The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  And in that way I request all of you to consider yourselves.

  PETRUCHIO. Signior Baptista, my business asketh haste,

  Sir Baptista, I have to hurry because of business,

  And every day I cannot come to woo.

  And I cannot come to woo every day.

  You knew my father well, and in him me,

  You knew my father well, and through him me,,

  Left solely heir to all his lands and goods,

  The only heir to all his lands and wealth,

  Which I have bettered rather than decreas'd:

  Which I have made better rather than decreased:

  Then tell me, if I get your daughter's love,

  What dowry shall I have with her to wife?

  What dowry shall I have with her as my wife?

  BAPTISTA. After my death, the one half of my lands,

  And in possession twenty thousand crowns.

  PETRUCHIO. And, for that dowry, I'll assure her of

  And, for that dowry, I'll promise her

  Her widowhood, be it that she survive me,

  As a widow, if she survives me,

  In all my lands and leases whatsoever.

  In all my lands and property whatsoever.

  Let specialities be therefore drawn between us,

  Let a contract be therefore drawn up between us,

  That covenants may be kept on either hand.

  So that our agreements may be kept on both sides.

  BAPTISTA. Ay, when the special thing is well obtain'd,

  Yes, when the special thing is gotten,

  That is, her love; for that is all in all.

  That is, her love; for that is everything.

  PETRUCHIO. Why, that is nothing; for I tell you, father,

  I am as peremptory as she proud-minded;

  I am as strong-minded as she is haughty;

  And where two raging fires meet together,

  They do consume the thing that feeds their fury:

  They eat up the thing that feeds their anger:

  Though little fire grows great with little wind,

  Though a little fire grows larger with a little wind,

  Yet extreme gusts will blow out fire and all;

  So I to her, and so she yields to me;

  I will be like that to her, and she will give in to me;

  For I am rough and woo not like a babe.

  For I am rough and do not woo like a child.

  BAPTISTA. Well mayst thou woo, and happy be thy speed!

  May you woo well, and good luck!

  But be thou arm'd for some unhappy words.

  But be prepared for some opposition.

  PETRUCHIO. Ay, to the proof, as mountains are for winds,

  Indeed, that will be the test, as mountains are for winds,

  That shake not though they blow perpetually.

  That do not shake even though they blow constantly.

  [Re-enter HORTENSIO, with his head broke.]

  [Re-enter HORTENSIO, with his head injured.]

  BAPTISTA. How now, my friend! Why dost thou look so pale?

  What's going on, my friend? Why do you look so pale?

  HORTENSIO. For fear, I promise you, if I look pale.

  Because of fear, I promise you, if I look pale.

  BAPTISTA. What, will my daughter prove a good musician?

  What, will my daughter turn out to be a good musician?

  HORTENSIO. I think she'll sooner prove a soldier:

  I think she'll sooner turn out to be a soldier:

  Iron may hold with her, but never lutes.

  Iron may survive her, but never lutes.

  BAPTISTA. Why, then thou canst not break her to the lute?

  Why, then you cannot train her to the lute?

  HORTENSIO. Why, no; for she hath broke the lute to me.

  Why, no; for she has broken the lute on me.

  I did but tell her she mistook her frets,

  I only told her she had made a mistake with her frets,

  And bow'd her hand to teach her fingering;

  And bent her hand to teach her fingering;

  When, with a most impatient devilish spirit,

  When, with an extremely impatient, devilish spirit,

  'Frets, call you these?' quoth she 'I'll fume with them';

  'Frets, you call these?' she asked, 'I'll fight with them';

  And with that word she struck me on the head,

  And with those words she hit me on the head,

  And through the instrument my pate made way;

  And my head went all the way through the instrument;

  And there I stood amazed for a while,

  And I stood there amazed for a while,

  As on a pillory, looking through the lute;

  As if in a set of stocks, looking through the lute;

  While she did call me rascal fiddler,

  While she called me a rascal fiddler,

  And twangling Jack, with twenty such vile terms,

  And a twangling Jack, and twenty similar terrible insults,

  As she had studied to misuse me so.

  As if she had studied to abuse me like that.

  PETRUCHIO. Now, by the world, it is a lusty wench!

  Now, by the world, that is a spirited girl!

  I love her ten times more than e'er I did:

  I love her ten times more than I ever did:

  O! how I long to have some chat with her!

  Oh, how I long to talk with her!

  BAPTISTA. [To HORTENSIO.] Well, go with me, and be not so discomfited;

  Well, go with me, and do not be so discouraged;

  Proceed in practice with my younger daughter;

  Go ahead and practice with my younger daughter;

  She's apt to learn, and thankful for good turns.

  She loves to learn, and is thankful for good turns.

  Signior Petruchio, will you go with us,

  Sir Petruchio, will you go with us,

  Or shall I send my daughter Kate to you?

  Or shall I send my daughter Kate to you?

  PETRUCHIO. I pray you do. I will attend her here.

  I request you do. I will meet her here.

  [Exeunt BAPTISTA, GREMIO, TRANIO, and HORTENSIO.]

  And woo her with some spirit when she comes.

  Say that she rail; why, then I'll tell her plain

  Say that she yells; why, then I'll tell her plainly

  She sings as sweetly as a nightingale:

  Say that she frown; I'll say she looks as clear

  As morning roses newly wash'd with dew:

  Say she be mute, and will not speak a word;

  Then I'll commend her volubility,

  Then I'll praise her clever talk,

  And say she uttereth piercing eloquence:

  And say she speaks piercing eloquence:

  If she do bid me pack, I'll give her thanks,

  If she tells me to pack, I'll give her thanks,

  As though she bid me stay by her a week:

  As though she told me to stay with her a week:

  If she deny to wed, I'll crave the day

  If she refuses to marry, I'll ask the day

  When I shall ask the banns, and when be married.

  When I shall ask the priest, and when will we be married.

  But here she comes; and now, Petruchio, speak.

  [Enter KATHERINA.]

  Good morrow, Kate; for that's your name, I hear.

  Good morning, Kate; for that's your name, I hear.

  KATHERINA. Well have you heard, but something hard of hearing:

  You have heard well, but inaccurately,

  They call me Katherine that do talk of me.

  Those that talk of me call me Katherine.

  PETRUCHIO. You lie, in faith, for you are call'd plain Kate,

  You lie, in faith, for you are called ordinary Kate,

  And bonny Kate, and sometimes Kate the curst;

  And pret
ty Kate, and sometimes Kate the cursed;

  But, Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom,

  But, Kate, the prettiest Kate in all the Christian lands,

  Kate of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate,

  Kate of Kate Hall, my very dainty Kate,

  For dainties are all cates: and therefore, Kate,

  For all Kates are dainties: and therefore, Kate,

  Take this of me, Kate of my consolation;

  Take this from me, Kate my comfort;

  Hearing thy mildness prais'd in every town,

  Hearing your gentleness praised in every town,

  Thy virtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded,

  Your virtues spoken of, and your beauty repeated,

  -- Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs,--

  -- Yet not so much as you actually turned out to have, --

  Myself am mov'd to woo thee for my wife.

  I myself am moved to woo you for my wife.

  KATHERINA. Mov'd! in good time: let him that mov'd you hither

  Moved?! In good time: let him that moved you to here

  Remove you hence.

  Remove you from here.

  I knew you at the first,

  I knew you from the first,

  You were a moveable.

  PETRUCHIO. Why, what's a moveable?

  KATHERINA. A joint-stool.

  A foot-stool.

  PETRUCHIO. Thou hast hit it: come, sit on me.

  You have hit on it: come, sit on me.

  KATHERINA. Asses are made to bear, and so are you.

  PETRUCHIO. Women are made to bear, and so are you.

  KATHERINA. No such jade as bear you, if me you mean.

  No such fool as to bear you, if you mean me.

  PETRUCHIO. Alas! good Kate, I will not burden thee;

  Too bad! Good Kate, I will not trouble you;

  For, knowing thee to be but young and light,--

  For, knowing you to be simply young and light, --

  KATHERINA. Too light for such a swain as you to catch;

  Too light for such a young man as you to catch;

  And yet as heavy as my weight should be.

  PETRUCHIO. Should be! should buz!

  Should be?! Should buzz!

  KATHERINA. Well ta'en, and like a buzzard.

  Well taken, and like a buzzard [vulture].

  PETRUCHIO. O, slow-wing'd turtle! shall a buzzard take thee?

  Oh, slowly moving turtle! Shall a buzzard take you?

  KATHERINA. Ay, for a turtle, as he takes a buzzard.

  Yes, for a turtle, as he takes a buzzard.

  PETRUCHIO. Come, come, you wasp; i' faith, you are too angry.

  Come, come, you wasp; by my faith, you are too angry.

  KATHERINA. If I be waspish, best beware my sting.

  If I am waspish, it would be best to watch out for my sting.

  PETRUCHIO. My remedy is, then, to pluck it out.

  My cure for that, then, is to pull it out.

  KATHERINA. Ay, if the fool could find it where it lies.

  Yes, if the fool could find it where it is.

  PETRUCHIO. Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail.

  Who does not know where a wasp has his sting? In his tail.

  KATHERINA. In his tongue.

  PETRUCHIO. Whose tongue?

  KATHERINA. Yours, if you talk of tales; and so farewell.

  PETRUCHIO. What! with my tongue in your tail? Nay, come again,

  What? With my tongue in your tail? No, try again,

  Good Kate; I am a gentleman.

  KATHERINA. That I'll try.

  I'll test that.

  [Striking him.]

  PETRUCHIO. I swear I'll cuff you if you strike again.

  I swear I'll punch you if you hit again.

  KATHERINA. So may you lose your arms:

  So you will lose your noble title:

  If you strike me, you are no gentleman;

  If you hit me, you are no gentleman;

  And if no gentleman, why then no arms.

  And if no gentleman, why then no coat of arms.

  PETRUCHIO. A herald, Kate? O! put me in thy books.

  You are a herald, Kate? Oh! Put me in your books.

  KATHERINA. What is your crest? a coxcomb?

  What is your family crest? A rooster's comb?

  PETRUCHIO. A combless cock, so Kate will be my hen.

  A rooster with no comb, so Kate will be my hen.

  KATHERINA. No cock of mine; you crow too like a craven.

  No rooster of mine; you crow too much like a coward.

  PETRUCHIO. Nay, come, Kate, come; you must not look so sour.

  No, come on, Kate, come on; you must not look so sour.

  KATHERINA. It is my fashion when I see a crab.

  It is my habit when I see a crab.

  PETRUCHIO. Why, here's no crab, and therefore look not sour.

  Why, there is no crab here, and therefore do not look so sour.

  KATHERINA. There is, there is.

  PETRUCHIO. Then show it me.

  Then show it to me.

  KATHERINA. Had I a glass I would.

  If I had a mirror I would.

  PETRUCHIO. What, you mean my face?

  KATHERINA. Well aim'd of such a young one.

  Well done for such a young one.

  PETRUCHIO. Now, by Saint George, I am too young for you.

  KATHERINA. Yet you are wither'd.

  Yet you are wrinkled.

  PETRUCHIO. 'Tis with cares.

  It's with worries.

  KATHERINA. I care not.

  I don't care.

  PETRUCHIO. Nay, hear you, Kate: in sooth, you 'scape not so.

  No, listen, Kate: in truth, you will not escape that way.

  KATHERINA. I chafe you, if I tarry; let me go.

  I'll bother you, if I stay; let me go.

  PETRUCHIO. No, not a whit; I find you passing gentle.

  No, not a bit; I find you very gentle.

  'Twas told me you were rough, and coy, and sullen,

  I was told you were rough, and shy, and sullen,

  And now I find report a very liar;

  And now I find reputation a liar;

  For thou art pleasant, gamesome, passing courteous,

  For you are pleasant, amiable, quite polite,

  But slow in speech, yet sweet as spring-time flowers.

  But quiet, yet sweet as the flowers of spring.

  Thou canst not frown, thou canst not look askance,

  You cannot frown, you cannot look with disapproval,

  Nor bite the lip, as angry wenches will,

  Or bit your lip, as angry girls will,

  Nor hast thou pleasure to be cross in talk;

  And you do not take joy in being grumpy in conversation;

  But thou with mildness entertain'st thy wooers;

  But with gentleness entertains your wooers;

  With gentle conference, soft and affable.

  With gentle conversation, soft and pleasant.