The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  A thing stuck on with oaths upon your finger

  And so riveted with faith unto your flesh.

  I gave my love a ring and made him swear

  Never to part with it; and here he stands;

  I dare be sworn for him he would not leave it

  Nor pluck it from his finger, for the wealth

  That the world masters. Now, in faith, Gratiano,

  You give your wife too unkind a cause of grief:

  An 'twere to me, I should be mad at it.

  I will speak plainly: you were wrong.

  To so easily give away your wife’s first gift—

  A thing stuck onto your finger with vows,

  and fastened with faith to your flesh.

  I gave my lover a ring and made him swear

  Never to part with it. Here he stands,

  And will be so bold to say he would not lose it

  Or take it from his finger for all the wealth

  In the world. So, to be sure, Gratiano,

  You give your wife reason to grieve,

  and if it were me, I’d be angry, too.

  BASSANIO

  [Aside] Why, I were best to cut my left hand off

  And swear I lost the ring defending it.

  [Aside] It would be best if I could cut my left hand off

  And swear I lost the ring defending it.

  GRATIANO

  My Lord Bassanio gave his ring away

  Unto the judge that begg'd it and indeed

  Deserved it too; and then the boy, his clerk,

  That took some pains in writing, he begg'd mine;

  And neither man nor master would take aught

  But the two rings.

  Bassanio gave his ring away, as well,

  To the judge that asked for it and did, to be certain,

  Deserved it. Then the boy, his clerk,

  Who took so much trouble in the writings—he wanted my ring,

  And neither man would take anything

  But the two rings.

  PORTIA

  What ring gave you my lord?

  Not that, I hope, which you received of me.

  Which ring did you give, my lord?

  I hope it’s not the one I gave to you.

  BASSANIO

  If I could add a lie unto a fault,

  I would deny it; but you see my finger

  Hath not the ring upon it; it is gone.

  If I could lie very well,

  I would deny it. But you can see my finger

  Does not have a ring on it. It is gone.

  PORTIA

  Even so void is your false heart of truth.

  By heaven, I will ne'er come in your bed

  Until I see the ring.

  Your heart is empty of truth.

  By heaven, I will never come into your bed

  Until I see that ring.

  NERISSA

  Nor I in yours

  Till I again see mine.

  I won’t come into yours, either,

  Until I see my ring again.

  BASSANIO

  Sweet Portia,

  If you did know to whom I gave the ring,

  If you did know for whom I gave the ring

  And would conceive for what I gave the ring

  And how unwillingly I left the ring,

  When nought would be accepted but the ring,

  You would abate the strength of your displeasure.

  Sweet Portia,

  If you knew who I gave the ring to,

  And if you knew who I gave the ring for,

  And if you could guess how unwillingly I gave the ring,

  When nothing but the ring would be accepted,

  You would not be so unhappy with me.

  PORTIA

  If you had known the virtue of the ring,

  Or half her worthiness that gave the ring,

  Or your own honour to contain the ring,

  You would not then have parted with the ring.

  What man is there so much unreasonable,

  If you had pleased to have defended it

  With any terms of zeal, wanted the modesty

  To urge the thing held as a ceremony?

  Nerissa teaches me what to believe:

  I'll die for't but some woman had the ring.

  If you had realized the true value of the ring,

  Or half the worthiness of the one who gave you the ring,

  Or your honor in keeping the ring—

  You would not have parted with the ring.

  What man is so unreasonable.

  That if you had tried to defend the ring

  With any passionate feeling, lacked the restraint

  To stop pushing the issue?

  Nerissa shows me what to belive:

  I’ll die before some other woman had the ring.

  BASSANIO

  No, by my honour, madam, by my soul,

  No woman had it, but a civil doctor,

  Which did refuse three thousand ducats of me

  And begg'd the ring; the which I did deny him

  And suffer'd him to go displeased away;

  Even he that did uphold the very life

  Of my dear friend. What should I say, sweet lady?

  I was enforced to send it after him;

  I was beset with shame and courtesy;

  My honour would not let ingratitude

  So much besmear it. Pardon me, good lady;

  For, by these blessed candles of the night,

  Had you been there, I think you would have begg'd

  The ring of me to give the worthy doctor.

  No, trust me, madam, by my soul—

  I didn’t give it to a woman but to a doctor of law

  Who refused to take three thousand ducats from me

  But begged for the ring, which I denied him

  And I felt bad about it seeing him go away unhappy.

  He had defended the very life

  Of my dear friend. What can I say, sweet lady?

  I was compelled to send it to him.

  I was full of shame and in need of good manners.

  I could not dishonor him by not showing him gratitude—

  It would have made me feel bad. Forgive me, good lady.

  I swear, by these blessed candles that light the night,

  If you had been there, I think you would have begged me

  To give him the ring.

  PORTIA

  Let not that doctor e'er come near my house:

  Since he hath got the jewel that I loved,

  And that which you did swear to keep for me,

  I will become as liberal as you;

  I'll not deny him any thing I have,

  No, not my body nor my husband's bed:

  Know him I shall, I am well sure of it:

  Lie not a night from home; watch me like Argus:

  If you do not, if I be left alone,

  Now, by mine honour, which is yet mine own,

  I'll have that doctor for my bedfellow.

  Don’t let that legal expert come near my house.

  Since he has the jewel I loved,

  And which you did swear to keep for me,

  I will become as generous as you,

  And I will not deny him anything.

  No, not my body or my husband’s bed.

  I wil recognize him—I am sure of it.

  So, don’t spend a night away from home. Watch me like Argus.

  If you don’t I will be left alone

  and—by my word, which is still not mine—

  I will have that legal expert as my lover.

  NERISSA

  And I his clerk; therefore be well advised

  How you do leave me to mine own protection.

  And I will have his clerk. So be advised

  About leaving me to my own devices.

  GRATIANO

  Well, do you so; let not me take him, then;

  For if I do, I'll mar the young clerk's pen.

 
Well if you do so, I’d better not catch him, then.

  If I do, I will damage the young clerk’s pen.

  ANTONIO

  I am the unhappy subject of these quarrels.

  I am the reason for these arguments.

  PORTIA

  Sir, grieve not you; you are welcome notwithstanding.

  Sir, don’t worry—you are welcome despite all.

  BASSANIO

  Portia, forgive me this enforced wrong;

  And, in the hearing of these many friends,

  I swear to thee, even by thine own fair eyes,

  Wherein I see myself—

  Portia, forgive me this error I had to make.

  And, within hearing of all of these friends,

  I swear to you, by your beautiful eyes

  In which I see myself—

  PORTIA

  Mark you but that!

  In both my eyes he doubly sees himself;

  In each eye, one: swear by your double self,

  And there's an oath of credit.

  Make sure you hear that!

  In both my eyes he twice sees himself.

  In each eye, one, and so he’s swearing by a double self.

  Well, that’s a vow you can believe, isn’t it?

  BASSANIO

  Nay, but hear me:

  Pardon this fault, and by my soul I swear

  I never more will break an oath with thee.

  No, listen to me—

  Forgive me this time and I swear by my soul

  That I will never again break a vow to you.

  ANTONIO

  I once did lend my body for his wealth;

  Which, but for him that had your husband's ring,

  Had quite miscarried: I dare be bound again,

  My soul upon the forfeit, that your lord

  Will never more break faith advisedly.

  I once lent my body for his wealth,

  Which –without him who has your husband’s ring—

  I would have lost. I’ll risk being promised again,

  And will give my soul upon forfeit, to guarantee that your lord,

  Will not break a vow with awareness.

  PORTIA

  Then you shall be his surety. Give him this

  And bid him keep it better than the other.

  Then you will be his guaranteer. Give him this

  And tell him to keep it better than the other.

  ANTONIO

  Here, Lord Bassanio; swear to keep this ring.

  Here, Lord Bassanio—swear to keep this ring.

  BASSANIO

  By heaven, it is the same I gave the doctor!

  Good lord, it is the same one I gave the legal expert!

  PORTIA

  I had it of him: pardon me, Bassanio;

  For, by this ring, the doctor lay with me.

  I got it from him. Forgive me, Bassanio,

  But I slept with the legal expert for this ring.

  NERISSA

  And pardon me, my gentle Gratiano;

  For that same scrubbed boy, the doctor's clerk,

  In lieu of this last night did lie with me.

  And forgive me, my gentle Gratiano—

  The same stubby boy, the clerk,

  Gave me this last night to sleep with him.

  GRATIANO

  Why, this is like the mending of highways

  In summer, where the ways are fair enough:

  What, are we cuckolds ere we have deserved it?

  This is just like fixing roads

  In the summer when they are good enough.

  What, we get cheated on before we even deserve it?

  PORTIA

  Speak not so grossly. You are all amazed:

  Here is a letter; read it at your leisure;

  It comes from Padua, from Bellario:

  There you shall find that Portia was the doctor,

  Nerissa there her clerk: Lorenzo here

  Shall witness I set forth as soon as you

  And even but now return'd; I have not yet

  Enter'd my house. Antonio, you are welcome;

  And I have better news in store for you

  Than you expect: unseal this letter soon;

  There you shall find three of your argosies

  Are richly come to harbour suddenly:

  You shall not know by what strange accident

  I chanced on this letter.

  Don’t speak so blatently. You are all dumbfounded.

  Here is a letter: read it slowly.

  It comes from Padua, from Bellario.

  In it you will find that Portia was the legal expert,

  and Nerissa was her clerk. Lorenzo

  Will testify that I left the house as soon as you

  And just now returned. I haven’t even

  Entered the house yet. Antonio, you are welcome here,

  And I have better news for you

  Than you will expect. Open your letter soon

  And you will find that three of your ships

  Have come into harbor, full of riches.

  I can not say by what strange chance

  I came upon this letter.

  ANTONIO

  I am dumb.

  I have no idea what to say.

  BASSANIO

  Were you the doctor and I knew you not?

  You were the legal expert and I didn’t know it?

  GRATIANO

  Were you the clerk that is to make me cuckold?

  You were the clerk that is to cheat on me with my wife?

  NERISSA

  Ay, but the clerk that never means to do it,

  Unless he live until he be a man.

  Yes, but the clerk will never be able to do it

  Unless he grows to be a man.

  BASSANIO

  Sweet doctor, you shall be my bed-fellow:

  When I am absent, then lie with my wife.

  Sweet expert, you will be my bed-fellow.

  When I am away, you can sleep with my wife.

  ANTONIO

  Sweet lady, you have given me life and living;

  For here I read for certain that my ships

  Are safely come to road.

  Sweet lady, you have given me life and a reason to live,

  For here I read for certain that my ships,

  Are coming home saftely.

  PORTIA

  How now, Lorenzo!

  My clerk hath some good comforts too for you.

  Well, Lorenzo!

  My clerk has some comfort to offer to you, too.

  NERISSA

  Ay, and I'll give them him without a fee.

  There do I give to you and Jessica,

  From the rich Jew, a special deed of gift,

  After his death, of all he dies possess'd of.

  Yes, and I will give them with no interest.

  Here, I give to you and Jessica

  A special deed of gift from the rich Jew

  Which leaves you all he owns after he dies.

  LORENZO

  Fair ladies, you drop manna in the way

  Of starved people.

  Beautiful ladies, you drop bread from heaven

  to starving people.

  PORTIA

  It is almost morning,

  And yet I am sure you are not satisfied

  Of these events at full. Let us go in;

  And charge us there upon inter'gatories,

  And we will answer all things faithfully.

  It is almost morning,

  But I sure you are not yet satisfied

  With all of these events. Let’s go inside,

  And there you can ask us questions

  And we will answer all things truthfully.

  GRATIANO

  Let it be so: the first inter'gatory

  That my Nerissa shall be sworn on is,

  Whether till the next night she had rather stay,

  Or go to bed now, being two hours to day:

  But were the day come, I should w
ish it dark,

  That I were couching with the doctor's clerk.

  Well, while I live I'll fear no other thing

  So sore as keeping safe Nerissa's ring.

  Let’s do that. My first question

  For Nerissa to be sworn to answer is

  Whether she would rather wait until tomorrow night

  Or go to bed now, with only two hours left until morning.

  If the day were to come, I would wish it was still dark,

  And that I were sleeping with the expert’s clerk.

  Well, as long as I live I’ll fear nothing else

  As much as I will fear keeping Nerissa’s ring safe.

  Exeunt

  SIR JOHN FALSTAFF FENTON, a young gentleman

  SHALLOW, a country justice

  SLENDER, cousin to Shallow

  FORD, Gentleman dwelling at Windsor

  PAGE, Gentleman dwelling at Windsor

  WILLIAM PAGE, a boy, son to Page

  SIR HUGH EVANS, a Welsh parson

  DOCTOR CAIUS, a French physician

  HOST of the Garter Inn

  BARDOLPH, PISTOL, NYM, Followers of Falstaff

  ROBIN, page to Falstaff

  SIMPLE, servant to Slender

  RUGBY, servant to Doctor Caius

  MISTRESS FORD MISTRESS PAGE MISTRESS ANNE PAGE, her daughter, in love with Fenton

  MISTRESS QUICKLY, servant to Doctor Caius

  SERVANTS to Page, Ford, &c.

  Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS

  SHALLOW

  Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-

  chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John

  Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.

  Sir Hugh, do not try and persuade me; I will make a high

  court case of it: if he were twenty Sir John

  Falstaffs, I would not allow him to abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.