Even Wilder

by Bria Leigh

  “Thanks. This is where I grew up.” I hung his coat on the hook and headed into the kitchen to put the wine down. When I returned with a tray of cookies, Wilder was standing there doing a poor job of keeping a conversation going between the two of them.

  “So, River. How old are you?” A general question. I didn’t see the harm in it. Wilder, on the other hand, crossed his arms, giving me a look.

  “Uh...Twenty three.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll be twenty-four in January. What about you?”

  “Twenty-one.” I pushed some hair behind my ear forgetting about the cookies. “Cookie?”

  “Thanks.” He grabbed two. “What do you do?”

  Wilder cleared his throat. “She’s in college far away from here.”

  I gave Wilder a confused look. Why he felt the need to point that out I wasn’t sure.

  “What about you?” Wilder stared him down.

  “I work for my dad. I manage the other store and sell hot tubs.” He nodded, rocking back on his heels.

  Mom and Garrett had moved to the kitchen, chatting up a storm. I never saw her giggle so much. He helped her set the table for dinner. They worked well together.

  “Why don’t we sit in the living room?” I suggested. Standing around staring at each other wasn’t the best time.

  “I have to make a phone call. I will be right back,” River told us, heading outside.

  Wilder chuckled when the door shut. “He’s probably out there snorting a line. Phone call my ass.”

  “He seems like a nice guy.”

  “He checked out your ass when you went into the kitchen.”

  My cheeks warmed. Was Wilder jealous? “Does that bother you?”

  Wilder flexed his jaw. “Come here. I have something to show you.”

  I raised an eyebrow but let him lead me out of the living room.

  “This is the laundry room. What are you trying to show me?”

  He didn’t answer. He just grabbed me by the chin and pressed his lips against mine. And I melted into him, enjoying another kiss. One I didn’t see coming but never wanted to end.

  He moved to my neck, moving to my collarbone before he found my mouth again. We broke apart when we heard footsteps coming. I pushed away from him and headed out of the laundry room almost running Mom over.

  “Everything okay?” She wiped my smeared lipgloss and smirked when Wilder came up behind me. “Wilder. You got a little something right there.” She touched her bottom lip. We weren’t fooling her. She knew what we were doing.

  He snagged my wrist before I could walk away.

  “I don’t know what I am doing,” he said, his voice low.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. I didn’t know what I was doing either. I kept my eyes pinned on the floor, remembering that time I spilled paint in the hallway and stained it. It never quite looked the same again.

  “This doesn’t feel wrong,” he said. “Nothing about this feels wrong, Violet.”

  “I don’t know,” I looked up at him.

  “I know you don’t.” He shook his head. He knew everything about me. He knew why this was so hard for me.

  “I’m scared,” I admitted. I couldn’t lie to him.

  I could see the sadness in his eyes, the way they darkened, thinking that our feelings for one another scared me.

  “I get it.”

  “I hope so,” I took his hand. “This is hard for me.”

  He let go of my hand, nodding. I didn’t want to hurt him. I wasn’t sure how to love someone without it falling apart.

  “It’ll be okay,” he insisted, reassuring me with a smile. The one he always gave me when I was down and out and needing support. The one that helped me get through so much.

  Wilder

  THERE WERE COP CARS everywhere in front of my house. I ran down the sidewalk. My stomach sick, my mind racing at all the possibilities of what could be happening.

  But the police stopped me before I could get through.

  “We can’t let you go in there,” the officer said, his hand on my chest.

  “What happened? I was just across the street.” What the fuck could have happened in a couple of hours?

  When he wouldn’t answer me, I tried seeing for myself again. Another cop came over and did his best to keep me from getting any further.

  “That’s my mom’s house!” They were treating me like a stranger. “Where’s my brother?”

  “Sir. Are you familiar with the name Silas Williams?”

  My blood ran cold. “Yeah. That’s my mom’s boyfriend.”

  “We have him in custody. We have reason to believe he is responsible for stabbing two people in the home.”

  All the life whooshed out of my chest at those words. “Are they dead?” It was an out of body experience I was there I knew I was, but I felt a million miles away.

  “Sir. We have one woman deceased and a young man who was taken by ambulance to the local hospital.”

  There was no way Mom was dead, and Bing was injured. I was just there the other day. I gave her Christmas presents and set up the old Christmas tree to try and get her into the spirit.

  I just stood there staring at my childhood home as they taped it off. I was watching them reduce it down to nothing more than a crime scene.

  I clutched my chest, unable to speak.

  Violet was behind me. She wrapped her arms around me without even knowing what was going on. She guided me over to the curb and forced me to lean against the old car parked on the street.

  “What happened?” She grabbed me, nose to nose. She wanted nothing more than to make sense of what was going on just like I did.

  “Silas.” Somehow I forced that word out. And then I collected enough air in my lungs for the rest. “Mom’s dead. Bings at the hospital.”

  Her eyes welled with tears. The lights illuminated them as they fell down her cheeks. But she stayed strong and took my hand. “Come on. I’ll drive you to the hospital so you can be with Bing.”

  I don’t remember walking to the car. But somehow little Violet managed to get me in that seat. She sped across town, never letting go of my hand as she drove. We made it to the hospital in under ten minutes.

  The world was nothing but a blur, and I wasn’t even drunk this time.

  “EVERYTHING IS GOING to be okay,” Violet said again. She told me over and over. She did everything she knew how to do to make me better, just like I always did for her.

  She pushed her hair off her shoulder and stayed close to me, resting her head against me. “It’s going to be okay.”

  “I don’t know. Mom’s dead.” It didn’t feel real. The words didn’t sound like words. They felt like little daggers tearing apart my heart. How could I feel so bad for someone who never protected me my whole life?

  I was still shocked that any of this happened. It had only been a couple of hours. Silas was never even there. I couldn’t wrap my head around what could have happened in that little bit of time to cause all of this.

  Violet squeezed my hand. “The doctor is coming.”

  I stood up. I don’t know why. I guess I thought maybe the news would be more favorable with me on my feet.

  “We have stabilized your brother. He’s not awake yet. But we were able to stop the bleeding. The damage is less severe than we initially thought. He’s a tough kid.” The doctor continued talking when I didn’t say anything. “I will have the nurse come get you when they finish with him. I’m sorry for the loss of your mother.”

  Bing was okay. I released all the fear and stress crushing my insides and started sobbing. That kid meant the world to me. I’d never had a brother my whole life and then out popped Bing twelve years ago. He was a blessing, and I wouldn’t have been able to go on without him by my side. I just wished I could have done more to protect him.

  Violet rubbed my back and didn’t say a word. She just let me get it all out.

  Christmas Eve and my mom was gone. Bing was in the hospital. Violet was right by my side for it all.r />
  I wiped my eyes and looked at her. “I love you.” Violet stared at me, surprised. “I’m serious. I love you.”

  She gave a small smile and nodded. “I love you too.” She scooted closer to me and rested her head against my arm. Maybe it wasn’t the right time or the right place, but sometimes you couldn’t hold back how you felt.

  HOSPITALS WERE DIFFERENT during the holidays. A little more vacant with a burst of chaos. A little more depressing. But it didn’t matter how much it pained me to be there because Bing was alive. And I could look at him.

  How could life be bad?

  “Wilder,” Saint said in the hallway, he pulled at his hair. He looked just as concerned about all of this as I was. He looked worried.

  Violet woke up, pulling her tired body off of my arm when she saw who was in the doorway. “If you came here to start trouble Saint, you can leave.” She warned. And it was undeniable she meant every word of it.

  “No, of course not.” He wasn’t usual smug self. “I am so sorry, man. I heard about your mom and Bing.” He looked from me to Bing and swallowed.

  “How did you even get back here?” Violet questioned.

  Saint threw a thumb over his shoulder. “I know one of the nurses.” He let out an uncomfortable laugh. “Has he talked to you?”

  “He said a few words. They gave him a lot of pain meds, so he really doesn’t make much sense.” I looked at Bing, head bandaged up, both arms. The kid was tough.

  “Good, I’m glad he’s okay, dude.”

  “Yep. Me too.” I sighed. But my mother wasn’t. She was dead. That was it for her. All because she couldn’t get away from these dumbass men she always let ruin her life.

  “How many times did you tell her about that dude?”

  I jumped up. “Get the fuck out.” I shoved him out into the hallway.

  “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” He was afraid of me. I could see it in his eyes.

  “That’s right because you never think. You don’t think about anything. You do whatever you want and fuck everyone else right?”

  “Wilder. I know what I did was an asshole move. But I care about you. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

  I laughed, that was the funniest thing I had heard lately. “Yeah, it really feels like it. What did you think you would do? Come in offer your condolences and then continue the insults?” I shoved him into the wall.

  A couple of the hospital staff took notice.

  “It wasn’t my intention. I just wanted you to know I was here for you.”

  “Wilder,” Violet was in the doorway. “He’s not worth it. You don’t want to get thrown out of here. Bing needs you.”

  I nodded, she was right. Whatever Saint’s fucked up idea of support was, it wasn’t mine. But at least he tried. I ran a hand through my hair and looked him in the eyes. “Thanks for coming.”

  Saint stood there dumbfounded I hadn’t taken his head off. In shock that he was still in one piece. He nodded his head and headed down the hallway to the elevators.

  Violet touched my back. “Thank you for not killing him.”

  “I wouldn’t have killed him,” I said. I was angry but punching Saint in the middle of the hospital, where my dead mother and my injured brother were was not the kind of guy I was.

  Violet

  IT WASN’T WHERE I EXPECTED to be after everything that happened. But there I was standing on Saint’s porch, pounding away because I knew he was in there. And I wanted to talk to him.

  It took another minute, but he opened the door.

  “What?” He was such a smug son of a bitch.

  “I need to talk to you.”

  He closed the door, so his mother didn’t overhear whatever I was about to say. Yeah, he still lived in his mother’s house.

  “What do you want, Violet?” He acted like he didn’t have a minute to spare.

  “Can we please go someplace warm?” I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering.

  He yanked his keys out his jeans and hurried down the stairs.

  “Is this good enough for you?”

  I opened the door to his jeep and climbed in on the passenger side. He got in on his side and started up the car, turning the heat on.

  “Yes. This is better.” I rubbed my hands together. And then I slapped him right in the chest. “What the hell, Saint?”

  “What the fuck was that for?”

  “Why are you like this?”

  “I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about right now, Vi.”

  “The sex tape.” I pursed my lips, waiting for him to say something.

  “You’re mad at me because Wilder let two girls suck him off?” There was no remorse in his eyes. “Or are you mad because it wasn’t you doing it?”

  I glared at him. “You’re a horrible excuse for a friend.”

  He shook his head.

  It angered me that Saint didn’t know how to be a good person. I didn’t have the best life growing up, and I wasn’t an asshole.

  “I want you to take the video down. Wilder has enough on his plate.”

  I don’t know what drove me even to demand this. But I did, and I was there.

  Wilder didn’t need this right now.

  And I cared about him and wanted to fix all his problems any way I could. Wilder was sitting at the hospital on Christmas Eve. His mother was dead, and his brother thankfully was alive after what Silas did to him.

  “The entire time I was up there, his phone was going off over and over because of that stupid video you posted.”

  Saint sat back in his seat. “I’ll tell you what.” He started undoing his belt. “Suck my dick, and I’ll remove it.”

  I could feel the bile rising in my throat. I jerked away from him. “You’re a fucking asshole!”

  I didn’t want to be there anymore. I felt dirty, the same way I felt a long time ago when I was young, all alone with Tom. Tom’s smile was flashing through my mind repeatedly.

  Saint went for my face, and I jumped. He was not going to touch me.

  “What’s wrong, Vi? You don’t want to take one for the team?”

  I fumbled around for the door handle, and when I got it open, I practically fell on my face getting out. I pulled it together and ran down the sidewalk getting as far away from Saint as I could get.

  I grabbed my throat trying to breathe. I felt like I was choking. Like someone was suffocating me. I shook my head.

  “What the hell was I thinking?” I muttered to myself at the top of my porch steps.

  Mom looked from the television to me when I came through the door. Garrett was still over, and they were still working on more bottles of wine. She got up the moment she saw I was upset.

  “Are you alright?”

  I kicked my shoes off. “I’m fine.” I wasn’t at all.

  She wasn’t buying it. “Baby. Is everything okay? How is Wilder doing?”

  “He’s still at the hospital.”

  “Then why are you here?”

  “I thought I could fix everything. And I don’t know how to fix anything.” I burst into tears. I let out a bunch of sobs, losing it right there in the middle of the kitchen with my mom.

  “Baby. You being there for him is all that you need to do. He appreciates it.” She wrapped her arms around me.

  “What if that’s not enough?”

  “It’s enough.” She assured me.

  She always knew what to say when I was crumbling. I needed to learn to be more like my mother. I couldn’t let my past or Saint break me down. I needed to be strong for Wilder.

  “All he needs is you,” she smoothed my hair and kissed my head. “Just be you. That’s all you need to do. You two can get through anything.”

  She was right. We could. We were resilient creatures, we went through a lot of shit, and we were still standing.

  “You and Wilder were meant to be there for one another. I believe that.”

  “I know,” I sighed.

  No matter the storm, he was
the one I could get through anything with. The day he stood up to the kids on the playground was the day my life changed.

  It was cheesy, but he was my person.

  “I’M BACK,” I WHISPERED. Slipping next to Wilder on the hospital couch. Bing was asleep, and monitors were beeping and working their magic. He was bruised and bandaged. Hardly anything like the sweet kid I saw just the other day.

  He didn’t deserve what happened to him. And I knew just like Wilder. He was only trying to protect his mother. She never protected him—or Wilder.

  “Glad you’re back. Everything okay?”

  I told him I was going home to change into something warmer and to make sure Mom was okay and that Garrett hadn’t ended up being a sleaze. I was a little ashamed I had lied to him, but it was for a good reason at the time.

  Not anymore, though. Saint had disrespected me in a way there was no coming back from. And I couldn’t tell Wilder. If I ever told Wilder about Saint, he would kill him. I was sure of it. I would have to live with the secret.

  Saint wasn’t going to admit what he did. He knew better. I was sure he got pleasure knowing he stepped over the line with me, and there was nothing anyone was going to do about it.

  “He woke up for a couple of minutes,” Wilder said softly. “He just told me he was sorry. And he fell back asleep.”

  “Always thinking about everyone else,” I said, smiling at Bing.

  “Are you hungry?” He had been sitting in the hospital for a long time. And I don’t think he even had as much as a sip of water.

  “No. The nurse came in with some hospital food and offered me some.”

  “You should eat something.”

  “Maybe later,” he told me, his eyes pinned on Bing. “He’s going to miss Christmas.”

  “He hates Christmas,” I reminded him. “The only kid I know that doesn’t enjoy opening presents.”

  Wilder chuckled. “Always been like that. And I try every year.”

  “Last year, the new Xbox.” I laughed.

  “Year before a Playstation,” he said.

  We fell into silence, watching Bing sleep. Both happy he was safe and that the hospital was taking care of him.