Waiting for Something

by Whitney Tyrrell

“Yes, I pinky promise,” I held out my pinky and we pinky swore.

  “I can’t believe you actually love me. You don’t realize how huge this is to me.” Her face looked beautiful in the light.

  “Well, I hope you love me back because otherwise...” but before I could finish, she cut me off.

  “Of course I love you back!” she squeaked and hugged my neck.

  “Good because you aren’t getting rid of me.” I kissed her forehead.

  “You’re not too bad yourself,” she giggled.

  “You know, I should take you home.” I realized the sun had started to set.

  “Let’s stay just a little bit longer,” she snuggled close.

  “The last time we sat on the beach like this we fell asleep together,” I reminisced.

  “My neck hurt so badly the rest of the week!” She giggled. Her laugh was contagious.

  “So, about North Carolina,” I got back to the big problem.

  “Let’s just enjoy this moment. The moment where we’re together and watching the sunset.” Her voice got low into a whisper and I knew that she needed this. She needed something to hang on to. I would give that to her because for now, it’s all that matters.

  Eleven

  Monday at school killed me to the core. I knew that Jake would be gone by Saturday morning and all I wanted to do was be with him. Yesterday Jake came over for supper to meet my parents formally and they fell in love with him. Dillon wouldn’t shut up again. Of course he already considered Jake a friend. My dad was a little hesitant at first but he did soften up. And Jake basically charmed the pants off my mom. After supper we all sat out on the back porch with the fire pit going and made s’mores. It was so surreal and I didn’t want it to end. But nonetheless here I am at lunch with Marlie, Carter and even Justin. Justin cleared everything up with us, apologized and everything, so I feel like he’s over Marlie.

  “Hello? Earth to Ali,” Marlie waved her hand in front of my face.

  “What? Sorry, what did you say?” I played with my food.

  “I asked what you were doing after Jake leaves on Saturday,” she looked at me.

  “I don’t know. I have dance practice that day so I’ll probably do that and then call Jake when he gets to his house,” I shrugged.

  “Why don’t we go out on like a movie thing? You know, like a group,” she nudged Carter.

  “Yeah, Justin, you should come too,” Carter piped up. I knew Carter was kind of bummed about Jake too.

  “Could I bring a friend?” he looked up from his food.

  “Yeah, sure. Who is it?” Marlie, nosy as ever.

  “It’s Jenny from my English class.” He looked nonchalant and I knew that Jenny was more than a friend.

  “Jenny the blonde? She’s really pretty. Yeah, sure. That sounds great,” Marlie smiled.

  “So, Ali, what do you say?” Carter smiled at me.

  “Wow, I’d love to accompany your guys’ double date but I’d rather not be a fifth wheel.” I kind of sounded bitchy.

  “Ali, it’s not like that at all. Come on, you’ll need a distraction,” Marlie tried to compromise but I just wasn’t in the mood.

  “I don’t need a distraction, Marlie! I need to be left alone and not treated like some poor, helpless animal. I can take care of myself and get through this by myself,” I finally snapped.

  “Ali, chill out. We’re just trying to help,” Justin stepped in to try and take the heat off of Marlie.

  “Seriously? You’re telling me to chill out? That’s hilarious. I gotta head to my locker before class. I’ll see you guys later.” I got up, dumped my tray and stormed off to the bathroom to bawl my eyes out.

  “Ali? Are you in here?” I heard Marlie walk in.

  “I’ll be out in a second,” my voice cracked.

  “Ali, let me in. Come on.” She tapped on the stall door.

  “I’m not in the mood,” I groaned.

  “I’m not leaving until you are in the mood.” I watched as she sat on the floor against the stall.

  “Get up. The floor is disgusting,” I wiped my tears.

  “I don’t care.” She stood her ground.

  “Fine, I’m coming.” I unlocked the door and she stood up.

  “Thank you. The floor is disgusting,” she grinned.

  “I don’t know how I’ll get through this,” I admitted.

  “God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle,” Marlie put her hand on my arm.

  “I’m not that strong.” I let my shoulders sag.

  “Oh, sweetie, come here,” she held her arms open and I fell into them letting the tears flow.

  After missing all of sixth hour, I finally came back during seventh and I felt like I might actually make it through this. I could graduate and then go to college in North Carolina or something and life would work out. My parents wouldn’t be thrilled about the whole moving-somewhere-for-a-guy thing, but they’d learn to accept it. I got home after school and Jake was there on my front porch talking with my mom.

  “Oh, sweetie, you’re home,” my mom smiled.

  “Hi, Mom. Jake,” I grinned awkwardly.

  “Oh, I’m sorry! I’ll leave you two alone. Nice talking to you, Jake.” My mom picked up her iced tea and headed back inside.

  “How long have you been here?” I sat on the porch swing with him.

  “Like fifteen minutes. Don’t worry, she hasn’t bored me,” he smiled and I felt myself melt.

  “Oh, I was worried. My mom can get a little weird,” I winked.

  “She’s worried about you,” he stared off.

  “Why?” I hated talking about this subject with him.

  “What will happen when I leave. She knows how important I am to you.” He rubbed his chin.

  “Jake, I don’t want to talk about this again. The one time was enough,” my chest got heavy.

  “I’m sorry. I just don’t want to get in the way of your future. I have mine and you deserve a future all your own,” he glanced at me.

  “I will make a future all my own! I choose you. You’re my future, Jake!” I could hear my voice rise.

  “I don’t want my decisions to rule your life. It’s not fair,” he put his head in his hands.

  “You’re not ruling my life with your decisions. I’m in charge of my life,” I crossed my arms.

  “Okay, fine. Let’s go for a walk,” he grabbed my hand and we headed down the block.

  The rest of the week was amazing. We spent our time watching movies together and going for long walks. But now it was Friday. He is leaving tomorrow so my mom and dad allowed me to stay home for the day. Jake and I were going to spend the day at his parents’ personal beach house. It was made for two but it was absolutely stunning.

  “Well, we have the day to ourselves. What do you want to do?” Carter said as we walked into the house.

  “Oh, I don’t know.” Before I gave him a chance to react, I jumped his bones. Our lips were inseparable.

  “Breathe, Ali Cat. What are you doing?” he pulled back and looked at me.

  “What do you thinking I’m doing?” I pulled our lips back together and soon enough we were on a bed, our shirts off and my pants gone.

  “Ali, I love you. Jesus Christ do I love you. But we can’t do this, not now. Not when I’m about to leave,” he sat up, still beside me.

  “We’ve been at for a half hour and now you tell me to stop?” I laughed a little in shock.

  “I don’t want our first time as a couple to be like this, right before I leave. This is a big thing for you too, Ali. This something you should care about losing and care about who you lose it to. I want you to be ready. You’re not ready and we’re not ready as a couple,” he sat against the bedframe.

  “You know, I should be a little hurt that you’re turning me down, but it’s making me love you more. You care so much about me that when you had the chance to take advantage of me, you didn’t and you have no idea how important that is to me. When we make love for the first time I agree t
hat we should wait.

  ” I kissed him and snuggled against his side.

  “I’m not going to lie, though. You look sexy as hell,” he laid his hand on my naked stomach.

  “You don’t look too bad yourself,” I put my arm around him and got on top.

  “Ali Cat, you are trouble.” And with that, we started making out again.

  “Mm, Jake, your phone is ringing,” I pulled our lips apart.

  “Shit, it’s Carter. What do you want?” he answered it.

  “I don’t care what they do. I’m leaving soon.” I watched him roll his eyes.

  “Yeah, well, I’m sorry that you have to live with them, too,” he sighed.

  “I’ll say something, yeah. Promise. See ya.” He hung up and let out all the air left in him.

  “What’s going on?” I looked at him nervously.

  “My parents think it’s okay that since I’m moving they can go on vacation for two or three months. Carter is pissed.” I watched as he ran his fingers through his hair.

  “Oh, I’m sorry, baby,” I wrapped my arms around his back.

  “Nothing you can do about it. We should get going. It’s a little late,” he checked his watch.

  “What time is it?” I looked out the window noticing it was dark.

  “It’s almost nine. I have to leave early tomorrow morning.” He started getting dressed and I sat there starting to feel my heart break again.

  “Ali Cat, come on, don’t do this to me. Ali, I love you. You’re staying over, correct? We get to cuddle all night and you have to drive me to the airport tomorrow morning. It’s going to be okay, sweetheart.” He came over and kissed me.

  “Promise?” I felt tears roll down my cheeks.

  “Promise,” he smiled and kissed me again.

  Promises

  I didn’t really know if I’d be able to keep the promise that everything would work out but I hoped it would. If I broke this girl’s heart I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. And if she broke mine I wouldn’t be able to live. I was scared to death of what the future brought us but I knew that at least we’d make it through the summer since she was staying with me all of June and half of July.

  I woke up the next morning with Ali close to my chest. We’d spent all night cuddling and talking about our future. When I’m with her I’m not the tough guy that everyone sees. I’m sweet with her. She makes me a better person. It was 6:30 and my flight left at 9:00. I was all packed so all I had to do was get ready.

  “Ali Cat, baby, wake up.” I kissed her cheek.

  “No, five more minutes,” she whined and rolled over.

  “Alright. I’m going to shower. I’ll wake you up afterwards.” I kissed her again and headed for my bathroom.

  “Good morning, sunshine,” I smiled when I came out in my towel.

  “I was offered coffee and couldn’t resist,” she held up her cup.

  “Well, who could? I need to get mine,” I smiled.

  “Nope, got it,” she handed me a cup and I couldn’t help but feel butterflies.

  “Thank you, beautiful.” I took a sip and it warmed up my insides.

  “Alright, my turn to shower. You know, I think you’re still a little dirty,” she winked.

  “Oh no, Ali Cat. Behave yourself. Go shower.” I felt a hard on coming on.

  “Party pooper,” she stuck her tongue out and headed for the shower.

  After she was finished showering, she came out in nothing but her towel. I practically started to drool. Her hair wet, hanging down on her naked shoulders. She was driving me insane.

  “What are you doing?” I looked at her in awe.

  “Getting ready.” She dropped her towel and I’d never seen anything more exotic.

  “Ali Cat, you’re killing me,” I groaned a little.

  “Maybe you should have waited to get dressed,” she shrugged innocently.

  “Ali Cat, quit being a tease,” I threw her one of her shirts.

  “I like to air dry,” she dropped it.

  “Jake, breakfast is downstairs,” Carter said as he barged in.

  “Get the fuck out!” I yelled as he covered his eyes after already getting a full look of Ali and he stumbled around looking for the door.

  “Oh my God!” Ali turned bright red.

  “I’m sorry! Sorry. Didn’t see anything,” he found the doorknob.

  “Fucking liar,” I growled.

  “Jake, calm down. I didn’t know!” He opened the door and walked out.

  “Where are my clothes?” Ali couldn’t have sounded more mortified.

  “It’s cool. Just knock, dumb ass,” I opened the door and smacked his head.

  “Ow. Alright, alright. I get it.” He rubbed his head and walked away.

  “You’re acting like he’s never seen you naked before,” I laughed.

  “He hasn’t,” Ali spoke through gritted teeth.

  “You’re kidding me? How far did you two go?” I was honestly shocked.

  “Not that far,” her face got redder.

  “I’m sorry for embarrassing you.” I held out my arms and squeezed her close.

  “It’s fine. Damn it, he needs to knock.” She giggled a little.

  “You’re telling me. Go ahead and finish getting ready. I’ll meet you down at breakfast.” I kissed her forehead and went downstairs.

  “Well, nice of you to join us,” Carter’s tone was sarcastic.

  “Nice of you to knock,” I retorted.

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever. You’re a lucky man.” He sure knew how to bug me.

  “I will seriously kill you,” I squeezed my hand tight.

  “I’d like to see you try,” he laughed.

  “Boys, stop. Where’s Ali?” my mom looked at me.

  “Upstairs getting ready. She’ll be down soon.” I drank my coffee as my mom gave me a cinnamon roll she obviously bought from a bakery.

  “Good morning,” I watched Ali walk down in a white lace sundress and I nearly dropped.

  “Well, don’t you look lovely?” my mom smiled.

  “Aw, thanks,” Ali sat beside me.

  “You look absolutely breathtaking,” I whispered and all she could do was smile.

  “Breakfast?” My mom handed her a plate with a cinnamon roll.

  “Oh, yes, please,” she looked at the roll and then reached for my cup of coffee.

  “Oh, no you don’t. Let me get you a cup.” I kissed her forehead.

  “Thank you.” She bit into her breakfast.

  “Sorry about earlier,” Carter looked at Ali and turned red.

  “Don’t mention it. Seriously, don’t,” she ducked her head and I could tell her cheeks were redder than mine.

  After breakfast, I grabbed my bags that held just my essentials. Everything else was already taken to the house I was going to be living in. I felt the mood change. Ali’s heart slowly started sinking and I felt it.

  “Alright, you ready to get going?” I shut the trunk and looked at her.

  “I suppose. I have no choice,” she looked down at her feet.

  “Hey, look at me. We’ll get past this.It’s just another small road bump. We got this,” I lifted her chin and kissed her lips softly.

  “I trust you,” she forced a tiny smile.

  I hugged my parents and Carter and then we headed out. Turns out Mike had been put in North Carolina with me, so once I got there tonight his wife was having me over for supper with him and his family. I’m not going to lie, I am jealous of the bastard, but happy for him too.

  Once we got to the airport I couldn’t let go of her. I either had my hand around her waist or her fingers intertwined with mine.

  “Well, looks like this is where we say goodbye,” she choked.

  “I’ll call you when I get in.” I felt my throat tighten.

  “I’m looking forward to it.” I saw a tear run down her cheek and I nearly broke down.

  “I’ll see you in a couple of weeks,” I forced a smile.

  “I can’t wai
t.” All her responses were short and I knew that once I was out of sight, she would break down right there and I’d probably want to do the same.

  “Stay strong, beautiful. I love you,” I winked.

  “Only for you.” I saw a sparkle in her eyes.

  “Ali Cat, give me a hug. Make it count.” I held out my arms and she threw herself into me.

  “I love you so much, Jake.” I felt her tears soak my shirt.

  “Oh, Ali Cat, I love you to the moon and back,” I held her close to my chest.

  “Don’t forget me,” she whimpered.

  “Never,” I let a tear fall.

  “Pinky promise?” I looked as she held out her pinky.

  “Pinky promise.” We pinky promised and I hugged her tight once again.

  “You should get going, baby,” she let go gently.

  “I love you.” I kissed her with all the passion I had in me and she returned the favor.

  “Ditto,” she grinned.

  “See you soon.” I kissed her one last time and headed off to security. I looked back one more time and she blew a kiss to me. I, of course, returned the favor.

  Thirteen

  I quickly ran to the restrooms and locked myself in the stall and let myself unravel. I wasn’t cut out for this. I’m only going to be a senior in high school. I closed my eyes as my heart drowned into oblivion. People came in and out of the restroom but I didn’t care. I had just had to say goodbye to the love of my life again.

  I got out of the stall and touched up my make up, trying to make sure you couldn’t tell I had just bawled my eyes out. How could my life change so drastically over the course of a year? It’s like the Thomas brothers changed me. And for the better, I hope.

  I’m not going to lie and say I don’t have doubts about Jake and I. All signs lead to disaster but I wasn’t going to give up completely. I wasn’t going to finish my senior year and then go to school in North Carolina for creative writing. I knew what my plan was and it had always included Jake.

  The rest of the year past in such a blur. I was either busy with dance, school, my friends or skyping with Jake. Before I knew it the summer finally came.

  After the school year was out, I could barely control my happiness. I’d gotten all As in my classes even after being depressed while Jake was gone. If it wasn’t for Marlie, I don’t know where I’d be. She and Carter are coming out to North Carolina later in the month for a week or two so that would be a fun and interesting week. But honestly, as much as I would miss Marlie, I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of San Diego.