Red, White, and Blueberry Muffin Murder

by Addison Moore

  “Lottie,” Lea says my name like a reprimand and I take up Noah’s hand so he can listen. “The guests love seeing me move my bingo pieces. They love being scared and I love to scare them.”

  Thirteen twitches his whiskers and tiny blue stars emit around them. “She’s right. The woman next to her passed out twice. And the woman next to me sneezed a dozen times. Says she’s allergic to cat dander.” He licks a line down his ebony coat.

  “Fine,” I say. “Play your hearts out. I hope you win big. And don’t think for a minute Wiley won’t swipe the money from you.” A thought comes to me. “Hey? Have any of you noticed Wiley lugging around a sack full of cash?”

  The three of them nod.

  “All the time,” Greer says. “He does the bank runs for the B&B.”

  “Wonderful,” Noah says. “Honey Hollow is proving to be a fountain of funny money for the world’s most notorious con man.”

  Wiley calls out another number, and Naomi jumps up out of her seat.

  “Wingo Bingo—jingle all that money in my pocket!” She dances in a circle as the room begins to stir to life.

  Charlie and Carlotta come this way, and Naomi and Cormack are quick to follow.

  “Well, if it isn’t Lottie Lemon,” Naomi says with an open-mouthed smile. First time I’ve ever seen my bestie’s twin not baring her fangs my way. “Guess you heard the good news. Cormack and Noah are back together. I saw them sneaking around the Evergreen the night of the Fourth.”

  “Naomi,” Noah grouses.

  “Oh hush.” She waves him off. “This is too juicy for me not to spill. Speaking of spill, where’s my money?” She charges to the front and Wiley antes up—a miracle in the making. Although knowing him, he’s pocketing half the loot. Serves her right.

  “She saw you?” I hiss over at Noah.

  Cormack trots over and wraps her arms around Noah. “I guess our secret’s out of the bag.”

  Charlie smirks. “Cormack, Noah’s just toying with you.”

  Cormack looks mildly affronted. “I beg to differ. The Big Boss knows better than to toy with me.”

  “Oh yeah?” Charlie is determined to play with matches. “Then why did he take my sister out to dinner last night at Mangias?”

  “Everett was there,” I’m quick to add. “Not sure why I felt the need to clarify that. I couldn’t care less if anyone thought Noah and I were dating again, or even if we were having a perfectly platonic dinner. He’s the father of my child.”

  Cormack sucks in a breath. “You’re dating again?”

  Noah turns his ear to her. “That was the takeaway you got from that?”

  Carlotta chuckles as she steps my way. “How did things end up in the bedroom after you and Sexy took one another to the mat after dinner? Things were pretty heated. I bet they got even hotter once you closed that door last night.”

  She’s not wrong.

  Everett and I glared at one another for one hot second before his lips curved with naughty intent, and well, an inferno ignited the room.

  “So you’re not denying the fact you’re seeing her.” Cormack hauls off and slaps Noah.

  A never-ending breath fills my lungs at the sight.

  “Don’t you dare strike Lyla Nell’s father.” I give Cormack a shove and she shoves me right back and soon we’re pulling hair, and I think she just bit me on the neck.

  “Girl fight!” Carlotta shouts, and soon every phone in the room is pointed our way while both Noah and Wiley work to pull us apart.

  Cormack stumbles back as Wiley restrains her. “You haven’t seen the last of me, Lomita!”

  “That’s exactly what I’m afraid of,” I shout back.

  Cormack yanks herself free and makes strides our way and Noah steps in front of me.

  “Don’t you dare lay a hand on her.” Noah’s tone is a threat in and of itself.

  Cormack’s face turns a frightening shade of purple before she shakes her head and lets out a rather powerful, “ARRGGHHH!” Her fists ball up at her sides. “I’m sick of this obsession you have with this, this thing.” She points my way. “She’s mousy, and plain, and she doesn’t come from money.”

  “She’s drop-dead gorgeous and she owns half of Vermont,” Noah counters.

  An exaggeration on both fronts, but who cares? Cormack is finally getting her comeuppance.

  “So you’re after her money?” Cormack shakes her head as if she couldn’t put the pieces together.

  “Something like that.” Noah sighs as if it was no use, and he’s right.

  “Okay.” Cormack gives a wild nod. “I think I can work with that. You haven’t seen the last of me either, Big Boss.” She stomps her way out of the room, and I give a spontaneous applause.

  “And stay out,” I shout, but there’s a dozen conversations humming all around us, so I doubt she heard.

  Noah swoops in. “Are you okay?”

  Carlotta clucks her tongue. “Don’t worry, Foxy. Lot Lot comes from a hearty stock. Back in Higgins Bottom, Cha Cha got in at least one fistfight a week.”

  “It’s true,” Charlie says.

  Sadly, my poor sister looks proud of this violent fact.

  Suze strides over and I give a hard blink.

  “You’re here,” I say. “Is something wrong at the bakery?”

  “Why would I be at the bakery? You asked me to deliver the muffins here, remember?”

  “That was four hours ago. You’re on the clock,” I remind her.

  “Your mother asked me to play a few games. I didn’t want to be rude, so I agreed. And since I live here, I may as well call it a day.”

  “I’ll let Lily know.” I frown her way.

  Suze has been staying here at the B&B ever since she flew into Honey Hollow on her broomstick a year or so ago. It’s weird to me that she’s staying just a few rooms down from where her ex-husband is holding my mother hostage and flogging her with his body.

  Suze grunts, “See that look she’s giving me, Noah? The woman hates me. Just yesterday she tried to kill me by way of heat, you know.”

  “I’ll bite,” Noah says.

  Good thing because I don’t know if I have the energy for another catfight. With Everett and me wrestling half the night, and Lyla Nell holding up the rear, I didn’t get two winks of sleep.

  Suze glowers at her older son. “She did! She wanted to send me, a woman of advance years, to the lake to peddle frosted muffins of all things.”

  I shake my head at Noah. “I’m not frosting them anymore. The frosting doesn’t do well in the heat.”

  “Ah ha!” Suze wags a crooked finger at me. “She’s not even trying to deny it! But I suppose you wouldn’t care about that. You always seem to take her side on every matter.”

  Noah nods. “That’s because I happen to agree with her on every matter.”

  Suze scoffs in Noah’s face before exiting the conservatory with just as much dramatic flair that Cormack afforded.

  Wiley starts to take off and Noah pulls him back.

  “Not so fast. I’d like a word with you.” He hauls him off a few feet and I spot my mother talking to Chrissy Nash, and just as they part ways I’m right there in her face.

  “Miranda Lemon,” I whisper. “What’s this I hear about you sneaking around the Evergreen Manor on the night of the Fourth?”

  Her eyes widen a notch before her cheeks turn a dark hue of crimson, and Lyla Nell slaps her silly and laughs right in her face while doing it.

  Get a few in for me, kid, I want to say.

  “Lottie,” Mom brings a finger to her lips, “it’s not good for business for my guests to know I’ve visited enemy terrain.” She gives a little wink my way. “Variety is the spice of life and I need to keep things spicy, if you know what I mean.”

  I squint over at her.

  She certainly doesn’t appear to know about any cash heist.

  “So that’s all you and Wiley were doing at the Evergreen Manor? Fooling around? You didn’t, I don’t know, ransack a guest’s room
and rob him of all he was worth? And rumor has it he was worth a whole lot of cash money.”

  Her body seizes and her fingers fly to her lips.

  My mouth falls open because she’s all but admitted her guilt.

  “Mother!”

  “It was role-playing, Lottie.” She swats me on the arm. “Wiley rented that room. We’ve done it before.” She waves me off with marked irritation over the fact I’m vetting her fantasies.

  “You’ve done it before? My goodness, he was grooming you for just this occasion. What did he do with the money?”

  “What money?” She looks morbidly confused and a swell of relief fills me. At least she has no idea what he was really up to. This conversation would be ten times worse if she admitted to stealing the cash with him. “Are you talking about those bundles of fake cash?” She laughs like a hyena before leaning my way. “We’re siphoning them into the bank drops and pretending to launder them.” She giggles herself into a conniption. “Don’t tell me love is boring after you get over the hill.”

  She meanders away to show Lyla Nell off to the remnant of the guests in the room and I’m frozen solid with fear.

  Noah comes over and shakes his head. “I couldn’t get him to crack. My dad’s a tough nut.”

  “He’s a nut, all right. One that’s going to crack both my sanity and my mother’s world right down the middle.”

  I dish the dirty deeds that his father has roped my mother into, and now we’re both seeing red.

  I predict there’s going to be another murder, and the victim’s name just so happens to be Wiley Fox.

  Noah

  “Tell me and tell me now, old man. What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  It took less than ten seconds from the time Lottie relayed the twisted conversation she had with her mother, until I pinned my father in a dark corridor of this haunted hotel.

  “Where’s the money?” I grit the words through my teeth as I shake him.

  “Now now. I’ve never been one to spill my secrets and you know it.”

  “You keep your dirty money, that you stole, away from the cash drawers at the B&B. You got that? You do not get to ruin another woman. Especially not Miranda Lemon.”

  “No one saw me, son.” Dad holds his arms up as if I was about to arrest him, and I should. It might just do him some good to serve a little time. “And if I recall correctly”—he gives a contrived shrug—“it was you Naomi saw that night in the parking lot. I’m afraid to say it, but it’s not me who has to worry about the feds. You were there and you were seen.”

  “You were seen—by Miranda.”

  “She won’t breathe a word. That woman is loyal to me. It’s my word against yours. Now who are they gonna believe? A kind old man or some lovesick cop obsessed with another man’s wife?”

  “With my luck?” I give him a rattle by way of his shirt. “You.”

  I head back into the conservatory and tell Lottie I have to leave. Miranda offers to give Lottie and Lyla Nell a ride back home, so I give them both a kiss and take off in a fury.

  But first I stop by my place and pick up one briefcase I’ve been dying to offload.

  This never-ending nightmare only seems to be unfurling all the more, no matter how hard I try to stop it from unraveling.

  Everett is right.

  This is all my damn fault.

  If Lottie knew where I was headed, there would be no stopping her.

  I shake my head as I walk into Red Satin Gentlemen’s Club. The walls and the furniture are as red as sin, and those women dancing half-naked on that expansive stage aren’t so innocent either. The scent of stale beer and cheap cologne bites my nostrils and about a half a dozen women with pasties on give me an ear-to-ear grin when they see me.

  “Noah Fox,” Meg calls out and gives me a friendly wave.

  Her dark hair is bushy and her eyes are drawn in with black liner that matches her lipstick. She’s wearing a black sack with fishnets and hiking boots, and looks every bit herself.

  “You want a platter of nachos?” she offers. “I can set you up stage-side—best seat in the house. I’ve got a girl who is just your type hitting the stage in an hour. She looks exactly like my fun and flirty big sister.”

  “Charlie, I take it.” I frown at the stage as I clutch the briefcase in my hand a little tighter, leather gloves and all. “I don’t like the thought of Lottie’s look-alike running around naked up there for all the men to see. Doesn’t that bother you in the least?”

  “Nope. I’m just glad she doesn’t look like me. Let me guess, you’re here to see Jimmy?”

  I nod. “Where’s the wicked villain?”

  “Downstairs talking to Cormack.”

  “What?” I sail past her and head for the tunnels this place seems to be comprised of. Illegal gambling, loan shark central, kink club, you name it, Red Satin is a cover for it all. There’s an underground lair here that seems to run under all of Vermont.

  I go down a story and find myself in the whirling, twirling gambling casino with its one-armed bandits and its backgammon tables with a smattering of customers. And I spot Cormack heading in my direction.

  “Big Boss!” She gives me a toothy grin. “I’m glad I ran into you. I’ve got a little something coming your way.” She hikes up on her tiptoes and lands a kiss to my cheek. “Don’t ever say I didn’t do anything for you.” She checks her phone. “I’m late for my show. I’ll see you soon.”

  She runs her finger over my lips as she takes off and leaves behind the scarf of her sugary perfume. By show, she means the talk show she’s managed to land herself after the old host was murdered. It’s called Getting Candid with Cormack, and it just so happens that was the exact sleazy show Lottie was cornered into going on, to do the paternity reveal for Lyla Nell. Things swung in my favor, so I can’t complain too much.

  Just beyond the blackjack tables, I spot Jimmy Canelli talking to a dealer.

  I’m on them in two seconds.

  “Detective?” He lifts a brow. Jimmy has a head full of silver hair, mostly fit for a man his age, and he’s got a determined look in his eyes that lets you know he means business. “Let’s take a seat. I’ve got a little gift for you.” He motions to the man standing with us and he disappears.

  Jimmy is really good at making people disappear in general, which brings me to the point of my visit.

  “I’ve got a gift for you, too,” I say, hiking up the briefcase a notch.

  “Ah, I see. Let’s get to my office.” We step down the hall, into a small room that can fit little more than a desk and two chairs. Jimmy lands on one side of the desk and I land on the other.

  I hoist the briefcase onto his desk and pop it open before sliding it his way and spinning it around.

  “Gloves?” He tosses his head to the side as he pulls the briefcase close to him. “Thinking like a cop. I like that.”

  “That’s because I am a cop. I don’t belong here. The contents of that briefcase don’t belong to me.”

  The dealer Jimmy was speaking to just a minute ago comes in and lands four bricks of cash onto the desk before taking off like a phantom in flight.

  Jimmy opens the briefcase, letting the lid slam near me.

  “It’s all there,” I tell him.

  “I don’t doubt it.” He takes the money and slots it in between the bricks of cocaine before shutting it closed and spinning the briefcase back my way.

  “What are you doing? I don’t want that cash. I don’t want any of it.”

  “I’m giving you back what’s yours.”

  “No, no, no. This is yours.” I give it a shove in his direction. “I can’t keep it. This world is full of thieves. I’d hate for you to lose it on my account.”

  “My men tell me you just had a nice safe delivered. I entrust it to your care. I don’t want it back.”

  The safe was a knee-jerk reaction on my part even though Lottie told me not to do it.

  “What do you mean you don’t want it back?” I ask.r />
  “You didn’t deliver it.” He folds his hands in a threatening manner like only a mobster can do. “I need to have your loyalty, Detective. And as long as it’s in your care, you’re culpable—and I can work with that. You can have my protection so long as you keep this briefcase in your possession.”

  “Culpable,” I parrot because I know exactly what he means.

  “How about I remain culpable regardless? Don’t make me flush this down the toilet.”

  Jimmy doesn’t so much as flinch. “You won’t. And if you threaten to do it again, I’ll be forced to send my men over routinely to check on things. I don’t think Carlotta Junior or that sweet baby girl of yours would enjoy that too much. Do you?”

  I glare at him a moment. “No.”

  “Okay then. It’s nice to see we’re on the same page. You take this back to your place. Your little side-piece took a loan out on your behalf. She said you were hard up for some cash.” He points to the briefcase he just peppered with enough green to buy a house with.

  “What? Why would she do that?”

  “You didn’t expect her to give you her money, did you?”

  “No, I don’t accept anyone’s money. I’ve got my own money.”

  “Good. That means you can pay me back one day. Now, get out of here and take your filthy briefcase with you.”

  A beefy man with tree trunks for arms shows me to the door, and soon I’m right back in my truck with that briefcase taking up real estate just below the passenger’s seat.

  How the hell did I end up here again?

  That’s right.

  It’s all my damn fault.

  Everett

  I head into the house after a long day’s work, and I can hear Lemon mumbling something and grunting in the kitchen.

  “I said get it in the hole before Everett gets back,” she riots.

  “I’m trying, Lot,” Noah grunts. “The hole’s too big. It keeps falling out.”

  It’s just after six and I stopped off and picked up some Wicked Wok for dinner. I had a long day and figured Lemon did, too, but now I think I’m going to have an even longer night considering I’m going to have to bury Noah’s body.