Free as a Bird

by Gina McMurchy-Barber

  I liked bein able to rest in the park with all em other homeless people — my head on a nice soft pillow an listenin to country music. Sometimes I wondered if maybe Norval was listenin too.

  Nother thing I bought off Mabel was a red backpack. It looked lot like the one Pops gave me — cept it was dirty an the zipper was broke. I could put my blanket an pillow an radio inside an carry it on my back.

  Some days me an Mabel was late gettin to the soup kitchen. If that happened we’d go to the alcholics meetin at the church an get juice an cookies. They served hot drinks too while the preacher talked bout God.

  One mornin I crawled out from hind the Bamboo Smoke Shop an was hungry — yup, hungry as could be. I told myself, better get over to the soup kitchen fore they run oudda food. It was a good thing I got there on time cause they was givin out hot sausage rolls an tea that mornin … an boy oh boy, it was licious. Dint see Mabel round.

  I came back for lunch after spendin time at the park — they was handin out cheese sandwiches an for a extra treat Sister Irene gave out chocolate cake. That was awful licious too. Funny thing, I still dint see Mabel.

  I decided to walk round an look for her. Went down Hastings an saw Betsy an John outside the liquor store. Saw Dean too — he was playin guitar for the people out front of the library. An there was Harsh too — collectin money in his tin cup. I went through Gastown an passed Woodwards Store too. But still dint see Mabel — nope, dint see her no where.

  It was gettin dark an my tummy told me it was supper time. So I went back to the church soup kitchen an got in line hind Mr. and Mrs. Fay. That night we had tomato soup an bakin biscuits. They was good biscuits, but not so good as Nan’s. I slept in the toilet at Pigeon Park, but I was lonely thinkin bout Mabel.

  Nex day I went lookin for her gain at some of her best sleepin places — like the Hastings Street parkin lot … hind Fung’s Dim Sum restaurant … an the stairwell in the old furniture factory. But still dint find her.

  I membered that Mabel told me once she was a nutso. “I can’t explain why or how it happens. All I know is now and then I get depressed — and trust me, kid, when I get like that you don’t wanna be around me. Heck, I don’t even wanna be around me.” She showed me some red marks on her arms. “See these? Got one for every time I’ve tried to check out of this place. The really crazy thing is that people keep saving my worthless life.”

  After Mabel showed me her messed-up arms I showed her my messed-up hands. I had jus as many red marks from scratchin myself year after year. Funny thing bout that … I dint do that so much anymore.

  “I can see you weren’t a happy camper either, eh? That why you don’t talk?” I nodded. “Ever been an inmate at Riverview?” I dint knowed bout Riverview. But there was a river ran passed Woodlands — maybe it was the same one as Riverview.

  “Well, it was … twelve years ago. They had me locked up with all the other poor wretches on permanent mental vacation. But the first chance I had to get out of that place … zoom … I was gone. And I’ve been living on the streets ever since just so they don’t catch up to me and put me back there. I guess you could say that’s the best part of having no fixed address — nobody can find ya if ya don’t wanna be found.”

  Mabel told me when she got those dark feelins inside her head she jus hadda be by herself. I wondered if that’s how come I dint see her round lately. Boy, I sure missed Mabel — not as much as Nan an Pops — but all the same, she was my friend. I tried real hard not to think bout her or Nan an Pops, cause it jus made me feel awful bad.

  It rained that day an after supper too. I got a idea I should sleep in Mabel’s best spot — under the stairs at Pioneer Laundry — jus so’s nobody else come an move in there. When I got as far as the park I was surprised cause I could see Mabel’s cart cross the street. It wasn’t there earlier. At first I got so excited my hands an heart started flappin bout. But when I got closer I thought it sure was awful funny that her cart was turned over an all her things dumped out on the ground. Her best blanket was in the dirt, her heart-shaped box smashed flat, an everythin else thrown round. That wasn’t like Mabel to let her stuff get messed up. Then I noticed something else — all thrown round were pictures. I bent over an picked em up. That’s when I figured somethin pecular was goin on. Those pictures was of me — yup, me an Gramma at Christmas, me with Nan an Pops at the park, an nother one of me an the Ward 33 kids on Canada Day. I wondered how come Mabel had those pictures. Jus then I heard some moanin from under the stairs. I looked inside to see who it was.

  “Kid, is that you?”

  Mabel was there, but she dint sound so good. I crawled in an sat side her. She had a big cut on her head an bruises on her face too.

  “I was praying you’d find me. I’ve been robbed, kid.” Mabel sniffled an moaned. “The thieving swine dumped my cart and took my money and other things too. I tried to stop them, but they hit me. I fell down and hurt my head.” She closed her eyes an sniffled some more. She dint want me to see she was cryin. “I feel like I’m startin to black out again … I need help … please … you gotta get help.” Then Mabel’s hand flopped onto the ground an she stopped movin. I tapped her shoulder, but she dint say nothin — nope, nothin a’tall.

  I got awful scared after that — that’s cause Mabel looked jus like Gramma fore the amblance took her to heaven. I sat there stabbin at my hands, an priddy soon I was cryin too — yup, cryin like a liddle baby. Couldn’t understand why all the people I cared bout kept leavin me — Gramma, Grace, Pops … and now Mabel too. An there was never nothin I could do bout it … nope, I guess on account of me not bein so smart.

  “Retard,” I told myself. “Why’d you ever get borned, anyway?” I dug my fingernails into myself as hard as I could cause I was mad an hated myself for not bein like other people.

  Jus then Mabel whispered, “You gotta get help … please, go get help.”

  After that Mabel went all quiet gain an I sat there feelin awful sad — yup, cause I knowed there was nothin I could do to help my friend. For some reason I membered what Gramma used to say bout me bein a precious gift from God.

  I said to myself, “Gramma, I was never really precious — nope, not a’tall. And I could never be a gift from God neither on account of me not bein so smart.”

  I waited to hear Morris and Millie in my head sayin, “That’s right, she’s nothing but a retard.” But that dint happen. Instead it was Gramma’s voice.

  She told me, “Ruby Jean Sharp, it’s time you stopped feeling sorry for yourself. It doesn’t matter what others think of you or if they call you names or if they don’t know how precious you are — you’ll just have to know it all by yourself. And anyway, there are plenty of people who see your true worth — like Grace and Nan and Pops and Mrs. Gentry … and Mabel too. But right now she needs your help. You’re the only one who can do it, Ruby Jean.”

  I sat up straight an wiped away all em tears. I tried real hard to think what I could do to help Mabel. It was hard cause Morris kept tryin to get back inside my head by callin me names. But I told him to shut up. And that’s when I got a idea — yup, I knowed what I hadda do. I patted Mabel real gentle.

  “Don’t worry, Mabel. I’m comin back.” I crawled out from under the stairs an ran fast as I could — I hadda get to the church an find Sister Irene.

  When I got there the soup kitchen door was closed up tight an nobody was round — nope, nobody. I banged an banged an banged on the door for a long time, but nobody came. I said to myself, “Okay, Ruby Jean, now what ya gunna do?”

  Then I got nother idea — yup, the idea was tellin me to run round to the front of the church an up the stairs to the big wooden doors. I never been inside that church at night an I was fraid. But I dint stop — nope, I pulled hard as I could on em heavy doors till they opened enough for me to squeeze through. When I got inside — boy oh boy — I dint like how dark it was in there.

  At first I was frozen to the spot. I had a hard time breathin too — I guess on account o
f I was scared. But then I heard Gramma inside my head again. “Mabel needs your help and you’re the only one who can do it.” I knowed she was right, so even if my legs dint want to I made em move forward into that dark place.

  At first I dint see nothin — nope, only blackness. But slowly it stopped bein so dark in there an I could see somethin shiny. It was comin from the priddy glass windows an the big Jesus hangin on the gold cross. I knowed it wasn’t the real Jesus.

  It took an awful lotta tryin, but I finally called out, “Sssister … sssister … Sister Irene?” At first my voice was so quiet even I could hardly hear myself. I tried again — louder. “Ssister Irene, Mmmabel needs you! Sister? Help!” Suddenly, the church wasn’t dark no more — that’s cause somebody put on the lights.

  “What’s the matter, child? Why are you calling for Sister Irene?”

  I turned round an saw a lady wearin the same black scarf an dress as Sister Irene. “Mmmabel … it’s Mmmabel. Shhhhe’s sick … nnneeds help … Sssister Irene gotta come help her.”

  “Try to calm yourself, dear. It sounds like we need an ambulance. I’ll call 911. Where is your friend?”

  “Nooooo!” I yelled. “No amblance. Don’t want Mabel to go to heaven in an amblance.”

  “Heaven? For goodness’ sake, child, what are you talking about? The ambulance will take your friend to the hospital. But first you need to tell me where she is.”

  I dint knowed how to tell her where Mabel was an even if I could I still dint want no amblance. Then I could feel somebody puttin a arm round me. I looked up an sawed it was Sister Irene. I was so glad I jus hadda hug her.

  “Come … come with me. Mmmmabel’s sick. I’ll show you.” I pulled her hand an she followed me. We ran down those big church stairs an cross the street. I was gettin tired of runnin an I think Sister Irene was too. But we dint stop — nope, not a’tall. Ran down the lane, cross the park, an finally got all the way to Mabel’s stairs. Sister Irene was breathin awful hard, but she looked underneath to see if Mabel was okay.

  “Oh, dear, what’s happened to you, Mabel?” Mabel dint answer. “Mabel, can you hear me?” Nope, Mabel couldn’t hear a’tall. But then she moaned. “It looks like she’s been beaten and might have a concussion. We need to get an ambulance immediately.”

  “Noooo, Sister Irene. Don’t let the amblance take Mabel to heaven.” My heart started jumpin round inside me awful bad. “If we let the amblance take her to heaven, I won’t have nobody. Please don’t let the amblance take Mabel.”

  Sister Irene grabbed my hands real hard an looked me straight in the eyes — jus like Grace used to if she was tellin me somethin important. “I promise — when the ambulance comes it will take Mabel straight to the hospital where she can get help for her injuries. Mabel will not go to heaven if we get help now! Do you understand?”

  I dint knowed how come, but I believed Sister Irene. She told me to stay with Mabel an hold her hand. An that’s jus what I did. Sister ran back to the church an called 911. A liddle while later I heard the siren comin. I got awful jittery again, but dint let go of Mabel’s hand — nope, not for a second.

  An jus like Sister Irene said, that amblance dint take Mabel to heaven, after all. Nope, that’s cause Sister Irene an me made sure it dint. We followed it all the way to the hospital in the sister’s car. That’s when a nother funny thing happened — the amblance went to St. Paul’s Hospital. At first I dint knowed why that name stayed in my mind. But then I membered — it was my hospital, the same one I was born at. Gramma used to say, “You came into this world on February 19, 1957, at St. Paul’s Hospital. And it was one of the happiest days of my life.” Yup, she really used to say that — over an over.

  “Mabel is being treated right now, dear,” said Sister Irene after talkin to the doctor. “Besides having a concussion and cuts, she has a mild case of pneumonia. The doctor said it was fortunate you found her when you did. You’re a hero!”

  I dint knowed why she was callin me that. I weren’t no hero. Heroes was strong an smart an braver than anybody else.

  “The doctor said we can go in to say hello in a short while. Let’s sit in the waiting room.”

  Sister Irene took my hand an we sat on some chairs. Even after we sat down she held on to me. I liked that — yup, I liked to feel her warm hand holdin mine. An even when she looked at all the scratches an blood all over em — she dint let go — jus rubbed em gentle.

  “Now that I know you can talk, will you tell me your name?” asked Sister Irene. She looked at me with her awful nice brown eyes — yup, she had brown eyes jus like Gramma’s.

  “My name’s Ruby Jean Sharp. Gramma named me Ruby cause she said I was a precious jewel an called me Jean cause she said it meant I was a gift from God. Cept I’m not really precious or a gift from God.”

  “If that’s what your grandmother thought, then it must be true.”

  “That’s cause Gramma loved me — yup, she loved me even after the doctor tole her I was a retard. He said I got a extra chromosome — dunno what that is — but if I dint have it Mom an Harold wouldn’t have left me at Woodlands.” I dint member sayin so many words all at one time — nope, not since I was liddle. Back then me an Gramma talked a lot — yup, like two liddle love birds.

  Funny thing bout talkin to Sister Irene that night … once I got started I couldn’t seem to stop. I tole her bout Mom leavin me at Woodlands when I was eight … bout Peter slappin me … an bein put in the bad kid room. I told her how I dint like the uniforms touchin me an how the Boys broke my pink hair band from Grace … an how Susan an Norval was my only friends at Woodlands, cept for Mrs. Gentry.

  “Cause of Mrs. Gentry I went to live with Nan an Pops. I had my own room — it had pictures on the wall, an a soft bed all fluffy an white, an a radio I could listen to at night so’s I could fall asleep. But then Pops went to heaven in an amblance an they was gunna send me back to Woodlands. I dint want to go back there — nope, not a’tall.” Maybe after bein silent for so long I jus had a lot to say. Dint think Sister Irene minded. So I talked an talked till I dint have nothin else to tell her.

  “Well, Ruby Jean, that’s an amazing story. And Mabel was fortunate you were there for her tonight.”

  Jus then a nurse came over to where we was sittin.

  “If you want to say hello, the patient can see you now — but only for a few minutes.”

  Sister Irene held my hand an we walked down the hall. When we came in the room I thought it was an angel in bed an not Mabel. She looked clean an white — yup, white bandage round her head, white gown an white sheets too. She looked beaudiful. When she sawed us she smiled a liddle.

  “Don’t know what would’ve happened to me if you hadn’t come along, kid.”

  “That’s okay, Mabel. Yer my friend.” Mabel looked awful surprised when I said that.

  “Well, for crying out loud — so the cat didn’t get your tongue, after all. I’m sure glad you’re my friend too. But I’m getting tired of calling you kid. Got a name?”

  “My name’s Ruby Jean Sharp.”

  “You don’t say? Well, that sure is a nice name. I knew another Ruby once — nice old lady.”

  Jus then the nurse came in an reminded us we had to go soon. She said we could come back in the mornin.

  “Hey, Nurse, where’s all my things?” Mabel asked. “I got a lot of important stuff, you know.”

  “I’m sorry. But there wasn’t anything besides the clothes you arrived in,” the nurse said.

  Mabel growled a liddle an looked awful mad bout that.

  “Oh, but there was this pretty locket,” the nurse said. “I didn’t want it to get lost, so I put it in this drawer for safekeeping.”

  She opened the liddle drawer. Inside was a gold necklace that looked a awful lot like the one Gramma gave me. I picked it up an opened it. Funny thing bout that — there inside was the picture of me an Gramma. I held the picture up so Mabel could see, but she dint look so good. Sides bein splotchy red her eyes were fillin w
ith tears.

  “Mabel, how come you gotta necklace jus like the one Gramma gave me?”

  Sister Irene took the locket an looked at the liddle picture inside. She closed it an put it back in my hand. “Mabel, it looks like there’s something you need to tell Ruby Jean.”

  When she dint say nothin I took the pictures I found on the ground side Mabel’s cart outta my pocket an showed em to Mabel an Sister Irene too. But Mabel still dint say nothing. She jus looked out the window instead.

  Finally, she said, “When you live on the street you do things … things that aren’t very nice. Before I got to know ya, Ruby Jean, I saw you sleepin on the bench in the park. I guess you were out so cold and tired you didn’t even notice when I pulled that pack out from under your head.” Sister Irene gave Mabel some tissue to wipe her eyes. “After we got to be friends I wanted to find a way to give it all back — honest.” She looked at me with awful sad eyes — yup, they was more sad than I ever seen. “It just got harder and harder to do as time went by. But honest, I was gonna give it all back. I was only wearing the necklace so nothing happened to it — well, and because it was so pretty.”

  I looked at that liddle locket Gramma gave me when I was eight. I thought bout how she gave it to me cause she loved me — yup, loved me a awful lot. I reached out for Mabel’s hand an put the necklace in it.

  “Mabel, yer my friend. I want to give you this present.”

  Mabel tried to give it back to me. “I can’t take it. I stole it and I should never have done that. You’ve been a good friend to me, Ruby Jean. I’m sorry for what I’ve done. Please take the necklace back.”

  “Nope. Gramma gave it to me cause she loved me. An now I’m givin it to you … cause I love you, Mabel.”

  Mabel cried something awful after that. When the nurse came back into the room again she got cross with us.

  “Seriously, you two have to leave right now so the patient can get some rest. Can’t you see how upset she is from her ordeal. You come back tomorrow. Now off you go.”