The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  I will not sleep, Hortensio, till I see her;

  And therefore let me be thus bold with you,

  And thereroe let me be bold in this way with you,

  To give you over at this first encounter,

  To leave you behind for this first meeting,

  Unless you will accompany me thither.

  Unless you will go with me there.

  GRUMIO. I pray you, sir, let him go while the humour lasts. O' my word, an she knew him as well as I do, she would think scolding would do little good upon him. She may perhaps call him half a score knaves or so; why, that's nothing; and he begin once, he'll rail in his rope-tricks. I'll tell you what, sir, an she stand him but a little, he will throw a figure in her face, and so disfigure her with it that she shall have no more eyes to see withal than a cat. You know him not, sir.

  Please, sir, let him go while the mood lasts. Upon my word, if she knew him as well as I do, she would think scolding would do little good when it came to him. She may perhaps call him a dozen insults or so; why, that's nothing; and he'll give as good as he gets. You don't know him, sir.

  HORTENSIO. Tarry, Petruchio, I must go with thee,

  Wait, Petruchio, I must go with you,

  For in Baptista's keep my treasure is:

  For my treasure is in Baptista's castle:

  He hath the jewel of my life in hold,

  He has the jewel of my life locked up,

  His youngest daughter, beautiful Bianca,

  And her withholds from me and other more,

  And keeps her from me and others as well,

  Suitors to her and rivals in my love;

  Supposing it a thing impossible,

  Thinking it impossible,

  For those defects I have before rehears'd,

  For those flaws I mentioned earlier,

  That ever Katherina will be woo'd:

  That Katherina will ever be wooed:

  Therefore this order hath Baptista ta'en,

  Therefore Baptista has decided,

  That none shall have access unto Bianca

  That none shall have access to Bianca

  Till Katherine the curst have got a husband.

  Until Katherine the cursed as got a husband.

  GRUMIO. Katherine the curst!

  Katherine the cursed!

  A title for a maid of all titles the worst.

  The worst possible title for a young woman.

  HORTENSIO. Now shall my friend Petruchio do me grace,

  Now my friend Petruchio shall do me a favor,

  And offer me disguis'd in sober robes,

  And present me disguised in formal robes,

  To old Baptista as a schoolmaster

  To old Baptista as a teacher

  Well seen in music, to instruct Bianca;

  Experienced in music, to instruct Bianca;

  That so I may, by this device at least

  That in this way I may, by this method at least

  Have leave and leisure to make love to her,

  Have permission and time to talk of love to her,

  And unsuspected court her by herself.

  And without being suspected court her by herself.

  GRUMIO. Here's no knavery! See, to beguile the old folks, how the young folks lay their heads together!

  Here's no trickery! See, to fool the old folks, how the young folks put their heads together!

  [Enter GREMIO, and LUCENTIO disguised, with books under his arm.]

  Master, master, look about you: who goes there, ha?

  Master, master, look around you: who goes there, huh?

  HORTENSIO. Peace, Grumio! 'tis the rival of my love. Petruchio, stand by awhile.

  Enough, Grumio! It is the rival of my love. Petruchio, stand by awhile.

  GRUMIO. A proper stripling, and an amorous!

  A proper young man, and one filled with romance!

  GREMIO. O! very well; I have perus'd the note.

  Oh! Very well; I have read the note.

  Hark you, sir; I'll have them very fairly bound:

  Listen, sir; I'll have them very beautifully bound:

  All books of love, see that at any hand,

  All books of love, see that in any case,

  And see you read no other lectures to her. You understand me.

  Over and beside Signior Baptista's liberality,

  Beyond Signior Baptista's generosity,

  I'll mend it with a largess. Take your papers too,

  I'll add to it with extra money. Take your papers too,

  And let me have them very well perfum'd;

  And let me have them very well perfumed;

  For she is sweeter than perfume itself

  To whom they go to.

  The one they go to.

  What will you read to her?

  LUCENTIO. Whate'er I read to her, I'll plead for you,

  Whatever I read to her, I'll plead for you,

  As for my patron, stand you so assur'd,

  As for my employer, rest assured,

  As firmly as yourself were still in place;

  As firmly as you yourself were still in place;

  Yea, and perhaps with more successful words

  Yes, and perhaps with more successful words

  Than you, unless you were a scholar, sir.

  GREMIO. O! this learning, what a thing it is.

  GRUMIO. O! this woodcock, what an ass it is.

  PETRUCHIO. Peace, sirrah!

  Quiet, man!

  HORTENSIO. Grumio, mum! God save you, Signior Gremio!

  Grumio, silence! God save you, Sir Gremio!

  GREMIO. And you are well met, Signior Hortensio.

  Good to see you, Sir Hortensio.

  Trow you whither I am going?

  Can you guess where I am going?

  To Baptista Minola. I promis'd to enquire carefully

  To Baptista Minola. I promised to carefully ask around

  About a schoolmaster for the fair Bianca;

  About a good teacher for beautiful Bianca;

  And by good fortune I have lighted well

  And by good fortune I have come across

  On this young man; for learning and behaviour

  This young man; for learning and behavior

  Fit for her turn, well read in poetry

  Suitable for her, well-read in poetry,

  And other books, good ones, I warrant ye.

  And other books, good ones, I promise you.

  HORTENSIO. 'Tis well; and I have met a gentleman

  It is good; and I have met a nobleman

  Hath promis'd me to help me to another,

  Who has promised to help me to another,

  A fine musician to instruct our mistress:

  A fine musician to instruct our lady:

  So shall I no whit be behind in duty

  So I shall in no way be behind in duty

  To fair Bianca, so belov'd of me.

  To beautiful Bianca, I love so dearly.

  GREMIO. Belov'd of me, and that my deeds shall prove.

  That I love so dearly too, and that my actions shall prove.

  GRUMIO. [Aside.] And that his bags shall prove.

  And that his money shall prove.

  HORTENSIO. Gremio, 'tis now no time to vent our love:

  Gremio, this is not a good time to discuss our love:

  Listen to me, and if you speak me fair,

  Listen to me, and if you are polite,

  I'll tell you news indifferent good for either.

  I'll tell you news that is impartially good for both of us.

  Here is a gentleman whom by chance I met,

  Here is a gentleman whom I met by chance,

  Upon agreement from us to his liking,

  Upon an agreement between us that he likes,

  Will undertake to woo curst Katherine;

  Will go about wooing cursed Katherine;

  Yea, and to marry her, if her dowry please.

  Yes, and to marry
her, if her dowry is pleasing.

  GREMIO. So said, so done, is well. Hortensio, have you told him all her faults?

  Said in that way, done in that way, is all good. Hortensio, have you told him all her faults?

  PETRUCHIO. I know she is an irksome brawling scold;

  I know she is an annoying brawling scold;

  If that be all, masters, I hear no harm.

  If that is all, gentleman, I see no harm in it.

  GREMIO. No, say'st me so, friend? What countryman?

  No, you say, friend? Where are you from?

  PETRUCHIO. Born in Verona, old Antonio's son.

  My father dead, my fortune lives for me;

  And I do hope good days and long to see.

  And I do hope to live long and well.

  GREMIO. O Sir, such a life, with such a wife, were strange!

  Oh sir, such a life, with such a wife, would be strange!

  But if you have a stomach, to't i' God's name;

  But if you have the courage, go to it in God's name;

  You shall have me assisting you in all.

  You shall have my assistance in everything.

  But will you woo this wild-cat?

  PETRUCHIO. Will I live?

  GRUMIO. Will he woo her? Ay, or I'll hang her.

  Will he woo her? Yes, or I'll hang her.

  PETRUCHIO. Why came I hither but to that intent?

  Why did I come here except with that intention?

  Think you a little din can daunt mine ears?

  Do you think a little din can daunt my ears?

  Have I not in my time heard lions roar?

  Have I not heard the sea, puff'd up with winds,

  Have I not heard the sea, puffed up with winds,

  Rage like an angry boar chafed with sweat?

  Rage like an angry boar soaked with sweat?

  Have I not heard great ordnance in the field,

  Have I not heard explosions in the field,

  And heaven's artillery thunder in the skies?

  Have I not in a pitched battle heard

  Have I not in a wild battle heard

  Loud 'larums, neighing steeds, and trumpets' clang?

  Loud alarms, neighing horses, and the blast of trumpets?

  And do you tell me of a woman's tongue,

  That gives not half so great a blow to hear

  That does not give half so big a noise

  As will a chestnut in a farmer's fire?

  As will a roasting chestnut in a farmer's fire?

  Tush, tush! fear boys with bugs.

  Pshaw! Boys frightened of bugs.

  GRUMIO. [Aside] For he fears none.

  GREMIO. Hortensio, hark:

  Hortensio, listen:

  This gentleman is happily arriv'd,

  This gentleman is luckily arrived,

  My mind presumes, for his own good and ours.

  I believe, for his own good and ours.

  HORTENSIO. I promis'd we would be contributors,

  I promised we would be sponsors,

  And bear his charge of wooing, whatsoe'er.

  And pay for his expenses, whatsoever.

  GREMIO. And so we will, provided that he win her.

  And so we will, as long as he wins her.

  GRUMIO. I would I were as sure of a good dinner.

  I wish I were as certain of a good dinner.

  [Enter TRANIO, bravely apparelled; and BIONDELLO.]

  [Enter TRANIO, well-dressed; and BIONDELLO.]

  TRANIO. Gentlemen, God save you! If I may be bold,

  Tell me, I beseech you, which is the readiest way

  Tell me, I beg you, what is the quickest way

  To the house of Signior Baptista Minola?

  To the house of Sir Baptista Minola?

  BIONDELLO. He that has the two fair daughters; is't he you mean?

  He that has the two beautiful daughters; is it he you mean?

  TRANIO. Even he, Biondello!

  Yes him, Biondello!

  GREMIO. Hark you, sir, you mean not her to--

  Listen, sir, you don't mean to --

  TRANIO. Perhaps him and her, sir; what have you to do?

  Perhaps him and her, sir; what are you going to do about it?

  PETRUCHIO. Not her that chides, sir, at any hand, I pray.

  Not the one that scolds, sir, in any case, please.

  TRANIO. I love no chiders, sir. Biondello, let's away.

  I have no fondness for scolders, sir. Biondello, let's go.

  LUCENTIO. [Aside] Well begun, Tranio.

  HORTENSIO. Sir, a word ere you go. Are you a suitor to the maid you talk of, yea or no?

  Sir, a word before you go. Are you a suitor to the young lady you mention, yes or no?

  TRANIO. And if I be, sir, is it any offence?

  And if there is, sir, is there anything wrong with that?

  GREMIO. No; if without more words you will get you hence.

  No; if you will go away without saying any more.

  TRANIO. Why, sir, I pray, are not the streets as free

  Why sir, I ask, are the streets not as free

  For me as for you?

  GREMIO. But so is not she.

  But she is not as free.

  TRANIO. For what reason, I beseech you?

  For what reason, please tell me?

  GREMIO. For this reason, if you'll know,

  That she's the choice love of Signior Gremio.

  That she's the chosen love of Sir Gremio

  HORTENSIO. That she's the chosen of Signior Hortensio.

  TRANIO. Softly, my masters! If you be gentlemen,

  Softly, gentlemen! If you are nobles,

  Do me this right; hear me with patience.

  Treat me right this way; hear me with patience.

  Baptista is a noble gentleman,

  To whom my father is not all unknown;

  That knows my father;

  And were his daughter fairer than she is,

  And if her daughter were more beautiful than she is,

  She may more suitors have, and me for one.

  She may have many more suitors, and me for one.

  Fair Leda's daughter had a thousand wooers;

  Lovely Leda's daughter [Helen of Troy] had a thousand wooers;

  Then well one more may fair Bianca have;

  So it's just as well that beautiful Bianca may have one more;

  And so she shall: Lucentio shall make one,

  And so she shall: Lucentio shall become one,

  Though Paris came in hope to speed alone.

  Though Paris [Helen of Troy's lover] came hoping to be the only one.

  GREMIO. What!this gentleman will out-talk us all.

  LUCENTIO. Sir, give him head; I know he'll prove a jade.

  Sir, let him go ahead; I know he'll turn out to be a jade.

  PETRUCHIO. Hortensio, to what end are all these words?

  Hortensio, what is the point of all these words?

  HORTENSIO. Sir, let me be so bold as ask you,

  Sir, let me be bold enough to ask you,

  Did you yet ever see Baptista's daughter?

  Have you ever seen Baptista's daughter?