The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 87
he is always talking about himself: he's like those who are
related to the King; they can never prick their finger without saying,
“Some royal blood has been spilt."
And someone who doesn't understand says “Why is that?"
And the answer is as ready as a beggar's cap,
“I am the King's poor cousin, sir."
PRINCE.
Nay, they will be kin to us, or they will fetch it from Japhet.
But to the letter:
No, they will insist they are related to us, even if it's only through Japhet.
But go on with the letter.
POINS.
[Reads] "Sir John Falstaff, knight, to the son of the king,
nearest his father, Harry Prince of Wales, greeting." Why, this
is a certificate.
“Sir John Falstaff, knight, to the son of the King,
his father's closest relative, Harry Prince of Wales, my greetings.”
Why, this is like a royal letter.
PRINCE.
Peace!
Quiet!
POINS.
[Reads.] "I will imitate the honourable Romans in brevity:" he sure
means brevity in breath, short-winded. "I commend me to thee, I commend
thee, and I leave thee. Be not too familiar with Poins; for he misuses
thy favours so much, that he swears thou art to marry his sister Nell.
Repent at idle times as thou mayest; and so, farewell.
"Thine, by yea and no, which is as much as to say, as thou
usest him,
JACK FALSTAFF with my familiars, JOHN with my brothers and
sisters, and SIR JOHN with all Europe."
My lord, I'll steep this letter in sack and make him eat it.
“I will be as brief as the honourable Romans:”
he must mean that he's short of breath. “I give you
my greetings and approval, I am going away. Do not
get too close to Poins; for he abuses your kindness
so much that he swears you are going to marry his sister Nell.
When you have spare time use it for repentance; and so, farewell.
Yours, yea or nay, in other words however you like,
Jack Falstaff to my friends, John to my brothers and sisters,
and Sir John throughout Europe."
My Lord, I'll soak this letter in sack and make him eat it.
PRINCE.
That 's to make him eat twenty of his words. But do you use
me thus, Ned? must I marry your sister?
That would certainly make him eat his words. But is this true,
Ned? Am I going to marry your sister?
POINS.
God send the wench no worse fortune! But I never said so.
I hope to God the girl doesn't get anyone worse! But I never said it.
PRINCE.
Well, thus we play the fools with the time, and the spirits of the
wise sit in the clouds and mock us. Is your master here in London?
Well, this is the way we pass the time, and the ghosts of the
wise sit in the clouds and laugh at us. Is your master here in London?
BARDOLPH.
Yea, my lord.
Yes, my lord.
PRINCE.
Where sups he? doth the old boar feed in the old frank?
Where is he eating? Is the old pig still feeding in the old sty?
BARDOLPH.
At the old place, my lord, in Eastcheap.
At the old place, my Lord, in Eastcheap.
PRINCE.
What company?
Who's he with?
PAGE.
Ephesians, my lord, of the old church.
Some of his old pals, my lord.
PRINCE.
Sup any women with him?
Are there any women eating with him?
PAGE.
None, my lord, but old Mistress Quickly and Mistress Doll Tearsheet.
Nobody, my lord, apart from old Mistress Quickly and Mistress Doll Tearsheet.
PRINCE.
What pagan may that be?
What pagan is she?
PAGE.
A proper gentlewoman, sir, and a kinswoman of my master's.
A proper gentlewoman, Sir, a relative of my master's.
PRINCE.
Even such kin as the parish heifers are to the town bull. Shall
we steal upon them, Ned, at supper?
Related in the same way as the cows of the parish
are to the town bull. Shall we sneak up on them, Ned, at supper?
POINS.
I am your shadow, my lord; I'll follow you.
I am your shadow, my lord; I'll follow you.
PRINCE.
Sirrah, you boy, and Bardolph, no word to your master that
I am yet come to town: there's for your silence.
Sir, boy, and Bardolph, don't tell your master that
I have already come to town: take this to keep silent.
BARDOLPH.
I have no tongue, sir.
I won't say a word, sir.
PAGE.
And for mine, sir, I will govern it.
I'll make sure I don't either.
PRINCE.
Fare you well; go.
[Exeunt Bardolph and Page.]
This Doll Tearsheet should be some road.
Farewell; go.
This Doll Tearsheet must be some whore.
POINS.
I warrant you, as common as the way between Saint Alban's and London.
I promise you, as well travelled as the road between St Albans and London.
PRINCE.
How might we see Falstaff bestow himself to-night in his true
colours, and not ourselves be seen?
How can we get Falstaff to show himself in his true colours tonight,
without his recognising us?
POINS.
Put on two leathern jerkins and aprons, and wait upon him at
his table as drawers.
We'll put on two leather jerkins and aprons, and serve
at his table as barmen.
PRINCE.
From a God to a bull? a heavy descension! it was Jove's case.
From a prince to a prentice? a low transformation! that shall be
mine; for in everything the purpose must weigh with the folly.
Follow me, Ned.
From a God to a bull? That's a heavy fall! That was what Jove did.
From a prince to a working man? That's a low exchange!
That's what I'll do, for we must play the game fully.
Follow me, Ned.
[Exeunt.]
[Enter Northumberland, Lady Northumberland, and Lady Percy.]
NORTHUMBERLAND.
I pray thee, loving wife, and gentle daughter,
Give even way unto my rough affairs;
Put not you on the visage of the times
And be like them to Percy troublesome.
Please, loving wife and gentle daughter,
make my difficult position as easy as you can;
don't take on the general feeling of the times
and be troublesome to Percy like they are.
LADY NORTHUMBERLAND.
I have given over, I will speak no more:
Do what you will; your wisdom be your guide.
I have given up, I will say no more:
do what you want; be guided by your wisdom.
NORTHUMBERLAND.
Alas, sweet wife, my honour is at pawn;
And, but my going, nothing can redeem it.
Alas, sweet wife, my honour is at stake;
I can only save it by going.
LADY PERCY.
O yet, for God's sake, go not to these wars!
The time was, father, that you broke your word,
When you were more endear'd to it than now!
When your own Percy, when my hea
rt's dear Harry,
Threw many a northward look to see his father
Bring up his powers; but he did long in vain.
Who then persuaded you to stay at home?
There were two honours lost, yours and your son's.
For yours, the God of heaven brighten it!
For his, it stuck upon him as the sun
In the grey vault of heaven; and by his light
Did all the chivalry of England move
To do brave acts: he was indeed the glass
Wherein the noble youth did dress themselves:
He had no legs that practis'd not his gait;
And speaking thick, which nature made his blemish,
Became the accents of the valiant;
For those who could speak low and tardily
Would turn their own perfection to abuse,
To seem like him: so that in speech, in gait,
In diet, in affections of delight,
In military rules, humours of blood,
He was the mark and glass, copy and book,
That fashion'd others. And him, O wondrous him!
O miracle of men! him did you leave,
Second to none, unseconded by you,
To look upon the hideous god of war
In disadvantage; to abide a field
Where nothing but the sound of Hotspur's name
Did seem defensible: so you left him.
Never, O never, do his ghost the wrong
To hold your honour more precise and nice
With others than with him! let them alone:
The marshal and the archbishop are strong:
Had my sweet Harry had but half their numbers,
To-day might I, hanging on Hotspur's neck,
Have talk'd of Monmouth's grave.
But for God's sake, do not go to these wars!
There was a time, father, when you broke your word
when it was more dishonourable to do so than it is now;
when your own Percy, my own dear Harry,
kept looking northward, expecting his father
to bring his forces; but he waited in vain.
Who persuaded you then to stay home?
Two honours were lost, yours and your son's.
As for yours, may the God of heaven make it brighter!
For his, it hung on him as the sun hangs
in the sky, and his bright light motivated
all the chivalrous men in England
to do brave things. He was the model
for all noble youths. Everyone copied his way of walking;
and speaking impetuously, which was the fault nature gave him,
became the way all brave men spoke;
those who could speak slowly and quietly
would throw away that virtue
so they could seem like him. So that in speech, action,
diet, types of pleasure,
military rules, impetuous behaviour,
he was the sign and mirror, copy and book
that all others aspired to. This was the wonderful,
miraculous man whom you abandoned,
he was second to none but you did not second him, he was left alone to face the battle in a place
where only the sound of his own name
was any defence: that's how you left him.
Never, never, insult his ghost
by being more concerned about what others
think of your honour than he did! Leave them be.
The Marshal and the Archbishop have a good army:
if my sweet Harry had had just half that force, I might today be hugging Hotspur
and talking about Monmouth's grave.
NORTHUMBERLAND.
Beshrew your heart,
Fair daughter, you do draw my spirits from me
With new lamenting ancient oversights.
But I must go and meet with danger there,
Or it will seek me in another place,
And find me worse provided.
Damn your heart,
sweet daughter, you are depressing me by
reminding me of my past wrongs.
But I must go and confront danger there,
or it will seek me out somewhere else,
where I would be at a greater disadvantage.
LADY NORTHUMBERLAND.
O, fly to Scotland,
Till that the nobles and the armed commons
Have of their puissance made a little taste.
Oh, flee to Scotland,
until the nobles and the armed people
have tried their strength against each other.
LADY PERCY.
If they get ground and vantage of the king,
Then join you with them, like a rib of steel,
To make strength stronger; but, for all our loves,
First let them try themselves. So did your son;
He was so suffer'd: so came I a widow;
And never shall have length of life enough
To rain upon remembrance with mine eyes,
That it may grow and sprout as high as heaven,
For recordation to my noble husband.
If they get the upper hand over the king,
then you can join with them, like a steel support,
to increase their strength; but, out of love for us,
let them try it on their own first. That's what you allowed
your son to do: that's why I am a widow;
and my life will not be long enough
to water the plant of remembrance with
my tears, so that it can grow as high as heaven
as a memorial to my noble husband.
NORTHUMBERLAND.
Come, come, go in with me. 'Tis with my mind
As with the tide swell'd up unto his height,
That makes a still-stand, running neither way:
Fain would I go to meet the archbishop,
But many thousand reasons hold me back.
I will resolve for Scotland: there am I,
Till time and vantage crave my company.
Come, come, come inside with me. My mind
is like the tide when it's about to turn,
it stands still, not going either way:
I should definitely go and meet the Archbishop,
but there are many thousands of reasons holding me back.
I will go to Scotland: I will stay there
until the time is right for me to return.
[Exeunt.]
[Enter two Drawers.]
FIRST DRAWER.
What the devil hast thou brought there? apple-johns?
thou knowest Sir John cannot endure an apple-john.
What the devil have you brought there? Preserved apples?
You know Sir John cannot abide preserved apples.
SECOND DRAWER.
Mass, thou sayest true. The prince once set a dish of apple-johns
before him, and told him there were five more Sir Johns, and, putting
off his hat, said "I will now take my leave of these six dry, round,
old, withered knights." It angered him to the heart: but he hath
forgot that.
By God, you're right. The Prince once put a dish of preserved apples
in front of him, telling him that here were five more Sir Johns, and, taking
off his hat, he said, “I will now say goodbye to these six dry, round,
old, withered knights." It deeply infuriated him: but he has forgotten that.
FIRST DRAWER.
Why, then, cover, and set them down: and see if thou canst find out
Sneak's noise; Mistress Tearsheet would fain hear some music.
Dispatch: The room where they supped is too hot; they'll come in
straight.
Why then, put the cover on them and put them down: and see if you can find
Sneak's band. Mistress Tearsheet would like to hear some music.
Be quick: the room where
they ate supper is too hot, they'll be in here shortly.
SECOND DRAWER.
Sirrah, here will be the prince and Master Poins anon; and they
will put on two of our jerkins and aprons; and Sir John must
not know of it: Bardolph hath brought word.
Sir, the Prince and Master Poins will be here shortly; and they
want to put on two of our jerkins and aprons; and Sir John
mustn't know about it: Bardolph brought the message.
FIRST DRAWER.
By the mass, here will be old Utis: it will be an excellent
stratagem.
I swear, we'll have a high old time: this is an excellent plan.
SECOND DRAWER.
I'll see if I can find out Sneak.
I'll see if I can find Sneak.
[Exit.]
[Enter Hostess and Doll Tearsheet.]
HOSTESS.
I' faith, sweetheart, methinks now you are in an excellent good
temperality: your pulsidge beats as extraordinarily as heart would
desire; and your colour, I warrant you, is as red as any rose, in
good truth, la! But, i' faith, you have drunk too much canaries; and
that 's a marvellous searching wine, and it perfumes the blood ere one
can say "What's this?" How do you now?
I swear, sweetheart, I think you are now in an excellent mood;
your pulse is beating as fully as a heart could
desire; and I promise you, your face is as red as any rose,
I swear! But, by God, you have drunk too much canary wine;
and that's a very potent wine, it inflames the blood before one