The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

Mislead night-wanderers, laughing at their harm?

  Isn’t it you who makes wanderers lost and laughs at them?

  Those that Hobgoblin call you and sweet Puck,

  Some call you Hobgoblin or Puck,

  You do their work, and they shall have good luck:

  And whoever does gets your help, and you give them good luck.

  Are not you he?

  Isn’t that you?

  PUCK

  Thou speak'st aright;

  You are correct,

  I am that merry wanderer of the night.

  I am that happy traveler of the night.

  I jest to Oberon and make him smile

  I make jokes for King Oberon and make him smile –

  When I a fat and bean-fed horse beguile,

  Sometimes by tricking a calm, domestic horse

  Neighing in likeness of a filly foal:

  By neighing and tricking him that I am a young filly –

  And sometime lurk I in a gossip's bowl,

  And sometimes I hide in an old woman’s bowl of ale

  In very likeness of a roasted crab,

  Looking like a roasted crabapple

  And when she drinks, against her lips I bob

  And when she drinks, I bob up to her lips

  And on her wither'd dewlap pour the ale.

  Making her spill the drink all over her wrinkled neck.

  The wisest aunt, telling the saddest tale,

  A wise aunt telling a sad story

  Sometime for three-foot stool mistaketh me;

  Sometimes mistakes me for a three-foot high stool

  Then slip I from her bum, down topples she,

  And then when she sits, I slip from her rear and she falls,

  And 'tailor' cries, and falls into a cough;

  Crying out in pain and coughing –

  And then the whole quire hold their hips and laugh,

  Then everyone laughs, holding their sides,

  And waxen in their mirth and neeze and swear

  And have fun, and sneeze and swear:

  A merrier hour was never wasted there.

  A more joyful time was never had.

  But, room, fairy! here comes Oberon.

  But make way, fairy! Oberon is coming.

  FAIRY

  And here my mistress. Would that he were gone!

  And here is Queen Titania! I wish he were gone!

  Enter, from one side, OBERON, with his train; from the other, TITANIA, with hers

  OBERON

  Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania.

  It makes me feel ill to see you, Titania.

  TITANIA

  What, jealous Oberon! Fairies, skip hence:

  Are you jealous, Oberon? Fairies, come along:

  I have forsworn his bed and company.

  I have promised not to sleep with him or speak to him.

  OBERON

  Tarry, rash wanton: am not I thy lord?

  Stay, impulsive witch: aren’t I your King, and husband?

  TITANIA

  Then I must be thy lady: but I know

  Then I must be your Queen and wife, but I know

  When thou hast stolen away from fairy land,

  That you snuck away from fairy-land

  And in the shape of Corin sat all day,

  And changed your shape to that of a shepherd, spending all day

  Playing on pipes of corn and versing love

  Playing music and reciting love poetry

  To amorous Phillida. Why art thou here,

  To your fling, Phillida. And why did you come here,

  Come from the farthest Steppe of India?

  So far from our land in India?

  But that, forsooth, the bouncing Amazon,

  I know why: that swaggering Amazon

  Your buskin'd mistress and your warrior love,

  who was your animal skin wearing, warrior of a mistress and love,

  To Theseus must be wedded, and you come

  Is marrying Theseus, and you have come

  To give their bed joy and prosperity.

  To celebrate and bless their union.

  OBERON

  How canst thou thus for shame, Titania,

  How can you speak so shamelessly, Titania,

  Glance at my credit with Hippolyta,

  And attack my thoughts of Hippolyta,

  Knowing I know thy love to Theseus?

  When you know that I know of your love for Theseus?

  Didst thou not lead him through the glimmering night

  Didn’t you lead him through the night away from

  From Perigenia, whom he ravished?

  Perigenia, whom he raped?

  And make him with fair AEgle break his faith,

  And didn’t you make him cheat on Aegle

  With Ariadne and Antiopa?

  With both Ariadne and Antiopa?

  TITANIA

  These are the forgeries of jealousy:

  You are making this up from your jealousy.

  And never, since the middle summer's spring,

  Never, since the beginning of midsummer,

  Met we on hill, in dale, forest or mead,

  Can I meet with the fairies, not on a hill or in the valley, or the forest,

  By paved fountain or by rushy brook,

  Not by a fountain or by a stream

  Or in the beached margent of the sea,

  Or on the beach next to the sea.

  To dance our ringlets to the whistling wind,

  We aren’t able to dance and shake our hair in the wind

  But with thy brawls thou hast disturb'd our sport.

  Without you interrupting us to argue and fight.

  Therefore the winds, piping to us in vain,

  So, the winds, making noise in vain,

  As in revenge, have suck'd up from the sea

  Have taken their revenge by lifting up from the sea

  Contagious fogs; which falling in the land

  Great clouds that rain all over the land,

  Have every pelting river made so proud

  Pelting the river until each one is puffed up, like they are proud,

  That they have overborne their continents:

  Spilling over their banks and flooding.

  The ox hath therefore stretch'd his yoke in vain,

  The ox in the fields can’t pull the yoke through the wet mud,

  The ploughman lost his sweat, and the green corn

  The farmer can do nothing, and the young corn

  Hath rotted ere his youth attain'd a beard;

  Has rotted before it grew out its yellow tassel marking its ripeness.

  The fold stands empty in the drowned field,

  The sheep pens are empty in the flooded fields,

  And crows are fatted with the murrion flock;

  And crows are fat from eating the sheep who died from disease.

  The nine men's morris is fill'd up with mud,

  Places where people could play games like “nine men’s morris” are now muddy,

  And the quaint mazes in the wanton green

  And mazes cut into fields of weeds

  For lack of tread are undistinguishable:

  Have collapsed from the water and are unusable.

  The human mortals want their winter here;

  Since it is not winter for the humans,

  No night is now with hymn or carol blest:

  They have not blessed the night with their songs to protect them,

  Therefore the moon, the governess of floods,

  And so the moon, who controls the water,

  Pale in her anger, washes all the air,

  Can put water into the air in her anger

  That rheumatic diseases do abound:

  Which causes sicknesses to arise.

  And thorough this distemperature we see

  And since the temperatures are off for the time of year,

  The seasons alter: hoary-headed frosts

  The se
asons are changing: frosts

  Far in the fresh lap of the crimson rose,

  Are appearing on the blooming rose

  And on old Hiems' thin and icy crown

  And on Winter’s crown of ice,

  An odorous chaplet of sweet summer buds

  A row of sweet smelling flowers, like prayer beads,

  Is, as in mockery, set: the spring, the summer,

  hangs like a joke. Spring, summer,

  The childing autumn, angry winter, change

  fertile autumn, and cold, angry winter, have exchanged

  Their wonted liveries, and the mazed world,

  their places, and now the confused world

  By their increase, now knows not which is which:

  doesn’t know which season it is in.

  And this same progeny of evils comes

  This list of evils and poor effects all come

  From our debate, from our dissension;

  For our arguments and disagreement:

  We are their parents and original.

  We are the causes.

  OBERON

  Do you amend it then; it lies in you:

  Then fix it: you are the one at fault.

  Why should Titania cross her Oberon?

  Why are you being mean to me?

  I do but beg a little changeling boy,

  All I want is a little orphan boy

  To be my henchman.

  To be my servant.

  TITANIA

  Set your heart at rest:

  Let it go:

  The fairy land buys not the child of me.

  You cannot buy the child from me for all of fairy-land.

  His mother was a votaress of my order:

  His mother worshipped me as part of my order,

  And, in the spiced Indian air, by night,

  And at night, in the perfumed Indian air,

  Full often hath she gossip'd by my side,

  She gossiped with me at my side,

  And sat with me on Neptune's yellow sands,

  And sat with me on the yellow sands of the beach,

  Marking the embarked traders on the flood,

  Watching the traders in their ships out at sea,

  When we have laugh'd to see the sails conceive

  And laughing to watch the sails grow,

  And grow big-bellied with the wanton wind;

  Like a pregnant woman’s belly, with the wind.

  Which she, with pretty and with swimming gait

  She, beautiful and graceful,

  Following,--her womb then rich with my young squire,--

  And already pregnant with the boy you want,

  Would imitate, and sail upon the land,

  Would imitate the ships and pretend to sail on the land,

  To fetch me trifles, and return again,

  Fetching me little gifts and returning

  As from a voyage, rich with merchandise.

  Like she had been on a voyage and came back with treasures.

  But she, being mortal, of that boy did die;

  But she was mortal, and she died giving birth to the boy

  And for her sake do I rear up her boy,

  Whom now I raise for her sake,

  And for her sake I will not part with him.

  And for her sake I will not give him to you.

  OBERON

  How long within this wood intend you stay?

  How long are you staying in this forest?

  TITANIA

  Perchance till after Theseus' wedding-day.

  Probably until after Theseus’ wedding.

  If you will patiently dance in our round

  If you can dance with us nicely

  And see our moonlight revels, go with us;

  And partake in our parties beneath the moon, then come with us,

  If not, shun me, and I will spare your haunts.

  And if not, leave me alone and I will leave you alone.

  OBERON

  Give me that boy, and I will go with thee.

  Give me the boy and I will go with you.

  TITANIA

  Not for thy fairy kingdom. Fairies, away!

  Not for the entire kingdom. Fairies, come!

  We shall chide downright, if I longer stay.

  We will fight openly if I longer stay.

  Exit TITANIA with her train

  OBERON

  Well, go thy way: thou shalt not from this grove

  Fine, go your way. You won’t leave here

  Till I torment thee for this injury.

  Until I get my revenge for this.

  My gentle Puck, come hither. Thou rememberest

  Puck, come here. Do you remember

  Since once I sat upon a promontory,

  when I sat on a cliff

  And heard a mermaid on a dolphin's back

  And heard a mermaid riding on a dolphin,

  Uttering such dulcet and harmonious breath

  Singing such a sweet melody

  That the rude sea grew civil at her song

  That it made the stormy sea become calm

  And certain stars shot madly from their spheres,

  And the stars twinkled brighter

  To hear the sea-maid's music.

  just to hear her song?

  PUCK

  I remember.

  OBERON

  That very time I saw, but thou couldst not,

  Also then, I saw something you couldn’t:

  Flying between the cold moon and the earth,

  Flying high in the sky, between the moon and earth,

  Cupid all arm'd: a certain aim he took

  Was Cupid, armed iwth his bow. He took aim

  At a fair vestal throned by the west,

  At a vestal virgin, a worshipper sitting on a throne in the west

  And loosed his love-shaft smartly from his bow,

  And shot an enchanted arrow from his bow strongly,

  As it should pierce a hundred thousand hearts;

  As if he was trying to shoot it through a hundred thousand hearts at once.

  But I might see young Cupid's fiery shaft

  But I saw this enflamed arrow of Cupid’s

  Quench'd in the chaste beams of the watery moon,

  Put out by the virginal beams of the moon

  And the imperial votaress passed on,

  And so the young royal worshipper walked on

  In maiden meditation, fancy-free.

  Meditating beautifully, and spared from the arrow.

  Yet mark'd I where the bolt of Cupid fell:

  But, I saw where the arrow fell:

  It fell upon a little western flower,

  It struck a little wester flower

  Before milk-white, now purple with love's wound,

  That had been milk white, but after turned purple where the arrow hit it.

  And maidens call it love-in-idleness.

  Maidens refer to it as “love-in-idleness.”

  Fetch me that flower; the herb I shew'd thee once:

  Bring me that flower, the one I once showed you.

  The juice of it on sleeping eye-lids laid

  If its juice is put on the eyelids of someone asleep,

  Will make or man or woman madly dote

  It will make any man, woman, or creature fall in love

  Upon the next live creature that it sees.

  With the next living creature it sees.

  Fetch me this herb; and be thou here again

  Bring me this flower and return

  Ere the leviathan can swim a league.

  Before the great sea monster can swim a league.

  PUCK

  I'll put a girdle round about the earth

  I can circle the earth

  In forty minutes.

  In forty minutes.

  Exit

  OBERON

  Having once this juice,

  Once I have this flower and its potion,

  I'll watch Titania when she is a
sleep,

  I will go to Titania when she is asleep

  And drop the liquor of it in her eyes.

  And place a drop of it in her eyes.

  The next thing then she waking looks upon,

  When she wakes, the next thing she sees,

  Be it on lion, bear, or wolf, or bull,

  Whether it is a lion, bear, wolf, bull

  On meddling monkey, or on busy ape,

  A bothersome monkey, or an ape,

  She shall pursue it with the soul of love:

  She will fall in love with it and pursue it.

  And ere I take this charm from off her sight,

  Then, before I remove this potion –

  As I can take it with another herb,

  Since I can do that with another flower –

  I'll make her render up her page to me.

  I will force her to give me the orphan boy.

  But who comes here? I am invisible;

  Who is coming now? Since I am invisible

  And I will overhear their conference.

  I will overhear their conversation.

  Enter DEMETRIUS, HELENA, following him

  DEMETRIUS

  I love thee not, therefore pursue me not.

  I don’t love you, now stop following me.

  Where is Lysander and fair Hermia?

  Where are Lysander and beautiful Hermia?

  The one I'll slay, the other slayeth me.

  I will kill Lysander, while Hermia has me head over heels for her.

  Thou told'st me they were stolen unto this wood;

  You told me they had snuck off into this forest,

  And here am I, and wode within this wood,

  And here I am, going crazy in a forest,

  Because I cannot meet my Hermia.

  All because I can’t meet Hermia.

  Hence, get thee gone, and follow me no more.

  Now go away and stop following me.

  HELENA

  You draw me, you hard-hearted adamant;

  You attract me like a cruel magnet,

  But yet you draw not iron, for my heart

  One that must not attract iron because my heart

  Is true as steel: leave you your power to draw,

  Is pure, like steel. Stop pulling me to you

  And I shall have no power to follow you.

  And I will not be forced to follow you.

  DEMETRIUS

  Do I entice you? do I speak you fair?

  Do I flirt with you? Do I speak kindly to you?

  Or, rather, do I not in plainest truth

  Or instead, am I honest with you

  Tell you, I do not, nor I cannot love you?