth to feed. An extra body to clothe. Hell, I even took a room that wasn’t an extra at all. I’d get it if paying for me to play sports was too much.”

  When he’s finished I instruct, “Chin up, Kid.” Dean lifts his face back up to mine, his blue eyes looking glossed over with sadness. “First off, stop acting like a burden. If we didn’t want you here, we wouldn’t have fought like hell to get you. Second of all, stop worrying about money. You’re 15 almost 16. It’s okay to worry about sports and girls. Let us do the rest. And just so you know, even if we couldn’t afford for you to play, we’d find a way even if it meant a little sacrif
ice. We’d make it for your happiness.”

  He lets one corner of his mouth pull up for a short smile. “Thanks, Mo—” His voice stops short as my eyes bulge out of my head. Quickly he says, “Maxx. Thanks, Maxx.”

  Did you hear that?! Please tell me you heard that?!

  “I meant, Maxx.” Dean tries to shake it off. “I meant, Maxx.”

  For a moment, he just stares at me, panic filling his eyes.

  Poor kid. One minute it’s sadness cause he thinks he’s a burden. The next it’s horror because he thinks he’s overstepped another line. I swear, it’s like looking at an alternate reality of what Logan could’ve ended up like if the Hart’s had just adopted him fully instead of honorarily.

  “It’s cool.” I toss another piece of popcorn into my mouth. Slowly I ask, “Do you…wanna call me that?”

  He shrugs and pulls his book back over to him. “You’re the closest thing I’ve ever really had.”

  Wow. Really. Heart…breaking…

  I don’t get a chance to say anything else because the sound of Logan and Erin’s arrival demands our attention.

  “Fuck. The. Tie!” Logan yells loudly rounding the corner of the kitchen.

  “Mouth!” I fuss at him.

  Annoyed, he growls at me until I raise my eyebrows. Quickly he backs down and apologizes to Dean, “Sorry, Kid.”

  Dean chuckles and shakes his head.

  Did you see that? Yeah. I totally have the girlfriend stare down trick in the bag! I never thought Logan would actually be affected by it, but he’s been changing lately. Can’t say I’m sad about it. It’s just weird…and different. Kind of like being called Mom. Weird…but maybe a good kind of weird?

  “What are you fighting about?” I reach for another handful of popcorn.

  “He refuses to wear a tie to the event tonight.”

  “She wants me to wear a fuc—”

  “Mouth!” I remind him quickly.

  “Err…a goddamn bowtie!”

  Better censored, but still. Ever feel like telling him he can talk without cussing? Erin’s not a lot better. I feel like if we were to start a swear jar for the two of them, I could use the funding to pay for the Kid to have four years of college at an Ivy League school. Hey, don’t look at me like that. My mouth isn’t that bad.