The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  Thou shalt be master, Tranio, in my stead,

  You shall be master, Tranio, instead of me,

  Keep house and port and servants, as I should;

  Keep house and harbor and servants, as I should;

  I will some other be; some Florentine,

  I will be someone else; some man from Florence,

  Some Neapolitan, or meaner man of Pisa.

  Some man from Naples, or a poorer man of Pisa.

  'Tis hatch'd, and shall be so: Tranio, at once

  It is planned, and it shall happen: Tranio, at once

  Uncase thee; take my colour'd hat and cloak.

  Undress; take my colored hat and cloak.

  When Biondello comes, he waits on thee;

  When Biondello comes, he will serve you;

  But I will charm him first to keep his tongue.

  But I will trick him first to stay silent.

  [They exchange habits]

  TRANIO. So had you need.

  As you had need.

  In brief, sir, sith it your pleasure is,

  Briefly sir, since it is your pleasure,

  And I am tied to be obedient;

  And I am commanded to be obedient;

  For so your father charg'd me at our parting,

  For your father told be so at our separation,

  'Be serviceable to my son,' quoth he,

  'Be useful to my son,' he said,

  Although I think 'twas in another sense:

  Although I think it was in another sense:

  I am content to be Lucentio,

  Because so well I love Lucentio.

  Because I love Lucentio so well.

  LUCENTIO. Tranio, be so, because Lucentio loves;

  Tranio, do that, because Lucentio loves you too;

  And let me be a slave, to achieve that maid

  And let me be a servant, to achieve that young lady

  Whose sudden sight hath thrall'd my wounded eye.

  Whose sudden sight has captured my wounded eye.

  Here comes the rogue.

  [Enter BIONDELLO.]

  Sirrah, where have you been?

  Where have you been, man?

  BIONDELLO. Where have I been! Nay, how now! where are you? Master, has my fellow Tranio stol'n your clothes? Or you stol'n his? or both? Pray, what's the news?

  Where have I been? What's going on? Master, has my fellow servant Tranio stolen your clothes? Or have you stolen his, or both? Please, what's the news?

  LUCENTIO. Sirrah, come hither: 'tis no time to jest,

  Come here, man: this is no time to joke,

  And therefore frame your manners to the time.

  And therefore act appropriately for the situation.

  Your fellow Tranio here, to save my life,

  Your fellow servant Tranio here, to save my life,

  Puts my apparel and my count'nance on,

  Puts on my clothes and expression,

  And I for my escape have put on his;

  And I have put on his in order to escape;

  For in a quarrel since I came ashore

  I kill'd a man, and fear I was descried.

  I killed a man, and I'm afraid I was recognized.

  Wait you on him, I charge you, as becomes,

  Serve him, I command you, as is correct,

  While I make way from hence to save my life.

  While I run away from here to save my life.

  You understand me?

  BIONDELLO. I, sir! Ne'er a whit.

  I, sir! Not one bit.

  LUCENTIO. And not a jot of Tranio in your mouth: Tranio is changed to Lucentio.

  And not one word of "Tranio" in your mouth: Tranio has been changed to Lucentio.

  BIONDELLO. The better for him: would I were so too!

  The better for him: if only I were too!

  TRANIO. So could I, faith, boy, to have the next wish after,

  So could I, by my faith, boy, to have the next wish after,

  That Lucentio indeed had Baptista's youngest daughter.

  But, sirrah, not for my sake but your master's, I advise

  But, man, not for my sake but your master's, I advise

  You use your manners discreetly in all kind of companies:

  You use your manners discreetly when we have all kinds of company:

  When I am alone, why, then I am Tranio;

  But in all places else your master, Lucentio.

  But in all other places your master, Lucentio.

  LUCENTIO. Tranio, let's go. One thing more rests, that thyself execute, to make one among these wooers: if thou ask me why, sufficeth my reasons are both good and weighty.

  Tranio, let's go. There is one more thing for you to do yourself, to go among these wooers: if you ask me why, let it be enough for me to say I have good and strong reasons.

  [Exeunt.]

  [The Presenters above speak.]

  FIRST SERVANT. My lord, you nod; you do not mind the play.

  My lord, you are falling asleep; you are not paying attention to the play.

  SLY. Yes, by Saint Anne, I do. A good matter, surely: comes there any more of it?

  Yes, by Saint Anne, I am paying attention. A good story, surely: is there more to it?

  PAGE. My lord, 'tis but begun.

  My lord, it has only begun.

  SLY. 'Tis a very excellent piece of work, madam lady: would 'twere done!

  It is a very excellent piece of work, madam lady: if only it were finished!

  [They sit and mark.]

  [They sit and watch.]

  Padua. Before HORTENSIO'S house

  [Enter PETRUCHIO and his man GRUMIO.]

  PETRUCHIO. Verona, for a while I take my leave,

  I leave Verona for a while,

  To see my friends in Padua; but of all

  To see my friends in Padua; but most of all

  My best beloved and approved friend,

  My best friend,

  Hortensio; and I trow this is his house.

  Hortensio; and I believe this is his house.

  Here, sirrah Grumio, knock, I say.

  Here, Grumio, man, knock, I say.

  GRUMIO. Knock, sir! Whom should I knock? Is there any man has rebused your worship?

  Knock, sir! [He's misunderstood and thinks he's supposed to hit someone.] Whom should I knock? Is there any man who has [he means to say 'abused'] your worship?

  PETRUCHIO. Villain, I say, knock me here soundly.

  Villain, I say, knock me here solidly.

  GRUMIO. Knock you here, sir! Why, sir, what am I, sir, that I should knock you here, sir?

  PETRUCHIO. Villain, I say, knock me at this gate;

  And rap me well, or I'll knock your knave's pate.

  And hit it well, or I'll hit you.

  GRUMIO. My master is grown quarrelsome.

  My master is getting ready for a fight.

  I should knock you first,

  And then I know after who comes by the worst.

  PETRUCHIO. Will it not be?

  Faith, sirrah, an you'll not knock, I'll ring it;

  By my faith, man, if you won't knock, I'll ring it;

  I'll try how you can sol, fa, and sing it.

  [He wrings GRUMIO by the ears.]

  GRUMIO. Help, masters, help! my master is mad.

  Help, someone, help! My master is insane.

  PETRUCHIO. Now, knock when I bid you, sirrah villain!

  Now, knock when I tell you, villainous man!

  [Enter HORTENSIO.]

  HORTENSIO. How now! what's the matter? My old friend Grumio! and my good friend Petruchio! How do you all at Verona?

  What's going on? What's the matter? My old friend Grumio! And my good friend

  PETRUCHIO. Signior Hortensio, come you to part the fray? Con tutto il cuore ben trovato, may I say.

  Sir Hortensio, have you come to stop the fight? [Latin legal terms], may I say.

  HORTENSIO. Alla nostra casa ben venuto; molto honorato signor mio Petruchi
o.

  Rise, Grumio, rise: we will compound this quarrel.

  Stand, Grumio, stand: we will figure out this quarrel.

  GRUMIO. Nay, 'tis no matter, sir, what he 'leges in Latin. If this be not a lawful cause for me to leave his service, look you, sir, he bid me knock him and rap him soundly, sir: well, was it fit for a servant to use his master so; being, perhaps, for aught I see, two-and-thirty, a pip out?

  No, it's nothing, sir, what he alleges in Latin. If this is not a lawful cause for me to leave his service, see, sir, he told me to knock him and rap him soundly, sir: well, was it appropriate for a servant to treat his master so; being, perhaps, for all I can see, thirty-two years older?

  Whom would to God I had well knock'd at first,

  I wish to god I had hit him well at first,

  Then had not Grumio come by the worst.

  Then Grumio would not have come by the worst.

  PETRUCHIO. A senseless villain!

  A stupid villain!

  Good Hortensio, I bade the rascal knock upon your gate,

  Good Hortensio, I told the rascal to knock upon your gate,

  And could not get him for my heart to do it.

  And could not get him to do it no matter what.

  GRUMIO. Knock at the gate! O heavens! Spake you not these words plain: 'Sirrah knock me here, rap me here, knock me well, and knock me soundly'? And come you now with 'knocking at the gate'?

  Knock at the gate! Oh heavens! Did you not plainly say: 'Sirrah knock me here, rap me here, knock me well, and knock me soundly'? And do you now come up with 'knocking at the gate'?

  PETRUCHIO. Sirrah, be gone, or talk not, I advise you.

  Man, be gone, or be quiet, I advise you.

  HORTENSIO. Petruchio, patience; I am Grumio's pledge;

  Petruchio, patience; I will vouch for Grumio;

  Why, this's a heavy chance 'twixt him and you,

  Why, this is just a misunderstanding between him and you,

  Your ancient, trusty, pleasant servant Grumio.

  Your elderly, trusty, pleasant servant Grumio.

  And tell me now, sweet friend, what happy gale

  Blows you to Padua here from old Verona?

  PETRUCHIO. Such wind as scatters young men through the world

  To seek their fortunes farther than at home,

  Where small experience grows.

  Where they can't get much experience.

  But in a few, Signior Hortensio, thus it stands with me:

  But briefly, Sir Hortensio, this is my situation:

  Antonio, my father, is deceas'd,

  Antonio, my father, has died,

  And I have thrust myself into this maze,

  And I have brought myself to this city,

  Haply to wive and thrive as best I may;

  Possibly to get married and thrive as best I can;

  Crowns in my purse I have, and goods at home,

  I have money in my wallet, and goods at home,

  And so am come abroad to see the world.

  And so have come abroad to see the world.

  HORTENSIO. Petruchio, shall I then come roundly to thee

  Petruchio, shall I then come around to you

  And wish thee to a shrewd ill-favour'd wife?

  And recommend to you a shrewish and unpleasant wife?

  Thou'dst thank me but a little for my counsel;

  You would thank me very little for my advice;

  And yet I'll promise thee she shall be rich,

  And yet I'll promise you she shall be rich,

  And very rich: but th'art too much my friend,

  And very rich: but you are too good a friend,

  And I'll not wish thee to her.

  And I won't introduce you to her.

  PETRUCHIO. Signior Hortensio, 'twixt such friends as we

  Sir Hortensio, between such friends as we are

  Few words suffice; and therefore, if thou know

  A few words are enough; and therefore, if you know

  One rich enough to be Petruchio's wife,

  As wealth is burden of my wooing dance,

  As wealth is the point of my wooing dance,

  Be she as foul as was Florentius' love,

  Even if she was as disgusting as was Florentius' love,

  As old as Sibyl, and as curst and shrewd

  As old as Sibyl, and as cursed and shrewish

  As Socrates' Xanthippe or a worse,

  As Socrates' wife Xanthippe or worse,

  She moves me not, or not removes, at least,

  It does not affect me, at least

  Affection's edge in me, were she as rough

  My ability to be affectionate, even if she was as rough

  As are the swelling Adriatic seas:

  As the waves of the Adriatic are:

  I come to wive it wealthily in Padua;

  I come to marry wealthily in Padua;

  If wealthily, then happily in Padua.

  GRUMIO. Nay, look you, sir, he tells you flatly what his mind is: why, give him gold enough and marry him to a puppet or an aglet-baby; or an old trot with ne'er a tooth in her head, though she has as many diseases as two-and-fifty horses: why, nothing comes amiss, so money comes withal.

  No, look, sir, he tells you flatly his opinion: why, give him enough gold and marry him to a puppet; or an old hag with no teeth, even if she has as many diseases as fifty-two horses: why, nothing is wrong with that, as long as money comes with it.

  HORTENSIO. Petruchio, since we are stepp'd thus far in,

  Petruchio, since we're on this subject,

  I will continue that I broach'd in jest.

  I will explain that I was joking.

  I can, Petruchio, help thee to a wife

  I can, Petruchio, help you get a wife

  With wealth enough, and young and beauteous;

  With enough wealth, and young and beautiful;

  Brought up as best becomes a gentlewoman:

  Raised in the way a noblewoman should:

  Her only fault,--and that is faults enough,--

  Is, that she is intolerable curst

  Is that she is intolerably cursed

  And shrewd and froward, so beyond all measure,

  And shrewish and bold, so beyond all measure,

  That, were my state far worser than it is,

  That, even if my situation was far worse than it is,

  I would not wed her for a mine of gold.

  I would not marry her for an entire goldmine.

  PETRUCHIO. Hortensio, peace! thou know'st not gold's effect:

  Horensio, enough! You do not know gold's effect:

  Tell me her father's name, and 'tis enough;

  Tell me her father's name, and it is enough;

  For I will board her, though she chide as loud

  For I will put up with her, even if she scolds as loud

  As thunder when the clouds in autumn crack.

  HORTENSIO. Her father is Baptista Minola,

  An affable and courteous gentleman;

  A pleasant and polite nobleman;

  Her name is Katherina Minola,

  Renown'd in Padua for her scolding tongue.

  Well-known in Padua for her scolding tongue.

  PETRUCHIO. I know her father, though I know not her;

  I know her father, though I do not know her;

  And he knew my deceased father well.