Kaiju for Dummies

by Nicholas Knight

I match him step for step as he tries to close and continue lashing him with Taisaur’s tail. This is Xenatlas’s weakness. I’d discovered it during our first time teaming up. He’s an absolute beast of a kaiju. His sheer physical power and high defense make him absolutely lethal in an up close, toe-to-toe fight.

  Likewise, that White Hole attack of his is absolutely ridiculous. It destroys pretty much everything in its path. But I’ve got the Burning Aurora. I can take what he’s got to dish out.

  My sweet spot for this fight is the mid-range. I’ve got to stay far enough away to keep out of the reach of his thick claws and horns as well as enough to give me warning of his White Hole attack. At the same time, I have to stay close enough to use Taisaur’s tail. That appendage is covered in long, powerful spikes designed specifically to skewer whatever the appendage impacts.

  It’s a lame strategy that basically amounts to a game of keep away and whittling down his HP bar. I dance and lash out with my tail twice more. Two more slivers of HP gone. His defense is so damn high I’m barely making a dent.

  He lumbers forward and lets fly another White Hole, causing his rage meter to plummet. I brace for it and throw up the Burning Aurora. The blast rocks me back, but I hold my ground. I can do this!

  I let the Burning Aurora drop as soon as the attack dissipates. Which is just in time to see Xenatlas open his jaws and let a torrent of green fire spill out. Taisaur bellows in pain as the flames wash over us in burning cold. They aren’t hot. They’re cold. So cold that my nerves quickly lose the ability to distinguish the difference between the sensations of burning and freezing. My HP drops and it’s all I can do to throw back up the Burning Aurora.

  The pain changes. Now it’s the throbbing, wet pain that follows a burn type injury. But I’m no longer a flaming popsicle.

  Only my rage is running out fast and the stream of green fire-stuff doesn’t seem to be letting up. I glance at his rage meter, trying to get a gauge of how much longer I have to hold on for, and get a rude surprise. It’s not dropping at all. It’s not climbing either, but the attack isn’t actually costing him anything. From the look of things, Xenatlas can keep this up all day.

  I have to change this equation or the math’s all going to come up zeroes on my end. With a roar, I lower Taisaur’s horns and charge forward. Close up is not where I want to be with this opponent. I don’t see what other choice I have.

  He catches me before I reach him, the green fire dissipating as he changes gear. His HP begins to drop from contact with the Burning Aurora but not fast enough.

  You think you’re the only one who got neat new trick by leveling up? he demands with a bellow.

  Then I’m airborne again. Only this time it’s because he’s picked me up by the shoulders and slams me into what remains of the Mandarin casino. I hit the ground in a cloud of rubble and debris and the Burning Aurora gives out.

  Xenatlas doesn’t let up just because I’m down. He follows me into the wreck and slams down with his claws, stabbing me in the side. I roar and lash out with my tail. He grabs it and yanks me completely off balance and into his waiting claws. I’m stabbed again.

  My HP is down to a quarter. His is low but I don’t think he’s hearing that annoying music yet that signals when you’re about to die.

  He pulls back and looks toward the half of the Eiffel Tower still standing and the casino behind it. You’re in there, aren’t you?

  A lot of people are. I twist and manage to leap up into his gut horns first. He pivots, letting my own momentum continue driving me and slams me from the side. I lash out with my tail as I stagger and manage to score a hit across his face. Another sliver gone. Still not in the red.

  Survivors. I lash out again with my tail, this failing to connect but driving him back. Sick people. I lash out again and am forced to duck back behind a wall of the Mandarin that hasn’t come down yet as he lets out a rush of green flames.

  You know, I call from by rapidly dwindling protection. Innocent lives. Or did you and Dane stop caring about those when you decided to go on your murder spree.

  I barely bet the Burning Aurora up in time to soak the White Hole he throws at me as he roars in unadulterated rage. You do not get to talk to me about right and wrong!

  Because you’re a fucking bastion of righteousness? I demand. I may not have told you about the game being real, but I did not make you two choose to commit mass murder.

  You have no idea what you’re talking about! He bellows.

  I know Dane didn’t just kill inmates. He killed guards. He killed students. He created widows and orphans. He destroyed a town and the lives of everyone in it. I roar back. Don’t you dare tell me I don’t know what I’m fucking talking about.

  I step out from the shattered remains of the Mandarin. And what about you? How many people did you kill in Manhattan? What the hell were you even trying to do? Oh, I’ll just destroy this one building and no one else will die?

  I took down the most corrupt corporation in the country, he growls. I will not apologize for that. Because of my actions, they are under the microscope and are scrabbling like mad to pick up the pieces of all their schemes. They have destroyed countless lives, put people in power who should not be there, and now they are no longer a threat.

  Light flashes along the insides of his horns and he turns, aiming right at Paris. Which I am no longer blocking from him. Like you, they’re a virus. And I’m the vaccination.

  I’m not going to make it.

  I throw myself in the way, knowing I won’t be fast enough.

  The attack never comes.

  Xenatlas coughs. Green blood spills out of his mouth. His HP bar drops to zero and he falls over.

  His body vanishes before it hits the ground revealing Halira standing behind him, long crystalline claws covered in his blood.

  Suck it, ass-munch, Lusitania says through Halira’s shriek.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  ⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎

  What’s up, Gutterfuck? she asks through Halira’s hiss. Glad you finally got with the program.

  Where the hell did you come from? I ask, shaking free the blood and debris covering Taisaur.

  Not really sure where I am, actually, she says. Nobody’s telling me shit and I’m on lockdown. I set a spawn point over at the airport though after I kicked Wheel’s ass there.

  Wheels? I think, then remember Dane was a paraplegic. That’s my step-cousin. A sensitive and empathetic soul.

  Anyway, I saw Mr. Overcompensation on the news, stole a phone, and here I am, she looks around and I swear I can feel her cringing. Is Isabella alright?

  Dammit, how did I answer that? She’s…doing better. It was touch and go there for a while. Everyone’s getting sick, even people who didn’t get stuck with those dumb needles.

  She got stuck? Halira takes several steps forward. For a second, I half suspect she’s going to try cutting me in half.

  She did, I say. But she’s doing a lot better now.

  How? She demands. Everyone who made it out who got stuck is already dead. How’s she alive?

  Are you complaining? I ask.

  Don’t be a dumb fuck, she says and Halira’s eyes narrow behind their crystalline armor. What did you do?

  How does she know I did anything? Dumb question and it doesn’t matter. One way or another she’s going to find out. I gave her a blood transfusion.

  Halira’s beak opens revealing her long, needle-like fangs. You what?

  Max and me realized that whatever the Game Masters did to us, it made us immune to the illness, I say. She asked me to kill her instead of letting the sickness do it. Seemed a reasonable risk next to that.

  And it worked? Her hiss is like nails on a chalkboard.

  She’s not dead. So, there’s that. Still time though. I give a long sigh. Thanks for the save.

  Fuck you too, she says. What the hell is going on here? I know you’re not
the only survivors.

  That takes me aback. You do? How?

  I hadn’t realized Halira was capable of shrugging until that instant. How surreal must this seem to anyone watching? Just a couple of kaiju standing here shooting the breeze in a ruined city after murdering another kaiju.

  That Max Dryden guy, she says. He’s some kind of investigative journalist. He’s been taking photos and sending out reports on his phone. This phone I stole’s been blowing up with updates and shit.

  Max is a reporter? That’s something weird to process later. Along with what the hell he thinks he’s doing taking pictures and sending out little articles about all of this when he could be…I don’t know. I want to be mad at him and it just isn’t in me.

  Short version, I say. Everyone’s dying from whatever Plague Doctor left behind. The Game Masters gave me a quest and if I finish it, they’ll cure everyone.

  So, what the fuck are we doing standing around here, dumbass? She demands. Let’s go!

  Lets? That’s right, me, Xentalas, Megaptera, and Solrin all used to help each other complete our missions. While Max isn’t about to login to lend a hand, now that Lusitania knows I might actually have a decent chance of pulling this off.

  But I’ve got to look the gift horse in the mouth, if only because I need more information. There’s so much going on that I’m not aware of trapped here like this. We’ll go in just a second. What the hell’s happening out there? Is your dad still trying to blame everything on me?

  She snarls with impatience and stamps a taloned foot. Miraculously though, she answers. Actually, he’s mostly trying to convince the pentagon not to nuke Las Vegas.

  What?

  The sickness here is spreading, moron. Some people slipped out while the quarantine was still being set up and it’s getting bad. Working theory is that the sickness won’t be able to survive the irradiation.

  Oh, that’s just fucking great, I say.

  The president is obviously not onboard with this plan and a lot of people aren’t liking it. But there’s a lot of scared dipshits out here. The sooner you get that cure, the better.

  Right. No pressure.

  We need help here, Lusitania, I say. We’ve got three doctors making due with salvaged medical equipment. We need more. Maybe you can talk your dad into using jets to drop supplies or something.

  Aaron, are you fucking shitting me? She scoffs. Daddy’s batshit off the bananas crazy mad. He’s not going to listen to a word I say. He never has.

  I think back to my last few hours with my own Dad. You might be surprised what they’re paying attention to.

  Who the hell are you and what have you done with Aaron? She demands. Did Plague Doctor rot your balls off or something?

  That’s not—

  She interrupts me with a hiss from Halira. If they don’t give us the cure then nothing’s fucking changed. We can’t count on Daddy, but we can beat the shit out of this quest. So quit wasting time and let’s fucking go.

  A trio of jets roars past and something stings my side, dropping my HP by a tiny fraction.

  Did those fuckers just shoot me? I ask.

  Looks that way, Lusitania says and I can hear the smirk in her voice. Better log—

  Halira vanishes. One second there’s an enormous salt kaiju standing in front of me. The next there isn’t. What the…? Something must have forced a logout. She said she was being heavily monitored. Here’s hoping saving my ass didn’t cost her too much.

  And isn’t that a weird thought to have. I’m actually concerned about my step-cousin. That’s enough to give me the creeps.

  I hear the roar of the returning jets before I see them. No point staying around here, especially if there’s a chance they might try to bomb me. I can’t risk the people down in Paris.

  More importantly, I need to answer that damn quest.

  I wonder what the pilots think as they lock onto me only for me to vanish a second later.

  Congratulations, Mr. Moretti, the AI chirps. You have almost leveled up.

  From that fight? Huh. Wouldn’t have called that. Especially not with Halira delivering the killing blow.

  Do you wish to resume your quest?

  “Okay,” I say, taking a deep breath. “Let’s do this.”

  I select ATTACK and then Weroik.

  Taisaur appears in a small city or maybe it’s a town. It’s arid and hot. The wind rushing over Taisaur’s hide brings only more heat instead of relief. None of the buildings are tall enough for it to matter. They’re all metal and squat, more like hangars than anything else.

  It’s not big, I can see the edges of this place and beyond it is nothing but rock and desert in every direction. Right in the center of the town is an enormous crevice. I’d call it a canyon but I think that a canyon has to be really long and this one is completely surrounded by all these structures. I can’t really tell from my angle, but I get the impression that it’s really, really deep. Watch there be some kind of sleeping monster down there that’s going to fuck us all over.

  A siren wails, making my ears lay flat and my lips to curl. Taisaur’s ears. Taisaur’s lips. It is becoming harder and harder to tell the difference between us. I’ve never had a tail or ears half so animated.

  Remember, the AI chimes in, voice clear as a bell through the screaming of the siren. Your quest calls for you to destroy the military installation here and feed the Eznacian Egg to the Hungry Abyss. Good luck, Mr. Moretti.

  Wait. Military installation?

  Flying saucers pour out of the buildings, accompanied by hover tanks and armed personnel. Each and every one of them begins peppering me with green energy blasts.

  I’m too high level now and my special defense too strong for them to do more than scratch me. Maybe one out of every twenty shots or so reduces my HP by a sliver. It’s a good thing the game mechanics calculate each of these as individual attacks instead of one giant single attack or I’d be hosed. There are so many of them.

  That’s when I notice my HP bar.

  Hey, I snarl. Hey! Why am I only at half HP?

  Because, you transitioned from one combat zone directly to another, Mr. Moretti, the AI says.

  Crap. Because I basically came here straight from my fight with Xenatlas, the game was penalizing me. At least I wasn’t still at next to nothing.

  I’m about to launch myself forward and begin wreaking havoc all over the place when the egg materializes in Taisaur’s hand. It’s red and warm and pulses like a heart. One wrong move and I’ll squish the disgusting thing. I can feel slime oozing from it and in between Taisaur’s fingers.

  Remember Mr. Moretti, the AI says. You must destroy the—

  Yeah, yeah, destroy the military base and feed the egg to the Hungry Abyss, I snap. Got it.

  Correct, Mr. Moretti. Only, keep in mind that feeding the Eznacian Egg to the Hungry Abyss will be very difficult if the egg is destroyed. You will not get a second chance at this quest.

  That’s when an energy blast from one of the tanks hits Taisaur’s wrist, nearly making me drop the egg. I yank it in close and take several hits that I could have otherwise avoided in my panic.

  Of course, these bastards can destroy the egg. Why the hell wouldn’t they be able to fuck everything up with a single lucky shot?

  With a roar, I go to work.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  ⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎

  Keeping the egg tight to my chest I charge forward. The buildings crumple beneath me like their made of glue and tissue paper. Unfortunately, their design is so short and utilitarian that they don’t domino into one another, meaning that I have to make sure I personally run around destroying each and every one individually.

  Which would be a lot easier if I had a freaking ranged attack. Easier still if I wasn’t trying to avoid killing any of the aliens attacking me.

  Before I knew it wasn’t a game I wouldn’t have ca
red. Now? Now I’ve seen firsthand what it’s like to be tiny and helpless in the face of a kaiju attack.

  I do an odd little dance to avoid squishing some of the army people and I’m sure giving them a very confusing, if entertaining, show. I probably look like I’m trying to do a Jackie Chan impersonation the way I’m hopping about, striking out at the buildings, and reacting with borderline panic every time I nearly kill one of my enemies.

  A tank rounds the corner and blasts me in the face as I teeter over from leaping to avoid a panicked little alien army guy who nearly ran under my foot. Without thinking, I lash out with my tail and the tank explodes. It takes out four nearby structures and the army guy I’d just avoided crushing.

  Dammit. This is hard.

  My HP and special defense are high enough that I’m pretty much soaking up all they have to hit me with. Pretty much isn’t the same thing as reality though and the reality is that they’re slowly but surely whittling me down the same way that I tried to do to Xenatlas.

  Unlike Xenatlas though, I’ve got one big advantage.

  I activate the Burning Aurora.

  The miniscule but steady shrinking of my HP bar stops at once as the wavering red light absorbs all the green blasts coming from the alien forces.

  And a gout of steam erupts from the egg in Taisaur’s palm. I swear I can hear the little maggot monster inside screaming like a tea kettle.

  I drop the Burning Aurora and nearly drop the egg. Dammit. The barrage resumes and so does the decline of my HP.

  But not as fast as it should. A quick glance around reveals that nearly half of the alien forces have arrayed themselves around the Hungry Abyss at the center of the facility. They’re not shooting at me. In fact, all of their weaponry seems to be directed downwards.

  Oh yeah, that does NOT bode well. But there’s nothing for it. The egg’s got to be “fed” to the Hungry Abyss or there’s no cure. Plague Doctor’s sickness isn’t confined to Las Vegas any more. It’s spreading. If I don’t bring that cure home, it’s not just the people in the Paris that will die. It could be entire nations.