The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 321
has not heard, his ear has not
seen, man's hand is not able to taste, his tongue
seen, his hand cannot taste, and his tongue
to conceive, nor his heart to report, what my dream
cannot touch, nor his heart explain, what my dream
was. I will get Peter Quince to write a ballad of
was. I will ask Peter Quince to write a ballad song
this dream: it shall be called Bottom's Dream,
about my dream and will call it “Bottom’s Dream,”
because it hath no bottom; and I will sing it in the
because it doesn’t have a bottom, and I will sing it
latter end of a play, before the duke:
at the end of the play, in front of the duke.
peradventure, to make it the more gracious, I shall
In fact, to make it even more lovely, I will
sing it at her death.
sing it when Thisby dies.
Exit
Athens. QUINCE'S house.
Enter QUINCE, FLUTE, SNOUT, and STARVELING
QUINCE
Have you sent to Bottom's house ? is he come home yet?
Have you been to Bottom’s house? Is he home yet?
STARVELING
He cannot be heard of. Out of doubt he is
No one has heard anything. I’m certain he has been
transported.
taken.
FLUTE
If he come not, then the play is marred: it goes
If he does not come, then the play is ruined – it
not forward, doth it?
can’t go forward, right?
QUINCE
It is not possible: you have not a man in all
It’s impossible – no one in all
Athens able to discharge Pyramus but he.
of Athens can play Pyramus convincingly except for Bottom.
FLUTE
No, he hath simply the best wit of any handicraft
I agree – he is the smartest of all handymen
man in Athens.
in Athens.
QUINCE
Yea and the best person too; and he is a very
Yes, and the best looking man, as well. And he is a very
paramour for a sweet voice.
paramour for a sweet voice.
FLUTE
You must say 'paragon:' a paramour is, God bless us,
You mean “paragon,” a paramour is
a thing of naught.
something bad.
Enter SNUG
SNUG
Masters, the duke is coming from the temple, and
Everyone, the duke is leaving the temple, and
there is two or three lords and ladies more married:
two or three more men and women were married.
if our sport had gone forward, we had all been made
If we could have performed our play, we would have been rich
men.
men.
FLUTE
O sweet bully Bottom! Thus hath he lost sixpence a
Oh that Bottom! He has not lost getting paid sixpence
day during his life; he could not have 'scaped
every day of his life, I’m sure he would have been forced to take
sixpence a day: an the duke had not given him
sixpence a day, and if the duke would not have given him
sixpence a day for playing Pyramus, I'll be hanged;
sixpence a day for his performance of Pyramus, I would have hung myself.
he would have deserved it: sixpence a day in
Bottom would have deserved sixpence a day
Pyramus, or nothing.
to play Pyramus, or it’s nothing.
Enter BOTTOM
BOTTOM
Where are these lads? where are these hearts?
Where are you boys, where are you friends?
QUINCE
Bottom! O most courageous day! O most happy hour!
Bottom! Oh great timing, what a wonderful day!
BOTTOM
Masters, I am to discourse wonders: but ask me not
Friends, I have many odd things to tell you, but do not
what; for if I tell you, I am no true Athenian. I
ask me what they are. If I tell you, I am not an Athenian, and so I won’t.
will tell you every thing, right as it fell out.
Or I will tell you everything, just as it happened.
QUINCE
Let us hear, sweet Bottom.
Please tell us, Bottom.
BOTTOM
Not a word of me. All that I will tell you is, that
I will not tell you a single word except that
the duke hath dined. Get your apparel together,
the duke has eaten. Get your costumes together,
good strings to your beards, new ribbons to your
tie the beards on with good strings, and put new ribbons
pumps; meet presently at the palace; every man look
on your shows. We must go immediately to the palace. Everyone
o'er his part; for the short and the long is, our
look over your lines because, basically, the duke
play is preferred. In any case, let Thisby have
wants to hear our play. Anyway, give Thisby the
clean linen; and let not him that plays the lion
clean clothes and do not clip the nails of him who plays
pair his nails, for they shall hang out for the
the lion, for they should look like
lion's claws. And, most dear actors, eat no onions
lion claws. Oh, and actors: do not eat onions
nor garlic, for we are to utter sweet breath; and I
or garlic, because our breath should smell good. I
do not doubt but to hear them say, it is a sweet
am sure they will all say that ours is a pleasant and sweet
comedy. No more words: away! go, away!
comedy. I have nothing else to say, now go, get ready!
Exeunt
Athens. The palace of THESEUS.
Enter THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, PHILOSTRATE, Lords and Attendants
HIPPOLYTA
'Tis strange my Theseus, that these
It’s a strange story, Theseus, that these
lovers speak of.
lovers tell.
THESEUS
More strange than true: I never may believe
More strange than it is true, I think. I will never believe
These antique fables, nor these fairy toys.
These old tales or fairy stories.
Lovers and madmen have such seething brains,
Both lovers and madmen are able to
Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend
Hallucinate and see such things, things
More than cool reason ever comprehends.
That cool, collected reason would never see.
The lunatic, the lover and the poet
The crazy person, lover, and poet
Are of imagination all compact:
Share heightened imaginations:
One sees more devils than vast hell can hold,
One sees demons everywhere, more than are even in hell,
That is, the madman: the lover, all as frantic,
And that is the crazy person. The lover, just as crazy,
Sees Helen's beauty in a brow of Egypt:
Sees unimaginable beauty, like that of ancient Helen, in an Egyptian’s face.
The poet's eye, in fine frenzy rolling,
And the poet, in a frenzy,
Doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven;
Looks from heaven to earth, and from earth to heaven,
And as imagination bodies forth
And just as imagination creates in one’s mind
The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen
The form of things that do not exist
, the poet by writing
Turns them to shapes and gives to airy nothing
Describes their shapes and gives a name
A local habitation and a name.
And a place things that are really nothing.
Such tricks hath strong imagination,
These people have such strong imaginations
That if it would but apprehend some joy,
That if they think of some joy they want,
It comprehends some bringer of that joy;
They then believe that that joy has arrived.
Or in the night, imagining some fear,
Or, at nighttime, they might imagine something scary
How easy is a bush supposed a bear!
And believe that the bush is a bear!
HIPPOLYTA
But all the story of the night told over,
But the story these lovers are telling of the night,
And all their minds transfigured so together,
And how they all say the same things,
More witnesseth than fancy's images
Seems to point to more than just imagined images
And grows to something of great constancy;
And becomes something very consistent –
But, howsoever, strange and admirable.
But whatever the truth, it is a story both strange and interesting.
THESEUS
Here come the lovers, full of joy and mirth.
Here come the lovers, happy and joyful.
Enter LYSANDER, DEMETRIUS, HERMIA, and HELENA
Joy, gentle friends! joy and fresh days of love
Joy to you, my friends! I wish joy and days full of love
Accompany your hearts!
for your hearts!
LYSANDER
More than to us
We wish you more joy, which
Wait in your royal walks, your board, your bed!
Will be with you in your royal walks, your dinner table, and your bed!
THESEUS
Come now; what masques, what dances shall we have,
Now what dances and performances will we have
To wear away this long age of three hours
In order to fill the three hours
Between our after-supper and bed-time?
Between our dinner and our bedtime?
Where is our usual manager of mirth?
Where is the one who manages the entertainment?
What revels are in hand? Is there no play,
What fun is in store for us? Isn’t there a play
To ease the anguish of a torturing hour?
To fill this torturous boredom?
Call Philostrate.
Call Philostrate to me.
PHILOSTRATE
Here, mighty Theseus.
I am here, mighty Theseus.
THESEUS
Say, what abridgement have you for this evening?
Tell me, what entertainment did you plan for the evening?
What masque? what music? How shall we beguile
What play or music? How will we pass
The lazy time, if not with some delight?
This lazy time if now with something fun?
PHILOSTRATE
There is a brief how many sports are ripe:
Here is a list of what entertainment is available:
Make choice of which your highness will see first.
Choice whichever your highness would like first.
Giving a paper
THESEUS
[Reads] 'The battle with the Centaurs, to be sung
“The battle between Hercules and the Centaurs, sung
By an Athenian eunuch to the harp.'
By an Athenian eunuch while playing the harp.”
We'll none of that: that have I told my love,
Not that one: I told that story to Hippolyta
In glory of my kinsman Hercules.
To praise my friend Hercules.
Reads
'The riot of the tipsy Bacchanals,
“The riots of the drunken Bacchanals
Tearing the Thracian singer in their rage.'
Who rip apart the singer from Thrace, Orpheus, in their rage.”
That is an old device; and it was play'd
This is an old tale: I saw it
When I from Thebes came last a conqueror.
When I came from Thebes as a conqueror.
Reads
'The thrice three Muses mourning for the death
“Nine Muses mourning for the death
Of Learning, late deceased in beggary.'
Of Learning and Knowledge, deceased after being poor.”
That is some satire, keen and critical,
This seems to be a satire, very analytical,
Not sorting with a nuptial ceremony.
And not matching the mood of a wedding ceremony.
Reads
'A tedious brief scene of young Pyramus
A tedious brief scene of young Pyramus
And his love Thisbe; very tragical mirth.'
And his love Thisbe; very sad happiness.”
Merry and tragical! tedious and brief!
Happy and sad! Tedious, but still brief!
That is, hot ice and wondrous strange snow.
That’s like hot ice, and strange snow.
How shall we find the concord of this discord?
What is the harmony to this disharmony? How do these things fit together?
PHILOSTRATE
A play there is, my lord, some ten words long,
Yes, that is a play, my lord, of about ten words long,
Which is as brief as I have known a play;
As brief as any play I have ever known.
But by ten words, my lord, it is too long,
But these ten words are ten too many,
Which makes it tedious; for in all the play
Which makes the play tedious. In the whole play,
There is not one word apt, one player fitted:
Not a single word is the right one, nor one actor adept.
And tragical, my noble lord, it is;
Tragic and sad, my lord, it certainly is,
For Pyramus therein doth kill himself.
For Pyramus kills himself in the play.
Which, when I saw rehearsed, I must confess,
This event, when I saw it rehearsed, I must be honest,
Made mine eyes water; but more merry tears
Made me cry – but happier tears
The passion of loud laughter never shed.
Has my loud laughter never cried like these.
THESEUS
What are they that do play it?
Who are the actors?
PHILOSTRATE
Hard-handed men that work in Athens here,
Common workers and handymen in Athens,
Which never labour'd in their minds till now,
Who never tried working their minds until now,
And now have toil'd their unbreathed memories
And now have overworked their minds
With this same play, against your nuptial.
With this play for your wedding.
THESEUS
And we will hear it.
Then we will hear it.
PHILOSTRATE
No, my noble lord;
No, my noble lord,
It is not for you: I have heard it over,
This is not the play for you. I have heard it
And it is nothing, nothing in the world;
And it is worth nothing, nothing at all,
Unless you can find sport in their intents,
Unless you would enjoy watching their attempts to perform,
Extremely stretch'd and conn'd with cruel pain,
Their bad acting and the memorization that must have cost them much pain,
To do you service.
And then it might suit you.
THESEUS
I will hear tha
t play;
That is the play I want,
For never anything can be amiss,
Since nothing can be wrong
When simpleness and duty tender it.
When simple people try and work hard in something.
Go, bring them in: and take your places, ladies.
Bring them in front of us. Ladies, take your seats.
Exit PHILOSTRATE
HIPPOLYTA
I love not to see wretchedness o'er charged
I do not like to see poor people asked to go above their capabilities
And duty in his service perishing.
And fail in their attempts to do something right.
THESEUS
Why, gentle sweet, you shall see no such thing.
Why, my dear, you will not see such a thing.
HIPPOLYTA
He says they can do nothing in this kind.
Philostrate says they cannot act or perform well at all.
THESEUS
The kinder we, to give them thanks for nothing.
Then we are kind to thank them for giving us nothing.
Our sport shall be to take what they mistake:
It will be fun to accept their mistakes,
And what poor duty cannot do, noble respect
And anyway, noble people should judge what duty and hard work cannot accomplish
Takes it in might, not merit.
By its attempts, not by its artistic merit.
Where I have come, great clerks have purposed
I have traveled to places where brilliant thinkers have tried
To greet me with premeditated welcomes;
To greet me with planned out and memorized speeches,
Where I have seen them shiver and look pale,
And time after time I watched them get nervous and become pale,
Make periods in the midst of sentences,
Stutter and stop in the middle of their sentences,
Throttle their practised accent in their fears
Mess up their formal tones from being afraid,
And in conclusion dumbly have broke off,
And finally end their speeches prematurely,
Not paying me a welcome. Trust me, sweet,
In the end not even welcoming me. Trust me,