Even Wilder

by Bria Leigh

  “I’m glad he doesn’t have to protect her anymore.” That cut through the silence like sharp knives. “Does that make me an asshole?”

  “You’re not an asshole.” He went through hell because of that woman. I hardly knew her because Wilder never wanted me to. We only exchanged a couple of words over all the years I knew her son.

  She didn’t seem to like me.

  “I don’t think she liked me,” I laughed, trying to break the tension.

  “She didn’t know you.” Wilder’s voice was flat, lifeless void of any care when he spoke about her. “She didn’t deserve to know you.”

  “Are you going to get a hold of his dad?” Another deadbeat.

  “Hell no.” He raised his chin. “The only man who gives a shit about Bing is me.”

  “You’re a good brother.”

  He grabbed my hand, lifting it and planting a kiss against my knuckles.

  “Thank you for being here,” he said.

  “You’re welcome.”

  Mom was right. The only thing that mattered was me being there for him.

  Wilder

  “ALRIGHT. DO YOU NEED anything else?” I set the last of Bing’s things in his room and waited by the door for him to say something. He wasn’t himself since he got out of the hospital. Quiet, stared off a lot. I couldn’t get him to laugh to save my life.

  “This is fine,” he said. He rolled to his side, facing the wall and away from me and shut me out.

  “Text if you need anything. You know on that new phone I got you for Christmas,” I reminded him. A brand new iPhone to be exact.

  He didn’t say anything. Not a grunt. Not a shake of the head. He was shutting me out. And I was trying.

  “I’ll order some pizza around six,” I told him. “Maybe we can watch that new movie you wanted to see.”

  No words.

  “The one with the kid with the powers that attacks the entire town.” Still nothing. “Bing. Damn it. Would you please say something?”

  He flipped himself back over. “What should I say?”

  “I don’t know. Let me know you’re okay.”

  “I’m not.”

  Well shit. “How can I help?”

  “Mom’s dead. There was nothing I could do to stop it this time. I can’t get the image of Silas hovering over her lifeless body out of my head.”

  I walked over to his bed and took a seat. “It’s going to take time.”

  “I don’t think time is going to make this any better.”

  It killed me, knowing there was nothing I could do for Bing. I couldn’t take away his pain. Or the regret he felt for not being able to protect her.

  “None of this is your fault. I’m just happy that Silas didn’t kill you too. I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you.”

  “But you’re not upset that we lost Mom.” His blue eyes pinned mine in place. He was small, but he was tough when he needed to be. And just as stubborn as me.

  “I’d be a liar if I said I was. And I don’t want to lie to you.”

  “How can you feel like that?”

  “Because she put us through a lot of shit. She never cared about anything. The only thing that mattered was her fucked-up boyfriends.” I ran a hand down my face, trying to control the anger. “And now look where she is.”

  “She loved us,” Bing argued.

  I shook my head. “When did she ever tell us she loved us? When did she ever worry about anything that had to do with us?”

  Bing’s eyes narrowed into slits, and he flipped back over. He knew I was right. “Fuck you, Wilder.”

  “But I do love you. And I am always going to be here for you.” I rubbed his back. “Get some rest, buddy.”

  I walked to the door.

  “You’re not even going to have a funeral for her.” Bing’s words dripped with sadness. He was crying.

  I looked at the ground. “Bing. Nobody would come. And we don’t have the money.”

  Back to silence. I decided to leave him alone.

  BING’S WORD REPLAYED over and over in my mind. A torturous loop. The kid was hurting, and all he wanted was me to hurt along with him. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t the same kind of human he was—I held resentment for our mother. The scars she carved on the inside of me they weren’t going anywhere.

  I was broken.

  I was always going to be a little bit empty and a whole lot of resentful towards my mother.

  I twisted the cap off the next beer bottle and tipped the bottle back. I tossed the cap across my garage. The drinking was taking its toll on me. Doing whatever I could to blot out the noise going on in my head was a dumb idea.

  I shuffled across the garage floor and pulled the darts out of the dartboard and tried to steady myself. I closed one eye so I could make a decent shot.

  I went for it, and it dropped on the ground way before it made it to the dartboard. I tipped the bottle back again, nearly emptying it. And I threw the next dart missing—again.

  One more sip and I finished the beer and went into the refrigerator for another one. Twist of the cap, toss, a little jingle. Another chug, I was closer to forgetting everything that happened.

  You’re a god damn idiot, and you know it. This helps nothing.

  I walked over to the tool bench and grabbed my phone. I texted Violet.

  I need you.

  Ok. Be right there.

  She didn’t disappoint.

  I wiped at my sweats and ran a hand through my hair, trying to pull myself together. A new feeling was now coursing through my veins. And I waited impatiently for Violet’s beautiful face to come through the garage door.

  She knew how to bring me back to my senses. I needed that right now.

  The garage door screeched open, and there she was. Violet hurried across the garage floor, sadness in her eyes.

  “Bing’s fucked up.” I swayed back and forth, beer bottle still in my hand. “And I’m not sure I am going to be able to fix this.”

  She knew I was drunk, but I saw no anger.

  “And no matter what I do, I can’t feel sad about her not being here anymore.”

  She remembered those burns. All the scars, all the things I collected on the outside and the inside because my mother wasn’t there for me. All the times I didn’t want to go home because I was too afraid of what would happen to her or me.

  She frowned. But she didn’t say anything.

  I continued. “I thought my mom’s death was going to fix this feeling. But it doesn’t fix anything. It still feels like someone lodged a spear deep inside my fucking chest.”

  I balled my fist. Violet stood there waiting for me to let the rest of it out because there was more, and she knew it. There was a whole lot more.

  “Why does she always win?”

  She shook her head.

  “Why do I get left holding this bag? I’ve always held the bag. And she just gets to be dead.”

  I finished the beer and tossed it in the garbage going for another one in the refrigerator. Beer wasn’t making me feel better. So maybe a few more, and I would feel nothing.

  She crawled up on one of the bar stools in tight little pajama pants and a white tank top. She looked so fucking sexy. It was so cold her nipples were showing through the fabric of her shirt. I wanted to feel bad, but I was happy to be looking at her in such rare form.

  “You could have grabbed a jacket,” I told her, taking the cap off my beer. My dick reminded me it was still capable of working in such a state. And the more I thought about lifting that shirt over her head and off her body, the less I thought about death or anger.

  “I know. But I panicked.”

  I couldn’t stop thinking about my mouth on her lips again. My hands on her tits, exploring her body, and making a permanent memory in my head of what it felt like the first time I touched her intimately. Shit.

  “Wilder, do you want to go inside?”

  I nodded. “To my bedroom.” I took another sip of my beer and walked it over to the be
nch setting it down.

  “Okay,” she said.

  I didn’t expect to hear her tell me okay. Sex wasn’t something I ever expected her to say okay to. I just invited her to my bedroom, and she agreed to go.

  Maybe she didn’t know what I meant by that—she didn’t act like she didn’t know what I meant. She didn’t even question it—maybe I was just too drunk to make sense of everything happening.

  “Alright, let’s go then,” I waved my hand toward the door and started toward the house.

  “Are you alright? You’re not going to be sick?”

  “I’m fine. Are you alright?” I said back, giving her another chance to tell me she wasn’t on the same page as me.

  I did this all the time. But never with Violet. I used my room for a good fuck old the time. And I never felt nervous about going through with it. When you fucked someone with no feelings it was easy. You got off, and that was that. I wasn’t sure how I was going to figure this one out. Sex with Violet was all new territory.

  “I’m fine.” She smirked, finding me silly for even asking. She shut the door behind us. “Bing still asleep?”

  “Yeah, probably.” I opened up the door and headed down the hall to his room and peeked my head in to make sure. Sure enough, he was still asleep, facing away from me and the world.

  “Okay. So, let’s go to your room.” She was in the hallway, looking as stunning as ever.

  “Okay.” To prove I was still into it, I pulled my shirt over my head right there in the hallway. “Let’s go.”

  We entered the bedroom, and she shut the door.

  “Alright.” She said, looking around at my things, things she’d seen her whole life. But now she was looking at them with a new set of eyes, eyes that were about to fuck her best friend.

  “Alright.”

  She giggled, finding my awkwardness funny.

  “I can’t believe we are even doing this.”

  When she didn’t speak, I realized maybe I offended her. So I quickly came up with something else to add on.

  “I want to do this. I mean, it’s going to be different,” I told her quickly.

  She walked over to me and took my hand. And she gave me that little smile. And I was back, not overthinking anything, just looking at my best friend.

  She touched me, lighting up when she felt my heart racing in my chest. And then she moved to my neck, and her fingers slid up to my hair. Her tiny hands were exploring me in a way they never had before.

  She was committing me to her memory.

  And I really wanted to see what she looked like underneath that white shirt.

  I realized I had been staring at her shirt and what was underneath it when her hands started taking it off. She just pulled it right off and dropped it at our feet, no bra underneath — just perfect breast staring at me. Perfect nipples. Flawless fucking skin.

  This was beyond what I was expecting all the years I imagined it. This was the best day of my life. It sounds pathetic, but it was true.

  Violet pulled the string to her pajama pants and let them fall around her ankles. She had a perfect little body. Tone thighs, a smooth flat stomach with one perfect little mole right by her bellybutton. The best tits hands down. More than a handful for sure but perfectly shaped and ready for my hands.

  I couldn’t get over the glow of her skin, the beautiful light brown shade. She was so beautiful. A fantastic creation the heavens gifted us all. And I was the one who got lucky enough to be staring at her.

  She reached for my hand and brought it close. “You can touch me.”

  Oh, I touched her. I went right for her tits, squeezing them, rolling the pads of my fingers over her tiny nipples. And then I ran my hands down her waist, to the little white underwear stopping me from seeing all of her.

  “Take your sweats off,” she said. Her eyes were waiting and ready.

  I tugged them down quickly, ready to share all I had with her for the first time. And it was all there for her to see. My dick had never been so hard.

  Now we were both in our underwear—her in her white panties and me in my boxer briefs. We were one piece of fabric away from showing it all.

  She touched my chest, causing my dick only to get harder. I didn’t even think it was possible.

  “You should kiss me,” she said softly.

  She didn’t have to tell me twice. I grabbed her, pulling her close and plunging my tongue in her mouth. I kissed her good and hard. And slow and with so much passion, I was close to popping a hole in my boxer briefs—which would be a new feat for me.

  She tortured me even more, biting my bottom lip. I groaned against her mouth. “Holy fuck, Vi.”

  “Right?” She laughed, agreeing that it was more intense than a three-way on a vegas poker table after hitting the jackpot.

  We made it to my bed. I made sure not to smash her in my drunken state. We did a little more kissing, lots of tongue lots of panting and moans.

  A lot of touching and caressing and wishing I could be that guy to fuck my best friend while wasted. But I couldn’t.

  She fixed my pillows under my head, pulled my comforter over the both of us, and curled up beside me. I wrapped my arms around her, and she laid there with me until I fell asleep.

  I finally had the first good night of sleep since Mom died. The first night where I didn’t toss and turn and imagine how it played out for Bing.

  WHEN I OPENED MY EYES, she was the first thing I saw. Her green eyes looked just as happy to see me too. I was groggy and a little hungover from all the drinking.

  “Morning,” she said softly. “How are you feeling?”

  “Alright.”

  “Good.” She sat up. “I can make breakfast.”

  I grabbed her by the arm. “Not yet.” And I pulled her in kissing her all over again and falling headfirst into her lips, getting lost in the moment the same way we did last night.

  She was still topless. Her body was begging me for more. She kissed me, pressing her bare chest against mine melding herself to me. I squeezed her ass, delighting in the perfect curve of it against my hands. The way her body felt against my skin, warm and soft.

  She smiled when I pressed my dick against her. And she slid a hand down to my boxers running her fingers along the length of me.

  “What are you doing?” I asked when she started tugging my boxers down. Fuck, this wasn’t the way I saw this going down. I thought I would be the one in control.

  “Just lay back and be quiet.”

  Holy shit. Violet had my dick in her mouth. My eyes rolled to the back of my head. I grabbed her hair as she went as far down on it as she could before it was too much. Her head moved rhythmically like a beautiful dance up and down.

  I was going to come in her mouth if she did one more swirl around the head of my dick with her tongue. I squeezed her shoulder.

  “Alright. Alright.” I panted.

  She sat up, throwing her hair back. Her lips wet with me and not her lip gloss. “You want me to stop?”

  “This isn’t the way I want this to happen.” Fuck, it was about to happen, just watching her wipe her mouth with the back of her hand.

  When I didn’t say anything, she started again. She began sucking me off. Violet, my childhood best friend, had my dick in her mouth. And I was about to release right in her pretty little mouth.

  “Shit,” I groaned, doing just that. Fuck, this wasn’t the way it was supposed to go down. Sex with Violet was not supposed to be this. I wanted to show her how much I cared, not get a blow job.

  I shot up, throwing her down on the bed and tore her underwear down her body. “God damn it, Vi.”

  “Wilder. I don’t care how it happens,” she insisted, spreading her legs for me. “Please, just put me out of my misery.”

  Fuck.

  I can do this. I can give Violet what she wants. I go a couple of rounds all the time.

  I start stroking myself. I’m still hard. It’s a talent of mine. My dick doesn’t give up easily. Only this time,
he seems a bit confused about what to do.

  Just guide yourself inside of her. Give it your all. She’s going to love it. Make sure you do the hip thing and make sure she comes.

  Alright. Here we go. God damn, I’m about to fuck Violet Anne Kidman. I’m about to find out what her pussy feels like — the one place I have yet to discover. There’s no going back after this.

  The bedroom door opened. And Violet screamed at the sight of Bing standing there. I dropped down on top of her, which freaked her out, and she shoved me right off the bed to the floor. I whacked my head on my nightstand on the way down.

  “Holy fuck,” I stare at the blood on my fingers. She cracked my head open with the shove.

  “Are you guys doing it?” Bing asked, still in the doorway.

  “Get out!” We both scream in unison.

  He slammed the door shut.

  Violet threw me my shirt. And I wadded it up, pressing it against my forehead. The entire thing transformed into a colossal disaster in a matter of a minute.

  “This isn’t the way I wanted this to happen,” I said again.

  “Wilder put your pants on and go check on him,” she ordered me. I watched her bound around the room, collecting her clothes so she could get dressed. “It’s fine.”

  “It’s not fine,” I chucked the t-shirt on the floor and picked up my sweats, putting them back on. “I didn’t want a blow job. You didn’t have to give me a blow job.”

  She shook her head. “Everybody else can, but I can’t?” I realized how ridiculous that sounded. She got the last of her clothes on.

  I felt the blood running down my forehead. Violet picked up the t-shirt and tossed it at me again. “You need to go to the er. You need stitches.”

  “What about Bing?”

  “I’ll take care of Bing, Wilder. Just go.” She snapped at me.

  Violet

  WILDER ENDED UP WITH five stitches on his forehead when I shoved him off of his bed. I’d almost had sex with Wilder. It was the only thing I wanted at that moment, and just like that, it all went away. Maybe it was a sign.