The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 180
if he's never seen the Louvre.
LOVELL
They must either,
For so run the conditions, leave those remnants
Of fool and feather that they got in France,
With all their honourable point of ignorance
Pertaining thereunto, as fights and fireworks,
Abusing better men than they can be,
Out of a foreign wisdom, renouncing clean
The faith they have in tennis, and tall stockings,
Short blister'd breeches, and those types of travel,
And understand again like honest men;
Or pack to their old playfellows: there, I take it,
They may, 'cum privilegio,' wear away
The lag end of their lewdness and be laugh'd at.
The order says
that they must either abandon these foolish ways
of thinking and dressing that they picked up in France,
and all those silly habits associated
with them, such as fighting and fireworks,
abusing better men than they can hope to be
through their foreign wisdom, they must renounce at once
their delight in tennis, and long stockings,
short puffy breaches, and those marks of the travelled,
and behave again like honest men;
otherwise they can go back to their old playmates: there, I assume,
they can keep on with their behaviour without criticism
and while away their lasciviousness, and be laughed at.
SANDS
'Tis time to give 'em physic, their diseases
Are grown so catching.
It's time to give them medicine, their diseases
have become so infectious.
Chamberlain
What a loss our ladies
Will have of these trim vanities!
How much our ladies
will miss these fashionable fripperies!
LOVELL
Ay, marry,
There will be woe indeed, lords: the sly whoresons
Have got a speeding trick to lay down ladies;
A French song and a fiddle has no fellow.
Yes indeed
there will be sorrow, lords: the sly sons of bitches
are very good at seducing the ladies;
nothing can match a french song with a fiddle.
SANDS
The devil fiddle 'em! I am glad they are going,
For, sure, there's no converting of 'em: now
An honest country lord, as I am, beaten
A long time out of play, may bring his plainsong
And have an hour of hearing; and, by'r lady,
Held current music too.
May the devil fiddle with them! I'm glad they're going,
for there’s certainly no way to convert them: now
an honest country lord like me, who's been pushed
out of the game for a long time, may try his plain song
and be listened to; and, by our Lady,
be thought of as fashionable.
Chamberlain
Well said, Lord Sands;
Your colt's tooth is not cast yet.
Well said, Lord Sands;
you haven't lost your youth yet.
SANDS
No, my lord;
Nor shall not, while I have a stump.
No, my lord;
and I shan't, while I have any of it left.
Chamberlain
Sir Thomas,
Whither were you a-going?
Sir Thomas,
where were you going?
LOVELL
To the cardinal's:
Your lordship is a guest too.
To the cardinal's:
your lordship is a guest too.
Chamberlain
O, 'tis true:
This night he makes a supper, and a great one,
To many lords and ladies; there will be
The beauty of this kingdom, I'll assure you.
Oh, that's true:
he's giving a great supper tonight
for many lords and ladies; all the
beauties of the kingdom will be there, I can assure you.
LOVELL
That churchman bears a bounteous mind indeed,
A hand as fruitful as the land that feeds us;
His dews fall every where.
That churchman has a generous mind indeed,
he is as bounteous as the land that feeds us;
he spreads his gifts far and wide.
Chamberlain
No doubt he's noble;
He had a black mouth that said other of him.
He's obviously a good man;
the one who spoke differently of him had a dirty mouth.
SANDS
He may, my lord; has wherewithal: in him
Sparing would show a worse sin than ill doctrine:
Men of his way should be most liberal;
They are set here for examples.
He did, my lord; he has the means: if he
was not generous it would be a worse sin than being
mistaken in his religion: men like him should be generous;
they are put on earth to be examples.
Chamberlain
True, they are so:
But few now give so great ones. My barge stays;
Your lordship shall along. Come, good Sir Thomas,
We shall be late else; which I would not be,
For I was spoke to, with Sir Henry Guildford
This night to be comptrollers.
It's true, they are:
but there are few who are so generous now. My barge is waiting;
your lordship shall come with me. Come, good Sir Thomas,
otherwise we will be late; I don't wish to be,
for I have been asked to be a steward tonight
along with Sir Henry Guildford.
SANDS
I am your lordship's.
I am at your lordship's service.
Exeunt
Hautboys. A small table under a state for CARDINAL WOLSEY, a longer table for the guests. Then enter ANNE and divers other Ladies and Gentlemen as guests, at one door; at another door, enter GUILDFORD
GUILDFORD
Ladies, a general welcome from his grace
Salutes ye all; this night he dedicates
To fair content and you: none here, he hopes,
In all this noble bevy, has brought with her
One care abroad; he would have all as merry
As, first, good company, good wine, good welcome,
Can make good people. O, my lord, you're tardy:
Enter Chamberlain, SANDS, and LOVELL
The very thought of this fair company
Clapp'd wings to me.
Ladies, his grace sends a general welcome
to you all; he is dedicating tonight to
happiness and to you: he hopes that no one
in all of this noble group has brought with her
one worry from outside; he would like all to be as happy
as good company, good wine, and good welcome
can make good people. Oh, my lord, you're late:
just the thought of this beautiful company
made me hurry here.
Chamberlain
You are young, Sir Harry Guildford.
You are young, Sir Harry Guildford.
SANDS
Sir Thomas Lovell, had the cardinal
But half my lay thoughts in him, some of these
Should find a running banquet ere they rested,
I think would better please 'em: by my life,
They are a sweet society of fair ones.
Sir Thomas Lovell, if the cardinal
had only half of my layman's thoughts in him,
some of these would eat up quickly,
I think that would satisfy them: I swear,
this is a wonderful assembl
y of beautiful women.
LOVELL
O, that your lordship were but now confessor
To one or two of these!
Oh, if only your lordship was confessor
to one or two of these!
SANDS
I would I were;
They should find easy penance.
I wish I was;
their punishments would be easy.
LOVELL
Faith, how easy?
Tell us, how easy?
SANDS
As easy as a down-bed would afford it.
As easy as a feather bed could make them.
Chamberlain
Sweet ladies, will it please you sit? Sir Harry,
Place you that side; I'll take the charge of this:
His grace is entering. Nay, you must not freeze;
Two women placed together makes cold weather:
My Lord Sands, you are one will keep 'em waking;
Pray, sit between these ladies.
Sweet ladies, will you please sit down? Sir Harry,
you sit over there; I'll take charge of this side:
his Grace is coming. No, you mustn't sit together;
two women next to each other makes for a chilly time:
my Lord Sands, you will warm them up;
please, sit between these ladies.
SANDS
By my faith,
And thank your lordship. By your leave, sweet ladies:
If I chance to talk a little wild, forgive me;
I had it from my father.
I will indeed,
and I thank your lordship. With your permission, sweet ladies:
if I happen to talk a little wildly, forgive me;
I inherited the habit from my father.
ANNE
Was he mad, sir?
Was he mad, sir?
SANDS
O, very mad, exceeding mad, in love too:
But he would bite none; just as I do now,
He would kiss you twenty with a breath.
Oh, very mad, exceedingly mad, mad in love too:
but he never bit anyone; he would kiss
twenty of you in an instant, just as I do now.
Kisses her
Chamberlain
Well said, my lord.
So, now you're fairly seated. Gentlemen,
The penance lies on you, if these fair ladies
Pass away frowning.
Well said, my lord.
So, now everyone is seated. Gentlemen,
you will be to blame, if these fair ladies
leave without smiles on their faces.
SANDS
For my little cure,
Let me alone.
You can trust me
with my share.
Hautboys. Enter CARDINAL WOLSEY, and takes his state
CARDINAL WOLSEY
You're welcome, my fair guests: that noble lady,
Or gentleman, that is not freely merry,
Is not my friend: this, to confirm my welcome;
And to you all, good health.
You are welcome, my fair guests: any noble lady,
or gentleman, who is not openly happy
is not my friend: I toast you to confirm my welcome;
and I wish you all good health.
Drinks
SANDS
Your grace is noble:
Let me have such a bowl may hold my thanks,
And save me so much talking.
Your grace is noble:
let me have a cup big enough to show my thanks,
and save me having to speak.
CARDINAL WOLSEY
My Lord Sands,
I am beholding to you: cheer your neighbours.
Ladies, you are not merry: gentlemen,
Whose fault is this?
My Lord Sands,
I am indebted to you: cheer up your neighbours.
Ladies, you are not jolly: gentlemen,
whose fault is this?
SANDS
The red wine first must rise
In their fair cheeks, my lord; then we shall have 'em
Talk us to silence.
We must let the wine redden
their fair cheeks first, my lord; then they shall
talk us into silence.
ANNE
You are a merry gamester,
My Lord Sands.
You are cheerful joker,
my Lord Sands.
SANDS
Yes, if I make my play.
Here's to your ladyship: and pledge it, madam,
For 'tis to such a thing,--
Yes, when I'm allowed to be.
I drink to your ladyship: and match it, madam,
for I'm drinking to something–
ANNE
You cannot show me.
Which you cannot show me.
SANDS
I told your grace they would talk anon.
I told your grace they would talk soon enough.
Drum and trumpet, chambers discharged
CARDINAL WOLSEY
What's that?
What's that?
Chamberlain
Look out there, some of ye.
Look outside, some of you.
Exit Servant
CARDINAL WOLSEY
What warlike voice,
And to what end is this? Nay, ladies, fear not;
By all the laws of war you're privileged.
What's the meaning of this
warlike noise? Do not be afraid, ladies;
you are exempt by all the laws of war.
Re-enter Servant
Chamberlain
How now! what is't?
Hello there! What is it?
Servant
A noble troop of strangers;
For so they seem: they've left their barge and landed;
And hither make, as great ambassadors
From foreign princes.
A noble band of foreigners;
that's what they look like: they have left their barge and landed;
and they are coming here, like great ambassadors
from foreign princes.
CARDINAL WOLSEY
Good lord chamberlain,
Go, give 'em welcome; you can speak the French tongue;
And, pray, receive 'em nobly, and conduct 'em
Into our presence, where this heaven of beauty
Shall shine at full upon them. Some attend him.
Exit Chamberlain, attended. All rise, and tables removed
You have now a broken banquet; but we'll mend it.
A good digestion to you all: and once more
I shower a welcome on ye; welcome all.
Hautboys. Enter KING HENRY VIII and others, as masquers, habited like shepherds, ushered by the Chamberlain. They pass directly before CARDINAL WOLSEY, and gracefully salute him
A noble company! what are their pleasures?
Good Lord Chamberlain,
go and welcome them; you can speak French;
and please, give them a noble welcome, and bring them
here to me, where they can enjoy the sight
of all this heavenly beauty. Some of you go with him.
The banquet has been disturbed, but we shall make up for it.
May you all digest your food well, and once more
I give you all my best welcome.
This is a noble company! What would you like?
Chamberlain
Because they speak no English, thus they pray'd
To tell your grace, that, having heard by fame
Of this so noble and so fair assembly
This night to meet here, they could do no less
Out of the great respect they bear to beauty,
But leave their flocks; and, under your fair conduct,
Crave leave to view these ladies and entreat
An hour of revels with 'em.
Because they speak no English, they begged
me
to tell your grace, that, having heard by reputation
that such a noble and beautiful assembly
was going to be here tonight, they couldn't do any less,
out of the great respect they have for beauty,
than leave their flocks; and, with your kind permission,
they beg that they can see these ladies and ask
them to dance with them for an hour.
CARDINAL WOLSEY
Say, lord chamberlain,
They have done my poor house grace; for which I pay 'em
A thousand thanks, and pray 'em take their pleasures.
Tell them, Lord Chamberlain,
that they are honouring my poor house; I give them
a thousand thanks for that, and ask them to choose whom they want.
They choose Ladies for the dance. KING HENRY VIII chooses ANNE
KING HENRY VIII
The fairest hand I ever touch'd! O beauty,
Till now I never knew thee!
The loveliest hand I ever touched! O beauty,
I never knew you until now!
Music. Dance
CARDINAL WOLSEY
My lord!
My lord!
Chamberlain
Your grace?
Your Grace?
CARDINAL WOLSEY
Pray, tell 'em thus much from me:
There should be one amongst 'em, by his person,
More worthy this place than myself; to whom,
If I but knew him, with my love and duty