The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 91
Feeble, Bullcalf, a Servant or two with them.]
SHALLOW.
Come on, come on, come on, sir; give me your hand, sir,
give me your hand, sir: an early stirrer, by the rood! And how
doth my good cousin Silence?
Come on, come on, come on, ; give me your hand, sir,
give me your hand, sir: you're up early, by goodness!
And how is my good cousin Silence?
SILENCE.
Good morrow, good cousin Shallow.
Good morning, good cousin Shallow.
SHALLOW.
And how doth my cousin, your bedfellow? and your fairest
daughter and mine, my god-daughter Ellen?
And how is my cousin, your bedmate? And your sweetest
daughter, mine too, my goddaughter Ellen?
SILENCE.
Alas, a black ousel, cousin Shallow!
Alas, she's a chattering blackbird, cousin Shallow!
SHALLOW.
By yea and nay, sir, I dare say my cousin William is become
a good scholar: he is at Oxford still, is he not?
Whatever the case, Sir, I daresay my cousin William has
become a good scholar: he's still at Oxford, isn't he?
SILENCE.
Indeed, sir, to my cost.
He is, sir, at my expense.
SHALLOW.
A' must, then, to the inns o' court shortly. I was once of
Clement's Inn, where I think they will talk of mad Shallow yet.
Then he must soon go to the Inns of Court. I was once a member
of Clement's Inn, where I think they still talk about mad Shallow.
SILENCE.
You were called "lusty Shallow" then, cousin.
You were called “lusty Shallow" then, cousin.
SHALLOW.
By the mass, I was called any thing; and I would have done any thing
indeed too, and roundly too. There was I, and little John Doit of
Staffordshire, and black George Barnes, and Francis Pickbone, and
Will Squele, a Cotswold man; you had not four such swinge-bucklers in
all the inns o' court again: and I may say to you, we knew where the
bona-robas were and had the best of them all at commandment. Then was
Jack Falstaff, now Sir John, boy, and page to Thomas Mowbray, Duke of
Norfolk.
I swear, they called me anything; and I would have done anything
too; there was me and little John Doit of
Staffordshire, and black George Barnes, and Francis Pickbone, and
Will Squele, from the Cotswolds; there will never be four such swashbucklers
ever again in the Inns of Court: and I can tell you, we knew where the
best tarts were, and we had the best of them all at our command.
Then there was Jack Falstaff, now Sir John, who was a boy, page to
Thomas Mowbray, Duke of Norfolk.
SILENCE.
This Sir John, cousin, that comes hither anon about soldiers?
The same Sir John, cousin, who is coming here soon to get soldiers?
SHALLOW.
The same Sir John, the very same. I see him break Scoggin's head at the
court-gate, when a' was a crack not thus high: and the very same
day did I fight with one Sampson Stockfish, a fruiterer, behind
Gray's Inn.
Jesu, Jesu, the mad days that I have spent! and to see how many of my
old acquaintance are dead!
The same Sir John, the very same. I saw him break Scoggin's head
at the gates of the court, when he was just a lad, not this high: and
that very same day I fought with a man called Sampson Stockfish,
a greengrocer, behind Gray's Inn.
Jesus, Jesus, the mad days that I have had! And to think how many of my
old friends are dead!
SILENCE.
We shall all follow, cousin.
We shall go the same way, cousin.
SHALLOW.
Certain, 'tis certain; very sure, very sure: death, as the Psalmist
saith, is certain to all; all shall die. How a good yoke of bullocks at
Stamford fair?
That's absolutely true, it's certain: death, as the Psalmist
says, comes to us all; we shall all die. How much is a good pair of
bullocks fetching at Stamford fair?
SILENCE.
By my troth, I was not there.
I swear, I wasn't there.
SHALLOW.
Death is certain. Is old Double of your town living yet?
Death comes to us all. Is old Double from your town still alive?
SILENCE.
Dead, sir.
He's dead, sir.
SHALLOW.
Jesu, Jesu, dead! a' drew a good bow; and dead! a' shot a fine shoot:
John a Gaunt loved him well, and betted much money on his head.
Dead! a' would have clapped i' the clout at twelve score; and carried
you a forehand shaft a fourteen and fourteen and a half, that it
would have done a man's heart good to see. How a score of ewes now?
Jesus, Jesus, dead! He was a good archer; and he's dead! He was a good shot:
John of Gaunt thought highly of him, and bet a lot of money on him.
Dead! He could hit the target at two hundred yards; and fired his arrows
straight for three hundred, in a way that it
did a man's heart good to see. How much are twenty ewes?
SILENCE.
Thereafter as they be: a score of good ewes may be worth ten
pounds.
It depends on the quality: twenty good ones might be worth ten pounds.
SHALLOW.
And is old Double dead?
And old Double is dead?
SILENCE.
Here come two of Sir John Falstaffs men, as I think.
I think these are two of Sir John Falstaff's men.
[Enter Bardolph, and one with him.]
BARDOLPH.
Good morrow, honest gentlemen: I beseech you, which is justice
Shallow?
Good morning, good gentlemen: can you please tell me, which of you
is justice Shallow?
SHALLOW.
I am Robert Shallow, sir; a poor esquire of this county, and one
of the king's justices of the peace: what is your good pleasure
with me?
I am Robert Shallow, sir; a poor squire from this county, and one
of the King's justices of the peace: what can I do for you?
BARDOLPH.
My captain, sir, commends him to you; my captain, Sir John
Falstaff, a tall gentleman, by heaven, and a most gallant leader.
My captain, Sir, sends you his greetings; my captain, Sir John
Falstaff, a tall gentleman, by heaven, and a very brave leader.
SHALLOW.
He greets me well, sir. I knew him a good backsword man. How
doth the good knight? may I ask how my lady his wife doth?
Kind greetings, Sir; I knew him when he was a good single stick fighter.
How is the good knight? Might I enquire how his wife is?
BARDOLPH.
Sir, pardon; a soldier is better accommodated than with a wife.
Excuse me, sir; a soldier has better accommodation than a wife.
SHALLOW.
It is well said, in faith, sir; and it is well said indeed too.
Better accommodated! it is good; yea, indeed, is it: good phrases are
surely, and ever were, very commendable. Accommodated! it comes of
"accommodo:" very good; a good phrase.
That's well said, truly, sir; very well said indeed.
Better accommodation! That's good; yes, it certainly is: good phrases
should always be praised. Accommodation! Th
at comes from
“accommodo", very good; a good phrase.
BARDOLPH.
Pardon me, sir; I have heard the word. Phrase call you it? By this
day, I know not the phrase; but I will maintain the word with my sword
to be a soldier-like word, and a word of exceeding good command, by
heaven.
Accommodated; that is, when a man is, as they say, accommodated; or
when a man is, being, whereby a' may be thought to be accommodated;
which is an excellent thing.
Excuse me, sir; I have heard the word. You call it a phrase?
I swear, I don't know the phrase; but I am prepared to prove
with my sword that it's a soldierly word, a very good word of command, by heaven.
Accommodated; that is, when a man is, as they say, accommodated;
or when it looks like a man can be accommodated,
which is an excellent thing.
SHALLOW.
It is very just.
That's very true.
[Enter Falstaff.]
Look, here comes good Sir John. Give me your good hand, give me your
worship's good hand: by my troth, you like well and bear your years
very well: welcome, good Sir John.
Look, here comes good Sir John. Give me your hand,
your worship's good hand: I swear, you look very fit and
don't show your age: welcome, good Sir John.
FALSTAFF.
I am glad to see you well, good Master Robert Shallow: Master
Surecard, as I think?
I'm glad to see you well, good Master Robert Shallow:
you must be Master Surecard?
SHALLOW.
No, Sir John; it is my cousin Silence, in commission with me.
No, Sir John; this is my cousin Silence, who has the same position as me.
FALSTAFF.
Good Master Silence, it well befits you should be of the peace.
Good Master Silence, it's very fitting that you should be a Justice of the Peace.
SILENCE.
Your good worship is welcome.
Your honour is very welcome.
FALSTAFF.
Fie! this is hot weather, gentlemen. Have you provided me here
half a dozen sufficient men?
Phew! This is hot weather, gentlemen. Have you got
half a dozen decent men for me?
SHALLOW.
Marry, have we, sir. Will you sit?
We certainly have, sir. Will you sit down?
FALSTAFF.
Let me see them, I beseech you.
Please let me see them.
SHALLOW.
Where's the roll? where's the roll? where's the roll? Let me see,
let me see, let me see.
So, so, so, so, so, so, so: yea, marry, sir: Ralph Mouldy!
Let them appear as I call; let them do so, let them do so.
Let me see; where is Mouldy?
Where's the register? Where's the register? Where's the register?
Let me see, let me see, let me see.
So, so, so, so, so, so: yes, certainly, sir: Ralph Mouldy!
Let them come when I call them; let them do that.
Let me see; where is Mouldy?
MOULDY.
Here, an't please you.
Here, if you please.
SHALLOW.
What think you, Sir John? a good-limbed fellow; young, strong,
and of good friends.
What do you think, Sir John? A well-made fellow; young, strong,
and he comes from a good family.
FALSTAFF.
Is thy name Mouldy?
Is your name Mouldy?
MOULDY.
Yea, an't please you.
Yes, if you please.
FALSTAFF.
'Tis the more time thou wert used.
It's about time you were used.
SHALLOW.
Ha, ha, ha! most excellent, i' faith! things that are mouldy lack use:
very singular good! in faith, well said, Sir John, very well said.
Hah, hah, hah! An excellent joke, I swear it! Things that aren't used grow mouldy:
really very good! Very well said, Sir John.
FALSTAFF.
Prick him.
Tick him off the list.
MOULDY.
I was prick'd well enough before, an you could have let me alone:
my old dame will be undone now for one to do her husbandry and her
drudgery: you need not to have pricked me; there are other men fitter
to go out than I.
I liked my place well enough before, if you had left me alone:
my old woman now won't have anyone to do all the hard work:
you needn't have chosen me; there are other men more suitable
for service than me.
FALSTAFF.
Go to: peace, Mouldy; you shall go. Mouldy, it is time you were spent.
Enough: quiet, Mouldy; you will shall go. Mouldy, it's time you were used up.
MOULDY.
Spent!
Used up!
SHALLOW.
Peace, fellow, peace; stand aside: know you where you are? For
the other, Sir John: let me see: Simon Shadow!
Quiet, fellow, quiet; stand aside: do you know where you are?
Now the other man, Sir John: let me see: Simon Shadow!
FALSTAFF.
Yea, marry, let me have him to sit under: he 's like to be a
cold soldier.
Yes indeed, let me sit underneath him: he shall be a
cool soldier.
SHALLOW.
Where's Shadow?
Where is Shadow?
SHADOW.
Here, sir.
Here, sir.
FALSTAFF.
Shadow, whose son art thou?
Shadow, whose son are you?
SHADOW.
My mother's son, sir.
The son of my mother, sir.
FALSTAFF.
Thy mother's son! like enough; and thy father's shadow: so the son of
the female is the shadow of the male: it is often so indeed; but
much of the father's substance!
Your mother’s son! Likely enough; just a shadow of your father:
the son of the female is the shadow of the male: it's often the way;
you're lacking your father's substance!
SHALLOW.
Do you like him, Sir John?
Will he do, Sir John?
FALSTAFF.
Shadow will serve for summer; prick him; for we have a number of
shadows to fill up the muster-book.
Shadows are good in summer; tick him off, we have to
get our numbers up.
SHALLOW.
Thomas Wart!
Thomas Wart!
FALSTAFF.
Where's he?
Where is he?
WART.
Here, sir.
Here, sir.
FALSTAFF.
Is thy name Wart?
Is your name Wart?
WART.
Yea, sir.
Yes, sir.
FALSTAFF.
Thou art a very ragged wart.
You are very ragged wart.
SHALLOW.
Shall I prick him down, Sir John?
Shall I tick him off, Sir John?
FALSTAFF.
It were superfluous; for his apparel is built upon his back and
the whole frame stands upon pins: prick him no more.
There's no need, he looks as if he's been
put together with pins, no need to scratch him off.
SHALLOW.
Ha, ha, ha! you can do it, sir; you can do it: I commend you
well.
Francis Feeble!
Hah, hah, hah! You've got it, sir; you've got it:
you're a good fel
low.
Francis Feeble!
FEEBLE.
Here, sir.
Here, sir.
FALSTAFF.
What trade art thou, Feeble?
What's your profession, Feeble?
FEEBLE.
A woman's tailor, sir.
A dressmaker, sir.
SHALLOW.
Shall I prick him, sir?
Shall I tick him off, sir?
FALSTAFF.
You may: but if he had been a man's tailor, he'ld ha' prick'd you.
Wilt thou make as many holes in an enemy's battle as thou hast done in
a woman's petticoat?
You can: but if he was a tailor for men, he would have pricked you.
Will you make as many holes in the enemy's soldiers as you have
made in a woman's petticoat?
FEEBLE.
I will do my good will, sir; you can have no more.