Bittersweet Wreckage

by Erin Richards

  Chapter 29

  Groggy with blurry vision, I awakened in a semi-private hospital room. Machines beeped and a plastic thingie attached to a cord gobbled half my right index finger. A cast encased my throbbing left wrist to halfway up my arm, and my head ached so bad, I wanted to sink back into oblivion or the death that had claimed me for a short time.

  “Ivy! Oh, honey.” Tears trickled down Mom’s face and she clicked the call button for the nurse. “How do you feel? Are you in pain?”

  I touched the tubes stuck in my right wrist, the cast on my left arm. “My head hurts. Did I break my arm?”

  “Your wrist, and you have a mild concussion.” She handed me a plastic cup, and I took a couple sips through the straw to swish away the fishy, metallic taste of lake water.

  “Is Jade okay?”

  “She’s fine. The kids are in the waiting room. You’ve been out for a few hours.”

  “When can I go home?”

  “Tomorrow. They want to keep you overnight for observation.”

  I exhaled heavily. I wanted to go home, to San Jose, and forget the trip ever happened. Tomorrow was Independence Day and then we could leave. Would I ever attain my independence?

  “The kids want to see you.”

  I knew I couldn’t ask to see Jesse, so I turned away, the chill in the room eclipsing my desire. “I don’t want to see anyone.”

  “Not even Kristen?” I shook my head. Mom clicked her tongue. “Ivy? What happened on the lake?”

  “Didn’t Jesse and Jade tell you?”

  “They said choppy waves and the wind blew you and Jade overboard.”

  “That’s what happened. I hit my head on the side of the boat and conked out.” What happened on Lake Tahoe, stayed on the lake. Declaring I needed sleep, I managed to avoid the rest of the family, and Mom took them out to dinner.

  She brought me home the next morning and everyone hovered over me, subdued and concerned. Even Jade. Shocker. We grilled steaks for Fourth of July dinner and enjoyed a festive time—if you could call five minions with a dead man in common festive. And more lies kept from my mother. We mastered the art of small talk, enjoying an occasional grunt out of a mostly silent Jade. Apparently, the train of snark had crashed into the lake.

  I stood on the deck, holding my broken wrist to my stomach. Kristen took a tray laden with slices of double chocolate cake down to the end of the dock where we planned to watch the fireworks, one of the best shows in the state.

  “Where’s your mom and Kristen?” Jesse came up behind me and I turned around. His hands were stuck in the front pockets of his jeans, a safe place.

  “Setting up chairs for fireworks on the dock.” I reached for him, just the barest touch, and he placed my right hand over his heart, holding me captive.

  “I’m so sorry. I thought dunking Jade in the lake might stop her BS.” His look passed over my shoulder, ever watchful for a surprise audience.

  I waved his words away. “It’s not your fault. We’re all mostly okay. Can we not talk about it?”

  Side by side, we watched the sun sink into the lake, an expanse of midnight-blue stealing the fiery orange ball bit by bit. A full five minutes of tense silence passed before he spoke.

  “My mom would’ve loved coming here in the summer.”

  “Why didn’t you come?”

  “Dad was always working.” He shrugged. “Plus, he told us the cabin wasn’t available in the summer. We’d always believed it was a vacation rental.”

  I cringed. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. It’s all on him. Mom could’ve pressed him or taken a trip without him. We did enough trips without him to US historic sites, landmarks, and national parks since Mom had summers off from teaching. Tahoe was Dad’s family vacation.”

  “If it makes you feel any better, we didn’t do vacations with him, except here. He was always traveling. Or I guess with you guys.”

  “Our lives were totally messed up.” He helped me down the porch steps, not that I needed his welcome attention. Just his touch on my right arm soothed me. “And we didn’t even know how messed up they were.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  Twilight fell in a purple-gray haze, and landscape lights blinked on, white glowing puddles around the perimeter of the yard and forest. Amber and orange flames flickered in the outdoor fire pit, undulating and dancing toward the sky. A breeze wafted fruitwood smoke in our direction. The sinking sun burned through the trees on the western side of the lake, shades of amber and coral rolling across the water’s surface. The sights, sounds, and scents of perfection in our midst flaunted the imperfections of our family. Tahoe’s tribute to our last night.

  Absent Jade, we ate our cake on the dock. She holed up in the screened porch with Shadow. Forks clinked on the plates, crickets chirped, and frogs croaked in chorus, a nice respite from our battleground. The fireworks show hardly made a dent to brighten our last night of vacation.

  Later, trying to ignore the throbbing in my wrist, I lay in the bed next to Jade after midnight, the soft sounds of her breathing shifting, covers rustling.

  “Ivy? You awake?”

  Her voice startled me. That she was talking to me scared another life out of me. That she called me Ivy and not Vine actually calmed the increased beat of my heart.

  “Yeah.” I braced for the inevitable shitstorm about to whip up.

  “I’m sorry about your wrist. About the whole boat thing.”

  Shock glued me to the bed. “Okay. Thanks. I’m sorry too.”

  A short beat of silence descended before she spoke again in a soft whisper. “Were those things you said about Dad true?”

  “Why would I lie about something like that?” I asked, not unkindly. “Our dad had two faces, two lives, at least two personalities.” Four in my book.

  Silence lengthened and our conversation was over. A sniffle rose from Jade’s bed.

  ~*~

  After a long morning packing, with my limited hand mobility, and a longer road trip, Kirsten and I traveled to San Jose together in Mom’s car. Relief flowed off my shoulders when I entered my bedroom, my welcome haven. I called Will at work to let him know we’d returned early and to invite him to stay for dinner.

  Kristen tossed her suitcase on the floor of my bedroom. “You’ve changed a lot, making new friends. I’m glad for you. But Jesse? Mom will kill you if she finds out you didn’t break up. Kinda sucks to be you.”

  I flopped onto the bed we’d share for the night before she flew back to LA. “I know. We may have to break it off for real. Jade’s gonna hammer the last nail in our coffin. The twit sneaks out, bangs her boyfriend, sneaks him in through the window, drinks, does who knows what drugs, and plays Voodoo Queen in her spare time. Yeah, my relationship with Jesse is way worse than that.” Sarcasm dripped from my voice.

  Kristen sprawled beside me. “Life sucks.”

  “Then you die.”

  “Speak for yourself.”

  Giggling, I rolled her against my suitcase. “I’ll come back reincarnated as a Princess Vine to torment Morticia Rock.”

  We joked around until the others arrived, then Kristen left me to help them unload. I hid in my room, not wanting to confront Voodooville’s mayor.

  Jesse peeked through my open doorway. “Hey.”

  “Hay’s for horses.” I sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of my bed. “Drive okay?” The mundane became my escape from reality.

  He sighed, his arms hanging loose at his sides, his gaze bouncing to my cast. “We’ll work it out. Okay?”

  He didn’t say “nothing changes.” Another splinter rent my heart. Unable to rally my voice, I nodded, fighting tears, fighting the lies, secrets and sneaking around. I absorbed my life’s evolution for a moment.

  Mom came up behind him, her cosmetic trunk in her hands. “I’ll order delivery Chinese for dinner.” She didn’t wait for a response, just slogged to her room, leaving behind a waft of her fresh floral scent.

  Two messa
ges awaited us on voicemail, both from Detective Santiago. A freeze attacked my extremities as I hung up. Banging and clanging noises arose from the Voodoo chamber. Was Jade creating voodoo demons to give me the smackdown? Whatever. I had bigger issues to deal with. If I didn’t fess up my suspicions to someone, I was going to splatter guts and gore over everyone.

  Deciding to confront Mom with all my evidence, I took wobbly steps to her bedroom. Her door hung ajar, and her voice dropped to a whisper. “Neal, it was horrible. That Jerome woman was everywhere I looked in my cabin. Honestly, I was glad to come home early. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. The kids fought constantly. And don’t get me started on Jade.” She paused and I glued myself to the wall in the hallway to eavesdrop. Who was Neal? Her therapist? He had to be the mysterious N who’d existed Before Death. At least I knew it wasn’t Mr. Legends, Dad’s old boss. Was Mom having an affair? A nervous excitement prickled along my spine.

  Mom continued speaking. “I’m okay for money. You know I’ve been hiding my paltry allowance from Leo for years.” She laughed, a sinister, gleeful laugh. “I just wish the police would rule the fire an accident so I can lay my hands on the insurance money. Until then, we’re living lean, and I’m making my plans.” She giggled like a lovestruck teenager.

  Shaking like a ghost in a breeze, I ran to my room. Bending over, I gripped my knees until my breathing stabilized. Instead of confronting my life, I dove under my comforter and buried my head in my newest fantasy romance novel. The promise of a happy ending lured me to its world, my exit ramp when I was about ready to lose my shit, a much happier ending than my own suckfest life.

  Chapter 30

  After Mom gave me strict instructions to rest my wrist, the next afternoon, I wandered around the pool house, pushed a couple balls around on the pool table, tried to write song lyrics. Boredom set in and I wanted to clean something, do anything. I’d even wash the Porsche if we still had it. I tried to read, but I couldn’t focus on the page in front of me when Jesse’s voice, his face, his touch smeared all the words together. He’d gone to early band practice and I couldn’t wait for him to return. Heck, I’d take Jade for a spin on the Crazy Train except she’d escaped with Ax. I had hours of loneliness ahead of me. For once in my life, I hated it. I finally settled down on a cozy chair in the pool house to read on my tablet out of sight of prying eyes.

  “Hey.” Jesse’s voice shook me out of my melancholy.

  He stood in the doorway, and his smile lit me up, set my pulse racing. “I’ve got all the hay you need.”

  “Good, ’cause I’m hungry.” We traded easy laughs at my lame joke. He prowled the room, stalking me from the other side of the pool table. His eyes had gone dark, his Ivy smile melting me. “We alone?”

  “Yeah. My mom’s at a home interior party thingie. She won’t be home for hours. You’re home early.” I set my tablet aside and rose to meet him. “Now kiss me before I die.”

  “Will you really die, Ivy? Do you want me that bad?” He half-teased, but I felt an intense weight to his words.

  “What do you think?” I hedged, my mouth suddenly dry.

  “I think you need to tell me.”

  He perched his butt on the pool table and I cupped his face in my right hand, pressing my mouth to his in a dizzying dance of lips and tongues. Before I knew it, he’d picked me up and carried me into the bedroom. Tenderly, and watchful of my wrist, he laid me on the queen-sized bed. He closed the blinds and locked the door before stretching out beside me, his T-shirt rucked up to expose a line of dark hair arrowing toward the waistband of his scruffy jeans. I wanted to lie on top of him and feel all of him against me.

  “Lie on top of me,” he whispered. “Careful. I’ll help you.”

  He knew me too well. The intimacy thrilled and scared me. How did any person know another person’s mind? Was that love?

  A tickling anticipation grew in my middle and dove southward. I skated my fingers across his chest and propped myself over him, my left elbow sucking up a burst of pain. He eased beneath me in a slick, practiced move. I wound my good arm around his neck and his arms snaked around my torso, his hands settling on my rear, kneading gently.

  “You’ve done this before?” Curiosity and jealousy warred.

  A red tide swept Jesse’s neck. “I won’t lie and say I haven’t been with other girls.”

  “I don’t want you to lie.” My embarrassment settled in a dark cavity inside me. “I haven’t—”

  “I know.” He kissed me, a brush of his lips against mine. “This is the first time it counts for me. I didn’t care about the others the way I love you, or want them like I want you. All of you. Not just this…”

  My breath hitched in my throat. “You love me?”

  “I hadn’t planned to tell you like this. I didn’t want you to think I was a walking cliché, saying I loved you to hit next base. Walk now if it bothers you.” His arms tightened around me as though he feared I’d walk away forever.

  “Is that where we’re heading today?” My heart went through the checklist to launch itself outside my ribcage.

  “Oh. Hell. I thought—” He released me.

  I kissed him, both to quiet him and to give him my response. My kiss possessed him as his kiss had possessed me and electricity seemed to light up all my dark interior crevices. Two-day stubble on his cheek felt like sandpaper surrounding his soft lips. His arms entwined me again and he moved before my heart beat again. He rolled me on my back, trapped beneath him. Expectant, he focused on my face. We were both on the same page. Message delivered.

  “Rock me,” I said, in case the message wasn’t loud enough.

  Leaning over me, he braced me between his arms, gloving me in his warmth. It wasn’t enough. I needed his lips on mine, his taste in my mouth, his scent flooding my air, his skin melting onto mine. I needed to rid us of all the clothing hampering our path to heaven.

  “Take my shirt off.” Again he voiced my exact thought.

  I unbuttoned his jeans and pulled the zipper down, careful not to touch his skin. He sucked in his stomach in surprised shock, and something more. Inch by excruciating inch, I rolled up his T-shirt, my mouth following my fingers up his chest and neck until he writhed and groaned, creating a firestorm of need inside me. Panting, he helped me tug the shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor.

  Was this all it took to turn a man into a sex-crazed basket case? Touching and kissing bare skin? Or was it the touch of a woman mingling with excruciating anticipation of the pending act to come? Women held such power over men. How had I never known this? I supposed the knowing was in the actual experience for one who’d sheltered herself from the way of boys and men, or buried her head in fantasy novels.

  Jesse sat on his knees and we came face-to-face. With the barest touch of my fingertips, I traced his tattoos. Goosebumps popped on his skin in the wake of my questing touch. I feathered my fingers over his new tattoo, a constant reminder of how his life had spiraled out of control since the accident.

  He seized the hem of my blouse and drew it off, revealing my lacy pink bra. At a shy nod from me, he unhooked it, making a growly sound as my breasts sprang free. Since I’d already bared most of my body during our skinny-dipping, I felt no reticence in exposing myself, and thrust my chest forward to encourage him to touch me. His painfully exquisite touch over every inch of my upper torso forced me into a boneless quivering mass on top of the bed.

  Our desire soared and the rest of our clothes flew around the room. Condoms launched out of Jesse’s pocket, little square flying saucers, and we eked out nervous laughs.

  “You came prepared to seduce me?”

  “I came with hope.” His mouth lit another fire on my right breast. “That you’d seduce me.” He chuckled, his lips vibrating against my prickly flesh.

  “Did I accomplish my task?”

  “More than I imagined.”

  A small drawstring cloth bag had fallen out of his pants. I picked it up off the bed. We lay down
and I handed the black velveteen bag to him to set aside.

  “Open it.”

  Anticipation accelerating my heartbeat, I pulled the gold strings apart and upended the contents of the bag onto my palm. A silver dragon ring fell out, shining bright between black antiquing accents. “Oh, Jesse. It matches my necklace. I love it so much.” I lost my voice for a moment, and then kissed him. “Thank you. But you don’t have to buy me things.” The ruby-eyed dragon snaked around my right ring finger, a perfect fit.

  “I know.” He cocked his winged eyebrows, placing my other hand over his heart. “I want you wearing my protection and luck.” Tears misted my eyes as I kissed him again. “I want you wearing me,” he said, his eyes going all drowsy and hooded, sending me over the edge.

  And we came together in the heat of a forbidden passion. It felt free and right, with a dash of fear. Jesse was tender and slow for my first time, and I ached for him in every touch, every breath, and every heartbeat. I never understood lovers could cherish each other in such a profound way. A look, a touch, their unique scent, words of endearment, all colliding in one colossal moment of mutual release. We became one, no separation between us, and I wanted him cocooned within me forever.

  In the end, we lay possessively in each other’s arms, struggling to slow our racing hearts, and I relived every magical moment.

  For the first time, I experienced an eye-popping inkling of how and why my father may have strayed from his chilled and lifeless Stepford Wife.

  ~*~

  Jesse remained scarce the next few days, returning to band practice and whatever else he did outside the house when he wasn’t working in the yard and earning kudos from my mother. Even though I burned for him, we remained discreet, and his time away made it easy for us to avoid one another in front of Mom and Jade. It was hell to keep my mind off him, despite our constant texting each other.

  One afternoon, Axhole and Jade began yelling in a heated argument in her bedroom. I wanted to check on her, but I knew she’d flick on her bitch switch and tell me to go choke on my crown. Instead, I decided to take a spin down to the Rosicrucian Museum. Just me in my lone wolf role again. I needed to figure out what to do about Mom and my suspicions, about Jesse, about Jade’s antagonism. Something needed to change or I’d smash my new world to pieces and float off into space. Again, I felt I was the one who needed to change the Lynwood-Jerome world. I just didn’t know how to go about it without causing an epic meltdown.