The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 101
choose any job in the country you want, it's yours. Pistol, I
will heap you with honours.
BARDOLPH.
O joyful day!
I would not take a knighthood for my fortune.
What a happy day!
I wouldn't exchange this bit of luck for a knighthood.
PISTOL.
What! I do bring good news?
What! Is this good news?
FALSTAFF.
Carry Master Silence to bed. Master Shallow, my Lord Shallow,--
be what thou wilt; I am fortune's steward--get on thy boots:
we'll ride all night. O sweet Pistol! Away, Bardolph!
[Exit Bardolph.]
Come, Pistol, utter more to me; and withal devise something to do
thyself good. Boot, boot, Master Shallow: I know the young king is
sick for me. Let us take any man's horses; the laws of England are at
my commandment. Blessed are they that have been my friends; and woe
to my lord chief-justice!
Carry Master Silence off to bed. Master Shallow, my Lord Shallow–
be what you want to be; I serve out fortunes–get your boots on:
we'll ride all night. Oh sweet Pistol! Get going, Bardolph!
Come, Pistol, tell me more; and also think of
what you want. Get your boots on, Master Shallow: I know the young King
will be missing me. Let's take anyone's horses, the laws of England are at
my command. Those who've been my friends are lucky; and the
Lord Chief Justice had better look out!
PISTOL.
Let vultures vile seize on his lungs also!
"Where is the life that late I led?" say they:
Why, here it is; welcome these pleasant days!
May horrible vultures eat out his lungs!
“Where is the life I once led?” they say:
well, here it is; welcome to these happy days!
[Exeunt.]
[Enter Beadles, dragging in Hostess Quickly and Doll Tearsheet.]
HOSTESS.
No, thou arrant knave; I would to God that I might die,
that I might have thee hanged: thou hast drawn my shoulder out
of joint.
No, you terrible scoundrel; I wish to God I could die,
if I could see you hanged: you've dislocated my shoulder.
FIRST BEADLE.
The constables have delivered her over to me; and she shall have
whipping-cheer enough, I warrant her: there hath been a man
or two lately killed about her.
The constables have handed her over to me; and she will get
a good enough whipping, I promise: there have been one
or two men recently killed in her company.
DOLL.
Nut-hook, nut-hook, you lie. Come on; I'll tell thee what, thou
damned tripe-visaged rascal, an the child I now go with do
miscarry, thou wert better thou hadst struck thy mother, thou
paper-faced villain.
You lie, Beadle, come on; I'll tell you what, you
flabby rascal, if the child I'm now carrying miscarries,
you would have done better to hit your mother, you
yellow faced villain.
HOSTESS.
O the Lord, that Sir John were come! he would make this a
bloody day to somebody. But I pray God the fruit of her womb
miscarry!
O Lord, I wish Sir John would come! He would make this a
bloody day for somebody. But I pray to God she doesn't miscarry!
FIRST BEADLE.
If it do, you shall have a dozen of cushions again; you
have but eleven now. Come, I charge you both go with me; for the
man is dead that you and Pistol beat amongst you.
If it does, you can fake it with a dozen cushions like last time:
you're only using eleven at the moment. Come, I order you to come with me;
for the man that you and Pistol beat together is dead.
DOLL.
I'll tell you what, you thin man in a censer, I will have you as
soundly swinged for this,--you blue-bottle rogue, you filthy famished
correctioner, if you be not swinged, I'll forswear half-kirtles.
I'll tell you what, you worthless man, I will have you
hung high for this–you scabby rogue, you filthy starving
punisher, if you are not hanged, I'll give up wearing skirts.
FIRST BEADLE.
Come, come, you she knight-errant, come.
Come, come, you misbehaving woman, come.
HOSTESS.
O God, that right should thus overcome might! Well, of
sufferance comes ease.
O God, force overcomes justice! Well,
peace comes through suffering.
DOLL.
Come, you rogue, come; bring me to a justice.
Come on, you scoundrel; take me to a judge.
HOSTESS.
Ay, come, you starved blood-hound.
Yes, come on, you starving bloodhound.
DOLL.
Goodman death, goodman bones!
You death, you bones!
HOSTESS.
Thou atomy, thou!
You skeleton!
DOLL.
Come, you thin thing; come, you rascal!
Come on, you skinny rascal!
FIRST BEADLE.
Very well.
Very well.
[Exeunt.]
[Enter two Grooms, strewing rushes.]
FIRST GROOM.
More rushes, more rushes.
More rushes, more rushes.
SECOND GROOM.
The trumpets have sounded twice.
They have blown the trumpets twice.
FIRST GROOM.
'Twill be two o'clock ere they come from the
coronation: dispatch, dispatch.
It will be two o'clock before they come from the
coronation: hurry, hurry.
[Exeunt.]
[Enter Falstaff, Shallow, Pistol, Bardolph, and Page.]
FALSTAFF.
Stand here by me, Master Robert Shallow; I will make the
king do you grace: I will leer upon him as a' comes by; and do
but mark the countenance that he will give me.
Stand here next to me, Master Robert Shallow; I will make the
King pay you respect: I'll give him an inviting look as he comes past; and
you just see the look that he gives me.
PISTOL.
God bless thy lungs, good knight!
God bless your lungs, good knight!
FALSTAFF.
Come here, Pistol; stand behind me. O, if I had had to have
made new liveries, I would have bestowed the thousand pound I
borrowed of you. But 'tis no matter; this poor show doth better:
this doth infer the zeal I had to see him.
Come here, Pistol; stand behind me. Oh, if I had
had some new uniforms made, I could have used the thousand
pounds I borrowed from you. But it doesn't matter; my
poor clothes look better: they'll show him how keen I was to see him once.
SHALLOW.
It doth so.
That's true.
FALSTAFF.
It shows my earnestness of affection,--
It shows how genuine my affection is–
SHALLOW.
It doth so.
It does.
FALSTAFF.
My devotion,--
My devotion–
SHALLOW.
It doth, it doth, it doth.
It does, it does, it does.
FALSTAFF.
As it were, to ride day and night; and not to deliberate, not to
remember, not to have patience to shift me,--
It shows I hav
e ridden day and night, without stopping to think,
not to prepare, not even to change my shirt–
SHALLOW.
It is best, certain.
This is certainly the best way to appear.
FALSTAFF.
But to stand stained with travel, and sweating with desire to
see him; thinking of nothing else, putting all affairs else in
oblivion, as if there were nothing else to be done but to see him.
To stand here travel stained, sweating with the eagerness to
see him; thinking of nothing else, forgetting all other business,
as if the only thing to be done in the world was to see him.
PISTOL.
'Tis "semper idem," for "obsque hoc nihil est:" 'tis all in
every part.
It's “always the same, apart from this there is nothing",
absolutely perfect.
SHALLOW.
'Tis so, indeed.
That's definitely right.
PISTOL.
My knight, I will inflame thy noble liver,
And make thee rage.
Thy Doll, and Helen of thy noble thoughts,
Is in base durance and contagious prison;
Haled thither
By most mechanical and dirty hand:
Rouse up revenge from ebon den with fell Alecto's snake,
For Doll is in. Pistol speaks nought but truth.
My knight, I shall stir up your noble
blood with anger.
Your Doll, and Helen of whom you think so well,
are kept in foul captivity in a filthy prison;
dragged there
by the rudest, dirtiest hands:
you should bring on revenge like the snake of the Furies,
for Doll is in prison. Pistol is only speaking the truth.
FALSTAFF.
I will deliver her.
I will save her.
[Shouts, within, and the trumpets sound.]
PISTOL.
There roar'd the sea, and trumpet-clangor sounds.
The trumpet fanfares are sounding like the roaring of the sea.
[Enter the King and his train, the Lord Chief-Justice among
them.]
FALSTAFF.
God save thy grace, King Hal; my royal Hal!
God save your Grace, King Hal; my Royal Hal!
PISTOL.
The heavens thee guard and keep, most royal imp of fame!
May heaven guard and keep you, most noble royal descendant!
FALSTAFF.
God save thee, my sweet boy!
God save you, my sweet boy!
KING.
My lord chief-justice, speak to that vain man.
My Lord Chief Justice, speak to that foolish man.
CHIEF JUSTICE.
Have you your wits? know you what 'tis you speak?
Are you mad? Do you know what you're saying?
FALSTAFF.
My king! my Jove! I speak to thee, my heart!
My King! My God! I'm talking to you, my love!
KING.
I know thee not, old man: fall to thy prayers;
How ill white hairs become a fool and jester!
I have long dream'd of such a kind of man,
So surfeit-swell'd, so old, and so profane;
But, being awaked, I do despise my dream.
Make less thy body hence, and more thy grace;
Leave gormandizing; know the grave doth gape
For thee thrice wider than for other men.
Reply not to me with a fool-born jest:
Presume not that I am the thing I was;
For God doth know, so shall the world perceive,
That I have turn'd away my former self;
So will I those that kept me company.
When thou dost hear I am as I have been,
Approach me, and thou shalt be as thou wast,
The tutor and the feeder of my riots:
Till then, I banish thee, on pain of death,
As I have done the rest of my misleaders,
Not to come near our person by ten mile.
For competence of life I will allow you,
That lack of means enforce you not to evils:
And, as we hear you do reform yourselves,
We will, according to your strengths and qualities,
Give you advancement. Be it your charge, my lord,
To see perform'd the tenour of our word.
Set on.
I don't know you, old man. Go to your prayers.
White hairs do not suit a fool and a jester!
I have dreamt of this kind of man for a long time,
so stuffed, so old and so vulgar;
but having woken up I hate my dream.
Make your body slimmer, and your manners better;
leave off stuffing; you should know that your grave
is waiting, three times wider than for other men.
Don't answer me with some stupid joke;
don't imagine I am the person I was;
for God knows, and the world shall see,
that I have given up my former ways;
and I will do the same with those who were my friends.
If you hear I've gone back to my old ways,
come and see me, and you will be what you were before,
the inspiration and teacher for my bad behaviour.
Until then I banish you, on pain of death,
as I have done to everyone else who misled me,
not to come within ten miles of me.
I will allow you a small pension,
so that you don't turn to crime to support yourself;
if I hear that you have mended your ways,
I shall, according to your abilities and qualities,
give you promotion. [To the Lord Chief Justice] Make
it your business, my lord,
to see that my orders are carried out.
Let's move on.
[Exeunt King, &c.]
FALSTAFF.
Master Shallow, I owe you a thousand pounds.
Master Shallow, I owe you a thousand pounds.
SHALLOW.
Yea, marry, Sir John; which I beseech you to let me have
home with me.
You do indeed, Sir John, which I should like to have
to take home with me.
FALSTAFF.
That can hardly be, Master Shallow. Do not you grieve at this;
I shall be sent for in private to him: look you, he must seem
thus to the world: fear not your advancements; I will be the man yet
that shall make you great.
That can hardly happen, Master Shallow. Don't worry about it;
he'll send for me in private: you see, he must appear like this
in public: don't worry about your promotion; I'll still be
the man who will make you great.
SHALLOW.
I cannot perceive how, unless you give me your doublet
and stuff me out with straw. I beseech you, good Sir John, let me
have five hundred of my thousand.
I can't see how, unless you give me your jacket
and stuff it with straw. Please, good Sir John,
let me have five hundred of my thousand.
FALSTAFF.
Sir, I will be as good as my word: this that you heard was
but a colour.
Sir, I will keep my word: what you just heard was
just playacting.
SHALLOW.
A colour that I fear you will die in, Sir John.
A play in which I fear you will die, Sir John.
FALSTAFF.
Fear no colours: go with me to dinner: come, Lieutenant
Pistol; come, Bardolph: I shall be sent for soon at night.
Don't worry about plays: come with me to dinner: come,
Lieutenant Pistol; come, Bardolph: I'll soon be sent for when nig
ht comes.
[Re-enter Prince John, the Lord Chief-Justice; Officers with
them.]
CHIEF JUSTICE.
Go, carry Sir John Falstaff to the Fleet:
Take all his company along with him.
Go, take Sir John Falstaff to the Fleet prison:
take all his friends along with him.
FALSTAFF.
My lord, my lord,--
My Lord, my lord–
CHIEF JUSTICE.
I cannot now speak: I will hear you soon.
Take them away.
I can't speak now: I'll hear your case soon.
Take them away.
PISTOL.
Si fortuna me tormenta, spero me contenta.
If fortune torments me, hope makes me happy.
[Exeunt all but Prince John and the Lord Chief-Justice.]
LANCASTER.
I like this fair proceeding of the king's:
He hath intent his wonted followers
Shall all be very well provided for;
But all are banish'd till their conversations
Appear more wise and modest to the world.
I like this fair decision of the King's: