Silent No More

by N. E. Henderson

  He leans against the desk crossing his legs. He’s dressed very similar to the way he was last night, only his white dress shirt is buttoned all the way and he’s sporting a black tie to match his suit. The jacket, however, is open, same as last night’s attire.

  Wow, the man really is hot! No one should be this breathtaking, especially early in the morning. The five o’clock shadow I recall from last night is gone. In its place is the beginning of a goatee. He looks positively scrumptious. I regret not finding a bathroom to make sure I look presentable. I probably look like crap.

  Slowly, I ask the question screaming in my head. The question I’m not sure I want to know the answer to. “How did I get here?” My voice is still low.

  “I brought you here last night,” he tells me as he picks up a coffee mug from his desk, taking a small sip. He never breaks eye contact with me. He’s looking at me the same way he did last night. I feel nervous and my body warms all over. This is a feeling I’m not used to, and on top of it, his response annoys me. I ask the question again and I clear my throat. I know he knows what I’m really trying to ask, but apparently, he wants to play games. I hate games and I’m not about to be played with.

  “Let me rephrase. How did I end up in your bed, half naked, wearing what I assume is your shirt?” I mentally pat myself on the back; I sound stronger. I cross my arms across my chest, waiting for his response. I try to look the part of someone assertive. His smirk turns into an amazing wide smile, showing off perfect white teeth. Is there anything not perfect on this man? He lets out a small laugh, obviously finding this funny.

  I don’t.

  “Well,” he starts out, “when you passed out at the bar and nearly fell on your face like I told you would happen, I brought you here where you would be safe and could sleep it off.” After a beat, he adds, “To clarify, you weren’t in just my t-shirt. I believe you were also wearing a lacy bra and panties when I put you in my bed last night.” My mouth falls open. He has a tight smile, but doesn’t wait for me to respond. “So how’s your head feeling this morning?”

  “Fine,” I spit out a little too quickly, but it is the truth. I probably should have a nightmare of a headache, but I don’t. I’m well rested and that’s a little scary. People are supposed to have hangovers from hell when they drink like I did last night.

  He rolls his eyes as if he doesn’t believe me. “Really?” he asks with a huff, and then takes another sip of his drink. He sits it back down on the desk, and then crosses his arms to match mine.

  “Yes…really.” I hesitate breaking eye contact to look for the door. “I have to go,” I say as I spot it on the far end of the room. Making my way over to the door, I grab my purse sitting on the coffee table then bolt out. Once I have exited, I’m relieved he didn’t stop me.

  Leaning against the door, I try to calm my nerves. That was awkward to say the least. I still don’t know what happened…did I…if we. Ughhh.

  What the hell is wrong with me? Why did I get that drunk? Because your boyfriend cheated on you! I remind myself, and your best friend might as well have gutted you with a knife.

  Fucking bitch!

  I make my way to the elevator and press the down button. As I wait for its arrival, I notice I’m on the top floor, the floor to the penthouse. Wow…way to pick ‘em up, Shannon. I don’t let my mind wander any longer. I get in, pressing the button to the seventh floor. At least I’m still in the hotel.

  Once in my room, I place my purse on the bedside table; I need a hot shower. I don’t have any clean clothes and putting back on the ones I’m currently wearing is not an option. Dirty underwear is gross and something I don’t do.

  Shit!

  I grab my phone from my purse. Taking a seat at the head of the bed, tucking my left leg underneath my butt, I look at the display; I have thirty-plus missed calls and seventeen text messages. A few of the calls are from Luke and Allison, but most are from Katelyn and Stacy.

  I press Katelyn’s number from my missed call list first. Less than three seconds after it starts to ring, I hear Stacy’s voice screaming at me. “Are you okay? Where the hell are you?”

  I smile at my friend’s concern. Apparently, she’s spoken to Allison, but I don’t want to think about that bitch right now. “Slow the eff down, Stace. One question at a time, please.”

  I hear her huff and imagine she is trying to calm herself down. Stacy excites very easily. “Well,” she draws out. “Are you okay?” Stacy doesn’t pause to let me answer which is good because I don’t have any intention of getting into a serious conversation over the phone. “Allison called last night. I just don’t want to believe it,” she sighs out.

  I ignore what she has just said. I don’t want to discuss Allison or what happened yet. I don’t even know how I feel. I only want clean clothes, and she is my source of getting them. “Do you have to work today? I really need some clean clothes.”

  Knowing Stacy as well as I do, I can imagine she’s getting irritated that I’m dodging what she is after, but I don’t care.

  “Yes, but not until later this afternoon,” she tells me. “You didn’t answer my question,” she says, stating the obvious.

  “Good. Can you bring me some of Katelyn’s clothes, and we will talk when you get here? I’m at The Cove, room 704,” I tell her while adjusting the pillows behind me.

  “Sure, but what’s wrong with my clothes?” she asks in a tone that tells me I have offended her. I roll my eyes. Like she doesn’t know! No one can fit into the tiny pieces of material she wears as clothes.

  “Nothing, except everything you own is either a size zero or extra small, you skinny bitch. It’s not going to happen when I’m a size eight,” I say adding a playful laugh, trying to lighten the conversation.

  “Point taken,” Stacy snorts. “It’s good to hear you laugh, Shannon. We were worried about you when you didn’t answer any of our calls or texts last night.”

  Finally, I give her the answer she wants, but I keep it short because this is not a conversation I want to have over the phone. It’s not a conversation I want to have at all. I wish I could make it all disappear. I just don’t want to deal with any of the shit today or even tomorrow. God, I hate him for doing what he did. “I’m okay; now put your ass in gear and get over here. Please don’t take all day!” I shout in the sternest voice I can muster.

  “Okay!” she shouts back. “Is there anything in particular of hers you want me to bring? I can be there in about an hour.”

  “Jeans if possible, but nothing dressy or sloppy. Thanks,” I say and hang up. I still need clean underwear so I dial the concierge desk asking for the cleaning service to come pick up my clothes for a wash. A nice sounding man tells me that service will be up in ten minutes. I hang up and quickly strip out of all my clothes. I place them in a garment bag and set them just outside the door. After shutting the door, I head for the bathroom.

  Entering the spacious room, I turn the shower on to hot. As I wait for the right temperature, I reach for the new toothbrush resting in its holster. I apply toothpaste and silently say a thank you to management for this hotel supplying all the required toiletries one needs to freshen up.

  As I begin brushing my teeth, steam from the shower starts to filter in the bathroom; I know the water is perfect. I get in after rinsing the toothpaste out of my mouth.

  I stand under the water letting everything wash away from the previous day. My tense shoulders quickly relax under the heat of the water, and surprisingly, I feel great. I should feel like shit after yesterday and drinking last night, but oddly, I think I’m relieved. I’m not sure why that is, or what that really means. Seeing Luke and Allison the way I did hurt, a lot, but not in the way I think it should have. Maybe that means I’m not in love with Luke anymore. Was I ever? I don’t think two people who are in love can just fall out of love.

  They certainly don’t cheat.

  Two people who are truly made for each other can get through anything life can throw, except cheating. Per
haps some people might be able to get past something like that, but I can’t, and I won’t. For me, there are no second chances or forgiveness from that.

  I hope his dick gets flesh-eating rash. It would serve him right. He’s a cheating shit, and he deserves everything he gets – twofold! Yet, as the water beats down on me, I have to admit; I’m not heartbroken. Why am I not sad over the loss and betrayal of my fiancé? I am beyond pissed off though.

  Five years down the toilet.

  I put the thought of him out of my mind and think about Allison as I massage shampoo through my hair. She, on the other hand, I hate. I never thought that was possible. I loved her the way I imagine I would love a sister. That person you tell everything to and never feel ashamed or embarrassed. So why the fuck did she do this to me? It’s a total mind fuck. I don’t understand.

  It’s unforgiveable.

  I shut all thoughts out of my mind and rinse the conditioner out of my hair. I quickly shave before turning the water off. Stepping out of the shower, I grab a towel to dry off.

  Fifteen minutes later, I’m showered, shaved, moisturized and now snuggled in a cozy, plush bathrobe. Again, I thank management. This hotel is amazing.

  THREE

  I’m standing in front of the windowpane looking out at the Pacific Ocean in the distance. The water is beautiful and serene. It’s a scene that always seems to put me at ease, settles me. That’s probably why I love taking photographs on the beach. Every wave is different. They come to the shore cleansing all the imperfections away. There is something so peaceful and calming about the ocean. It’s my kind of perfect.

  There is a rapid knock at the door that takes my gaze away from the window. I turn my head to look at the clock on the nightstand. It’s been an hour and half since I got off the phone with Stacy. I’m impressed she didn’t take longer. The girl never leaves the apartment looking anything less than immaculate.

  I make my way to the entrance to my room. Without looking through the peephole, I swing the door open and I’m immediately enclosed in an almost vise-like hug by Stacy.

  “Katelyn would have come too, but she has rehearsal all day.” Katelyn is an actress. Not the kind you see on TV or in movies. She is into theater. I’ve seen her perform a couple of times. She’s fantastic.

  “Okay, so now tell me how are you really holding up?” Stacy continues. I’m getting the most sincere look I’ve ever seen from her. Emotions aren’t her thing. She avoids them at all cost. As I expected, she is dressed to perfection wearing a purple fitted sleeveless dress that comes right above her knee. Her short blonde hair comes down just below her jaw. Stacy is “Megyn Kelly” kind of beautiful.

  I ignore her question again. Yeah, I’m probably going to piss her off. I don’t care.

  “Are you hungry? It’s almost eleven o’clock and I’m starving. Eat lunch with me at Mint downstairs. I wait for her reply as I take the bag of clothes hanging from her shoulder. Mint is one of my favorite restaurants. It is not expensive and serves great food. I eat there at least twice a month, usually with Allison.

  Why did he pick my best fucking friend? Of all the females that populate this God damn world, why her? Stacy brings me back from my negative thoughts.

  “No. I want to know how the hell you are doing. You don’t look broken up like someone who walked in on her asshole boyfriend and best friend getting it on twenty-four hours ago. Shannon, I’ve been so fucking worried about you, all night. Why didn’t you call or come over?” Stacy pouts while placing her hands on her hips. As I look at her, I realize I’m so grateful she is a part of my life.

  “I know I could have come over and maybe I should have.” Maybe then, I wouldn’t have gotten drunk and ended up in a stranger’s bed!

  “Yes, that is exactly where you should have come, so why didn’t you?” she asks, exasperated, as I toss the bag on the bed. I turn back to Stacy and shrug my shoulders. I don’t really have a plausible excuse; at least not one she would like. I don’t want to talk. I want to be alone and drown in myself. Well…I guess I sort of accomplished that.

  “I needed time by myself to think. So after driving around for a few hours, I ended up here,” I say while waving my hand around the room. I conveniently leave out the events of last night. Although knowing my friend, Stacy would probably have cheered me on. I could most definitely smooth things over with her by filling her in on where I really ended up last night. Not that it matters. I’ll probably never see him again. That realization disappoints me a little. Geez, maybe this whole ordeal has pushed me over the edge.

  Placing my hand on Stacy’s shoulder, I tell her, “I’m fine, really, I am. I’m not sure what to make of that just yet. I’m mostly pissed and hurt over Allison. I just can’t believe she would do that…to me…with Luke.”

  I remove my hand from her shoulder. “I really am hungry and I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning, so I’m going to put clean clothes on and go down to Mint. Do you want to join me for lunch or not?”

  “Fine,” she says, sounding resigned. “After that, I have to go to the station to get ready for work,” Stacy replies.

  “Thanks,” I say. Only Stacy would need at least four to five hours to get ready to tell the weather on the six o’clock news. I don’t say my thoughts out loud. I know she would be offended as well as pissed off. She didn’t speak to Allison for a week once when she called her a “weather girl”.

  I hear a knock at the door and assume it’s housekeeping bringing my clothes and undies back. “Are you expecting someone else?” Stacy asks as I’m walking to the door.

  “I sent my dirty laundry to housekeeping a while ago. Hopefully they’re back with my clean underwear,” I tell her as I open the door a fraction of the way and take the garment bag from an older lady, thanking her as I shut the door. Walking over to the bed, I dump the contents out then grab the bag Stacy brought and dump everything out of it as well. I grab a black short-sleeve fitted shirt, a faux fur vest, a pair of skinny jeans and the pair of black riding boots.

  “I just need about twenty minutes to get myself presentable. Will you go down to the restaurant, get us a table and order the drinks?” I ask.

  “Absolutely,” she replies with a smile while heading for the door.

  * * * * *

  Half an hour later, I’m sliding into the booth across from Stacy while picking up my glass of diet coke. Not exactly the drink I would have chosen, but I’m not complaining since I didn’t tell her what to order.

  “What, no wine?” I joke.

  “I have to work so I can’t drink this early, and if I can’t drink, I’m certainly not going to sit here while you do,” she deadpans. I know she is serious. Stacy is the life of every party and has been since I met her our freshman year of college. She’s the person who broke me out of my shyness, making me open up and trust people.

  She likes to force me out of my comfort zone. She can talk me into almost anything, and she has gotten me to do things I wouldn’t normally do on my own. I’ll have to thank her for that one day; although, I’ll never explain why that means so much to me. People enter our lives for all different types of reasons, and I’m very glad I met the woman sitting across the table from me.

  I won’t let my mind wander. No need in thinking about the past. The past needs to stay just there, in the past.

  “I’m just messing with you. I have to go to the gallery after lunch to finish everything for my meeting tomorrow morning at LP.” I pick up the menu, scanning all the food.

  Just as the waiter is walking up, I decide on a cheeseburger with fries. Fatty, greasy food is just the pick me up I need. I give the waiter my request and he turns to Stacy for her order. She’s eying me in disgust.

  “I’ll have a grilled chicken salad with light ranch dressing. No cheese, please,” she says in her soft flirty voice to the young waiter who is probably five years younger than she is. Not that she’s old. She and I are the same age.

  The waiter leaves as I’m rolling my eyes at her. �
��You know, if you didn’t eat shit food, you could probably fit into my clothes,” she tells me while lifting her diet coke to her lips to take a sip.

  “Whatever! I like to enjoy food. I’m not going to limit myself to grass.” I take a sip of my own drink. Setting mine back down, I continue, “Besides, I’ll never be a size two or whatever size it is you are. I don’t have the small frame you do, and I’m quite happy with my body the way it is.” It’s not like I’m fat and I do work out four days a week; although, I missed my morning boxing class today.

  “Well, didn’t you just get over the flu or something? You were sick for like three weeks. Maybe you should be eating something light.” Stacy and concern isn’t something I’m used to. She tends to be selfish and only think about herself. She never once bothered to call me or bring me anything to eat while I was sick. I, on the other hand, have played nursemaid to her on several occasions back in college.

  Maybe she’s the one who’s getting sick.

  “It was two weeks, but I’m fine now, and I’m ready to eat decent food again.” I pick up my diet coke, taking a large gulp.

  Within ten minutes, our food arrives and I sink my teeth into my burger. Sitting it back on the plate, I remove the bun and toss on some fries and a hefty amount of ketchup before taking another bite of the mouthwatering burger and fries combination.

  “That is so disgusting. I don’t know how you eat that,” she says, staring at my meal with her eyebrows scrunched together.

  “It’s pretty tasty. Do you want to try it?” I ask, holding it out in front of her. We both start giggling and finish up our meal. Being here, I feel relaxed and more like myself. I probably should dwell on why I feel so relaxed as an image of the man with the blue eyes flashes before me. Luckily, I don’t have to think about it for too long as Stacy brings me back to the here and now.

  “So what do you plan on doing about Allison?” Stacy asks as the waiter brings us both refills of diet coke.