The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 293
Deny it with your lips!
Deny it: froth and scum, you are lying!
SLENDER [pointing at Nym]
By these gloves, then, 'twas he.
Then I swear, it was him.
NYM
Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say
'marry trap' with you, if you run the nuthook's
humour on me; that is the very note of it.
Be careful, sir, and mind how you go: if you
try and play the policeman with me, you might
fall into your own trap; that's the long and short of it.
SLENDER
By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for
though I cannot remember what I did when you made me
drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
Well I swear by my hat, then, that the one with the red face took it;
although I can't remember everything I did when you made me
drunk, I'm not a complete ass.
FALSTAFF
What say you, Scarlet and John?
What have you got to say, Scarlet and John?
BARDOLPH
Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk
himself out of his five sentences.
Why, sir, I would say that the gentleman was drunk
out of his five sentences.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!
The phrase is “his five senses": my goodness, how ignorant!
BARDOLPH
And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and
so conclusions passed the careires.
And being drunk, Sir, was, as they say, fined; and
so things got out of hand.
SLENDER
Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no
matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again,
but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick:
if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have
the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.
Yes, you spoke in Latin then as well; but it doesn't
matter: I'll never be drunk again as long as I live,
except in honest, civil, pious company, due to this trick:
if I get drunk, I'll get drunk with those who have
the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.
SIR HUGH EVANS
So Got 'urge me, that is a virtuous mind.
As God is my witness, that is a virtuous thought.
FALSTAFF
You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.
Enter ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE, following
You have heard all these allegations denied, gentlemen; you have heard it.
PAGE
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within.
Exit ANNE PAGE
No, daughter, take the wine inside; we will drink it in there.
SLENDER
O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.
Good heavens! This is Mistress Anne Page.
PAGE
How now, Mistress Ford!
Hello there, Mistress Ford!
FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met:
by your leave, good mistress.
Kisses her
Mistress Ford, upon my word, it's good to see you:
with your permission, good mistress.
PAGE
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a
hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope
we shall drink down all unkindness.
Exeunt all except SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS
Wife, welcome these gentlemen. Come on, we have
a hot venison pie for dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope
we can swallow our differences over a drink.
SLENDER
I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of
Songs and Sonnets here.
Enter SIMPLE
How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait
on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles
about you, have you?
I would rather have my book of songs and sonnets here
than have forty shillings.
Hello there, Simple! Where have you been? I have to
serve myself, do I? You haven't got the book of riddles
with you, have you?
SIMPLE
Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice
Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight
afore Michaelmas?
The book of riddles! Why, didn't you lend it to Alice
Shortcake at last Halloween, a fortnight
before Michaelmas?
SHALLOW
Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with
you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a
tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh
here. Do you understand me?
Come on, cousin; come on, cousin; we are waiting for you. A word
with you, cousin; in fact, this, cousin: there is, as it were,
a plan, a kind of plan, hatched by Sir Hugh
here. Do you understand me?
SLENDER
Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so,
I shall do that that is reason.
Yes, sir, you will find me understanding; if I am
I shall do what is understandable.
SHALLOW
Nay, but understand me.
No, you must understand me.
SLENDER
So I do, sir.
I do, sir.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will
description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.
Listen to what he says, Master Slender: I will
explain the matter to you, if you can understand it.
SLENDER
Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray
you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his
country, simple though I stand here.
No, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I beg you
excuse me; he's a justice of the peace in his
neck of the woods, as true as I'm standing here.
SIR HUGH EVANS
But that is not the question: the question is
concerning your marriage.
But that's not what we're talking about: the subject is
your marriage.
SHALLOW
Ay, there's the point, sir.
Yes, that's the thing, sir.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.
Indeed, it is; absolutely the subject; to Mistress Anne Page.
SLENDER
Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any
reasonable demands.
Well, if that's the case, I will marry her under any
reasonable conditions.
SIR HUGH EVANS
But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to
know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers
philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the
mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your
good will to the maid?
But can you capture the woman's affections? We want to
hear the sort of thing that will come from your mouth or your lips;
for many scientists say that the lips are part of the mouth.
So, tell us exactly, can you convince the girl
that you love her?
SHALLOW
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
SLENDER
I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that
would do reaso
n.
I hope, sir, I will do it in the manner of someone
doing the right thing.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must speak
possitable, if you can carry her your desires
towards her.
No, God's lords and his ladies! You must speak
positively, if you are going to convince her
of your desire.
SHALLOW
That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?
That's right. Will you, if you get a good dowry, marry her?
SLENDER
I will do a greater thing than that, upon your
request, cousin, in any reason.
I will do bigger things that, if you ask me,
cousin, for any reason.
SHALLOW
Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do
is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?
No, understand me, understand me, sweet cousin: what I'm doing
is for your pleasure, cousin. Can you love the girl?
SLENDER
I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there
be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may
decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are
married and have more occasion to know one another;
I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt:
but if you say, 'Marry her,' I will marry her; that
I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.
I will marry her, sir, if you ask me: but if there
is no great love at the beginning, then heaven may
make it even less as we get better acquainted, when we are
married and have more chances to see each other;
I hope that familiarity will breed contempt:
but if you say, “marry her," I will marry her;
I've made my mind up to that, dissolutely.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in
the ort 'dissolutely:' the ort is, according to our
meaning, 'resolutely:' his meaning is good.
That is a very good answer; except there's a mistake in
the word “dissolutely”: the word you want is
“resolutely”: but his meaning is good.
SHALLOW
Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
Yes, I think my cousin meant well.
SLENDER
Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!
Yes I did, or otherwise may I be hanged, ha!
SHALLOW
Here comes fair Mistress Anne.
Re-enter ANNE PAGE
Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!
Here comes lovely Mistress Anne.
You make me wish I was young, Mistress Anne!
ANNE PAGE
The dinner is on the table; my father desires your
worships' company.
Dinner is on the table; my father asks for
your worships to join him.
SHALLOW
I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.
I will be there, lovely Mistress Anne.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.
Exeunt SHALLOW and SIR HUGH EVANS
God be praised! I won't miss the grace.
ANNE PAGE
Will't please your worship to come in, sir?
Would you like to come in now, sir?
SLENDER
No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.
No, indeed, many thanks; I'm fine.
ANNE PAGE
The dinner attends you, sir.
Dinner is waiting for you, sir.
SLENDER
I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go,
sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my
cousin Shallow.
Exit SIMPLE
A justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his
friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy
yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? Yet I
live like a poor gentleman born.
I'm not hungry, thank you, indeed. Go,
sir, although you are my servant, go and wait on
my cousin Shallow.
A justice of the peace might sometimes lend his
friend a servant. I just employ three men and a boy
now, until my mother is dead: what about it? But I
live as though I was born poor.
ANNE PAGE
I may not go in without your worship: they will not
sit till you come.
I can't go back without your worship: they will not
begin until you come.
SLENDER
I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as
though I did.
I swear, I'll eat nothing: but I thank you
just the same.
ANNE PAGE
I pray you, sir, walk in.
Please sir, come in.
SLENDER
I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised
my shin th' other day with playing at sword and
dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a
dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot
abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your
dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town?
I'd rather stay out here, thank you. I bruised
my shin the other day in a sword and
dagger fight with a fencing master; we had three
bouts for a bet for a dish of stewed prunes, and I swear
I haven't been able to stand the smell of cooked meats since. Why are your
dogs barking like that? Are there bears in town?
ANNE PAGE
I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.
I think there are, sir; I heard people talking about them.
SLENDER
I love the sport well but I shall as soon quarrel at
it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see
the bear loose, are you not?
I love bear bating but I will have a quarrel at
it as quickly as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see
the bear on the loose, aren't you?
ANNE PAGE
Ay, indeed, sir.
Yes, indeed, sir.
SLENDER
That's meat and drink to me, now. I have seen
Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by
the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so
cried and shrieked at it, that it passed: but women,
indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favored
rough things.
Re-enter PAGE
Now that means nothing to me. I have seen
the bear Sackerson loose twenty times, and have grabbed
his chain; but, I promise you, the women screamed
and cried at it so much, it was amazing: but women
certainly can't stand them; they are very ugly
rough things.
PAGE
Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you.
Come in, gentle Master Slender, come in; we are waiting for you.
SLENDER
I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir, I don't want anything to eat.
PAGE
By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come, come.
By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! Come on, come on.
SLENDER
Nay, pray you, lead the way.
No, please, you lead the way.
PAGE
Come on, sir.
Come on, sir.
SLENDER
Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.
Mistress Anne, after you.
ANNE PAGE
Not I, sir; pray you, keep on.
Not me, sir; please, you go ahead.
SLENDER
I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome.
You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!
Exeunt
I'd rather be rude then cause trouble.
You are putting yourself down, really, ha ha!
Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE
SIR HUGH EVANS
Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house which
is the way: and there dwells one Mistress Quickly,
which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry
nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and
his wringer.
Go about your business, and ask the way to Doctor Caius'
house: someone called Mistress Quickly lives there,
she is his nurse, or his dry nurse,
or his cook, or his laundry woman, his dishwasher, and
his clothes dryer.