Back to Me

by Earl Sewell

  Smearing away my tears of sadness, I turned to her and said, “I love him, Keysha. If his heart is broken, then so is mine. If he feels sad, then so do I. When his soul is wounded, so is mine. He knows in his heart that I wasn’t trying to hurt him.”

  “Okay, let’s go back a little. Tell me again what happened,” Keysha said.

  “I’m telling you, it was nothing. I snuck out of the house,” I explained.

  “I still can’t believe you did that,” Keysha remarked.

  “I know. I’m so perfect, right? I never do anything wild or crazy. I’m always the responsible one,” I said mockingly.

  “But that’s who you are. As long as I’ve known you, you’ve never pulled the sneak-out-of-the-house stunt.” Keysha reminded me of my untarnished record.

  “Have you forgotten about the party I went to where I got my leg broken?” I reminded her.

  “No, but that was different,” Keysha said.

  “How? It was a party that I wasn’t supposed to be at,” I said, stating the facts.

  “Okay, fair enough. So maybe you’re not as perfect as I’m making you out to be, but you’re certainly not a wild child.” Keysha moved over to my bedroom window and glanced out of it. “Looks like your aunt is leaving,” she said.

  “Really! Is she taking Viviana with her?” I asked as I sprang to my feet to glance out the window. I saw my aunt and this hulking guy get into a hideous pickup truck. “Eww! What a crappy-looking car,” I said.

  “I know. As I came up the driveway, I peeked inside, and, man, was it junky in there. Dude seriously needs to clean out his ride,” Keysha mentioned.

  I grumbled as I saw the pickup truck back out of the driveway. “They didn’t take Viviana.”

  “Wow. How much longer is she going to be here?” Keysha asked.

  “I have no clue,” I said. “One thing is for sure. I’m never going to trust her again.”

  “I wouldn’t, either, especially after she left you stranded the way she did.” Keysha pointed out the fact that Viviana had attended the party with me and then had left me stranded.

  “Anyway, if I hadn’t run into Carlo at the party, I don’t know how I would’ve gotten back home.”

  Keysha cleared her throat and said, “Excuse me. I was on the phone with you that night, offering to pay for your cab fare home.”

  “I know, Keysha. Thank you for being there for me,” I said earnestly.

  “You’re lucky you’re my BFF, because I wouldn’t shell out money like that for anyone else,” she said.

  “I can’t wait to get my driver’s license,” I said.

  Keysha snapped her fingers. “I forgot to tell you,” she said excitedly.

  “Tell me what?” I asked.

  Keysha stood in the center of my bedroom and started doing her happy dance. “My dad has signed me up for private driving lessons. I’m going to be getting my permit and then my driver’s license. Then bam! He’s going to buy me a car. And when that happens, girl, we are going to be driving all over town.”

  “Why didn’t you remind me to ask my dad so that we could take the class together?”

  “Because on the day I was going to tell you, all of the drama with Misalo happened.” Keysha stopped dancing around.

  I sighed. “Do you think I should buy him something? It would be my way of asking for a truce.”

  Keysha shrugged her shoulders. “It couldn’t hurt. Maybe if he sees how sorry you truly are, he’ll give you another chance. Still, in my honest opinion, I think Misalo is overreacting to this entire situation.”

  “I think so, too.” I felt a swell of sadness rising in my heart once again. “Keysha, I want you to be totally honest with me,” I said.

  “I always am,” Keysha reminded me.

  “If Wesley, Antonio or Jerry were to come back, saying they were sorry for what they did, which one would you give another chance to?” I asked.

  “Wow,” Keysha said as she pondered that one. “In all honesty, the only one I’d truly believe was sorry would be Wesley.”

  “So, you’re saying you’d give him another chance?” I asked, just to be extra sure.

  Keysha banged the heel of her hand against the side of her head a few times.

  “Why are you hitting yourself like that?” I asked, completely confused.

  “My scalp itches. The water at the pool has really made my hair dry. Plus, it’s about time for these braids to come out.”

  “Okay. You need to warn me before you do that again. I thought you were freaking out or something.” I chuckled.

  “Ha-ha,” she said.

  “So, answer my question,” I insisted.

  “If the circumstances were right, I’d go back to Wesley,” Keysha said.

  “Wow! Really?” I asked, thinking for sure she’d give Jerry another shot.

  “Yeah. There is just something about Wesley that is kind of pure and innocent,” Keysha explained. “So, what are we going to do? I have the day off.”

  “I don’t know. Maybe you should just go and do your own thing today. I’m sort of in a really jacked-up mood,” I said truthfully.

  “Well, that’s what best friends are for. We pull each other out of the dumps. You know the Heritage Summer Festival is going on today at the park. We could put on some cute outfits and go see if some hot guys will be there.”

  “I don’t feel like changing clothes. I just want to sit around and mope.”

  “You could go there and shop for a nice, unique gift for Misalo. Besides, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was there. I overheard lots of people at the pool talking about going.” Keysha knew exactly what to say to get me motivated.

  Perking up, I said, “Yeah, you’re probably right.” I moved over to my closet and opened it. “Come on, Keysha. Help me find something to wear.”

  “That’s the spirit, girl! Sitting in a room, all gloomy, thinking about what happened will drive you crazy. On top of that, crazy doesn’t look good on you.”

  “I agree, but it’s not easy getting over a broken heart,” I admitted as another wave of depression wrapped around me like a warm blanket.

  Three

  VIVIANA

  I didn’t go up to Anna’s room as Aunt Raven had asked me to. Instead, I walked up a few steps, situated myself so I couldn’t be seen, then leaned over the banister, eavesdropping on the conversation my mother and aunt were having with Grandmother Esmeralda. I was able to hear my mother say, “What do you want from me? You want me to admit that I’m not as good as Raven?” I could tell by her tone of voice that my mother was on the brink of having another one of her classic “Get off my back” episodes. I was trying to listen in so hard that I got startled when I saw Maya’s friend Keysha coming up the stairs.

  “Excuse me,” she said as if she was royalty and I was some annoying peasant.

  “Do you have a problem with saying hello first?” I asked.

  Keysha snickered at me. “I am not the one,” she said, stepping past me.

  I flipped up my middle finger behind her back before leaning back over the banister to eavesdrop again. I couldn’t hear very much, so I just stood there, wondering what would happen next.

  Eventually, my mom came looking for me. When she saw me standing on the stairs, she asked me to come take a walk with her. We went out into the backyard and stood under the shade of a tree.

  “Look, you’re going to have to stay with your aunt Raven a little while longer,” she began explaining.

  “Are you leaving me again?” My voice was edgy.

  “It’s not so bad here,” my mother said defensively.

  “I don’t want to live here. I want to live with you in our own house. I want to sleep in my own bedroom.”

  “And you will someday,” she said.
/>
  “Someday? What do you mean, someday? Are you about to run off with that jerk and just leave me here?” My emotions were swaying between anger and disbelief.

  “Look, do you think this is easy for me? Everything changed after your father died. It’s hard for me to find another man like him. I am the most honest, caring and loving woman in the world, but sometimes I feel like I will never find another man like your father. I’m getting old, Viviana, and it’s not easy for a woman like me. Martin is the best I can do right now, and I’m not about to give him up. Not for you, not for Raven, no one. Do you understand me?”

  “So, you’re choosing him over me?” I asked as I smeared away an angry tear that was dripping from my left eye.

  “I didn’t say that. I said you have to stay here a little longer so that Martin and I can build a life for ourselves. Don’t you want to see me happy again? It’s not like I’m not including you. I’m just telling you that you have to wait.”

  “I feel like I’ve been waiting all of my life, Mom,” I said as more tears began flowing.

  “Oh, stop being such a crybaby. You’re not a sappy girl. You’re tough, and you need to stop acting like you’re a victim. I’ve never once left you in a bad place. I’ve never left you in a shelter or homeless on the street. I’ve always made sure that you were staying in places much nicer than I could provide for you, and you want to try and make me feel bad because it? What the hell, Viviana?” My mother was now yelling at me.

  Feeling the need to match her anger, I said, “You’re my mother! You’re supposed to take care of me.”

  “Excuse me.” Aunt Raven came outside. “Why don’t you two come in here and have that discussion? I don’t want you to disturb my neighbors.”

  “What? Are you embarrassed by me, Raven?” my mother snapped at her. A few minutes ago my mom seemed reasonable, but now it was as if no matter how polite Aunt Raven was to her, she saw everything she said as a personal attack on her.

  “No, but you do need to lower your voice,” said Aunt Raven. My mother gave her sister a nasty look before turning her attention back to me.

  “Look. It is what it is, okay? You just have to do what you’ve got to do until Martin and I get settled in.” She wasn’t about to alter her decision.

  “Hey, darling, are you about set to hit the road?” asked Martin, who’d walked outside.

  Aunt Raven cut her eyes at him before stepping back inside.

  “Yeah. She didn’t give me any money, so we’ll have to think of something else,” said my mom as he moved toward the vehicle. She turned to me again. “Like I said, it is what it is. I’m practically leaving you at a vacation hot spot. You have food, a roof over your head, and you’re not with strangers. I’ll call when I get a chance.”

  My mother kissed me on the forehead and walked toward Martin, who was standing next to his pickup truck, waiting for her. Once my mother was in the truck, he fired up the motor, which roared louder than the horn of a freight train. A cloud of blue smoke exited the exhaust pipe and billowed through the air. Martin backed the truck out of the driveway and into the street. Before long, he and my mother were gone. Even though I’d stopped crying and gotten my emotions in check, I felt very numb.

  My mother didn’t know or seem to care about how hard it was for me. It wasn’t easy to be around Maya and wish that I was her. I wanted a mother and father. I wanted to live in a nice house and have friends to hang out with. I wanted to wear expensive clothes, have a cute boyfriend and not have to worry about anything. She just didn’t seem to understand that although I was staying with family, it was by no means easy.

  I went back inside the house and headed toward Anna’s room. As I walked through the kitchen, Aunt Raven stopped me.

  “Viviana, honey. Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

  I swallowed down my feelings and held my chin up. “No. I’m cool.”

  Seemingly satisfied with my brief answer, Aunt Raven said, “Okay.”

  When I entered Anna’s room, she was sitting on the floor, painting her toenails green.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  “Nothing. Just waiting for the results of a lie detector test,” Anna said.

  “Lie detector test?” The words rushed out of my mouth.

  “Yeah, I’m not sure which show it is, but this guy who is nineteen has been cheating on his girlfriend who is seventeen,” Anna said as she focused on painting her pinkie toe. “Can you turn up the volume? The television remote is right there.” Anna pointed to the floor beside her. I picked up the remote and turned up the sound when the show came back on.

  “What’s going on with this chick?” I asked, noticing this girl who was wearing an incredibly ugly dress and a bad wig.

  “She’s pregnant for a second time by her boyfriend. She already has a six-month-old son,” Anna explained.

  “Why would anyone want to date her? She isn’t even cute,” I said.

  “I don’t know, but her boyfriend is hot. Anyway, she says that she loves him and wants him to be a father to their children,” Anna said.

  “Oh, he is cute,” I said when I saw the ugly girl’s boyfriend come onto the stage. “Hopefully the babies will turn out looking like him,” I said, laughing. Anna found my comment just as humorous. The talk show host asked the boyfriend if he’d ever beaten up his girlfriend. He answered, “Yeah. She tries to put her hands on me, and I have to defend myself.” The boyfriend was making gestures with his hands.

  “What a jerk,” Anna said, looking up at the screen.

  “Yeah, but he is a fine one,” I said, checking him out more. “Do you know who he reminds me of?”

  “No. Who?” Anna asked.

  “Misalo. Maya’s ex-boyfriend,” I said.

  “Oh, God, please don’t say that too loudly. She’s all whacked-out now that he’s dumped her,” Anna said.

  “Well, that relationship wasn’t as ideal as she claimed it was,” I said, feeling absolutely no remorse for the role I’d played in ruining Maya’s perfect world.

  “Hand me the remote. This guy is irritating me, trying to justify beating up his baby mama,” said Anna

  “Don’t worry. I’ll switch the channel for you,” I said, aiming the remote at the television.

  “Hey, I wanted to tell you that the thing with you not earning enough credits at school… Don’t sweat it. If you stay here and enroll in school with me, I’ll help you, okay?” Anna said.

  I sighed. “Thank you. It looks like I’ll be here for a while. My mom just left and basically orphaned me,” I reluctantly admitted.

  “She was here? Why didn’t you come get me? I would have loved to have talked to her,” Anna complained.

  “Uh, it wasn’t the type of visit that was a pleasant one. She and your mom pretty much got into a nasty spat.”

  “Really?” Anna asked, surprised.

  “Yeah, really. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about that right now,” I said, pausing on the show called That’s So Raven.

  “I think it would be so cool to be clairvoyant like Raven. Then I’d be able to see into the future,” Anna said.

  “Yeah, I’d love to have that ability, as well,” I said as Anna screwed the cap back onto her nail polish.

  “Why are you painting your toes that color?” I asked. “It doesn’t really work for your skin tone.”

  “Because I like it,” Anna simply said.

  “Speaking of liking things, do you still like Carlo as much as you did before?” I asked.

  “I told you. I’m done with that. I don’t want anything to do with him,” Anna said convincingly.

  “Can I ask a personal question?”

  “Sure,” she said.

  “What was it like? I mean, being sick from the crystal meth.”

  “It was horrible.
I just remember feeling very disoriented. The room started spinning around, and my body just did whatever it wanted to without my permission.”

  “That’s when you had the seizure,” I said.

  “I wouldn’t wish that feeling on my worst enemy,” Anna said.

  “Well, I’m just happy that you’re okay,” I said.

  “So am I.”

  “So, what are you going to do with the rest of your day?” I asked.

  “I was thinking about going to the Heritage Festival and hanging out. Other than that, I have no real plans,” Anna said.

  “Will there be any guys there?” I asked.

  “Yeah, there will be plenty. People from all around come to it. There are even a lot of local bands, singers and all types of artists who perform. I think you’d like it,” Anna said.

  “I am so stressed-out right now. Seriously, I would enjoy going there just to help me forget about everything that’s been bothering me,” I said, moving across the room to glance out of Anna’s window. I saw Maya and Keysha walking away from the house.

  “Okay, we could go together,” Anna suggested.

  “Are you sure you want to go with me and not with one of your girlfriends?” I asked. After seeing Maya and Keysha together, I thought that I was becoming a nuisance and preventing Anna from hanging out with her friends.

  “If we go, I plan on calling two of my girlfriends. We could meet them there, and I could introduce you to them,” Anna said.

  “I’d like that a lot,” I said as I moved away from the window.

  Four

  MAYA

  Keysha and I walked from my house toward Veterans Park, where the festival was being held. As we got closer, we saw throngs of people walking rhythmically into the park, many of them carrying lawn chairs and ice coolers, in search of the perfect spot to set up. There were little kids with painted butterflies on their faces and balloons tied to their wrists. I noticed several teen couples holding hands and kissing each other. That saddened me because it reminded me of how I felt when I was with Misalo. As Keysha and I made our way past a gathering of girls, we both noticed how they looked at us and started laughing for no apparent reason.