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The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

Page 292

by William Shakespeare


  SLENDER

  In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and

  'Coram.'

  In the county of Gloucester, justice of the peace and

  member of the bench.

  SHALLOW

  Ay, cousin Slender, and 'Custalourum.

  That's right, cousin Slender, and record keeper.

  SLENDER

  Ay, and 'Rato-lorum' too; and a gentleman born,

  master parson; who writes himself 'Armigero,' in any

  bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, 'Armigero.'

  Yes, and "decor reaper" as well; and a gentleman by birth,

  a distinguished parson; who signs himself “Squire" on any

  bill, warrant, release or contract, “Esq."

  SHALLOW

  Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three

  hundred years.

  Yes, I do; and I have done for donkey's years.

  SLENDER

  All his successors gone before him hath done't; and

  all his ancestors that come after him may: they may

  give the dozen white luces in their coat.

  All his predecessors have done it; and

  all those who come after him may: they can

  have a dozen white pikes on their coat of arms.

  SHALLOW

  It is an old coat.

  It is an old coat.

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  The dozen white louses do become an old coat well;

  it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to

  man, and signifies love.

  The dozen white lice do suit an old coat;

  they look very good, walking; men know them

  very well, and it shows you've been in love.

  SHALLOW

  The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.

  The pike is a freshwater fish; saltfish are old cod.

  SLENDER

  I may quarter, coz.

  I may incorporate another coat of arms in mine, cousin.

  SHALLOW

  You may, by marrying.

  You can, if you marry.

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

  It would indeed be marring it, to incorporate another.

  SHALLOW

  Not a whit.

  Not in the slightest.

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat,

  there is but three skirts for yourself, in my

  simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir

  John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto

  you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my

  benevolence to make atonements and compremises

  between you.

  Yes, by our Lady; if someone has a quarter of your coat,

  that only leaves three skirts for yourself, in my

  simple arithmetic: but anyway. If Sir

  John Falstaff has insulted you at all,

  I am a churchman, and will be glad to be

  a peacemaker to effect reconciliations and compromises

  between you.

  SHALLOW

  The council shall hear it; it is a riot.

  The court shall hear of it; he's started a riot.

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no

  fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall

  desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a

  riot; take your vizaments in that.

  It's not right for the court to hear a riot; there is no

  fear of God in a riot: the council, understand, will

  want to hear about the fear of God, and not a riot;

  take that into consideration.

  SHALLOW

  Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword

  should end it.

  Ha! I swear, if I were young again, we would settle it

  with swords.

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:

  and there is also another device in my prain, which

  peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there

  is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas

  Page, which is pretty virginity.

  It is better to be settled with swords, and finish it:

  I'm also thinking about something else,

  which might result in some good things: there

  is Anne Page, who is the daughter of Master Thomas

  Page, a pretty innocent.

  SLENDER

  Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks

  small like a woman.

  Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks

  high like a woman.

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as

  you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,

  and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his

  death's-bed--Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!

  --give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years

  old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles

  and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master

  Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

  That's exactly the person I'm talking about, as good

  as you could wish; and her grandfather (may he be

  saved by God!) on his deathbed left her

  seven hundred pounds in gold and silver,

  which she will get when she is seventeen years

  old: it would be a good idea to lay off our quibbles

  and quarrels, and set up a marriage between Master

  Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

  SLENDER

  Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?

  Did her grandfather leave her seven hundred pounds?

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.

  Yes, and her father will make her richer still.

  SLENDER

  I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.

  I know the young gentlewoman; she has good qualities.

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.

  Seven hundred pounds with more to come are good qualities.

  SHALLOW

  Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?

  Well, let us go and see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do

  despise one that is false, or as I despise one that

  is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I

  beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will

  peat the door for Master Page.

  Knocks

  What, hoa! Got pless your house here!

  Should I lie to you? I hate liars the same as I

  hate people who are false, or as I hate people that

  are untruthful. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I

  beg you, be guided by those who wish you well. I will

  knock for Master Page.

  Hello there! God bless your house!

  PAGE

  [Within] Who's there?

  Enter PAGE

  Who's there?

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice

  Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that

  peradventures shall tell you another tale, if

  matters grow to your likings.

  God's blessing, and your friend, and Justice

  Shallow; and here is young Master Slender, who

  could maybe tell you a proverb, if

  things proceed to your liking.

  PAGE

  I am glad to see your worships well.

  I thank you for
my venison, Master Shallow.

  I'm glad to see your worships are well.

  Thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.

  SHALLOW

  Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it

  your good heart! I wished your venison better; it

  was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?--and I

  thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.

  Master Page, I'm glad to see you: I hope it does

  your good heart good! I wish your venison had been better; it

  was badly killed. How is the good Mistress Page?–And I

  always thank you with my heart, la! With my heart.

  PAGE

  Sir, I thank you.

  Sir, I thank you.

  SHALLOW

  Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.

  Sir, I thank you; by golly I do.

  PAGE

  I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.

  I'm glad to see you, good Master Slender.

  SLENDER

  How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he

  was outrun on Cotsall.

  How's your pale brown greyhound, sir? I heard rumours he

  was beaten at the Cotswold races.

  PAGE

  It could not be judged, sir.

  It was too close to call, sir.

  SLENDER

  You'll not confess, you'll not confess.

  You won't admit it, you won't admit it.

  SHALLOW

  That he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis your fault;

  'tis a good dog.

  He will not. It's your fault, it's your fault;

  it's a good dog.

  PAGE

  A cur, sir.

  A mutt, sir.

  SHALLOW

  Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be

  more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John

  Falstaff here?

  Sir, he's a good dog, and a good-looking dog: what more

  can be said? He is good and good-looking. Is Sir John Falstaff here?

  PAGE

  Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good

  office between you.

  Sir, he is inside; I should like to do you both

  a favour.

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.

  Spoken like a Christian.

  SHALLOW

  He hath wronged me, Master Page.

  He has done me wrong, Master Page.

  PAGE

  Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.

  Sir, he has kind of admitted it.

  SHALLOW

  If it be confessed, it is not redress'd: is not that

  so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he

  hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert

  Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.

  He might have admitted it, but he has not made amends: isn't that the case

  Master Page? He has wronged me; he definitely

  has, definitely, he has, believe me: Robert

  Shallow, esquire, says he has been wronged.

  PAGE

  Here comes Sir John.

  Enter FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL

  Here comes Sir John.

  FALSTAFF

  Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the king?

  Now, Master Shallow, you're going to complain about me to the King?

  SHALLOW

  Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and

  broke open my lodge.

  Sir, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and

  broken into my lodge.

  FALSTAFF

  But not kissed your keeper's daughter?

  But I didn't kiss your gamekeeper's daughter?

  SHALLOW

  Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.

  That has nothing to do with it! You shall answer these charges.

  FALSTAFF

  I will answer it straight; I have done all this.

  That is now answered.

  I will answer them right now; I've done all these things.

  There, I have answered.

  SHALLOW

  The council shall know this.

  The court shall hear of this.

  FALSTAFF

  'Twere better for you if it were known in counsel:

  you'll be laughed at.

  It would be best for you if it was heard in private:

  they'll laugh at you.

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.

  A few words, Sir John; good words.

  FALSTAFF

  Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your

  head: what matter have you against me?

  Good words! Good cabbage. Slender, I bashed you

  on the head: what complaints have you got against me?

  SLENDER

  Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you;

  and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,

  Nym, and Pistol.

  Well, sir, I have the complaint about my head;

  and also about your cheating rascals, Bardolph,

  Nym, and Pistol.

  BARDOLPH

  You Banbury cheese!

  You skinny rascal!

  SLENDER

  Ay, it is no matter.

  Well, it doesn't matter.

  PISTOL

  How now, Mephostophilus!

  What's this, you devil!

  SLENDER

  Ay, it is no matter.

  Well, it doesn't matter.

  NYM

  Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! that's my humour.

  Chop him up, I say! Chop chop chop! That's what I fancy.

  SLENDER

  Where's Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?

  Where's my servant, Simple? Can you tell me, cousin?

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is

  three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that

  is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is

  myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is,

  lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.

  Quiet, please. Now let us consider this. There are

  three umpires in this matter, as I understand it; those are,

  Master Page, namely Master Page; and there is

  myself, namely myself; and third person is,

  lastly and finally, the landlord of the Garter.

  PAGE

  We three, to hear it and end it between them.

  Three of us, to hear the case and put an end to the quarrel.

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-

  book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with

  as great discreetly as we can.

  Very good: I will make note of it in my notebook;

  afterwards we will consider the case with

  as much discretion as we can.

  FALSTAFF

  Pistol!

  Pistol!

  PISTOL

  He hears with ears.

  He listens with his ears.

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, 'He

  hears with ear'? why, it is affectations.

  The devil and worse! What does this mean, “he

  listens with his ears"? Why, it's an affectation.

  FALSTAFF

  Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?

  Pistol, did you pinch Master Slender's purse?

  SLENDER

  Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might

  never come in mine own great chamber again else, of

  seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward

  shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two

  pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.
<
br />   Yes, by these gloves he did, if he didn't may I

  never enter my own bedroom again; there were

  seven groatsworth of silver sixpences, and two Edward

  the Sixth shillings that cost me two shillings and tuppence

  each from Ned Miller, by these gloves.

  FALSTAFF

  Is this true, Pistol?

  Is this true, Pistol?

  SIR HUGH EVANS

  No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.

  No; if a pocket has been picked, it is false.

  PISTOL

  Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine,

  I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.

  Word of denial in thy labras here!

  Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!

  Ha, you Welshman! Sir John and my master,

  I reject the challenge of this tin sword.

 

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