The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 207
hath been seduced by them; and the misery is,
example, that so terrible shows in the wreck of
maidenhood, cannot for all that dissuade succession,
but that they are limed with the twigs that threaten
them. I hope I need not to advise you further; but
I hope your own grace will keep you where you are,
though there were no further danger known but the
modesty which is so lost.
I know that knave; hang him! He's called Parolles: he
is a filthy officer, making those suggestions for the
young Earl. Be wary of them, Diana; their promises,
bribes, oaths, presents, and all the other machinery of
lust, are not things they take seriously: many maids
have been seduced by them; and the terrible thing is,
that all these examples, which show how awful the loss
of virginity is, still cannot stop them from falling
and being caught in the traps that are set for them.
I hope I don't need to give you any other advice;
I hope your own grace will keep you where you are,
even if the only danger was a loss of modesty.
DIANA
You shall not need to fear me.
You don't need to worry about me.
Widow
I hope so.
Enter HELENA, disguised like a Pilgrim
Look, here comes a pilgrim: I know she will lie at
my house; thither they send one another: I'll
question her. God save you, pilgrim! whither are you bound?
I hope so.
Look, here comes a pilgrim: I know she will rest
at my house; they send each other there: I'll
question her. God bless you, pilgrim! Where are you going?
HELENA
To Saint Jaques le Grand.
Where do the palmers lodge, I do beseech you?
To great St James.
Please can you tell me where the Pilgrims stay?
Widow
At the Saint Francis here beside the port.
At the St Francis here by the port.
HELENA
Is this the way?
Is this the way?
Widow
Ay, marry, is't.
A march afar
Hark you! they come this way.
If you will tarry, holy pilgrim,
But till the troops come by,
I will conduct you where you shall be lodged;
The rather, for I think I know your hostess
As ample as myself.
That's right.
Listen! There are coming this way.
If you will wait, holy pilgrim,
just until the troops have passed,
I will take you to your lodging;
I'll be pleased to, for I think I know your hostess
as well as I know myself.
HELENA
Is it yourself?
Is it you?
Widow
If you shall please so, pilgrim.
If you will accept, pilgrim.
HELENA
I thank you, and will stay upon your leisure.
I thank you, and will wait until you are ready.
Widow
You came, I think, from France?
You came from France I think?
HELENA
I did so.
I did.
Widow
Here you shall see a countryman of yours
That has done worthy service.
You shall see a countryman of yours here
who has done good service.
HELENA
His name, I pray you.
Please tell me his name.
DIANA
The Count Rousillon: know you such a one?
The Count Rousillon: do you know him?
HELENA
But by the ear, that hears most nobly of him:
His face I know not.
Only by reputation, which is very good:
I don't know his face.
DIANA
Whatsome'er he is,
He's bravely taken here. He stole from France,
As 'tis reported, for the king had married him
Against his liking: think you it is so?
Whatever he may be,
he's done well here. He sneaked away from France,
so they say, because the king had made him marry
against his will: do you think that's true?
HELENA
Ay, surely, mere the truth: I know his lady.
Yes, that's nothing but the truth: I know his lady.
DIANA
There is a gentleman that serves the count
Reports but coarsely of her.
The count has a gentleman attending him
who only has bad things to say about her.
HELENA
What's his name?
What's his name?
DIANA
Monsieur Parolles.
Monsieur Parolles.
HELENA
O, I believe with him,
In argument of praise, or to the worth
Of the great count, she is too mean
To have her name repeated: all her deserving
Is a reserved honesty, and that
I have not heard examined.
Oh, I think for him
or for the great count himself, she is too low
to be praised or even have her name
spoken: her only virtue
is her quiet honesty, and I haven't
heard anybody question that.
DIANA
Alas, poor lady!
'Tis a hard bondage to become the wife
Of a detesting lord.
Alas, poor lady!
It's thankless task to be the wife
of a husband who hates you.
Widow
I warrant, good creature, wheresoe'er she is,
Her heart weighs sadly: this young maid might do her
A shrewd turn, if she pleased.
I'll bet that the good creature, wherever she is,
has a heavy heart: this young maid might do her
a good turn, if she wished.
HELENA
How do you mean?
May be the amorous count solicits her
In the unlawful purpose.
How do you mean?
Maybe the randy count is paying attention to her
from impure motives.
Widow
He does indeed;
And brokes with all that can in such a suit
Corrupt the tender honour of a maid:
But she is arm'd for him and keeps her guard
In honestest defence.
He is indeed;
and has been throwing everything at her
that could corrupt the tender honour of a maid.
MARIANA
The gods forbid else!
Heaven forbid!
Widow
So, now they come:
Look, they're coming:
Drum and Colours
Enter BERTRAM, PAROLLES, and the whole army
That is Antonio, the duke's eldest son;
That, Escalus.
That is Antonio, the Duke's eldest son;
that one is Escalus.
HELENA
Which is the Frenchman?
Which one is the Frenchman?
DIANA
He;
That with the plume: 'tis a most gallant fellow.
I would he loved his wife: if he were honester
He were much goodlier: is't not a handsome gentleman?
That one;
the one with the plume: he is a brave chap.
I wish he loved his wife: if he were more honest
he would be a better man: isn't he handsome?
HELENA
I like him well.
<
br /> I like him very much.
DIANA
'Tis pity he is not honest: yond's that same knave
That leads him to these places: were I his lady,
I would Poison that vile rascal.
It's a pity he's not honest: over there is the knave
who makes him do these things: if I were his wife
I would poison that foul scoundrel.
HELENA
Which is he?
Which one is he?
DIANA
That jack-an-apes with scarfs: why is he melancholy?
That monkey with the scarves: why does he look sad?
HELENA
Perchance he's hurt i' the battle.
Maybe he's been hurt in the battle.
PAROLLES
Lose our drum! well.
We've lost our drum! Well.
MARIANA
He's shrewdly vexed at something: look, he has spied us.
He's definitely annoyed about something: look, he's spotted us.
Widow
Marry, hang you!
Ah, hang you!
MARIANA
And your courtesy, for a ring-carrier!
Exeunt BERTRAM, PAROLLES, and army
And your politeness as a pimp!
Widow
The troop is past. Come, pilgrim, I will bring you
Where you shall host: of enjoin'd penitents
There's four or five, to great Saint Jaques bound,
Already at my house.
The parade is over. Come on, pilgrim, I will bring you
to your lodgings: there are already four or five
sworn Pilgrims, headed for great St James,
at my house.
HELENA
I humbly thank you:
Please it this matron and this gentle maid
To eat with us to-night, the charge and thanking
Shall be for me; and, to requite you further,
I will bestow some precepts of this virgin
Worthy the note.
I give you my humble thanks:
if you are agreeable I would like this lady and this gentle girl
to eat with us tonight, at my expense
and for my pleasure; and, to pay you further,
I will give you some advice
that will be worth listening to.
BOTH
We'll take your offer kindly.
We'd be glad to accept.
Exeunt
Enter BERTRAM and the two French Lords
Second Lord
Nay, good my lord, put him to't; let him have his
way.
No, my good lord, put him to the test; see what he does.
First Lord
If your lordship find him not a hilding, hold me no
more in your respect.
If your lordship doesn't find that he's a coward, have no respect
for me any more.
Second Lord
On my life, my lord, a bubble.
I swear on my life, my lord, he's a coward.
BERTRAM
Do you think I am so far deceived in him?
Do you think I could be so much mistaken?
Second Lord
Believe it, my lord, in mine own direct knowledge,
without any malice, but to speak of him as my
kinsman, he's a most notable coward, an infinite and
endless liar, an hourly promise-breaker, the owner
of no one good quality worthy your lordship's
entertainment.
You should believe it, my lord, I have seen it myself,
I'm not speaking with any malice, but speaking of him as my
kinsman, he's a complete coward, he never stops lying,
breaks promises every hour, and has not a single
good quality to recommend him to you.
First Lord
It were fit you knew him; lest, reposing too far in
his virtue, which he hath not, he might at some
great and trusty business in a main danger fail you.
It's best that you know what he's like, in case you put too much trust
in his goodness, of which he has none, and then he might
fail you in some great important business.
BERTRAM
I would I knew in what particular action to try him.
I wish I knew the best way to test him.
First Lord
None better than to let him fetch off his drum,
which you hear him so confidently undertake to do.
No better way than to tell him to get his drum,
which you've heard him so confidently say he will do.
Second Lord
I, with a troop of Florentines, will suddenly
surprise him; such I will have, whom I am sure he
knows not from the enemy: we will bind and hoodwink
him so, that he shall suppose no other but that he
is carried into the leaguer of the adversaries, when
we bring him to our own tents. Be but your lordship
present at his examination: if he do not, for the
promise of his life and in the highest compulsion of
base fear, offer to betray you and deliver all the
intelligence in his power against you, and that with
the divine forfeit of his soul upon oath, never
trust my judgment in any thing.
I, with a troop of Florentines, will suddenly
ambush him; I have some whom I'm sure he
doesn't know from the enemy: we will try and blindfold
him so that he thinks that he has been carried
into a meeting of the enemy, when
we bring him into our own tents. All you have to do
is be present when we question him: if he does not,
in return for his life and out of cowardice,
offer to betray you and gives up all the secrets
he has that could harm you, swearing that
they are true with a holy oath, never
trust my judgement again.
First Lord
O, for the love of laughter, let him fetch his drum;
he says he has a stratagem for't: when your
lordship sees the bottom of his success in't, and to
what metal this counterfeit lump of ore will be
melted, if you give him not John Drum's
entertainment, your inclining cannot be removed.
Here he comes.
Oh, for the fun of it, tell him to fetch his drum;
he says he has a plan for it: when your lordship
sees what this will lead to, and to
what base metal this fake lump of ore will be
reduced to, if you don't play this game
with the drum, you will always have doubts.
Here he comes.
Enter PAROLLES
Second Lord
[Aside to BERTRAM] O, for the love of laughter,
hinder not the honour of his design: let him fetch
off his drum in any hand.
Oh, for the sake of fun,
do not block him in his plan: let him go
and get his drum in any way he wants.
BERTRAM
How now, monsieur! this drum sticks sorely in your
disposition.
How are you, sir! I can see this business of the drum
is bothering you.
First Lord
A pox on't, let it go; 'tis but a drum.
Blast the thing man, let it go; it's only a drum.
PAROLLES
'But a drum'! is't 'but a drum'? A drum so lost!
There was excellent command,--to charge in with our
horse upon our own wings, and to rend our own soldiers!
‘Only a drum'! Is it ' only a drum'? A drum lost like that!
There was an excellent command-to charge with our cavalry
aga
inst our own wings, and to tear into our own soldiers!
First Lord
That was not to be blamed in the command of the
service: it was a disaster of war that Caesar
himself could not have prevented, if he had been
there to command.
That was not the fault of the commander:
it was a disaster ofwar that Caesar
himself could not have prevented, if he had been
in command.
BERTRAM
Well, we cannot greatly condemn our success: some
dishonour we had in the loss of that drum; but it is
not to be recovered.
Well, we mustn't let it spoil our victory: there was
some dishonor for us in the loss of the drum, but
we can't get it back.
PAROLLES
It might have been recovered.
We could have got it back.
BERTRAM
It might; but it is not now.
Could have, but can't now.
PAROLLES
It is to be recovered: but that the merit of
service is seldom attributed to the true and exact
performer, I would have that drum or another, or