The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 334
And every lovely portion of her life
Shall come apparell'd in more precious habit,
Shall be dressed in more precious clothing,
More moving-delicate, and full of life
Into the eye and prospect of his soul,
Into his mind’s eye,
Than when she liv'd indeed: then shall he mourn,--
Than when she was actually alive: then he shall mourn, --
If ever love had interest in his liver,--
If love ever filled his body, --
And wish he had not so accused her,
And he will wish he had not accused her like that,
No, though be thought his accusation true.
No, even if it is thought that his accusation was true.
Let this be so, and doubt not but success
Let this be what happens, and do not doubt that success
Will fashion the event in better shape
Will mold the event in a better shape
Than I can lay it down in likelihood.
Than I can predict.
But if all aim but this be levell'd false,
But if everything but this turns out to be untrue,
The supposition of the lady's death
The supposed lady’s death
Will quench the wonder of her infamy:
Will quiet the gossip about her:
And if it sort not well, you may conceal her,
And if it does not work out, you may hide her
-- As best befits her wounded reputation,--
-- As is most suitable to her wounded reputation, --
In some reclusive and religious life,
In some nunnery or similar religious life,
Out of all eyes, tongues, minds, and injuries.
Away from all eyes, tongues, minds, and injuries.
BENEDICK
Signior Leonato, let the friar advise you:
Sir Leonato, let the friar advise you:
And though you know my inwardness and love
And though you know my affections
Is very much unto the prince and Claudio,
Mostly lie with the prince and Claudio,
Yet, by mine honour, I will deal in this
Yet, by my honor, I will deal with this
As secretly and justly as your soul
As secretly and fairly as your soul
Should with your body.
LEONATO
Being that I flow in grief,
Since I am drowning in grief,
The smallest twine may lead me.
I will grasp at the smallest rope.
FRIAR
'Tis well consented: presently away;
It is agreed: now let us go away,
For to strange sores strangely they strain the cure.
For strange wounds must be strangely healed.
Come, lady, die to live: this wedding day
Perhaps is but prolong'd: have patience and endure.
Is perhaps only delayed: have patience and endure.
[Exeunt FRIAR, HERO, and LEONATO.]
BENEDICK
Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while?
Lady Beatrice, have you been crying all this time?
BEATRICE
Yea, and I will weep a while longer.
Yes, and I will cry a little longer.
BENEDICK
I will not desire that.
I don’t want that.
BEATRICE
You have no reason; I do it freely.
BENEDICK
Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged.
Surely I do believe your beautiful cousin has been wronged.
BEATRICE
Ah! how much might the man deserve of me that would right her.
Ah! How much the man would deserve of me that would right her.
BENEDICK
Is there any way to show such friendship?
BEATRICE
A very even way, but no such friend.
A very good way, but I have no such friend.
BENEDICK
May a man do it?
BEATRICE
It is a man's office, but not yours.
It is a man’s job, but not yours.
BENEDICK
I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?
I do love nothing in the world as much as I love you: isn’t that strange?
BEATRICE
As strange as the thing I know not. It were as possible for me to say I loved nothing so well as you; but believe me not, and yet I lie not; I confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for my cousin.
As strange as the thing I do not know. It would be as possible for me to say I loved nothing as much as you; but do not believe me, and yet I do not lie; I confess nothing, and I deny nothing. I am sorry for my cousin.
BENEDICK
By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.
By my sword, Beatrice, you love me.
BEATRICE
Do not swear by it, and eat it.
BENEDICK
I will swear by it that you love me; and I will make him eat it that says I love not you.
BEATRICE
Will you not eat your word?
BENEDICK
With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest I love thee.
With no sauce that can be made for it. I protest that I love you.
BEATRICE
Why then, God forgive me!
BENEDICK
What offence, sweet Beatrice?
BEATRICE
You have stayed me in a happy hour: I was about to protest I loved you.
You have stopped me in a happy time: I was about to protest I loved you.
BENEDICK
And do it with all thy heart.
And do it with all your heart.
BEATRICE
I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.
BENEDICK
Come, bid me do anything for thee.
Come, tell me to do anything for you.
BEATRICE
Kill Claudio.
BENEDICK
Ha! not for the wide world.
Ha! Not for the whole world.
BEATRICE
You kill me to deny it. Farewell.
BENEDICK
Tarry, sweet Beatrice.
Stay, sweet Beatrice.
BEATRICE
I am gone, though I am here: there is no love in you: nay, I pray you, let me go.
I am gone, though I am here: there is no love in you: no, please, let me go.
BENEDICK
Beatrice,--
BEATRICE
In faith, I will go.
BENEDICK
We'll be friends first.
BEATRICE
You dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy.
You dare be friends more easily with me than fight with my enemy.
BENEDICK
Is Claudio thine enemy?
Is Claudio your enemy?
BEATRICE
Is he not approved in the height a villain, that hath slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman? O! that I were a man. What! bear her in hand until they come to take hands, and then, with public accusation, uncovered slander, unmitigated rancour,--O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart in the market-place.
Has he not been proved a villain, that has slandered, scorned, and dishonored my relative? Oh, I wish I were a man. What! Take her hand until they come to take hands, and then, with public accusation, speak false words, pure harshness, -- Oh God, if I were a man! I would eat his heart in the marketplace.
BENEDICK
Hear me, Beatrice,--
BEATRICE
Talk with a man out at a window! a proper saying!
BENEDICK
Nay, but Beatrice,--
BEATRICE
Sweet Hero! she is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone.
Beat---
BEATRICE
Princes and counties! Surely, a princely testimony, a goodly Count Comfect; a sweet gallant, surely! O! that I were a man for his sake, or that I had any friend would be a man for my sake! But manhood is melted into cursies, valour into compliment, and men are only turned into tongue, and trim ones too: he is now as valiant as Hercules, that only tells a lie and swears it. I cannot be a man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.
Princes and countries! Surely, a princely testimony, a goodly Count Virtuous; a sweet young man, surely! Oh, if I were a man for his sake, or that I had any friend who would be a man for my sake! But manhood is melted into curses, courage into compliment, and men are only turned into tongue, and thin ones too: he is now as brave as Hercules, that only tells a lie and swears it. I cannot be a man with wishing, so I will die a woman with grieving.
BENEDICK
Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee.
Stay, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love you.
BEATRICE
Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it.
BENEDICK
Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?
Are you certain that Count Claudio has wronged Hero?
BEATRICE
Yea, as sure is I have a thought or a soul.
Yes, as sure as I have a thought or a soul.
BENEDICK
Enough! I am engaged, I will challenge him. I will kiss your hand, and so leave you. By this hand, Claudio shall render me a dear account. As you hear of me, so think of me. Go, comfort your cousin: I must say she is dead; and so, farewell.
Enough! I will challenge him to a duel. I will kiss your hand, and leave you. By this hand, Claudio will give me satisfaction. As you hear of me, so think of me. Go, comfort your cousin: I must say she is dead; and so, farewell.
[Exeunt.]
A Prison.
[Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and SEXTON, in gowns; and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO.]
DOGBERRY
Is our whole dissembly appeared?
Has our whole [he means to say ‘assembly’] appeared?
VERGES
O! a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
Oh! Bring a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
SEXTON
Which be the malefactors?
Who are the criminals?
DOGBERRY
Marry, that am I and my partner.
[He’s misunderstood.] Indeed, that’s me and my partner.
VERGES
Nay, that's certain: we have the exhibition to examine.
Indeed, that’s certain: we have the exhibition to examine.
SEXTON
But which are the offenders that are to be examined? let them come before Master constable.
DOGBERRY
Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name, friend?
Yes, indeed, let them come in front of me. What is your name, friend?
BORACHIO
Borachio.
DOGBERRY
Pray write down Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
Please write down Borachio. Yours, sir?
CONRADE
I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
I am a nobleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
DOGBERRY
Write down Master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do you serve God?
BOTH
Yea, sir, we hope.
Yes, sir, we hope.
DOGBERRY
Write down that they hope they serve God: and write God first; for God defend but God should go before such villains! Masters, it is proved already that you are little better than false knaves, and it will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer you for yourselves?
CONRADE
Marry, sir, we say we are none.
By Mary, sir, we say we are not criminals.
DOGBERRY
A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you; but I will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.
A marvelously witty fellow, I assure you; but I will go around with him. You come here, sir; a word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought you are criminals.
BORACHIO
Sir, I say to you we are none.
DOGBERRY
Well, stand aside. Fore God, they are both in a tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?
Well, stand aside. Before God, their stories match. Have you written down that they are not criminals?
SEXTON
Master constable, you go not the way to examine: you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.
Master constable, that’s not how you examine them: you must call for the the guards that are their accusers.
DOGBERRY
Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince's name, accuse these men.
Yes, by Mary, that’s the best way. Let the watch come forth. Gentlemen, I command you, in the prince’s name, accuse these men.
FIRST WATCH
This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince's brother, was a villain.
DOGBERRY
Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury, to call a prince's brother villain.
BORACHIO
Master Constable,--
DOGBERRY
Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look, I promise thee.
Quiet, fellow: I do not like your look, I promise you.
SEXTON
What heard you him say else?
What else did you hear him say?
SECOND WATCH
Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
By Mary, that he had received a thousand ducats from Don John for wrongfully accusing the Lady Hero.
DOGBERRY
Flat burglary as ever was committed.
VERGES
Yea, by the mass, that it is.
SEXTON
What else, fellow?
FIRST WATCH
And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.
And that Count Claudio did mean, as he said, to disgrace Hero in front of the whole crowd, and not marry her.
DOGBERRY
O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for this.
Oh villain! You will be condemned into everlasting [he means ‘damnation’] for this.
SEXTON
What else?
SECOND WATCH
This is all.
SEXTON
And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away: Hero was in this manner accused, in this manner refused, and, upon the grief of this, suddenly died. Master Constable, let these men be bound, and brought to Leonato's: I will go before and show him their examination.
And this is more, gentlemen, than you can deny. Prince John has secretly run away this morning: Hero was accused in this manner, refused in this manner, and, full of grief from this, suddenly died. Master Constable, let these men be tied, and brought to Leonato’s: I will go ahead and show him their examination.
[Exit.]
DOGBERRY
Come, let them be opinioned.
Come, let them be [he means ‘pinioned’, as in gripped]
VERGES
Let them be in the hands--
CONRADE
Off, coxcomb!
Get off me!
DOGBERRY
God's my life! where's the sexton? let him write down the prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them. Thou naughty varlet!
God’s my life! Where’s the sexton? Let him write down the insult. Come, tie them. You naughty scoundrel!
CONRADE
Away! you are an ass; you are an ass.
D
OGBERRY
Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! but, masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness. I am a wise fellow; and, which is more, an officer; and, which is more, a householder; and, which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any in Messina; and one that knows the law, go to; and a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath had losses; and one that hath two gowns, and everything handsome about him. Bring him away. O that I had been writ down an ass!
Do you not suspect my position? Do you not suspect my years? Oh, if he was here to write me down as an ass! But, gentlemen, remember that I am an ass; though it is not written down, yet do not forget that I am an ass. No, you villain, you are full of religious feeling, as it shall be proved of you by good witness. I am a wise fellow, and an officer, and I own property, and am quite handsome, and I know the law, and rich enough to have two sets of clothes. Bring him away. Oh, that I had been written down as an ass!
[Exeunt.]
Before LEONATO'S House.
[Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO.]
ANTONIO
If you go on thus, you will kill yourself
If you go on like this, you will kill yourself
And 'tis not wisdom thus to second grief
And it is not wise to give yourself a second grief
Against yourself.
LEONATO
I pray thee, cease thy counsel,
Please, stop giving me advice,
Which falls into mine ears as profitless
Which I hear as pointless
As water in a sieve: give not me counsel;
As water in a sieve: do not give me advice;
Nor let no comforter delight mine ear
And do not attempt to comfort me
But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine:
Unless you are someone whose wrongs are similar to mine”
Bring me a father that so lov'd his child,
Bring me a father that loved his child so much,
Whose joy of her is overwhelm'd like mine,
Whose joy in her is overwhelmed like mine,
And bid him speak to me of patience;
And tell him to speak to me of patience;
Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine,
Measure his sorrow against the dimensions of mine,
And let it answer every strain for strain,
As thus for thus and such a grief for such,
As this way for this way and such a grief for such,
In every lineament, branch, shape, and form:
In every way, shape, and form:
If such a one will smile, and stroke his beard;