Angel Promises Fulfilled

by Angel Promises Fulfilled (v5. 0) (epub)

  Those sentiments were already in Jenny’s mind. Her tears were clearly revealing the joy in her heart!

  After the delicious lunch, not only one waiter came carrying a birthday cake with thirty one lit candles, but all the rest of the staff joined in with the party to sing once again a happy birthday to Camilla.

  “Every year as your birthday rolled around, Camilla, I baked a cake and put one candle on it. I promised that as soon as we were together, I would put all the candles on for your age that we were celebrating and, I might add, I plan to do so for the rest of our days!”

  After a lovely party, the ladies browsed through the gallery and clothing boutique on the second floor. Once again, Camilla found an irresistible outfit: a black dress that accentuated every curve of her body. Jenny, too, found some jewelry that she liked, as well as a white scarf with blue polka-dots to tie around her hair when driving her convertible.

  Since it was only three thirty, the women decided to continue their shopping spree at the mall. This time they shopped for the children. Jenny bought some toys, a sweater and pair of trousers for Josh and also decided to buy a necklace for Lauren and a wrist watch for Justin, both at Birks Jewelers. She wasn’t sure if it was too soon to buy him a gift, as all through the lunch party she noticed both Lauren and Justin had kept eyeing her. It was Justin’s stare however, that carried an unsure look. Jenny could sense it would take some time to win him over.

  After a late candle light dinner, Jenny and Camilla decided to have a pajama party. Both showered and then met in Jenny’s bedroom. Jenny was already seated on top of her bed cross legged, waiting for Camilla to come in. Camilla also assumed the lotus position towards the end of the bed and the two just stared at one another for the longest time.

  Finally Jenny broke the silence. “Oh, Camilla, I fantasized for so many years doing this with you. I still can’t believe that it has finally happened. I would love for you to tell me about your growing up years with the Breckharts. What were they like and how did you get along and when did you start thinking that perhaps you were adopted? If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. I just want for you to feel free to share what you want and when you want, okay?”

  Camilla reached for her mother’s hand and began to share her earliest memories growing up with her adoptive parents. They were very loving and caring, a bit old fashioned and strict, but always loving. Camilla shared certain incidents to support some of her judgments, but on the whole, Jenny got the sense that her upbringing had been very good. But then Camilla added something that made her feel still better about her daughter’s rearing and adoption.

  “You know, Mom, there is a perception out there that adoptive parents are just fill-ins until the real birth parents are found. But I didn’t ever feel that about my parents. Had our appearance not been so completely different, I might not have felt out of place. There wasn’t a day I didn’t feel loved and well cared for. I was so fortunate to be in a home that instilled good values, with parents who so wholeheartedly gave me of their lives, just like natural parents would have…” Camilla gazed lovingly at Jenny and said, “They truly loved me as their own. Many times I felt so guilty for even thinking that I was adopted. In a way, I feel special to be blessed with two sets of parents.”

  Jenny nodded, “The value of one does not outshine the other, Camilla. Yes, you have been specially blessed; you have both real parents and birth parents who love you dearly. And, I too, feel specially blessed to have you come back into my life to love, honour and value you just as the Breckharts did. I so wish I could have met and known them. In spirit we will always be family.”

  It was just after one o’clock in the morning, when Camilla began sharing her teenage years and the several crushes she had with boys throughout high school. She also thought that it was during her early teens that she began to suspect that she didn’t belong to the Breckharts. She could never understand why her parents and relatives looked so different than her in all respects. She would spend hours studying family photos, searching for any kind of similarity and sense of belonging…but there never was one.

  “I always felt out of place and deep inside I could feel a void. I recall when we moved to Saskatoon, at first, I didn’t want to leave my friends in Ottawa. But I soon came to love the prairies and even more so when we moved again to Regina.”

  Camilla paused and gazed more intently at Jenny who also was listening so intently to every word her daughter said.

  “It was here, Mom, when we came to Regina that I knew I had come home. There was just that unexplainable feeling that told me this is where I wanted to spend the rest of my life. Mom and Dad tried their hardest to convince me to go to Victoria with them when they moved to B.C. but I felt prompted to stay put and soon I found out why.”

  “It was Jeremy, wasn’t it?” Jenny’s eyes looked assured that her guess was correct.

  Camilla’s eyes brightened, further confirming Jenny’s assessment. “Oh yes, I remember to this day when he walked into the tuxedo shop to rent a suit for the weekend. He was so tall and handsome and when he tried on the suit, I thought I would die. A few weeks later we started to date. We were a bit shocked at our age difference, but even more to realize that our birthdays fell on the same day and we were exactly seven years apart in age.”

  “That’s amazing, Camilla, I didn’t know it was Jeremy’s birthday today!”

  “Yes, I don’t think he wanted to draw attention to himself and he quickly agreed that I should spend the evening with you; that it was more important for us to celebrate the day being it was our first birthday together.”

  “You love him a lot, Camilla.”

  Camilla undid her legs and lay back on the bed. She rolled over facing her mother, “I love him with all my heart, Mom. Even though he is a lot younger, he is so mature and loving and considerate. He’s always there for me and places my happiness over his all the time.”

  Camilla’s words trailed off as tears of a deep love filled her eyes. She rolled on her back once again and rubbed her tummy. Very softly she said, “I have a wonderful secret to share with you, I am pretty sure I am expecting another child. I’ve missed my period for two months now. I have an appointment with our family doctor next week just to confirm it.”

  “Oh Camilla, I am so happy for you. That is such wonderful news. It will be so good for Josh to have a little brother or sister. After I had J.J., I always wanted to have another child to give him a sibling, but it was not meant to be.”

  Jenny’s words trailed off. She didn’t want to tell Camilla that once James knew about her and the circumstances of her conception, he never slept with her again. But Camilla wanted to know Jenny’s background and so for the next two hours, Jenny shared her life with James and J.J. and some of the challenges she had faced. She did mention that all through her marriage, Camilla and Henry were in her heart, never far below her daily thoughts.

  “You still love Henry a lot, Mom?”

  “Yes, with all my heart and if I can share a secret with you, I would love to give Henry a child.”

  “I could tell! In fact, when Henry came to visit you at the hospital, all of us could tell how much he loved you…how much both of you loved each other. There was such a glowing light around both of you that morning.”

  “It was our angels shining through us, Camilla.” Jenny winked as she made the comment, but was very serious.

  “Absolutely, you and Henry were making reference to your angels that would explain the aura. Jeremy and I are the same. We are always saying the little guardian angel prayer. Ever since I met Jeremy, I am so much more aware of my guardian.”

  “That’s so true, the more we acknowledge our angels, the more we become aware of their presence in our lives.”

  Although it was approaching three-thirty a.m., neither of the women were tired. Camilla sat up and crossed her legs and inched towards Jenny. Once again, she took her mother’s hands in hers and asked, “How do you feel about the man that fathered me, Mo
m? If you don’t want to discuss it, it’s okay. I can only imagine what happened and how terrifying it must have been for you.”

  Jenny was a bit shocked at the question. She knew it was just a matter of time before they would have to discuss Camilla’s conception. She was relieved that Camilla was informed on what happened, through Matti and Chloe. Even that part, which would have been so difficult for her to share with her daughter, was already looked after by her earthly angels. And just the thought of angels gave Jenny the perfect way to talk about it.

  “We were just talking about angels, Camilla, and I do believe it was my guardian that saved me from the trauma of it all. When the boys took me to the park, I completely passed out. I didn’t even know that anything had happened that evening until I started to put on weight and began feeling so tired. Mom took me to the doctor and after a few tests I was told that I was with child.”

  “That must have been such a shock for you…to know that you were violated and carrying a baby.”

  Jenny could hardly believe how receptive and empathic Camilla was being. Instead of just thinking of herself and the horrible, hurtful circumstances of her conception, here she was helping Jenny to work through it all.

  Jenny tightened her grip around Camilla’s hands and went on. “Yes… yes, Camilla, it did shock me and hurt me and—”

  “Did you want to abort me? It’s okay, Mom, please talk about it and let me know it all. It’s important for both of us to deal with every aspect of it.”

  Jenny took a deep breath. She had always imagined that she was going to would have to be so careful in how to approach such a sensitive subject with her daughter, and suddenly--unexpectedly the tables were turned. Here was Camilla, her daughter, leading Jenny to get it out… Hesitantly, Jenny went on…

  “Yes, Camilla, it did cross my mind and it was suggested to me by counsellors as well, but I couldn’t do that. Over the weeks I grew to love you and the thought of killing you became unthinkable.”

  Camilla just nodded, gesturing for her to go on. Tears surfaced as Jenny relived that insufferable time.

  “What became so unbearable, Camilla, was that I had decided to give you up for adoption. My mother didn’t feel she could raise another child and felt I was not only too young, but that it would complicate my life too much. For days we discussed it and down deep I knew that you would be better off to be raised by loving parents that could give you a home and a proper upbringing.”

  Jenny began to cry. She didn’t realize how deeply she still hurt by that decision. Jenny suddenly remembered how in the days that followed Camilla’s birth and giving her away, she had fallen into a deep depression. Jenny could feel those buried feelings surface now and could no longer speak. When Camilla came to the hospital the morning after she was miraculously healed, Jenny thought that most of her feelings over the adoption of her daughter had surfaced and been dealt with. But she was wrong. There were still so many deeply repressed emotions.

  Camilla tightened her grip on her mother’s hands. Jenny suddenly realized that as a counselor herself, Camilla understood what Jenny went through. Jenny was so grateful for her daughter’s support and understanding. She knew that everything was okay. That Camilla had accepted it.

  Camilla rose to her knees and knelt beside her mother and put her arms around her shoulders. Both women began to openly cry.

  “Oh, Mom, I love you so much. Thank you for giving me life and making that huge decision at such a young age. Thank you for going through all that suffering and pain of loss, thinking it was in my best interests. Oh, Mom, I am so fortunate to have you as my mother. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you.”

  Jenny reached up and squeezed her hand around Camilla’s arm, conveying her love, too emotional to speak.

  “I still didn’t answer your question though, Camilla, about how I feel towards Peter. For the longest time I couldn’t think of him and what he did. I even imagined that Henry was the father…but gradually I let go of all those feelings, Camilla. I didn’t want to associate anything negative connected to your birth. I just wanted good memories. Even though it wasn’t the most desirable way to conceive you, I accepted what happened and in my heart, I forgave Peter. Henry told me a little about him and that he feels so guilty over what he did. In fact, Henry said that Peter’s conscience bothered him so much that it made him terminally ill. Apparently he, too, died that same day that I, Henry and Father Engelmann passed away. And he too, came back and was totally healed. I feel all our coming back in part, was to give all of us a chance to resolve this…

  “How do you feel towards your father, Camilla?”

  “I don’t have any feelings towards him, Mom, just that I do want to meet him and get to know him. It helps to know that he has lived with such remorse over what he did to you. I…I’m not sure I would be as able to forgive him, Mom, but knowing that you have made peace with it in your heart is helpful. I’m curious about him…he is my father…I wonder if he would want to meet with us?”

  “Oh yes, he does, Camilla. Henry told me the other day that he wants to meet with both of us and ask for our forgiveness.”

  “Then, we should meet with him, Mom. Would you want to do that? It will be difficult for all of us, but I feel that it would be healing for all of us.”

  Jenny took a deep breath. “Yes, Camilla, it will be difficult, but I could get Henry to call him and set up a meeting.”

  Camilla tightened her embrace and whispered softly, “You are such a brave, wonderful woman with such a forgiving heart. I love you so much.”

  “I love you, too, Camilla. You are so forgiving and understanding as well. Thank you for helping me share all of this with you. I really didn’t know there was still so much pain in my heart about it all.”

  The women remained silent for the longest time, until Camilla noticed that it was almost four thirty in the morning.

  “Oh, Mom, you will never guess what time it is…four-thirty! Pretty soon we can watch the sun come up!”

  “My gosh, Camilla, where did the time go? I prepared the bed for you in the guest room.”

  Both ladies got up and went to the washroom. They hugged each other and said good night as each went to their respective bedrooms.

  Jenny went to her room and left the door ajar and climbed into bed. She wasn’t tired, even though she felt emotionally drained. She was relieved to have been able to discuss such a delicate subject so openly. It reminded Jenny of some of the conversations she had had with her friend, Tammy, many years ago. In many ways, Camilla was like her. Camilla was perceptive and able to so skillfully draw out her feelings. A surge of love swept through Jenny just thinking about it all. She turned off the light and lay in the dark.

  Shortly, Jenny heard a light rap on her door and it swung open. Jenny could see Camilla’s silhouette in the doorway, standing there like a frightened child. Softly, her daughter whispered, “Mom, can I come and sleep with you?”

  “I hoped you would ask, Camilla.”

  Jenny tossed the blankets aside and like an excited child, Camilla ran to the bed and hopped in. Jenny put her arm around her daughter and drew her in, near to her heart. Soft tears, sliding slowly down their cheeks were caught by the moonlight coming in through the bay windows. Had they been gazing out of the window they would have noticed several shooting stars. Wishes and dreams, long held by both of them were coming true and the star dust was settling into their hearts.

  “Mom,” Camilla softly asked, “can I read your diary?”

  Jenny patted her daughter’s shoulder, “Yes, you can, honey, in fact, I gave an envelope to Father Engelmann to pass along to my lawyer in which I wrote a little about myself. It was intended for you in case I didn’t make it. I willed my diary to you, Camilla. But now that I’m here and we’re together, I certainly won’t make you wait until I’m gone to read it!”

  “Oh, that’s good, I want to know as much about you as possible. You can read my journals as well, if you want.”

 
“Yes, Camilla, I would love to read your journals and talk to you about treasures you’ve carried in your heart over the years.”

  Camilla snuggled in closer to her mother’s chest and the peace of the moment descended upon them.

  And then, softly, gently and ever so sweetly, Jenny’s little girl began to whisper the Guardian Angel prayer into the advancing early morning:

  “Angel of God, my guardian dear,

  to whom God’s love commits me here,

  ever this day be at my side,

  to light and guard, to rule and guide

  my life…my Mom and Dad’s…

  and my Mom and Dad Breckhart

  who I know are looking down and so

  happy that I have found my birth mother

  to continue the love they have given me.

  I ask my guardian angel to fly up and give

  Them a big hug and kiss…

  forever and ever.

  Amen

  “Oh, Camilla, you have the heart of an angel,” Jenny murmured as they both finally drifted off to sleep, exhausted.

  Chapter Forty Five

  Matti stepped out onto the patio and took a deep breath of morning fresh air. “My, my, what a glorious day the Lord has prepared. I shall be glad and rejoice in it, that be for sure. My, that air smells good…all them flowers and herbs drifting here and there. Yes, hmmm, it sure be good to be back on the estate.”

  Matti held a plate of cookies in one hand and the coffee in the other and began heading for the shed. James had told them to use the kitchen for their breaks, but they still preferred the shed. There was just something about sitting close together amongst the tools and the odour of earth in the air… ‘Just seems more cozy and friendly’ was the way Thomas put it. Matti had to admit she loved the smell of potting soil in her nostrils as much as the fragrance of her home baked cookies.

  Thomas had just finished cleaning the dead leaves out of several Dogwood plants when he saw Matti.

  “Ramon and I will be along momentarily, Matti.”