The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 336
[Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO.]
DOGBERRY
Come you, sir: if justice cannot tame you, she shall ne'er weigh more reasons in her balance. Nay, an you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.
Come, sir: if justice cannot tame you, she shall never weigh any more reasons in her scales. Indeed, if you are a cursing hypocrite once, you must be dealt with.
DON PEDRO
How now! two of my brother's men bound! Borachio, one!
What’s going on? Two of my brother’s men tied! Borachio one of them!
CLAUDIO
Hearken after their offence, my lord.
Listen to what their offence is, my lord.
DON PEDRO
Officers, what offence have these men done?
DOGBERRY
Marry, sir, they have committed false report; moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily, they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust things; and to conclude, they are lying knaves.
By Mary, sir, they have lied; and in addition, they have spoken untruths; and also they have made false accusations; sixth and lastly, they have lied about a lady; thirdly, they have verified unfair things; and to conclude, they are lying criminals.
DON PEDRO
First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I ask thee what's their offence; sixth and lastly, why they are committed; and, to conclude, what you lay to their charge?
First, I ask you what they have done; thirdly, I ask you what is their offence, sixth and lastly, why are they in custody; and, to conclude, what do you charge them with?
CLAUDIO
Rightly reasoned, and in his own division; and, by my troth, there's one meaning well suited.
Correctly reasoned, and in his own system; and, by my truth, there’s one suitable meaning.
DON PEDRO
Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus bound to your answer? this learned constable is too cunning to be understood. What's your offence?
Who have you offended, gentlemen, that you are forced to answer in this way? This ‘learned’ constable is too cunning to be understood. What’s your offence?
BORACHIO
Sweet prince, let me go no further to mine answer: do you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms could not discover, these shallow fools have brought to light; who, in the night overheard me confessing to this man how Don John your brother incensed me to slander the Lady Hero; how you were brought into the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero's garments; how you disgraced her, when you should marry her. My villany they have upon record; which I had rather seal with my death than repeat over to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my master's false accusation; and, briefly, I desire nothing but the reward of a villain.
Sweet prince, I will answer right away: you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms could not discover, these shallow fools have brought to light; who, in the night overheard me confessing to this man how your brother Don John motivated me to falsely accuse the Lady Hero; how you were brought into the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero’s clothes; how you disgraced her when you were supposed to marry her. My villainy they have upon record; which I would rather seal with my death than repeat to my shame. The lady is dead because of my and my master’s false accusation; and, briefly, I want nothing but the punishment of a villain.
DON PEDRO
Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?
Doesn’t this speech run like iron through your blood?
CLAUDIO
I have drunk poison whiles he utter'd it.
I have drunk poison while he said it.
DON PEDRO
But did my brother set thee on to this?
But did my brother put you up to this?
BORACHIO
Yea; and paid me richly for the practice of it.
Yes; and paid me well for putting it into practice.
DON PEDRO
He is compos'd and fram'd of treachery:
He is made of treachery:
And fled he is upon this villany.
And has run away from this villainy.
CLAUDIO
Sweet Hero! now thy image doth appear
Sweet Hero! Now your image appears in my mind
In the rare semblance that I lov'd it first.
In the rare way that I first loved it.
DOGBERRY
Come, bring away the plaintiffs: by this time our sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of the matter. And masters, do not forget to specify, when time and place shall serve, that I am an ass.
Come, take away the [he means to say ‘defendants’]: by this time our sexton has [he means to say ‘informed’] Sir Leonato of the matter. And gentlemen, do not forget to specify, when the time and place is right, that I am an ass.
VERGES
Here, here comes Master Signior Leonato, and the sexton too.
[Re-enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, and the Sexton.]
LEONATO
Which is the villain? Let me see his eyes,
That, when I note another man like him, I may avoid him. Which of these is he?
That, when I notice another man like him, I may avoid him. Which of these is he?
BORACHIO
If you would know your wronger, look on me.
LEONATO
Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill'd
Are you the slave that with your breath has killed
Mine innocent child?
My innocent child?
BORACHIO
Yea, even I alone.
Yes, me alone.
LEONATO
No, not so, villain; thou beliest thyself:
No, not so, villain; you are lying about yourself:
Here stand a pair of honourable men;
Here stand a pair of honorable men;
A third is fled, that had a hand in it.
A third has run away, that had a hand in it.
I thank you, princes, for my daughter's death:
Record it with your high and worthy deeds.
‘Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.
It was bravely done, if you think about it.
CLAUDIO
I know not how to pray your patience;
I do not know how to ask for your patience;
Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself;
Impose me to what penance your invention
Impose upon me what penance your creativity
Can lay upon my sin: yet sinn'd I not
Can place upon my sin: yet I did not sin
But in mistaking.
Except by mistake.
DON PEDRO
By my soul, nor I:
And yet, to satisfy this good old man,
I would bend under any heavy weight
That he'll enjoin me to.
That he will assign me.
LEONATO
I cannot bid you bid my daughter live;
I cannot tell you to tell my daughter to live;
That were impossible; but, I pray you both,
That would be impossible; but, please, both of you,
Possess the people in Messina here
Tell the people in Messina here
How innocent she died; and if your love
How she died innocently; and if your love
Can labour aught in sad invention,
Can do such sad work,
Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb,
And sing it to her bones: sing it to-night.
To-morrow morning come you to my house,
Tomorrow morning come to my house,
And since you could not be my son-in-law,
Be yet my nephew. My brother hath a daughter,
Still become my nephew. My brother has a daughter,
Almost the copy o
f my child that's dead,
And she alone is heir to both of us:
Give her the right you should have given her cousin,
And so dies my revenge.
CLAUDIO
O noble sir,
Your over-kindness doth wring tears from me!
Your excessive kindness is making me tear up!
I do embrace your offer; and dispose
I do wholly accept your offer; and dispose
For henceforth of poor Claudio.
For poor Claudio from now on.
LEONATO
To-morrow then I will expect your coming;
To-night I take my leave. This naughty man
Shall face to face be brought to Margaret,
Shall be brought to Margaret face-to-face,
Who, I believe, was pack'd in all this wrong,
Who, I believe, was involved in this.
Hir'd to it by your brother.
Hired to it by your brother.
BORACHIO
No, by my soul she was not;
Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me;
And she did not know what she did when she spoke to me;
But always hath been just and virtuous
But has always been fair and virtuous
In anything that I do know by her.
In all my interaction with her.
DOGBERRY
Moreover, sir,--which, indeed, is not under white and black,-- this plaintiff here, the offender, did call me ass: I beseech you, let it be remembered in his punishment. And also, the watch heard them talk of one Deformed: they say he wears a key in his ear and a lock hanging by it, and borrows money in God's name, the which he hath used so long and never paid, that now men grow hard-hearted, and will lend nothing for God's sake. Pray you, examine him upon that point.
In addition, sir, -- which, indeed, is not purely black and white, -- this [he means ‘defendant’] here, the offender, did call me an ass: I beg you; let it be taken into account in his punishment. And also, the watch heard them talk of one Deformed: they say he wears a key in his ear and a lock hanging by it, and borrows money in God's name, the which he has used so long and never paid, that now men grow hard-hearted, and will lend nothing for God's sake. Please, examine him upon that point.
LEONATO
I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.
I thank you for your care and honest efforts.
DOGBERRY
Your worship speaks like a most thankful and reverent youth, and I praise God for you.
LEONATO
There's for thy pains.
Here’s a reward for your efforts.
DOGBERRY
God save the foundation!
LEONATO
Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee.
Go, I discharge you of your prisoner, and I thank you.
DOGBERRY
I leave an arrant knave with your worship; which I beseech your worship to correct yourself, for the example of others. God keep your worship! I wish your worship well; God restore you to health! I humbly give you leave to depart, and if a merry meeting may be wished, God prohibit it! Come, neighbour.
I leave a terrible criminal with your worship; which I beg your worship to correct yourself, for the example of others. God keep your worship! I wish your worship well; God restore you to health! I humbly give you leave to depart, and if a merry meeting may be wished, God prohibit it! Come, neighbor.
[Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES.]
LEONATO
Until to-morrow morning, lords, farewell.
ANTONIO
Farewell, my lords: we look for you to-morrow.
DON PEDRO
We will not fail.
CLAUDIO
To-night I'll mourn with Hero.
[Exeunt DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO.]
LEONATO
[To the Watch.] Bring you these fellows on. We'll talk with Margaret,
You bring these fellows with me. We’ll talk with Margaret,
How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.
How she came to know this lewd fellow.
[Exeunt.]
LEONATO'S Garden.
[Enter BENEDICK and MARGARET, meeting.]
BENEDICK
Pray thee, sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well at my hands by helping me to the speech of Beatrice.
Please, sweet Miss Margaret, help me come up with a good speech for Beatrice.
MARGARET
Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty?
BENEDICK
In so high a style, Margaret, that no man living shall come over it; for, in most comely truth, thou deservest it.
In such a style, Margaret, that no man living shall come over it; for, in most attractive truth, you deserve it.
MARGARET
To have no man come over me! why, shall I always keep below stairs?
To have no man come over me! Why, should I always stay in the servant’s quarters?
BENEDICK
Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound's mouth; it catches.
Your wit is as quick as a greyhound dog’s mouth; it catches.
MARGARET
And yours as blunt as the fencer's foils, which hit, but hurt not.
And yours as blunt as a fencer’s practice swords, which hit, but do not hurt.
BENEDICK
A most manly wit, Margaret; it will not hurt a woman: and so, I pray thee, call Beatrice. I give thee the bucklers.
A most manly wit, Margaret; it will not hurt a woman: and so, please, call Beatrice. I give you the bucklers.
MARGARET
Give us the swords, we have bucklers of our own.
BENEDICK
If you use them, Margaret, you must put in the pikes with a vice; and they are dangerous weapons for maids.
MARGARET
Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs.
Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think has legs.
BENEDICK
And therefore will come.
[Exit MARGARET.]
The god of love, That sits above, And knows me, and knows me, How pitiful I deserve,--I mean, in singing: but in loving, Leander the good swimmer, Troilus the first employer of panders, and a whole book full of these quondam carpet-mongers, whose names yet run smoothly in the even road of a blank verse, why, they were never so truly turned over and over as my poor self in love. Marry, I cannot show it in rime; I have tried: I can find out no rime to 'lady' but 'baby', an innocent rhyme; for 'scorn,' 'horn', a hard rime; for 'school', 'fool', a babbling rhyme; very ominous endings: no, I was not born under a riming planet, nor I cannot woo in festival terms.
I am terrible at poetry; the great poets were never truly turned over and over as my poor self in love. By Mary, I cannot show it in rhyme; I have tried: I can find no rhyme to ‘lady’ but ‘baby’, an innocent rhyme; for ‘scorn’, ‘horn’, a hard rhyme, for ‘school’, ‘fool’, a babbling rhyme; very ominous endings: no, I was not born under a rhyming planet, and I cannot woo in fancy ways.
[Enter BEATRICE.]
Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called thee?
Sweet Beatrice, would you come when I called you?
BEATRICE
Yea, signior; and depart when you bid me.
Yes, sir; and leave when you bid me.
BENEDICK
O, stay but till then!
Oh, stay only till then!
BEATRICE
'Then' is spoken; fare you well now: and yet, ere I go, let me go with that I came for; which is, with knowing what hath passed between you and Claudio.
‘Then’ is spoken; farewell now: and yet, before I go, let me go with what I came for; which is, with knowing what has passed between you and Claudio.
BENEDICK
Only foul words; and thereupon I will kiss thee.
Only foul words; and because of them I will kiss you.
BEATRICE
Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but foul breath, and foul breath is noisome; therefore I will depart unkissed.
Foul words is nothing but foul wind, and foul wind is nothing but foul breath, and foul breath is disgusting; therefore I will depart without being kissed.
BENEDICK
Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense, so forcible is thy wit. But I must tell thee plainly, Claudio undergoes my challenge, and either I must shortly hear from him, or I will subscribe him a coward. And, I pray thee now, tell me, for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?
You have frightened the word out of his right sense; your wit is so forceful. But I must tell you plainly, Claudio must face my challenge, and I must either shortly hear from him, or I will call him a coward. And, please now, tell me, for which of my bad parts did you first fall in love with me?
BEATRICE
For them all together; which maintained so politic a state of evil that they will not admit any good part to intermingle with them. But for which of my good parts did you first suffer love for me?
For all of them together; which maintained so harmoniously a state of evil that they will not admit any good part to mix with them. But for which of my good parts did you first suffer love for me?
BENEDICK
'Suffer love,' a good epithet! I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.
‘Suffer love,’ a good way to put it! I do suffer love indeed, for I love you against my will.
BEATRICE
In spite of your heart, I think. Alas, poor heart! If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for yours; for I will never love that which my friend hates.
BENEDICK
Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.
You and I are too wise to woo peacefully.
BEATRICE
It appears not in this confession: there's not one wise man among twenty that will praise himself.
It does not appear so in this confession: there’s not one wise man among twenty that will praise himself.
BENEDICK
An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived in the time of good neighbours. If a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live no longer in monument than the bell rings and the widow weeps.
An old, old example, Beatrice, that lived in the time of good neighbors. If a man does not construct in this age his own tomb before he dies, he shall live no longer in a monument than the bell rings and the widow cries.
BEATRICE
And how long is that think you?
And how long is that, do you think?