Worth It All

by Claudia Connor

  So did she, but all he could think of was showing her what he could do with his, where he wanted to touch her and how.

  She rubbed the cotton over his thumbnail. “How was Pony Town?”

  “Great. My new favorite book.”

  She rewarded him with a soft smile that matched the gentle glow around her from the single lamp. “She’s a bit obsessed with horses right now.”

  “I noticed that.” He watched her gently wipe each of his nails with the cold, damp cotton, loving the feel of her soft hands, imagining them other places and…He needed to think about something else. “My sister-in-law, one of them, has a place for kids where she does hippotherapy. It’s called Freedom Farm.”

  Paige stopped and rocked back on her heels, her mouth open. “You’re kidding. That’s one of the best horseback riding therapy places in the country. She does camps and has cabins. If I could ever send Casey somewhere like that, it would be at the very top of my list. Wow. Small world.” She shook her head slowly and wet another cotton ball.

  “Maybe I could get her in. I designed some of the equipment she needed, pulleys and lifts,” he said, feeling an unusual sense of pride.

  “That’s sweet, but I have no idea when I could go, much less afford it. Maybe when Casey’s older.”

  “I think it’d be good now,” he said, staring at the top of her head.

  “Yeah,” she sighed. “She’d love it now, but—”

  “I bet you could find a few days. Just let me look into it.”

  “Okay.”

  The smile she gave him said thanks for the thought. Nothing about it said she thought it would actually work out. That only made him more determined.

  He’d take care of the money, though he doubted Hannah would let him pay. He’d buy them the plane tickets, send them out there for a mini vacation. Getting Paige to accept it, to take off work, would be the hard part.

  He readjusted his leg and bumped the table, knocking askew a stack of papers and notecards. When he straightened them, he revealed a textbook beneath. “Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire,” he said, raising a brow. “Heavy reading.”

  “Well, a person can only take so much pony land before their mind begins to turn to mush. It’s for the class I’m taking. It’s a condensed summer course, not much credit, but I wanted to get started.”

  “Get started on your life?” His gaze met hers, remembering what she’d said to him the first night he’d kissed her. He figured he remembered every word she’d ever spoken to him.

  “Right,” she said, rubbing at his purple-pink cuticles. “It’s one of my core classes. I’m still waiting to hear if I got in for the fall term. If I do, I’ll take two classes, maybe three if I can handle it.”

  He shook his head at the amount she’d piled on and the fact she still reached for more. He’d seen the fatigue in her eyes and it worried him. He didn’t think he’d ever met anyone who worked as hard as Paige and he bit back what he wanted to say about her overdoing it. “Do you know what you’ll major in? What you want to do?”

  “No.” She went back to the task of his nails. “I used to think business, maybe finance.”

  “Ride the train?”

  She flashed him a quick, appreciative smile he could get addicted to. “Yeah. I’m not sure now. An associate’s degree maybe? Something that would get me a steady, salaried job while Casey’s still young. That’s my plan.”

  “But what do you want to do?”

  “I want to be a good mom,” she answered without pause. “I want to make Casey happy.”

  Not exactly what he’d meant, but he knew that was her honest answer. “When do you study?”

  “At night, after Casey goes to bed.”

  “So, I’m cutting into your study time.”

  Her lips curved the slightest bit, but she kept her eyes on his nails. “I don’t mind,” she said softly. “You’re helping Casey. You’re helping me too,” she added and glanced up. “I’m realizing except for Jenny and Casey, I mostly only talk to strangers. I haven’t been here long, so I don’t really have any other friends yet.”

  “Did you have a lot of friends you left back in Texas?”

  She laughed softly. “No, not really. I worked, I came home.”

  “Same. I work out, I have Simon to grab a beer with, watch a game, but it’s mostly work.”

  She smiled and his heart thudded hard against his chest. “Maybe you could grab a beer with me sometime.”

  “Mmm…Maybe. I have Casey—”

  “Or a Coke.” Because he’d like to just talk to her, and to Casey. He’d like to know more about where and what she came from and where she wanted to go. Her dreams, Casey’s dreams, and maybe how he could help them get there. “I noticed Bob is looking like he’s had a rough time,” he said after another minute.

  Paige grimaced. “Yeah. She took some scissors to him when I wasn’t looking.”

  He thought she was going to say something else, make a joke, but she stilled and she stared at his hand several seconds before speaking. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  “What?”

  When her eyes met his, he was shocked to see the beginnings of tears there.

  “I just…I don’t know what I’m doing,” she repeated. “I don’t know anyone with kids and even if I meet the other moms at school, they won’t have the questions I have about Casey and her leg. You know more what to say to her than I do.”

  “Paige. Hey. Come here.”

  She blinked back her tears and started on his next finger. “I’m not done.”

  “I don’t care. Come here.” He squeezed her hand and when she stood, guided her around the table to sit close against him. “You are without a doubt an incredible mother.” She started to shake her head and he couldn’t believe she’d doubt herself. “Who else would let a five-year-old lather their face up in green goo?”

  “You let her paint your nails.”

  “True.” And he’d have to think about what that meant later, but…“You will meet moms at school, but really, aren’t all kids different? My mom could tell you some stories. My sister still complains about my brother Andrew pulling the heads off her Barbies.”

  That got him a smile.

  “That’s not the weird part,” he went on. “He slept with them under his pillow. I’m not kidding,” he said to her shocked face. “They all did stuff like that.”

  She angled her head back to meet his eyes. “And what about you?”

  “Me? Never. I was the angel they’d been praying for.”

  She bumped him with her shoulder. “Thanks. I think kindergarten has me as rattled as Casey. She’s always been so self-assured, almost to the point of bold. I know I worry too much, but I feel like I’m throwing her to the wolves.”

  JT laughed softly. “I’m pretty sure the wolves will be too overwhelmed by her charm to bite. She’s smart, she’s sweet, she’s funny.”

  Paige smiled. “I think so.”

  So are you, he thought. All those things and more. “Did you try the school-supply bribe yet?”

  “No, not yet.”

  He opened his mouth to say, “Maybe we could do that.” It seemed like the most natural thing in the world. He’d have to think about that too.

  “You should have seen me when I first had her. I was always afraid that I would drop her or lay her down wrong or feed her the wrong thing.”

  He tried to picture Paige as a young mother, scared and unsure and trying so hard. It hurt to think about her being alone.

  “Let me finish your nails.” She leaned forward for the cotton ball and quickly finished the last two, then took the cotton balls and bottle of acetone into the kitchen.

  He watched her, wondering when the last time was he’d talked to a woman. Talked to anyone about anything meaningful other than Simon. There were women who worked at Evolution, there was the girl at the coffee shop who always smiled at him and he said thank you, but he didn’t want to hold their hand or find out everything about thei
r life. “You know what Casey told me earlier?”

  She looked back at him over her shoulder. “I can’t imagine.”

  “She said you don’t believe in fairy tales.”

  “Oh, yeah.” She gave a little laugh and came back to sit beside him, tucking her feet under her. “Not so much. I believe in bills and rent and work. I’m more likely to believe in mermaids and trolls than fairy tales.”

  He didn’t like hearing that, couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to try and change her mind. Or was that her way of reminding him that she didn’t want a relationship? He stretched his arm around the back of the couch. “So no princess dress-up for you?”

  “Nope. And no prince. I’ve seen way too many frogs. My mom’s, not mine,” she added quickly then looked down at her hands resting on her thigh. “I just had the one.”

  “Casey’s father?”

  She nodded and he couldn’t resist letting his hand slip down to curl around her shoulders. The heat of her body warmed his palm through the thin cotton. “You and Casey don’t see him?”

  “No. It’s for the best.”

  She said it lightly, but he knew that’s not something Paige would have taken lightly. He smoothed his hand up and down her arm tenderly, waiting for her to say more.

  “I never knew what my mom was looking for but I don’t think she ever found it. She’d get so wrapped up in these men, always talking about how things were going to be different, but it never worked out.”

  “Is this your way of saying you’re not going to get wrapped up in me?” He tried to sound playful, but held his breath for her answer.

  “No, I guess it’s my way of saying I’m already so wrapped up there’s not much of me left.”

  Her eyes were so serious, so full of responsibility, he felt the weight himself. He cupped her jaw, running his gaze over her face, her delicate features. Even her coloring was delicate, her light hair, fair skin, and pale brows. It all made the vibrant blue of her eyes stand out even more. Dear God, he was in trouble here. In serious danger of losing his heart in a way he hadn’t even thought he was capable of. “I think there’s a lot left. An absolutely beautiful, sweet, and intelligent amount left, and I can’t not kiss you.”

  He caught the surprise in her eyes just before he took her mouth in a searing kiss. Paige immediately opened to him, shifted onto her knees and slid her arms around his shoulders, her hands going into his hair. He breathed in the faint sweetness of her shampoo, and the scent that was Paige, and deepened the kiss. It was like this every time he kissed her, every time they touched. Heat and need and a fierce demand to get closer.

  With one hand cradling the back of her head, the other roamed up her thigh, bringing a moan when he reached the seam of her underwear through the thin cotton. He stayed there a bit, teasing her, before continuing upward until his hand covered her breast. She gasped and moaned again when he squeezed her hard nipple between his fingers and his heart pounded in his chest.

  Paige was a passion, when he hadn’t been passionate about anything in so long. He had his work, but he didn’t feel it in his blood. It didn’t make his heart race and his body vibrate. He left her mouth to scrape his teeth lightly down the column of her throat, then kissed his way back up and over her jaw before finding her mouth again, this time hotter, hungrier.

  No matter what his sister said, he knew this wasn’t a play-it-as-you-go, see-what-happens kind of deal. There were two options: leave now, or lay her down on this couch and take things to a level neither of them were ready for.

  He was just summoning the strength to pull back when Jenny burst through the door like a firecracker and Paige jerked back.

  “Oops. Sorry,” Jenny said. Her smile said she wasn’t at all sorry, more like amused that she’d almost caught somebody with their pants down. Regretfully not.

  “I didn’t hear your car,” Paige said.

  “Really? I couldn’t tell.” Jenny went to the fridge. “And don’t mind me. I’ll be out of here in two seconds. I wouldn’t want to interrupt.”

  “You’re not interrupting,” Paige said.

  “Well, that’s just wrong,” Jenny muttered.

  “I should go.” Jake stood and stared down into Paige’s face, getting a hot visual of all the things Jenny could have been interrupting. “Can you bring Casey by this week for some new scans? Maybe Wednesday?”

  “I work until three. Can I bring her by after that?”

  “Sure. Whatever works.” She was still looking up at him and he was still not wanting to leave things with no more than plans to see him at work. “What are the odds you’re off next Saturday?”

  Curious blue eyes met his. “Um…I think I work until four, but I’ll have to double-check. Why? Want to go for a Coke?”

  “No. Not a Coke. Or a beer. Simon’s sister is getting married. I thought maybe you’d want to go with me?”

  “Ooh! A wedding!” Jenny interjected, and they both swung their gaze to her still standing in the kitchen. “I vote yes and I can watch Casey.”

  Paige pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, her eyes searching his for a long moment before she finally answered. “Okay.”

  With Jenny watching intently, he pressed a quick, hard kiss to her lips. Just that warmed him to the point he saw a cold shower in his near future.

  Chapter 14

  Paige stayed at the door and watched him drive away until his taillights disappeared.

  “So, what were you and Mr. Fine up to tonight?”

  “He brought over some catalogs for Casey to look at for her new prosthesis. Oh, and dinner. He brought a massive Italian feast.” She couldn’t deny the shiver of happy heat that ran through her as she said it.

  “So nothing was going on?”

  She turned to face Jenny’s inquisition, ready to admit at least part of her feelings. But as she did, Jenny reached up into the cabinet, making her hair fall back, revealing her face. “Oh my gosh! Jenny, what happened?”

  Jenny pulled her hair forward to cover the angry red and purple mark on her jaw. “Just someone stupid.”

  Paige went over for a better look, but Jenny pulled away. “Who were you with tonight?”

  “Most recently? Simon.”

  “Simon did that?”

  “No! God, no. He came by the diner and I was upset. The someone stupid dropped me at my car as Simon was pulling in. He’s like a saint.”

  “Yes, he is.”

  “Lot of that going around,” Jenny said, grinning.

  “You didn’t answer me,” Paige said, unwilling to let it go. “Who did that?”

  “One of the idiots I was dumb enough to go out with a few weeks ago. He was waiting for me outside the diner. Wanted to start things up again. I said no. He didn’t like my answer.”

  “Shit.” Her cousin was the fun-loving party girl, but she could be stubborn. Paige worried about her, that with her past she might be looking for the wrong kind of love in all the wrong places.

  “Simon happened to pull in, going for a late dinner, I guess. Let me say it is extremely lucky the asshole idiot was already in his car and halfway out of the parking lot. Jeez.”

  “Promise me you won’t see him again.”

  “I promised Simon and I’ll promise you. Besides, I don’t think Simon is planning on letting it go. He’s itching to exercise some kind of super-secret torture.”

  “Okay.” She relaxed slightly, trusting her cousin to resist any further advances from the asshole.

  “What did you think of Simon? You never said.”

  “He’s nice.”

  Jenny scanned the inside of the refrigerator, and Paige studied her back. It wasn’t like her cousin to be so vague, but then again Simon wasn’t exactly her type. She went more for the broody, motorcycle type. Simon was much too happy.

  Jenny pulled out a box of leftover pasta. “Yum.” She brought the carry-out box to the table. “You don’t mind, do you?”

  “Of course not.” Not only was there enough food
for ten, but next to Casey, she loved her cousin more than anyone. She thought of Jake, and chills shot through her as her mind and heart linked him with the idea of loving someone. She didn’t love many people, maybe she didn’t love or trust easily, but the idea of loving Jake rolled through her like a gentle wave.

  “Do you want some more?”

  “What?” Paige blinked as Jenny twirled a strand of spaghetti around and around her fork.

  “You’re staring at my food.”

  “Oh. No.” Paige shook her head and walked blindly to the sink.

  “We already know he’s a hot man walking, but holy crap! And Casey adores him.”

  “I know. He’s great with her.” And me.

  “He’s crazy about you,” Jenny said around a mouthful. “You better figure out what you’re doing before some ho snatches him up.”

  Paige didn’t think Jake would let anyone snatch him up, but the thought of another woman touching him made her green. Jenny was right. She needed to figure out what she was doing, and figure out what to do about the fact that she was just as crazy about him.

  —

  JT let himself into his house, greeting Boulder and flipping on a light to illuminate his distinctly male space. He dropped his keys on the entryway table, that and the mirror over it a house-warming gift from his parents. Lizzie had done her best on a visit last year. She’d hit up a home store in an effort to make his house a home. It was still a guy space, he’d admit that, with its dark leather furniture, wood floors, and bare windows. He’d always liked it.

  After hours with Paige and Casey, what he noticed most was the silence, the emptiness. He pictured Paige here in this space, her light against the darkness. He passed his dark leather couch on his way to let Boulder out and imagined laying Paige out there. He walked through the kitchen and saw himself sitting her on the black granite countertop, stepping between her legs. Then laying outside with her, looking at the stars and listening to her voice.

  Frustrated with himself, he called to Boulder, who was sniffing around the back gate, and went for that cold shower. Once in his bedroom, he unbuttoned his shirt, then his pants. Even with the highest level of technology available to him, he still had to sit down to take off his jeans because he couldn’t toe off his shoes like he used to.