The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  'hic jacet.'

  It can be got back: except for the fact that

  the credit is not often given to the one who deserves it,

  I would get that drum back or get another, or

  die here.

  BERTRAM

  Why, if you have a stomach, to't, monsieur: if you

  think your mystery in stratagem can bring this

  instrument of honour again into his native quarter,

  be magnanimous in the enterprise and go on; I will

  grace the attempt for a worthy exploit: if you

  speed well in it, the duke shall both speak of it.

  and extend to you what further becomes his

  greatness, even to the utmost syllable of your

  worthiness.

  Why, if you have the guts for it, sir: if you

  think that your cunning can bring this

  symbol of honor back home again,

  then by all means follow your plan; I will

  honor the attempt as a noble deed: if you

  perform it well, the Duke shall not only speak of it;

  he will offer you everything in his power

  that you deserve.

  PAROLLES

  By the hand of a soldier, I will undertake it.

  With a soldier's hand, I shall try.

  BERTRAM

  But you must not now slumber in it.

  But you mustn't be slow about it.

  PAROLLES

  I'll about it this evening: and I will presently

  pen down my dilemmas, encourage myself in my

  certainty, put myself into my mortal preparation;

  and by midnight look to hear further from me.

  I'll get going this evening: I will shortly

  write down the problems, build up my

  belief, prepare my soul the death;

  expect to hear more from me by midnight.

  BERTRAM

  May I be bold to acquaint his grace you are gone about it?

  May I tell his grace that you're doing it?

  PAROLLES

  I know not what the success will be, my lord; but

  the attempt I vow.

  I don't know how successful I will be, my lord; but

  I promise I shall try.

  BERTRAM

  I know thou'rt valiant; and, to the possibility of

  thy soldiership, will subscribe for thee. Farewell.

  I know that you're brave; and I will speak of you

  with faith in your soldiership. Farewell.

  PAROLLES

  I love not many words.

  Exit

  I'm not a man who likes to use many words.

  Second Lord

  No more than a fish loves water. Is not this a

  strange fellow, my lord, that so confidently seems

  to undertake this business, which he knows is not to

  be done; damns himself to do and dares better be

  damned than to do't?

  No more so than a fish likes water. Isn't this

  a strange fellow, my lord, who seems so confident

  that he can pull off this business, when he knows

  it can't be done; he says may he be damned if he doesn’t.

  do it, but he’d rather be damned than do it?

  First Lord

  You do not know him, my lord, as we do: certain it

  is that he will steal himself into a man's favour and

  for a week escape a great deal of discoveries; but

  when you find him out, you have him ever after.

  You do not know him, my lord, as we do: he can definitely

  get himself into a man's favor and for a week

  he can avoid being found out; but

  when you do find out about him you'll always know him after that.

  BERTRAM

  Why, do you think he will make no deed at all of

  this that so seriously he does address himself unto?

  What, do you think he won't even try to do

  this thing he's made such a show of promising?

  Second Lord

  None in the world; but return with an invention and

  clap upon you two or three probable lies: but we

  have almost embossed him; you shall see his fall

  to-night; for indeed he is not for your lordship's respect.

  There's not a chance in the world; he'll come back with a story

  and give you two or three believable lies: but we

  have almost trapped him; you shall see his fall

  tonight; for he certainly is not worthy of your lordship's trust.

  First Lord

  We'll make you some sport with the fox ere we case

  him. He was first smoked by the old lord Lafeu:

  when his disguise and he is parted, tell me what a

  sprat you shall find him; which you shall see this

  very night.

  We'll have some fun with the fox before we cage

  him. He was first found out by the old lord Lafeu:

  when his disguise is stripped off, you can tell me

  how contemptible you find him; you shall see this

  tonight.

  Second Lord

  I must go look my twigs: he shall be caught.

  I must go and set up my traps: we shall catch him.

  BERTRAM

  Your brother he shall go along with me.

  Your brother will come along with me.

  Second Lord

  As't please your lordship: I'll leave you.

  As your lordship wishes: I'll leave you.

  Exit

  BERTRAM

  Now will I lead you to the house, and show you

  The lass I spoke of.

  Now I will take you to the house, and show you

  that girl I spoke of.

  First Lord

  But you say she's honest.

  But you say she's honest.

  BERTRAM

  That's all the fault: I spoke with her but once

  And found her wondrous cold; but I sent to her,

  By this same coxcomb that we have i' the wind,

  Tokens and letters which she did re-send;

  And this is all I have done. She's a fair creature:

  Will you go see her?

  That's the problem: I only spoke to her once

  and found her very cold; but I sent her,

  via this same fop that we have on our line,

  presents and letters which she sent back;

  this is all I have done. She's a lovely creature:

  will you go and see her?

  First Lord

  With all my heart, my lord.

  I certainly shall, my lord.

  Exeunt

  Enter HELENA and Widow

  HELENA

  If you misdoubt me that I am not she,

  I know not how I shall assure you further,

  But I shall lose the grounds I work upon.

  If you doubt that I am her,

  I don't know what else I can tell you,

  and it will spoil my plans.

  Widow

  Though my estate be fallen, I was well born,

  Nothing acquainted with these businesses;

  And would not put my reputation now

  In any staining act.

  Although I am now humble, I was nobly born,

  and don't know anything about this sort of thing;

  and I would not risk my reputation now

  by getting involved with anything dubious.

  HELENA

  Nor would I wish you.

  First, give me trust, the count he is my husband,

  And what to your sworn counsel I have spoken

  Is so from word to word; and then you cannot,

  By the good aid that I of you shall borrow,

  Err in bestowing it.

  And I wouldn't want you to.

  Firstly, you must believe me, the count is my husband,


  and the things I have told you under oath

  are true from start to finish; if you believe me

  then you will not be mistaken

  in giving me your help.

  Widow

  I should believe you:

  For you have show'd me that which well approves

  You're great in fortune.

  I should believe you:

  you have shown me proof that

  you have a great fortune.

  HELENA

  Take this purse of gold,

  And let me buy your friendly help thus far,

  Which I will over-pay and pay again

  When I have found it. The count he wooes your daughter,

  Lays down his wanton siege before her beauty,

  Resolved to carry her: let her in fine consent,

  As we'll direct her how 'tis best to bear it.

  Now his important blood will nought deny

  That she'll demand: a ring the county wears,

  That downward hath succeeded in his house

  From son to son, some four or five descents

  Since the first father wore it: this ring he holds

  In most rich choice; yet in his idle fire,

  To buy his will, it would not seem too dear,

  Howe'er repented after.

  Take this purse of gold,

  as a down payment for your help so far,

  and I will double it, treble it,

  when you help me more. The count is wooing your daughter,

  he is laying a lustful siege to her beauty,

  he's determined to have her: let her pretend to give in

  in the way that we direct her is best.

  Now his hot blood will not deny her

  anything she asks: there is a ring he wears

  that has been handed down in his family from father to son,

  for four or five generations since the first one had it:

  it is very precious to him; but in his heat

  he will not think it is too much to get what he wants

  however much he regrets it afterwards.

  Widow

  Now I see

  The bottom of your purpose.

  Now I see

  what you're planning.

  HELENA

  You see it lawful, then: it is no more,

  But that your daughter, ere she seems as won,

  Desires this ring; appoints him an encounter;

  In fine, delivers me to fill the time,

  Herself most chastely absent: after this,

  To marry her, I'll add three thousand crowns

  To what is passed already.

  You see it is lawful, then: all I want

  is for your daughter, pretending she has given in,

  to ask for this ring; she should arrange a meeting with him,

  at which I will take her place,

  she will be chastely absent: after this,

  I'll add three thousand crowns to her dowry

  to go with what I've already paid.

  Widow

  I have yielded:

  Instruct my daughter how she shall persever,

  That time and place with this deceit so lawful

  May prove coherent. Every night he comes

  With musics of all sorts and songs composed

  To her unworthiness: it nothing steads us

  To chide him from our eaves; for he persists

  As if his life lay on't.

  I agree:

  tell my daughter how to behave,

  so that this lawful deception

  looks genuine. He comes here every night

  with all sorts of musicians and songs written

  to try and persuade her: it doesn't do any good

  to berate him from our windows; he carries on

  as if his life depended on it.

  HELENA

  Why then to-night

  Let us assay our plot; which, if it speed,

  Is wicked meaning in a lawful deed

  And lawful meaning in a lawful act,

  Where both not sin, and yet a sinful fact:

  But let's about it.

  Exeunt

  Why then, tonight

  let us try our plot; if it works

  it means the lawful deed will be wickedly done

  a lawful act will have lawful meaning,

  neither of us will be sinning, yet the fact will be sinful:

  but let's get on with it.

  Enter Second French Lord, with five or six other Soldiers in ambush

  Second Lord

  He can come no other way but by this hedge-corner.

  When you sally upon him, speak what terrible

  language you will: though you understand it not

  yourselves, no matter; for we must not seem to

  understand him, unless some one among us whom we

  must produce for an interpreter.

  He can only come round this corner of the hedge.

  When you ambush him, speak whatever nonsense

  you want: it doesn't matter if you don't

  understand it; the important thing is that we look like

  we don't understand him, unless we produce

  someone as an interpreter.

  First Soldier

  Good captain, let me be the interpreter.

  Good captain, let me be the interpreter.

  Second Lord

  Art not acquainted with him? knows he not thy voice?

  You don't know him? He doesn't know your voice?

  First Soldier

  No, sir, I warrant you.

  I promise you he doesn't, sir.

  Second Lord

  But what linsey-woolsey hast thou to speak to us again?

  But what gibberish will you use when you speak to us?

  First Soldier

  E'en such as you speak to me.

  The same as you speak to me.

  Second Lord

  He must think us some band of strangers i' the

  adversary's entertainment. Now he hath a smack of

  all neighbouring languages; therefore we must every

  one be a man of his own fancy, not to know what we

  speak one to another; so we seem to know, is to

  know straight our purpose: choughs' language,

  gabble enough, and good enough. As for you,

  interpreter, you must seem very politic. But couch,

  ho! here he comes, to beguile two hours in a sleep,

  and then to return and swear the lies he forges.

  He must believe that we are a group of foreigners

  in the pay of the enemy. Now, he has a smattering

  of the languages around here; and so we must all

  make up our own language, not knowing

  what we are saying to each other; all that matters is

  that we look as if we understand: the twittering of birds,

  gabbling nonsense, will be good enough. As for you,

  interpreter, you mustseem very wise. But hush,

  look! He comes, planning to get a couple of hours' sleep,

  and then go back and swear to the lies he makes up.

  Enter PAROLLES

  PAROLLES

  Ten o'clock: within these three hours 'twill be

  time enough to go home. What shall I say I have

  done? It must be a very plausive invention that

  carries it: they begin to smoke me; and disgraces

  have of late knocked too often at my door. I find

  my tongue is too foolhardy; but my heart hath the

  fear of Mars before it and of his creatures, not

  daring the reports of my tongue.

  Ten o'clock: if I stop about three hours then it will be

  time to go home. What shall I say I have

  done? It must be a very plausible invention to

  carry it off: they're beginning to suspect me; and recently

  I've been involved i
n too many close shaves. I find

  that I speak too much; but my heart is afraid

  of war and everything to do with it, not of

  what my tongue might say.

  Second Lord

  This is the first truth that e'er thine own tongue

  was guilty of.

  This is the first time your tongue ever told the truth.

  PAROLLES

  What the devil should move me to undertake the

  recovery of this drum, being not ignorant of the

  impossibility, and knowing I had no such purpose? I

  must give myself some hurts, and say I got them in

  exploit: yet slight ones will not carry it; they

  will say, 'Came you off with so little?' and great

  ones I dare not give. Wherefore, what's the

  instance? Tongue, I must put you into a

  butter-woman's mouth and buy myself another of

  Bajazet's mule, if you prattle me into these perils.

  Why on earth did I say that I would

  get this drum back, knowing that it was

  impossible, and knowing I had no intention of doing so?

  I must give myself some wounds, and say I got them

  in the adventure: but small ones won't do; they

  will say, ‘how did you get away with that?’ and

  I'm not going to give myself large ones. So, what

  evidence will I have? Tongue, I must give you to

  a gossip and buy myself another from

  from Balaam's ass, if you keep talking me into such danger.

  Second Lord

  Is it possible he should know what he is, and be

  that he is?