Red, White, and Blueberry Muffin Murder

by Addison Moore

  I think I’ll go old school and bury him in his own backyard as an ode to this entire Florenza Canelli nightmare he’s dragged us into.

  “Oh,” a hard moan comes from Lemon. “Do that again. That feels really good.”

  “What?” I step into the kitchen with my adrenaline pumping so hard I’m about to break Noah’s neck once I spot him.

  But I don’t have to. They’re standing right in front of me as Lemon helps steady Noah on a chair that swivels as he stands trying to land a nail into a hole that’s been in the wall above the sink since we moved in. His knee is slightly over her back—thus the feel-good vibes, I’m assuming.

  Strung across the length of the wall is a silver banner that reads Happy Birthday and my heart sinks because for the life of me I can’t recall exactly whose birthday it would be. Lemon’s birthday is in March and so is Lyla Nell’s. Evie’s is in September.

  “Whose birthday is it?” I ask, setting the bag of food down now that my adrenaline surge is running in the opposite direction, and I’m feeling a little loose on my feet.

  “Oh, Everett!” Lemon darts over and sends Noah toppling to the wall before hopping down to safety. “It’s your birthday.”

  “Mine?” My eyes grow in size as she wraps her arms around me and I sink a kiss to her lips before pulling back. “But my birthday is—”

  “In November.” She takes a breath. “I know, I know. But I thought, who cares? What’s to stop me from celebrating my wonderful husband today? I made you a triple fudge cake and an entire platter of brownies to go along with it.” She waggles her brows because she knows her brownies are nothing short of an aphrodisiac to me. “I just want you to know that you, Essex Everett Baxter, are a ray of sunshine in our lives.”

  I grimace at the thought involuntarily. “I’m pretty sure no one has ever referenced me that way before. I hate to break it to you, but I’m no ray of sunshine.”

  “You are to me.” Her eyes travel south a moment, she’s right back to waggling her brows, and I’m tempted to steal her away to the bedroom.

  Noah pops up behind her and shakes his head at me, mouthing the word no, and I frown over at him just as that birthday banner sails to the floor on one side like a streak of lightning.

  Lemon lands another kiss to my lips. “I’ll call Evie and Carlotta and let them know you brought dinner. Perfect timing. I was just about to call the Wicked Wok myself!” She scoops up Pancake and Waffles off the floor on her way out as she calls for everyone to come to the kitchen.

  “What the heck is going on with her?” I ask Noah, just low enough for his ears only. “I told you she was acting strangely.” And I mean that in the best way. But I can’t stand back and pretend I’m not concerned.

  “I don’t know. I didn’t get a chance to focus my full attention on you today, sunshine.” He gives a wry smile. “I went to the B&B and spoke to my dad.”

  “What did he say?”

  “Nothing until Lottie broke Miranda wide open like a piñata.” He closes his eyes a moment. “Miranda seems to think breaking into Rooster’s room—a room she says my father rented for his own ploy—was nothing more than a role-playing activity. She said he pretended to have a bag full of money.”

  “I’m a little surprised she fell for it, but I’m glad for her sake. Where’s the cash?”

  “That’s where it gets tricky. Miranda said they’re siphoning it into the bank drops and pretending to launder it.”

  “She’s going to role-play her way right into a prison sentence if she hangs out with your father another minute. Now I see why you’re so dangerous. You have his destructive genes running through your body.”

  “I’d watch what you say about my body. Lyla Nell just so happens to be derived from it.”

  “She’s mostly derived from Lemon. The scant bit your DNA has infiltrated should be well deterred by having me around as an influence.” I nod. “Go on. Did you get the money from him?”

  “No. I was about to put him through a wall so I left. I tried to take my briefcase back to Jimmy, but he said he couldn’t take what was mine.” He tips his head. “He stuffed it full of cash and handed it back to me. He said he likes the way it makes me culpable. I can have his protection from Luke so long as I keep that briefcase in my possession.”

  “What’s with the cash?”

  “Cormack figured the way to my heart was through money. She didn’t want to part with any of her own, so she took a loan out from Jimmy.”

  “The laws of mobster attraction are just swimming in your direction. If you crawled into a cave, you’d come out with a hit on you. You can’t stay out of trouble, can you?”

  “I’m not touching the cash or anything else in that briefcase. I put it back in the attic. I think maybe the safe I had delivered is too obvious.”

  My stomach sours just hearing every last detail. “All right. I’ll take care of Wiley.”

  “I’ll do it with you.”

  I shake my head at him, but before I can say another word, Evie hops into the kitchen and jumps all over me.

  “Happy birthday, Dad!”

  All four of them, Evie, Carlotta, Lemon, and Lyla Nell, have a party hat on.

  Carlotta blows a party horn in my ear and nearly blows out an eardrum, and Lyla Nell laughs herself silly.

  “All right.” I take her from Lemon and land a kiss to the tip of her nose. “Let’s have a party.”

  “Dada!” Lyla Nell slaps my face, and I nod because I probably deserve that, and then some.

  “Hey, Mom?” Evie’s eyes spin in a way that can only mean trouble. “You fought Cormack like a boss—I saw the footage. So you’re cool with me getting into fistfights at school, right?”

  “It’s a hard no,” Lemon is quick to tell her.

  We start in on dinner and Evie giggles unwarranted throughout the entire meal.

  Noah nods her way. “All right, what’s so funny?”

  Carlotta waves him off. “Don’t either of you men get your panties in a twist, but our Evie Stevie is in l-o-v.”

  “L-o-v-e,” Lemon corrects.

  Carlotta’s expression sours. “Nobody likes a know-it-all, Lot Lot.”

  “Are you back together with Conner?” I ask, surprised to hear this. And under no circumstances is Evie in love. She’s too young to understand the concept of romantic affection as far as it intersects with genuine feelings. She’s a ball of hormones. I was her age once, I should know.

  “With who?” Evie looks confused as to who I just referenced.

  “Your old boyfriend?” I ask as my blood pressure begins to rise because I’m suddenly aware that this conversation might be taking a turn in a college-bound direction.

  Carlotta belches. “He’s old news, Sexy. Evie is all about Van Horny these days.”

  “Bradford Van Horn.” Evie sighs as she gazes to the wall behind me.

  “What?” I glance to Lemon. “No way. Find another driver’s ed instructor. It’s clear this guy is a predator. I see it all the time. I refuse to fall victim to this.”

  “I’m not finding another driver.” Evie snaps out of her lovestruck stupor and is suddenly incensed I even brought the idea up. “We’ve got a date tonight—as in a driving lesson.”

  “That’s right.” Carlotta holds up her chopsticks and toasts me with her orange chicken. “Van Horny is picking her up, for a little night drive down to Lover’s Lane.”

  “Lover’s Lane?” Noah lifts his head out of that bowl of fried rice he’s inhaling.

  Evie rolls her eyes. “It’s just a dark hill above the library where you can look down and see all of Honey Hollow.”

  Lemon’s mouth falls open. “Evie, that is Lover’s Lane. That’s where all the kids used to go when I was in high school to make out. Do not go there with him.”

  Lyla Nell shouts something from her highchair, and I happen to agree with whatever she just said. She’s going to make a darn good prosecuting attorney one day. Or even a judge. She might have to work on that temper, th
ough.

  Evie scoffs. “Mom, we are not making out. I won’t be seventeen for another two months. And Bradford is in college. Don’t worry, Dad. I’m fully aware I’m jailbait.”

  “The legal limit is eighteen,” I tell her. “And make sure he’s fully aware of it, too. Besides that, your mom is right. You’re not going. He’s your driving instructor. This is extremely unprofessional on his part.”

  Noah nods. “I’ll have him fired by morning.”

  “You’ll do no such thing,” Evie scolds. “He’s putting himself through school. He said a little night drive would be great practice for me. And he’s got a point. I’ll be driving at all hours of the day, you know. Besides, he says he wants to show me something.”

  A throaty chuckle comes from Carlotta. “I’ve heard that before—about nine months before your mama was born.” She tips her head back. “I’m siding with Sexy on this one. I’m sorry. You can’t go, Evie. If you give Little Yippy here a friend, I’ll have to move out.”

  Lemon shoots me a look that says we’re starting on another baby tonight.

  I take a deep breath as I look to Evie. “I trust you to make good decisions, starting with calling this man and telling him you won’t be needing his services anymore. And then I want you to call Conner and tell him you’re back on.”

  “What?” Everyone in the room, and I’d swear Lyla Nell was in that number, shouts at once.

  “Whoa.” Noah cuts his hand through the air my way. “Back off, buddy.”

  “That’s right, Dad,” Evie seethes as she jumps to her feet. “Back off, buddy. You don’t get to boss around my love life. I get to choose who I want to spend my time with. Not you. If you think you’re going to give me a dowry and get into the arranged marriage business, you’re sadly mistaken because I’m not blindly going along with it. That’s gross and inconsiderate.”

  A car horn goes off from outside.

  “That’s Bradford,” she says, swiping her purse off the coffee table. “Don’t worry, Dad. I’m not going to tell him my father is a lunatic who thinks he’s going to pass me off to whoever he deems fit. I hope you’re happy. You put me in a bad mood, and now Bradford will have to find a way to get me out of it.”

  Carlotta huffs, “I’m sure he’ll get creative.”

  Evie storms off with a slam of the door, and Carlotta gets up from the table.

  “Good going, Sexy,” she says. “If you want Little Yippy to have a cellmate in that nursery, I suggest you keep up the good work.” She takes off and Lemon shrugs.

  “She’s probably not wrong.” She reaches over and takes up my hand. “But Evie is a smart girl. Everything will be fine. I’d better send Charlie and Meg a message. I’ll pay them in cash to go and break up every private party at Lover’s Lane.”

  “Good thinking,” Noah says. “I’ll double it.”

  “I’ll triple it,” I tell her.

  “Ooh, triple.” Lemon gives a flirtatious grin. “That reminds me. I’ll be right back with something chocolaty.”

  Noah shakes his head at me. “You’re going to have to let Evie fly a little. If you clip her wings, she might try to fly off anyway and end up hurting herself.”

  “Good to know. I’ll relay the same message when Lyla Nell is dating a college man named Bradford Van Horny.”

  Noah’s jaw tenses. “We’re going to kill him.”

  Carlotta and Lemon come back into the room with a chocolate birthday cake in hand, and it just so happens to have a sparkler stabbed into it as the fiery spectacle goes off haphazardly.

  The room breaks out into a cheery version of “Happy Birthday” while Lyla Nell claps like mad and cheers.

  The sparks start to fizzle just before the entire stick goes up in flames.

  If this is any precursor to the rest of my life, I’d better watch out.

  One more spark and my entire world might just go up in flames as well.

  I look to Lyla Nell and Lemon, and pray to God I don’t take them with me.

  And then I center my fury right where it belongs: at Noah and his dimple-faced grin.

  After all, it’s all his damn fault.

  Lottie

  “Would it make me a bad person to hate a blue butterfly?” I ask no one in particular as Noah, Evie, and Carlotta sit at the counter here at the Cutie Pie Bakery and Cakery. The late afternoon crowd did a disappearing act, along with just about all of my blueberry muffins.

  “Only if you try to shoot it,” Noah points out while dotting his finger over Lyla Nell’s nose, and she breaks out into a dainty little laugh that makes Evie giggle as well. Come to think of it, Evie has been staring moony-eyed and giggling at everything ever since she walked in.

  I shake my head. “I can’t believe my new house is just going to sit there like a skeleton of what it should be just because a butterfly flew past it.”

  “Like it or not, they’re the official occupants.” Suze shrugs. “I’m a part of the butterfly preservation society, you know. And well, we all voted that your home should sit uninterrupted the way it is until the Honey Hollow Blue Butterfly can replenish.”

  I suck in a quick breath. “Suze! You’re a part of the preservation society? You can stop the carnage. Don’t you want Everett and me sharing a big, beautiful house together and populating the planet with adorable little Baxters? You don’t want me unhappy in my rental, now do you? Everett’s working long hours, and I might be prone to wander to Noah for a shoulder to cry on. We all know where that can lead.” I tick my head toward Lyla Nell.

  Suze tips her head back. “So help me heaven, to tell the truth, I did try to convince them otherwise, but they were too strong-minded about it.” Her upper lip twitches as she looks to Lyla Nell. “And now we’ll have an entire den of Foxes on our hands.” She takes off to help a trio of customers who just stepped up to the register.

  “Evie, how did your driving lesson go with Bradford?” I ask as I refill her coffee.

  “It was amazing,” she says, holding a chocolate chip cookie in the air and staring vacantly past me. “He’s taking me out again tonight at six. Driving, of course.” She smirks my way.

  “Of course.” I slide a plate full of crullers between her and Noah.

  “What about me, Lot? Don’t I deserve a cruller or two after pushing you out of my lions?” Carlotta pounds her hand over the counter and a spray of silver stars erupts in her wake.

  Within seconds, Leo appears in all his Bengal glory.

  “You’ve summoned me?” He startles as he takes in his surroundings. “Oh look, crullers.” He traipses over and begins to eat one right off the plate.

  Lyla Nell screams and laughs so loud it has the power to pierce every eardrum in a ten-mile radius. She bops up and down in Noah’s arms until she snatches the celestial cat by the tail.

  Leo lets out a rawr, and Lyla Nell laughs all the louder.

  Evie giggles to herself again. “It’s that ghost cat, isn’t it? The one Aunt Charlie says wants to follow her to work?”

  Good grief, between Charlie and Carlotta, I don’t know why I think my powers or theirs are a big fat secret. Luckily, Evie and most everyone Charlie and Carlotta spout off to think it’s all in fun.

  “I wish I could see him.” Evie gives a wistful shake of the head.

  “You can’t have everything, Evie Stevie,” Carlotta pats her on the back. “You’ve got brains, you’ve got beauty, and you’ve got your daddy’s millions coming down the pike once he kicks the bucket.” Carlotta leans her way. “I’d get a good financial advisor if I were you in the event that bucket goes airborne sooner than later.”

  I shoot Carlotta a dirty look for even mentioning such a thing to Evie.

  Evie shrugs. “Don’t worry. I’m already in with someone. Uncle Noah’s brother slipped me his business card.”

  Noah gives a disgruntled look. “I’m sorry, Evie. I’ll knock his head around for it.”

  “Don’t be too hard on him,” she says. “He was at my school a couple of months back
as a guest speaker in my civics class. He gave everyone his card.”

  “In that case, I’ll let him live.” Noah taps his finger to the counter just as Suze steps over once again.

  “Lily called from the lake and says she’s running low on supplies, and the goods you do have left have melted into a puddle.” Suze glares at me as she says it.

  I think she hates sunshine just about as much as she hates me.

  “I’ll tell her to close down the booth,” I say as I quickly text Lily. “I’ll need her to come back and help close up the shop anyway.”

  “Another hot date with your husband?” Suze gives me the side-eye.

  I know for a fact she’s rubbing my marriage into Noah’s face.

  “Actually, I’m headed down to the courthouse. But the fact Everett will be there is just a happy incidental. My plans revolve around someone else entirely.”

  Noah nods my way. “Betsy Monroe.” His brows hike a notch as if to ask if he’s right.

  “I can’t get anything past you. You’d make a great guard.”

  Carlotta honks out a laugh. “Foxy got a little something past the guard. That’s how Little Yippy made her debut. Do you think it’s too early for her to get fitted for a muzzle? Asking for a friend.”

  Suze breaks out into cackles, and Noah shoots her a lethal look.

  Why do I get the feeling Suze is that friend?

  “Oh you.” Suze waves Noah off. “It was funny. I find a lot of things Carlotta says funny.”

  “The truth often is,” Carlotta adds and only digs the hole a little deeper with me.

  “Noah”—I say as I refill his plate with fresh baked chocolate chip cookies—“what brings you to the bakery so early? You don’t usually get off for another hour.”

  His dimples dig in, no smile. “Ivy invited me to go out tonight, and once I said I was busy, I decided it was better to spend the rest of the day avoiding her. Don’t worry. I’ve got the file for that ATM robbery case to keep me at attention.”

  “How’s that going?” I step in close, not to miss a single detail. I always find the cases Noah works on to be fascinating.