Heat

by Lis Lucassen

  She hesitated. The old Lynn would have just grabbed the watering can and beaten a hasty retreat, cheeks aflame. But the new Lynn – what would she do?

  Quickly, she kicked off her slippers and crept up behind him, taking a deep breath to get rid of her doubts. Then, she reached out and her hands pushed Dan in the back.

  The sudden movement made him skid forward, almost falling face forward into the pool. He regained his balance just in time and landed on his legs instead, taking two giant steps forward. The water splashed over him, wetting his shirt.

  “Hey, daydreamer!” It was such a funny sight that she nearly burst out laughing. Until Dan spun around to face her, that was. His mouth was a grim line and his brown eyes reflected a wide array of emotions. Surprise. Fear. Anger.

  “Jesus! Don’t you touch me! Don’t you fucking touch me!” He looked down, looking at the dark spots of water on his shirt. His hand quickly covered them.

  “I – I’m sorry. I…” Desperation and shock made the words turn to glue in her mouth. Why, exactly, had she thought this would be a funny practical joke? She couldn’t remember.

  In three long strides, Dan was out of the kiddie pool. He looked at his shirt once more, then at her. And in that single second their eyes met again, she discerned yet another emotion. One she’d seen before. Mortification.

  “How childish can you get? I’m not one of those toddlers you play swimming pool games with all day.” He took a deep breath to speak again, but didn’t get the chance.

  “Dan? What’s going on?”

  Lynn looked up and saw that Stan Mertens was standing behind his son.

  “Nothing.” Dan whipped around and brushed past his father to strut back to the hotel lobby. He disappeared through the double doors.

  Stan’s gaze held hers expectantly and Lynn frantically tried to come with an intelligible account of the events that had just transpired, but she couldn’t come up with anything. Instead, she just bent down to grab her slippers and the watering can before turning away from him, but Dan’s father stopped her.

  “I apologize for what he said and did. Whatever it was.”

  “It was – it was just a joke.” Her eyes drifted down and she focused on her bare feet. She didn’t feel the need to show her tears to someone. She’d only feel more embarrassed than she already was. “I didn’t know he’d react like that, or I’d never have given him that playful shove.”

  She heard Stan Mertens sigh. “Look, whatever happened, it isn’t your fault. Dan can be quite sensitive about things. I don’t mean to explain his behavior away, but if you knew him, you’d understand why he can be like that. But that doesn’t mean I condone his antics. Don’t get me wrong.”

  “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,” Lynn mumbled in response to Stan Mertens’s vague explanation for his son’s behavior.

  18

  Dan

  The room was empty. Thank God for that. Dan made a beeline for his bag and pulled out some dry clothes, taking them into the bathroom. Even though Jason wasn’t here, he still locked the door. It was an autopilot thing by now. Somehow, he could only bring himself to take his clothes off after hearing the click of the lock. He wondered, occasionally, how much of that habit was down to some kind of OCD on his part.

  The wet stains on his shirt weren’t that bad. He checked himself in the mirror to convince himself that there weren’t any spots that had turned transparent enough to expose his ugliness to the world. No. He was safe. He took off his shirt, crumpling it into a ball and flinging it against the bathroom door, where it landed on the floor with a soft flop.

  His hands sought and found something sturdier. A bottle of shampoo. He hurled the plastic vial against the wall. The thud it made was louder, more satisfying. Again, he looked around for something to throw, something to give meaning to the vexation he felt.

  Just as he was about to throw one of the water glasses, he changed his mind. Someone would have to come up here to clear away the shards. His parents would find out he’d thrown stuff around in the bathroom. He couldn’t muster up the energy to talk to his parents about his unacceptable behavior yet again.

  Dan picked up the dry long-sleeved shirt and got dressed. Hiding himself again.

  He was so fucking fed up with it. The heat in this place stuck to his skin like a layer of tar, not to mention the constant stares of people gawking at him. Every single day. What would they think if he took off his shirt at last? Would they quickly look away, or sneak an embarrassed peek? Or would they openly gape at him in fascination?

  Abruptly he felt completely drained. It took a mighty effort to unlock the door and force himself to step out. He tumbled down on the bed sideways and pulled up his knees. As soon as he closed his eyes, he saw Lynn. Somehow, he’d expected to see Ella. Her face was the one he saw whenever he felt miserable like this. But this time, it was Lynn. She looked at him with a look in her eyes that could freeze over the pool. Sharp. And clear like crystal.

  Normally speaking, he’d open his eyes in a last-ditch effort to escape from the memories. But not this time. He drank her in – Lynn’s blue eyes and long, dark hair. Full lips, uttering syllable after syllable with that typical inflection of hers. An accent from the north, maybe?

  I am sorry.

  She’d put stress on the word ‘sorry’. Or maybe she’d emphasized ‘am’. And she’d meant it. He could tell from the way her shoulders had sagged slightly, the way her gaze had darted to the floor and then back up at him. Confused.

  Ella’d said she’d been sorry, too.

  But her words hadn’t been sincere.

  ‘“Come over here.”

  Ella seemed rooted to her spot at the end of the bed, and he saw the doubt evident in her entire stance. Was it him? Surely it couldn’t be him. He didn’t want to beg, but he still did. “Please?”

  She sighed and twirled a strand of hair between her slender fingers.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” She looked around the hospital room and her gaze caught on the collection of get-well cards tacked to the wall. “Oh, you got some new ones.”

  “Please…” He hated the way his voice cracked. Another few seconds and he’d break down in tears like a little child. This was a different kind of pain. This was the kind of pain that crushed him from the inside.

  “Dan, I don’t think… Timo will be here soon, and…” She didn’t finish her sentence. She didn’t have to, because Timo stepped into the room just then, holding two cups of coffee from the machine in the corridor. Ella smiled at him as she took the coffee he handed to her. And he tried to ignore the way their fingers touched in that gesture.

  All that time he’d been in the hospital, all those times she and Timo had visited together, she’d been lying. At first, they’d been there every day. But then the appearances had turned into weekly visits. And now, her obvious discomfort as she stood there by his bed and the stiffness of her body when she finally bridged the gap between them and sat down on the edge of the bed, was too much. She wanted to stay as far away from him as possible, her eyes averted. She wouldn’t touch him – she said she was afraid she’d hurt him. But the truth was that she felt disgusted by him.

  She didn’t mind touching Timo, though.

  At first, he hadn’t seen it. And then, he hadn’t wanted to see. But as time went by, he could see nothing else. He could think of nothing else.

  Right now, though, he was looking at Lynn in his mind. At the way she brushed her braided hair away from her shoulder. At the way her hands moved as she talked. Dan opened his eyes and took a deep breath. Something stirred in his lower body. Before he could reconsider and lose courage, his hand drifted down, slipping between the waistband of his boxers and his stomach.

  Longing.

  Desire.

  And then, the door swung open and Jason crashed into the room.

  Dan’s hand jerked back and flopped down in front of him on the mattress. The feeling of excitement evaporated, no matter how hard he was tryi
ng to hold on to it.

  “Dan? You asleep?”

  He decided to turn around to look at Jason after what seemed like forever. “No.” Dan heard how hoarse he sounded and coughed to clear his throat.

  “You coming downstairs? We can watch TV or play a game of pool?”

  “Nah.”

  Jason hesitated for a beat, lingering by the edge of the bed. “Fine.”

  Dan watched his brother turn around, his shoulders slumped the way Lynn’s had, before. He put his hand on the doorknob and had almost left the room when Dan changed his mind. He got up and called after Jason. “Just don’t cry like a baby when I beat you at pool, okay?”

  19

  Lynn

  Cherry was over the moon to get her watering can back the next morning, and she was equally excited about the new guests arriving the day after. The Dutch couple dropped off by Emmanuel had twins, and the girls were the same age as Cherry. The three of them spent all day in the shallow pool together.

  Lynn, on the other hand, wasn’t having that much of a good time. The day after the incident – as she’d baptized it for lack of a better word – she’d successfully dodged Dan at every turn. She’d waited at least ten minutes until he and his family had left the breakfast room before going in herself. And when Steve had offered to entertain Cherry that afternoon so she could take the older kids to the beach, she’d gladly accepted. Especially when Ellis announced she’d stay with her little sister as well to keep an eye on her.

  This morning too, she’d managed to sneak in and out of the breakfast room without any awkward run-ins. Unfortunately, the gods weren’t smiling down upon her in the afternoon. Cherry and the Dutch twins were playing with their plastic spades and watering cans, splattering water in each other’s faces – something that made her smile widely. The smile slipped off her face, though, when Dan passed them by. He stopped and stood behind her, slightly to her right, his hands folded in front of him. Invisible soap suds bubbled up and popped all around her heart, making her throat feel tight. She knew he was there, right behind her, but she refused to turn around. Refused to acknowledge his presence.

  Until Lina said out loud that ‘the man behind Lynn was staring at them’. And she pointed. To Dan. Before nudging her sister Suzy. Who promptly started to point at him, too. And then Cherry dutifully followed suit, even though she didn’t understand the foreign language the two sisters were speaking. It was clear ‘the man’ needed to be pointed at.

  “Why aren’t you wearing swimming trunks?” Suzy splashed forward until she was standing by the edge of the kiddie pool. She put down her little bucket and watering can and pointed at her own red bathing suit. “I have a bimini.”

  “Kini!” her sister corrected her.

  “Why aren’t you?” Suzy insisted.

  Lynn bit her lip. Would it be possible to get away unnoticed? She wished she could disappear into the shallow pool and dip her head just below the water line so she’d at least block out whatever what happening around her. If she didn’t hear anything, she could ignore him. And if she didn’t see and hear him, she might be able to pop all those horrible bubbles crowding together in her stomach without getting into trouble.

  “Maybe I don’t like swimming that much.”

  Lina drew a breath, clearly about to launch into another round of questions because Dan hadn’t satisfied her curiosity. Lynn quickly jumped to her feet to silence Lina, since she had no idea how he’d react and wasn’t about to submit the little girls to his Mr. Hyde character’s side.

  “Ladies, why don’t we go see whether your parents are back yet? Cherry, honey, let’s go look for your mom and dad as well.”

  She helped Suzy, Lina, and Cherry out of the pool and was about to take them away when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

  “Could I talk to you for a few seconds?” Dan’s voice was quiet. It didn’t sound demanding, and yet she felt like giving in to his request. She told the girls to make their way to the sunbathing lawn by themselves –‘but strictly no running!’ – and kept an eye on them until she was sure they’d joined up with their parents. Only then did she turn around to face Dan. His hand slipped off her shoulder.

  The bubbles of air were wreaking havoc in her stomach. She didn’t want to like this guy! He wasn’t likeable. And yet, as he was standing there, facing her with his brown eyes looking so expectantly…

  “Yes?” She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

  “I’m afraid I owe you yet another apology.” Dan put his hands in the pockets of his knee-length pants, his shoulders slumped and his head cocked slightly to the side. Lynn took a sharp breath. God, he was handsome. Straight nose, full lips, a three o’clock beard that made him look older. He was probably eighteen – her age. Maybe she should ask him. But that meant she’d have to talk to him.

  “Sure.” She turned away and was about to get out of there when he put his hand on her arm. Slowly, his fingers trailed down, and her skin tingled under his fingertips tracing a pattern there. Dan lightly grabbed her wrist. If she wanted, she’d be able to pull away. But did she want to?

  “No, really. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten so worked up. I – well, never mind.” He sighed, the ghost of a smile appearing around his mouth. His thumb leisurely traced a circle on her inner wrist.

  Lynn gasped for breath and stood there, motionless. The circle got bigger, and his thumb moved back and forth on her skin, leaving a scattering of falling stars there.

  “Tomorrow afternoon. Meet me at the main entrance at four?”

  She stared at his fingers on her hand, at the languid caress that set her heart racing and turned her cheeks pink. And it did more than that – it caused heat to burn through her body, from her head to her toes, lingering in the most sensitive spots.

  “Will you?”

  By now, the bubbles had reached her head. Any capacity for logical thought had left her. “Yes.”

  “So I’ll see you tomorrow.” Dan let go of her hand. It didn’t immediately break the spell he’d put on her. Slowly, the bubbles in her brain made way for common sense. She wanted to tell him she didn’t want to meet him at all, that she didn’t accept his apology, and that he should think twice before touching her like that out of the blue again, but her lips just wouldn’t string the needed letters, the words, or the sentences together. Dan leaned in and trapped the words with his own lips. It was just one kiss, quick and innocent, before he walked away.

  A kiss that left her deaf and blind and paralyzed.

  20

  Lynn

  Steve kept commenting on her absent-mindedness several times that day. Lynn ignored his jokes, along with his question of why exactly she had to leave at half past three in the afternoon.

  And now she found herself here. On the sidewalk in front of the main entrance. Freshly showered, changed into another outfit, and trying to suppress a heartbeat that felt like she’d been lifting heavy weights without taking the necessary steroids.

  Nervously, her fingers plucked at the buttons of her flowery summer dress. Maybe she should change into something else? Shorts and a T-shirt? Something sportier?

  A jeep pulled into the circular driveway of the hotel. The roofless car stopped in front of her and Dan gracefully jumped out of the driver’s seat. He walked around the car and stood in front of her. Apparently, he could read the trepidation in her eyes, because he held up his hands in a gesture of innocence while shooting her a smile.

  “I’m on my best behavior. Cross my heart.”

  Lynn bit her lip.

  “I promise I won’t suddenly explode or do any other weird shit.” He winked at her and showed her that winning grin that conveyed equal parts bad boy and innocent lamb.

  “Okay.” She matched his grin with a hesitant smile of her own. “What are we up to?” she continued, pointing to the jeep, which was from one of the better rental companies on the island.

  “We’re going for a nice drive.”

  Lynn climbed into the jeep via t
he exterior steps with as much poise as she could. Why couldn’t he have picked a car with regular doors? Too late, she noticed that the hem of her dress had crept up during her jeep-boarding maneuver. Her free hand slid down to pull it down again – but failed. Her wriggling was only making the situation worse.

  She looked over her shoulder and Dan was there, not about to lift one finger to help her out. Nor was he even making an effort in feigning to avert his eyes. His lopsided grin grew mischievous and his brown eyes shone with something more than just amusement. When he did lift one finger after all, it was to softly trail it along the white, lacy border of her panties. Quickly, Lynn scooted forward to sit down, trying to ignore the shiver running through her body.

  “White is my favorite color,” he informed her casually as he walked around the front of the jeep. He slid into the driver’s seat next to her and turned the key in the ignition.

  “White isn’t even a color,” Lynn mumbled.

  Dan shot her a sideways look. “Okay, red – I’ll settle for red, then.” He laughed and steered the jeep away from the hotel driveway. She could pretty much guess what kind of red he was referring to. Trying to draw his attention away from her blushing cheeks, she rubbed the skin but obviously that only made it worse.

  For a while, they drove through narrow alleys until they hit the ring road connecting all coastal towns on the island. Lynn was happy that she’d decided to braid her hair, because if she hadn’t, by now she’d have looked like Bridget Jones in that one scene where she got out of the cabrio with her hair sticking out in all directions. She’d seen the movie in the cinema at the time, together with Esmee. They’d both cried with laughter while secretly drinking from the wine that Esmee had snuck into the cinema. She’d stolen it from her parents’ liquor cabinet and poured it into two innocent-looking plastic bottles.