LIGHTS IN THE SHADOW

by Rana Demiriz

  “Look, who joined us tonight. Mia: The Divine Being,” he said, pointing at me. Eva looked at me from head to toe. She made a sour face when she saw my white dress. Actually, it wasn’t that white anymore. It was mostly orange because of the dirt from falling down. My wavy hair was a total mess, and my mascara was probably running. She chose not to make any comments.

  “We neutralized the upper saloon, but we can’t hold them for much longer. We need to leave as soon as possible, master,” Eva said. Alejandro nodded and turned to me.

  “You can come willingly, or I can force you.”

  “None of them,” I said simply.

  “You’re not making this any easier for me, Mia.”

  My smile got wider. “I’m glad to hear that.”

  “That means you choose the hard way,” he said before dragging me by the wrist. When we went up the stairs and saw the white-pillared entrance, I was baffled. There were many other women like Eva there. Lots of other men in black shirts and pants accompanied them. The white hall was now darkened. It almost looked corrupted and faded. Some of the white-dressed people’s hands were up. The black ones’ guns were already up, creating a wall of flesh between us and the other guns.

  “Are we done here, master?” Eva said, looking behind.

  “No, I have one more thing to do,” Alejandro said. He dragged me into the feast hall. When we entered the hall, my mouth opened wide. It couldn’t be the same room where I ate and danced tonight. The deities were sitting on their seats with one major difference: Men in black put swords on their necks. It seemed like a mythological bank robbery scene!

  When I entered the room, everybody looked at me: Some of them with hatered; some of them with pity and some of them with fear… The people sitting in those seats weren’t the deities told by mythology and inspired the sculptors once upon a time. The gods and goddesses in mythology wouldn’t be so afraid. They would preserve their pride even in a situation like this. After I saw this scene, I lost my faith in everything. Legends, mythology, none of this made sense anymore… They were all a lie: A mere camouflage…

  Alejandro held me by the wrist, which hurt like it could snap any moment, and dragged me to the middle of the u-shaped table. I heard the sound of a sword being unsheathed behind my back: The sound of steel. I felt the cold touch of steel on my neck the moment I heard the sword. As I took a step back to avoid being cut by the sword, I bumped into Alejandro. His breath was tickling my neck. Between the pressure of his body and the sword, I didn’t even dare to gulp. His voice thundered in my ear.

  “Gods, Goddesses! I’m taking The Divine Being with me. It is not too late for you to change your mind. It’s not wise to be on the side of losers.”

  I glanced through the room as much as I can with a sword on my throat. I would expect anything from these gods and goddesses. I wouldn’t be surprised if they changed their side altogether. But still, none of them reacted.

  Alejandro’s sweet breath was on my neck again.

  “Then take a last look at your savior because she is ours now. The Divine Being is on our side. Your Mia is ours. She is mine,” he paused for a second. “By the way, your prediction was right, Eris, darling. Mia is not the real Mistress of Light.” Everyone turned towards the woman; I supposed she was Eris.

  “No, I didn’t tell him anything, I swear. I have no idea how he knew!” she said.

  “Don’t be mad at Eris. She is innocent. Let’s say it was foresight. Mia would know,” he said, getting his lips closer to my neck. I had to lean to the other side. He moved away from my neck in anger, I assumed, and kept speaking. His voice was harsh.

  “Take a good look at her. Next time you see her will be during the war,” he repeated his words.

  I froze with fear when I felt the sword on my neck. I could feel the blood was slowly dripping down my neck as he pressed the sword carefully on my skin. I could yell, but it would be in vain. Instead, I held my eyes shut tight and held my breath with sharp pain. The blood was smeared on my dress. He slowly lowered his sword on the floor. The drops of blood trickled down the sword like they were liquid rubies. Everybody was staring at the blood drops like their lives were dependent on it. The moment the first few drops fell on the floor, he put the sword back on its sheath.

  “Let this be a warning for you. Fear my power!” Rio exclaimed.

  The blood was now dripping faster down my neck. I was feeling light-headed. The coppery smell of blood filled my nose. I felt sick as I got dizzier every second. Just when I thought I was about to lose my dinner, my nausea combined with my dizziness. I couldn’t tell the difference between my nausea and dizziness.As the darkness swallowed the room, all I could see was the pity in Hera’s eyes and the apologetic look on Alejandro’s face.

  I started to hear some voices. I could not open my eyes, but I could still hear well. When I felt the satin sheets on my skin, my body felt relaxed. At least I was in a bed and not on the cool marble. That was the first thing that crossed my mind. Then the voices became more distinct.

  “They are probably planning a counter-attack to take her back, master.” This voice belonged to Eva. So, the last few hours were not a nightmare.

  “I don’t care about the attack. We have to protect her no matter what,” Alejandro said. Power was seeping through his voice, which he kept low to avoid waking me up.

  “What are you going to do, master?”

  “What do you think I’m going to do, Eva?”

  “I’m sorry, master,” she sounded frightened. I realized that was the only trace of emotion I have felt from her. I wondered what the look on Alejandro’s face was.

  “Did you stop the bleeding?”

  “Yes, master.”

  The voice came closer now. “She must have been awake by now, damn it!”

  Pretending to sleep for a while longer seemed like the wisest idea for now. I had no idea what I was going to do or say when I faced him.

  “Her heartbeat is stable, master; she will be awake soon.” I heard the door opened slowly. “Master! Athena is here. She seems so angry and demands to see you.”

  He exhaled with anger and mumbled something in Spanish. “Damn it! Not now, send her away.”

  “As you wish, master.”

  Both Athena’s arrival and the fact that I was still asleep clearly enraged him.

  “Everybody get out! Now!” he yelled.

  I heard the footsteps of the people rushing to get out of the room and closing the door behind them. And after that, there was complete silence. After the rhythmical thud of feet, someone sat on the bed. I felt warmth on my hand; somebody was holding and lightly caressing it.

  “Mia, can you hear me?” His whisper was like a light spring breeze on my face. I wanted to answer back, but I failed to find the strength within me, and then I realized I wasn’t just delaying to wake up; I just couldn’t. For now, I was just a listener.

  “Mia, please open your eyes. Mia, wake up. Come on, just wake up!” I couldn’t answer back. “Damn it! Why don’t you wake up?”

  His voice came out high. At first, I thought he was angry at me for not waking up. But then I realized that he was actually angry at himself. Did he sound like he was sorry? Ah, that was exactly what I wanted to hear from him.

  I forced myself to open my eyes. Alejandro’s eyes were the first thing I saw. The tender smoke-colored eyes grew bigger. That was all. He didn’t react in any other way. The tension was almost touchable. Why did I forget about the rest of the world when he looked at me?

  “You scared me a lot,” he said softly.

  I remembered what he did to me. The way he dragged me around and how he cut my throat. I pulled away my hand from his. I shouldn’t have pitied him. His charm was fatal.

  “You were right to be afraid. Think about what would have happened if I had died,” I said.

  “Mia, it was needed to be done. You had to bleed.”

  If he didn’t sound so sad, it would have been easier to resist. I took strength from the pa
in in my throat. “Why? To intimidate them?” My voice came out angry.

  “Yes, to show them what I was capable of.”

  “Still, you didn’t have to slit my throat with a huge sword. You said there wasn’t going to be bloodshed.”

  When I thought about Rio, I got worried. When he understood what I was thinking, his voice became harsher. “You were the only one who bled,” when I kept looking at him unbelievingly, he added: “I assure you, everybody is fine, but next time, I won’t be this considerate,” he said with an authoritarian tone.

  I lifted my wrist and checked it. Just like I guessed, it was all bruised. Thank god it wasn’t broken. I held my wrist up to his eyes.“Did you just say considerate?” I said. He realized the irony in my voice.

  “This is your fault! You shouldn’t have resisted. What else could I do? I’m the Master of Darkness. I am evil, can’t you see? Don’t expect kindness from me,” his eyes were getting darker once again. I straightened up with rage.

  “And I am The Divine Being! What should I do? I don’t yell around like you. Do you think I’m happy about this? Do you think I have any idea about what’s going to happen? I just learned everything, okay? Besides, I’m away from my sisters! What do you expect me to do? I didn’t choose this,” I exclaimed. It felt good to finally being able to let out the steam. I felt more relieved. I wish I could stand up but didn’t have the strength. He was already up.

  Even though he didn’t yell at me, it was obvious that he was angry. “I’m just telling you; do not get angry with me! I have been nice to you, but I see that it’s not going to work like that. Damn it, Mia! Why can’t you be calmer and try to accept everything? I don’t want to hurt you, I mean it! I’m repeating: Stop getting on my nerves.”

  I was afraid, even frightened. Normally, if someone else told me these, I would just laugh and mock, but I knew. I knew he could do anything to me. I had to accept that he’d been kind to me from the very moment I woke up. Actually, he was a little bit too kind considering he was the Master of Darkness. I couldn’t ignore that. I had to act more carefully if I wanted to survive this. He wasn’t a kind of a person to be pushed.

  “Thank you for being kind. I was the rude one. I’m sorry,” I said, trying to soften my voice. Even if he was surprised, he hid it well.

  “If you can be a good girl, I’ll be kind to you.”

  I had a new deal. “Sounds good,” I said, smiling.

  He was cautious about my tactical change. “We’ll see about that.”

  “I don’t think I’m going to stay here that long,” I said with that same soft voice.

  “You’re still waiting for him, right: Your boyfriend?”

  “You and I both know that Rio is not my boyfriend,” I said.

  “I know you are not really the Mistress of Light. I may even accept the fact that you two are not lovers. But it’s useless to wait for him, darling.”

  “You’ll see. He’s going to rescue me.”

  “What’s wrong with here? Besides, how can you be so sure that he is going to rescue you?”

  “Firstly, they treat me better there. No one is dragging me around or slitting my throat.”

  “And?” he said, choosing to ignore the sarcasm. He seemed bored.

  “And, it doesn’t concern you.”

  He crossed his arms. “Of course, it does.”

  “No, it’s not about the war. It’s something personal.”

  He started to laugh. “Ah, I see! He said he loved you, right? Did he play a hopeless romantic?”

  I turned my eyes away. “What’s the matter if he told me that he loved me? It’s none of your business.”

  “Mia! You’re so blind and naïve!”

  “Watch your words!” I yelled. I hung my legs down the bed since I was feeling better.

  “Don’t yell at me!” he said.

  “Don’t do this! Don’t do that! Don’t eat this; eat that. Don’t wear this, wear that. Light or Darkness, mistress or not… Enough is enough! No one can play with me! No one can make decisions for me. I’m tired of this.” I got up from the bed with rage and got closer to his face. “No one can order me,” I said, emphasizing every word. I was so angry that I could choke him with my bare hands.

  He didn’t step back. “Why are you still protecting him? It’s not worth arguing with me. Open your eyes a little bit. See the truth, Mia! Why did he choose you when he had countless beautiful goddesses around him?”

  “Shut up!” I yelled.

  “Is it because you are The Divine Being or because of your power?”

  “Enough, stop talking!”

  He took a step forward to me. “He told everyone that he loved you. He introduces you to everyone as his mistress. You were his wife, in a way. Why? Because you are The Divine Being. How else could he pull your strings? How else could he use your power?”

  “Stop, please stop!”

  God, he was right. How could he be destined to love me? Did he really manipulate my feelings to control me? Was this the reason why he tried so hard to charm me? I was let down by the people I trust. My tears were soaking into my blood-stained white dress. How could I be so blind?

  “He gave you exactly what you needed so he could manipulate you! He offered you sympathy, affection and love… And you accepted his offer in the blink of an eye.”

  “No, please, just stop it… Enough!” I yelled as the tears were trickling down my cheeks. I thought about my sisters. The promise he gave me to protect them was probably a lie, too. How could I think that he really loved me? How could I follow him so blindly while the only thing he ever wanted was my power?

  At least Alejandro was honest with me. He wanted me for my power, and he made that clear from the beginning. I wiped my tears with rage. The reason why I was crying was anger, not sadness. I’m angry with myself. How could I –despite being a perfectionist- overlook such a crucial thing?

  I left my sisters unprotected. I let him send them wherever he wanted. I covered my eyes with my right hand. He held both of my arms and pulled me closer to himself. I resisted him. I didn’t want him to take advantage of me too when I was so vulnerable.

  “Are you still going to protect him? His words are nothing but a great lie. It’s all because of your power, Mia. He doesn’t really love you.”

  I got my hands off my face. “He will come! He will come for me!”

  “Yes, he will. I have no doubts about that. But not for you, but because of your power and your title.”

  “Hush! Enough!” I yelled. “You’re being ridiculous.”

  I was still fighting with him. In the meantime, I was trying to stop my tears. Like he wanted to remind me of his presence, he tightened his grip on me and pulled me to his chest. He let go of my arms and wrapped his hands around my waist. Even though I struggled at first, it was hard to resist him. I buried my head into his shoulders and let my tears soak into his black shirt as I cried over my betrayal. His hands around my waist were comforting. He was the wrong guy: A complete stranger—an evil. But the way his hands felt on my waist was completely right. So, I let myself melt into his arms and stopped fighting with myself, at least for the next couple of minutes till I could gather myself up.

  He was probably right. It was so reasonable! Why would Rio choose me over so many beautiful goddesses? He had a point. All those words, the innocent kiss on the hotel room; were they all a lie? Were they merely a strategy to get me to do whatever he wants? The time when he told me that we were destined together, the stories about how he grew up listening to legends which were about me and how he was going to fall in love with me… I was sure I didn’t see anything in the throne room, which even remotely implied that we belonged to each other. It was all a lie. Not to mention the fact that I liked him too… But it was his plan all along! To confuse me and manipulate me so that even if Alejandro kidnapped me, which he did actually, I wasn’t going to believe Alejandro. I was still going to wait for him. That was his plan. How could I not see that? How could I be so bl
ind? It was not just naïve; it was sheer stupidity.

  Defending Rio against him seemed even more stupid now. “I’m an idiot…” I whispered into Alejandro’s shirt.

  “No, you’re not. You are the smartest woman I have ever met,” he said softly.

  “I’m not. I’m not even naïve. I’m just stupid and blind. What kind of a Divine Being am I? What kind of a savior would be so dumb? Since the beginning, I have been telling you: I can’t be the person everyone believes me to be. I’m too stupid to be her. I’m just an ordinary girl.”

  “You insulted yourself enough,” he said, caressing my back.

  I felt wonderful around him. I was very scared when I saw him in my dreams for the first time, but this was different. I had another feeling inside of me, which I couldn’t understand at that time. Now that I am in his arms, this ‘feeling’ overcame the fear, waiting for me to decipher it. For months, I woke up with the same strange feeling in my gut after he visited my dreams.

  Then it finally dawned on me. It was a sense of belonging!

  I should have been afraid of him. I had to run away from this place as soon as I got the chance. God, I must have hit my head pretty hard. But every time I saw him, every time he looked into my eyes or held me close to himself like we have known each other for centuries.

  When he lifted my head, I got back to the real world. He leaned his forehead against mine. I held my breath. His eyes were back to smoke-color now. The hidden stars in his eyes, which darkened like the night itself whenever he got angry, were visible in his smoke grey eyes, but not anyone could see that, except me. The stars were exclusive to me. It was all clear to me now. It seemed like every wandering piece in the puzzle now fit. Yes, those stars were specifically for me. I knew that ever since I saw him in my dreams.

  He lowered his head and kissed the bandage on my neck least expectedly. I could swear that the moment his lips touched me, some part of him and poured into my heart. My neck suddenly stopped aching and became the center of my body.

  “I’m sorry. I wish there were another way. I really didn’t want to hurt you,” he whispered into my ear. I don’t know why, but hearing those words aided me. I think those were the words I had been expecting the whole night. Those three words I longed to hear; I’m sorry. I could hear the sincerity and pain in his voice.